Deep Shit

I think I am in deep shit now.

It's been 9 weeks now and I don't understand a single thing with my studies. I am out of words when someone asked me about what I am studying right now.

Totally in deep shit.

Strength

A lot has happened for the past few weeks.

A lot to make me realized what life is from what I already know.

A lot of those to mix up my emotions, thus making it stronger or weaker than before.

All I can say, my life went back to 0 when my housemate came back from his psycho therapy. A few days back, Monday to be exact, he gave me a 2 page long letter containing his bottled-up unsatisfaction with me. Fine. That's fine. So I sent him back a 2 page reply of my unsatisfaction, mostly blasting him back of the real fact that I have to clean up his mess, etc. He didn't reply. Fine.

Okay good. Now I am living with an enemy. Sounds great huh? Simply great.

---------------------------------------------

Then comes the story with P. P missed our date for 3 times in a row. I was pissed of course. It was sad. I mean my life now is already hitting the roof, he appeared in my life and then went back to 0. Double the sadness. Lucky that I didn't start off anything with him. Lucky.

I don't know what is wrong with the world these days. Or I am indeed having some kind of bad luck. It's sad huh?

---------------------------------------------

Other than that, I am losing my aim, my direction of what I want to do. Am I tired from running around? I think I have not run enough. That is how I feel about my life now. Sad sad.

I need extra boost. I really do.

Men

Ahh...it's been such a long time since blog. Well, as usual a lot happened.

But this time, I mean what is going to happen this week is gonna be weird.

I don't know why, I just feel it's gonna be really weird.

If I already know he had slept with x amount of girls, why would I still wanna go on a date with him?

If I already know he is not my type, why would I even want to talk to him?

If I already know he has a different background from where he grew up compared to mine, why would I still agree to spend my weekend with him?

If I already know he is always flying, why would I want to be involved with a guy like him?

If I already know he is so many years older than me, why would I still be interested to tell him what I thought of everything?

If I already know he is of another culture, another country, another colour, why would I still want to keep him around?

If I already know the chances of him cheating on me is higher than Mount Everest, why would I even want to listen to what he said?

If I already know I felt this is just gonna be another tragic story, why would I still want to blog about this?

----------------------------------------------------------

I am really exhausted from getting involved with men. This year alone, in this very place, I dated 5 people. Yes, 5. But there's still lack of something every time I went out with them. I don't even want to go on or vice versa. Time will tell I guess. I am still too depress to be involve in a steady one. Jeez, am I normal?

Lil Update

Hey people, it's me again. After weeks of disappearance.

Pheww.......these few weeks was chaotic. I am still having culture shock. I have no idea with the class system, etc etc. Anyway, I m really tired right now, I could just sleep on my laptop.

It has been a hectic week. Pretty hectic but with some free time in between, but it shall be used as time to read articles and texts for studies. Crazy.

I need a full body massage right now. I am going kaputt with not enough sleep. Owh. I felt old.

Lack of updates

Yeah, I blog not so much nowadays. Every week I have a lot of appointments, from Monday till Friday. Thank god somebody created something called The Organizer. Which is pretty much what I have on my hands nowadays to remind me for events and stuff.

I am happy to be back to being busy. Although not for a lot of pay but I am somehow satisfied because I can learn more things despite the depression I have had a few months back.

Uni is going to start soon. I am still waiting for the very important mail from my uni. Hopefully everything goes well. I should say, I might have to be here for 3 years and not 2 years as planned as I wanted to change my course. Not a drastic change, maybe 30% different but better than none.

Tomorrow I have another appointment. This is what I hate. To deal with the government officers. Damn.

Till then, let's see how it goes.

Pass!

I pass my exam!!!

After so much trouble, I finally pass my exam. And now I shall wait for the uni to send me entry letter for my Masters.

A part of me is very happy and apart of me feels worry. It's like I have a feeling that there will be some mix up at the uni for the courses that I applied.

Anyhow, time for ice-cream. Yaay!!!

Updates

Ahh...been really busy.

Latest update:

1) Been working as a professor's assistant at Uni, my job is to correct english texts. Cool huh? I love this job. The downside would be headache for hours and many of those texts were written or translated from another language.

2) Tried being a Sandwich Artist at Subway. Still in probation. Cool huh? I get eat every flavour. Haha. Anyhow, if you come and visit me, you will get 50% off. Great huh? But the not so nice part is to stand for 5-6 hours. Back pain.

3) I have exam coming up next week. And I still HAVE NOT REVISE. Die. I really don't know how.

4) Been freelancing too. With the old job but maybe 10% per month. Haha. Just to show my boss I am still alive. Better than nothing.

5) Social life is kicking back in slowly. I have dates. Haha. More like being forced to go on dates. We shall see what it will become. Probably shitty. Nah...not bothered.

6) My crazy housemate thinks I am crazy. WTF? He is the one with physco probs and now he thought I have. WTF? He told my friend this afternoon and I was shocked to hear that. Thank god, my friend told me about this.

7) I hate to go to those government service/departments in Germany. Rude and impolite. Damn.

Yeah, dats all I wanna say. Time to go to sleep. Yes, at 3am.

Afraid of the future

And again this weird feeling happened to be here again.

What can I say?

On Loyalty

Am I loyal?

Yes I am.

No I am not.

-------------------------

This doesn't applies to me as I am not attached to anyone. LOL.

This was a question from me to myself.

Just another episode

And again, I did something bad.

I just couldn't be bothered anymore.

Being cruel in ending a relationship is not my forte. But we had never began anything. Just an illusion. He is probably crying right now over what I said to him just now.

I have problems with myself. That is why no relationship stays.

When I want commitment from someone I like, he don't want commitment.

And in the end when he wants commitment, I don't want it anymore. I am playing the game somehow. I offered to be nice, he didn't take it that way. Fine.

For some men in my life, they want commitment but I don't. I am always the opposite of what they purposed to me.

I am happy now. At least for now. I am free like a bird.

I am a troubled girl. I think I am.

Freedom

Hmmm...the joy of freedom...priceless.

Freedom is being free. Being untied. Being on the loose. Somehow I am enjoying this. Blissful.

Food-maniac

Hmm...I am hungry again. I would like to have a big pizza margarita right now with some splash of tabasco. Woooo...yummy.

I am feeling great with food. Ahh...god bless this thing called food. Yum.

Welcome me back

Hahahaha...When I was sick a few months earlier, yeah that time when I was diagnosed with mysterious skin disease after Prague, I lost 7 kgs.

Yeah, one could imagine how skinny I look and fit into nearly every dresses available on the market. And with some make-up, I could even be rated as a pretty chick from Malaysia. LOL.

Fast forward a few months. Yeap. August I mean. I gained my weight back. Owh...shit.

Imagine, nearly everyday you get to eat with your friends and they do cook real good food, and sometimes they would chuck in some raw food for you to prepare. And with my cooking skills, voila...altho not gourmet, we still have a great time munching nearly 5 complete meals a day.

Oh...that's not the terrible part. The best part is that, they eat more than me but never gain a single kilo. But me, I gained hell a lot.

Nevertheless, I felt happier with some fat with me. Not as depressive as last time.

------------------------------------

People on my MSN amazes me a lot. Each time they said "Hi!" to me will end up with food topic till the very end of our conversation. I don't mean ALL but 70% of them are like that. Someway, they are making me fat too especially in the middle of the night.

I no longer crave for Doener but I am craving for biscuits and cakes. That's even worse.

-----------------------------------

Oh...how long will this happy feeling lasts? I have been down for a few months but now I feel happier than before. I do cherish every moment of being happy as it is getting more and more little as I grow.

Funny thing is, I don't feel like travelling, I just feel like cooking. Haha.

----------------------------------

Hmmm...I am glad I have some friends on my MSN to cheer me up. I love you guys so much. And my best buddy too, altho we are thousands of miles away, you still rock!!!

Bored

I am bored. Bored bored.

Greetings

Hello people,

I have been busy. With a lot of things. But I don't know where to start. But you know I miss u all here. Hehe.

Addiction

I am addicted to cooking. I am addicted to talk to people. I am addicted not to work.

Now how can I solve that?

Moveeeeee

Yes, I am planning to move to another place. Oh god damn it. I can't stand this place anymore. I wanna move move move. I can't stand this. I wanna move to another state. I love the west. I m in love with the west. I like Berlin too. Any place but here.

Now where do I start plotting?

So far, this place is the only place outside my home country where I stayed for more than 3 months. It's gonna be the 5th month here for now. It feels like 5 years already. Dang!

Confession

I have a confession to make. I prefer to be single than to be in a relationship with an asian. I don't know why but it seems like my relationship with an asian will end sooner compared to a relationship with a white guy. Oh no. Am I turning into a sarong party girl? No way.

Those asian guys I ever had a relationship with are controlling, narrow-minded, not romantic, boring, not street smart, can be idiotic too sometimes. Oh gosh. The trend is the same which I could not take it anymore and then I ended it. And I broke another heart after another. Oh no.

But yeah. I am happier right now. Oh man. I am so happy. I feel freedom. I feel free. I would not want to date another asian anymore. Call me what you want but I feel better right now. Much better.

See, the longest I can hold in a relationship these days is just a span of 3 months and that's it. I felt bored, I left. Not that I want to, it's painful too but it should be better that way than to prolong it till forever. I am really happy right now. Awhhh...

No wonder my dad said I will probably end up with a white guy. No doubt in that. I don't need a traditional man to make me happy. I feel really really relieved right now. I do prefer blue or green or light brown eyes. At least I know they won't control me like an animal in a cage, reporting everything to him every single second. I felt it's a waste of time to be controlled like that wherelese I can do so many things. I know, after this entry I will be hated by my countrymen but that what I feel. You can't say that I am wrong. I have been involved with a few and I felt so devasted everytime. Devastated as in:

1. The question of marriage occurs every 3rd month of the relationship

2. The question of having kids

3. The question of getting a car/house/properties

4. The question of me earning more money

5. The question of me being more educated than them is also another problem. The insecurity in some guys, which they think I will be much more better than them. This is bullshit.

6. The question of me spending money and not saving 90% of it. You see, I have a habit of buying gadgets like phones, cameras, laptops, etc etc. And to them it's a waste of money. Fuck. I don't buy clothes but it's wrong for me to do that?

I am so damn happy right now I felt like having a tube of Movenpick ice cream all by myself. I will be more careful in the future whenever I hop into any relationship. Seriously. I need ice cream.

Living

Hmmm...I always wonder why do we live?

- to suffer?

- to enjoy life?

- to help others?

- to find one self?

- to find love?

- to get rich?

- to pay bills?

- to eat?

- to play?

- to be somebody's punch bag?

Whatever it is, I still have not found mine. I need motivation badly. And yes I am losing weight. I simply have no appetite to eat. OMG... a foodie like me don't have appetite to eat. Now that's a problem.

----------------------------------

My best friends were all back in Malaysia. They just had this couple gathering without me. They were already discussing about marriage, kids, etc. What I felt happy most is that they did call me and I don't feel that much left out. A's boyfriend met up with B and B's boyfriend. Wow. And together they were 4 of them. B said, if I were back, there will be 6 of us, giggling. Not an orgy mind u. It's like a group discussion of best friends talking about the future. Heh. Future?

I don't even know if I really love the guy I am with now. Or in another way, I am not sure if I really want him. That's bad. My old habit of liking someone and halfway through it, I give up.

Hmm...now I shall just focus on this 2 years while looking for jobs, myself, etc.

---------------------------------

My sisters made me laugh today. It seems like I am the youngest at home. I need attention from everybody.

On marriage

I felt pressured once again about marriage.

This is not the first time people purposed to me. I just can't. I have fear. I don't know why.

I fear to get married at this age no matter how much I love him.

I still think I am too young to get married.

He is already calling my name by MRS. XXX. (with his surname). The more he tell me about this, the more I felt pressured by this. Gosh!

This topic was brought up quite a number of times and each time I felt like shutting his mouth for a while and breathe. I am not ready.

I have this feeling that this relationship will go down the drain too. I don't think he can wait 2 more years for me. Damn. I hate to be caught up between studies and relationships. Anyway, I am not thinking much about this. Let it be.

Where does it lead?

Hmm...here I am again to talk about life.

Life is such an interesting subject. I am not sure where it leads. At least we always know that some certain rivers flow to some certain seas for example. But in life, one moment, u r flowing along a river, u could end up being on top of the mountain or simply being stranded on some weird island.

Tomorrow I will have an interview as a translator. I am not sure if I am wanted by the germans. Somehow I felt my world is so small. And in a place like this, the world is even smaller. I am praying hard and I hope I am wanted. I need a job. I need it very very much.

I am worried about my future. I am always worried about how things will turn out to be like. I wish somehow, I could just get married and breed and I don't have to worry about things in my life. Someone who could take care of me forever and ever without me having to worry about money, etc etc. But the thing is such person don't really exist or should I say, in a better way, have not appeared yet.

I am a fighter and I will fight till the end. In between, I lost myself, I cried and became depressed but I climb up again and again without fail. I am not lucky enough to have understanding parents. Thus, I have to work extra harder to achieve what I want in life.

I am willing to do everything now to survive. Survival is the key to live. Of course I was sad knowing the fact that my family don't really care about me. But I can't let this to deter me from getting what I want. I am strong. I knew it. I am strong to go through this. I will never let other people look down on me ever again. I have vowed to myself on this.

No matter how bitter life is for me now. Being positive can make the bitterness go away or at least became sweeter. I am surprised with the fact that a lot of people around me doesn't go through life like me. If I were being brought up like this, I shall improve and let my past go. I did forget about the past a lot to go on till today.

I really really need the job as a translator tomorrow. I need it. God, please help. *prays hard*

Damn it...FUCK!!!

Wooooooooo...I am damn pissed. O2 charged me Euro222.19 for the things I didn't use. Damn it. One month and it's that much? Is there any other way to avoid this thing? I mean I wouldn't wanna pay it. Damn it. I would not pay for things that I didnt use. Damn it. Fuck!!!

I am so gonna kill people right now. Damn it. Why bad things always hit on me? Fuck!!!

When the sun shines...and suddenly the rain pours

Today is the saddest day of my life (for the month of July). The day that proved to me how selfish my parents are. The selfishness in them makes me wonder if I will be the same or already as selfish as them.

God bless that I am still alive.

I cried so hard that my eyes sores now. It has been a "great" year so far. Yeah, pretty great. I think my tears can filled up the whole city by now.

I told myself to be strong, as always. I know I am strong but just not strong enough. Everyone are selfish to themselves. Selfish creatures are everywhere. If I find someone who is not selfish at all, I give him/her a standing ovation and he/she will be my idol.

I hate to fight, I hate to argue. Although my life here is quite shitty. I am glad that I am faraway from home at least for now. I don't have to face shit.

Let it be from family members or the anything with the people around me. At least here, I am a foreigner. I am a foreigner who speaks german. And with my student status, I get privileges. Thank god, arguing with my family makes me feel happier to be in this shit hole.

I always wait for the day when I can be happy, just happy. It's just so hard to be happy.

I am going to sit for an exam later in about 2 hours time and I am still here blogging. This emotional burden is off my shoulders now. I felt better already.

Thank you for reading.

1 or 2

One woman can have 2 guys at the same time no?

I don't know what to say.

I thought it's already nothing between us but...hmm...I don't want to cheat on somebody now. But in my situation now, it's really hard to say anything.

This is like a story. The guy gone missing, the girl goes on with her life, found somebody new, the old guy came back.

--------------------------------

Exam next week. Focus pocus. Not gonna think about the problem mentioned until the right time.

Alive

I am still alive if you are wondering. I will be a lil busy till next week. OMG. Exam. This one will determine if I will be here for the next 3 years or so or if I wanted to go back to Malaysia and never come back to Germany.

Anyhow, I have no idea how I am going to pass the exam. God bless me. Please bless me, if You see this.

Pray

My favourite line of the day: "Pray Pray"

Guess what I do daily without fail since I arrived here, pretty simple:

- wake up

- get ready

- go to class

- come back and cook

- do some reading

- nap/outing

- shower

- chat with "My Majesty" till late, honestly I did appear offline a few times because it's really really tiring to talk to him

I called him "My Majesty" since he needs a lot of attention from me when we were talking. No flaws, no mistakes. Just accuracy.

I am tired to be honest. Imagine after a long day in Uni, u came back with a demanding creature waiting for you on your MSN and Skype and all he wants is 900% of your ears and brains and patience. He really tested my patience good enough. I felt I have pressure talking to him now.

Sometimes, when I have a rough day, I still have to give my best to what he wants. Now I am talking about me being here and him being back in Malaysia. Not under the same roof. It's already really tiring. Imagine if I have to see him everyday and all. Do all relationships have to be like this?

I tried to make this one a successful one but I am nearly giving up. I can't imagine my life being like this. Or should I say I like being single? Damn no. But why is it so hard for me to give my all to him? I am talking about lifetime commitment here.

I am really stress right now. I think it has became more and more obvious that I am avoiding him now by appearing offline and pretend I am not there when I am there. I just feel tired.

And now that he's giving me more commitment to handle, i.e. holding his account password and all, I felt more pressured.

I should not make any hasty decision on this. But then again, I have to. I can't imagine my kids having this military life of being accurate and strict when I can't handle it myself. Am I being too carefree or it is becoz I have had a rough day I don't feel like talking to anyone.

I am terrified if this one goes down the drain again. I am tired of being in and out of relationships. And the emotional roller coaster than comes with it. It's just scary. In fact really tiring.

Hopefully this is becoz I am dead tired and I need some time for myself.

Pray pray.

Mystery

Yeah, I am crazy you see.

I like someone so much he meant everything to me.

But he's damn strict in leading me the way to do things right. Like a military school. I know my friends can't believe that I am saying this. I actually let someone control my life. LOL!!!

It felt as if I am in a panic room just now over some instruction he gave me. Totally heart-thumping and no mistakes can be made. Scary. I am glad it's over but I can feel that there's more to come. Oh...jeez. For my own good.

I hope I am not as stupid as I am now. I wish I am a bit smarter when it comes to some terms. Damn.

I think

I think I have a boyfriend now.

I think I have a fiance now.

I think I will be married to him legally next year.

"May we go register"

I thought it was a question asking "May we go and register?"

But no, it's actually "In May we will go and register."

Register what? Register our marriage.

Damn. This is crazy. Marriage? And again I felt insecure. I like him. But marriage??? Don't you think it's too early? It's also very uncertain with him. One moment we are like husband and wife, talking about our future, one moment we are enemies.

My life is just great sometimes. Even my love life is so different from others. I don't know if I am in a relationship. But if everything goes well, I will be married to him May next year. Funny eh? I felt it's damn funny.

I felt the world is insane or am I the one abnormal. How can I be married to someone in such a short time? Am I desperate or what? Or he is the one desperate? I am afraid to get married now. Really afraid.

I felt the whole has hit upon me several times this month. I cried so many times, I don't have anymore tears to do so.

Mostly arguing with him. I can say we are not a couple. But he has all the contacts of my family including my grandmother. He knows everything about my family and me.

He even planned everything. And he did asked me if I like crystal or pearl. I would love to say diamond. But that question was skipped because we are arguing that time. I was pissed and refuse to answer and kept blasting. He blasted me enough for the year. I felt so pissed i couldn't take it anymore.

On the other side of the story, my sis just shouted at me on Skype this afternoon. She said: "I couldn't believe u like him. He's not even your type. He's nerdy". I just laughed.

Anyhow, I am not sure how long this will last. As you know, all the guys come and go like the customers in Aldi. Totally profitable if I charge everyone of them.

Well, I did mention about him before this. He's the guy that turned my life upside down after the american. God bless me please.

Boring day eh?

I am on hiatus on work. Still figuring if I should continue working. But it's good. I feel it's good. Without working, my studies fares so much better. Without any relationship, even better. LOL!

It's good to be on hiatus these days. After 2 weeks of my so-called chicken pox, I am finally refreshed and regenerated. And after the news of the pay-cut, hiatus from work makes me another person. I feel better not having to balance myself between work and studies for now. My studies need a lot of attention from me, since I have neglected much of my study time to my work and other commitments.

At this moment, I don't feel like having any holiday at all. For now. For this moment. I feel I just wanna give a 100% push to my studies. Which never happened in my life before this. LOL!

I have yet to love cooking. And I am experimenting a lot of cooking using rosemary. Yummy! And I am eating like the germans. As in potato-wise. It has became my "rice" somehow.

On the other side, I am still on the search for a better job online. It doesn't matter where in the world. After all, I will be much better anywhere but back home. Altho I have been saying that I am having homesick. Not that true afterall. It's just becoz of someone. Other than malaysian food of course. :)

On the other hand, after days of being moody (I am always moody eh?), I bought marshmallows and have been munching on it ever since. Happy. Trully blissfull.

This morning I realized something. And I told myself:

"You see, sometimes you are smart, but you misuse it or put too much emotions on being yourself. You can fare a lot than other if you don't carry too much emotions around. In fact, you hold a lot of advantages compared to others. Why waste it?"

True. That is what my inner voice told me. I have been living uniquely from others and my experiances under my belt should actually help me not make me more miserable. Yeah, this means, I am looking for another change in my life. Well, "3 months- a new life" is my motto all these while. Time is up and I need to change again. Sometimes I hated it, sometimes I feel good doing it. Other than the list of men I get involved with. Not much actually. Another one just broke my heart saying I broke his first and then finito. I am so used to getting this I felt sad but not as much as my 1st boyfriend. It gets much better as I grow older. It should have been karma to be in and out of relationship. I could have been a playboy/playgirl in my past life and now I am getting back all the karma. Serves me right eh?

All you have to do when you are down is, tell this to yourself:

"I am made tough. Just like a Volvo."

... and hopefully everything will go fine, no matter how shitty it is. I am trying to come back to my life after all the shit but yeah, tougher and more prepared for the next wave of shit.

I love my life.

dum dum

My friend is carrying baby number 2.

My another friend is buying a ring to propose to his girlfriend.

My another friend will be tying the knot next 2 years.

My another friend will be getting married next year.

My long lost friend is already married.

---------------------------------------

Peer pressure isn't it?

Damn

Here I am blogging in the middle of the night feeling that I am a failure.

I am eager to succeed in whatever I do. I am a fighter but not anymore after being demotivated by the series of unfortunate events that hit on me.

My thirst to succeed in whatever I am doing is like the thirst for a glass of water in a hot dessert. I am tired of being pushed back and I hate the feeling of being back to square one which had happened numerous times in my life.

I want to be SOMEONE so badly where I am willing to do whatever it takes to be there. I don't want to be the useless 24 year old who is still under the shadow of "still studying" or a "student" per say. Maybe some people will think I am leading a great life despite my escapades to a number of places without having to worry about my financial situation. Wrong. That is really wrong.

I am feeling damn emotional lately which is not good for my mental health. I am going crazy.

-----------------------------

Someone really drive me crazy up the wall, through the chimney and so on. Hell yeah. Pissed.

I am damn fucking annoyed with someone and I felt like stranggling him in person. I could never see myself being so patient with him. One word. Pissed.

In short, I am pissed with myself and also with someone. I hate living like this. Damn.

-----------------------------

I miss home. I really do. I have never miss home this badly which pushes me to get the next reasonable plane ticket back to my homeland. I am seriously tired.

Of worries

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have been diagnosed with an unknown sickness. It is not chicken pox whatsoever but the doctor said IT is chicken pox. Damn. It's really itchy and I got it after I came back from Prague. I am already very depressed with that. Imagine more than a week of sleep apnea becoz of the itchiness. And I was given a week MC. And the results will be out tomorrow. I am really realy scared and worried as I have never gone through things like this back home.

Really depressing.

And today, the company I have been working for nearly 7 years is going bankrupt, I think. And they are cutting costs here and there and all my work will only be paid 50%. Jeez. See that? Depressing no?

Extra depressing. And then there are some problems with my studies as I m not motivated to go on and I wanted to go home very much. Homesick. I don't think that's homesick. It's rather the feeling of not wanting to go on with this alone all by myself. I am so damn tired of going through ten thousands of stupid nonsense since I arrived. Damn.

A few days back I received a call from Malaysia...wooo...it's from somebody who has a special place in my heart. The one that I have been mentioning since a few months back. When I picked up, the only thing he asked me was:

"Do you miss me?"

I can't say anything as I am not feeling well and itchy at the same time.

After a few days, he sent me an email.

"I must say I was surprised you were not very excited when I called."

What can I say?

Can I say:

1) I am feeling-less becoz it was just a call. Or should I say I don't display affection that easily?

2) I know it was him and therefore I m just happy but not excited as I have gone thru this many many times? (Not good as he doesn't really want to know about the guys I have had relationship with)

3) Don't say anything?

Whatever it is. I couldn't be bothered now as I am having yet another roller-coaster in my life.

----------------------------------------------------------

Will I survive these few years? Will I live normally? Will I?

Partial Holiday

It's been a long time since I blogged eh?

Yeah, I was busy catching up with my life and all. I was in Prague last week and all I did was snapping photos and walk around and eat and eat and eat and walk around again and this and that. For the very first time in my life, I did not buy any souvenirs. Not even for anyone nor myself. 

I did learn a lot from this trip. Hopefully this time I will be a bit smarter than before. Afterall life experiance are meant to be collected by going around and experiancing new cultures.

The Czech Republic is a weird place, but it is indeed beautiful. Even more beautiful when you share it with your loved ones. After Prague, I was in Plzen. The birth place of Pils Beer. Yaay. But I didn't had any Czech beer this time, I brought back a bottle. It was too dangerous for me to drink beer while I work. I might not be able to walk and act normally. Afterall my alcohol tolerance has gone down the drain.

After that, I went to Nuremburg in Bavaria. I like Bavaria. It's so different from other places in Germany and people there are super duper friendly. Ahh...if I were to move again, I will choose Bavaria. Any city in Bavaria will do. Altho the dialect can be painful to my ears but I did try to understand. It's trully amazing.

Ahh..what's next? I don't know. I m clueless. 

It's a hope, just a hope

It's the feeling.

I don't know how to tell you this but it's about my feelings. I know I am bad in this. Bad in expressing my feelings. Especially when it involved someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Finally I said it. I wanna spend the rest of my life with him. Gosh. I would never say this.

And today I did something funny:

He asked, "Ever thought about marrying me?"
I said spontaneously, "Yes and have kids."

This is a surprise. I never knew I want to have kids and get married.

He had put me in hell for the past few weeks. But I determine to go on even when he lied to me that he's already married. He said, that's only to test my faith.

I really hope this is not triggered by the fact that I am here and that I am lonely.

I have let down enough tears with my past and I hope this will not leave me in tears again.

Life is complicated. Everything is complicated. I felt like a aimless arrow sometimes. I have given up a few times but crawled back to face the world. Due to contrary beliefs that I am happy here, WRONG. I tried to be happy despite all the shit. I hope I will have a good ending with this one. Really, I really do. I really really do. I am tired of conquering the world. Tired of being alone, tired of having to go through every other without any meaning. Tired of being in and out of relationships. Tired of being an object for some certain people. Tired of my problems. I want my crystal ball so that I could see if he's really THE ONE for me.

Himmelfahrt

The funniest question of the year, at least for me:

Hey would you ever consider being a porn actress?

I was like WHAT???
Which part of me qualified to be one? This week is indeed a funny week. maybe it's Himmelfahrt tomorrow and everyone is acting a bit weird and I am also going cranky becoz of that.

LOL. Porn actress eh?

Hmmm....

Shit happens eh?

Why am I not aware that he is already married?

Why can't I sense anything?

Why am I that careless?

Is this a joke?

The truth is, I don't expect any men to be loyal. And yes, this is what I got.

I would never want to interfere in another person's relationship and that's it. 

I didn't feel bad at all. In fact, he was expecting me to commit suicide and yeah, I am still alive. I think this is a joke. I mean my life has always been a joke, so yeah, WTF.

As time goes by, I am getting stronger and I shall pat my shoulders for that. KUDOS!!!

Give me another piece of shit and it will really turn out really nice.

To me it's just another day in my life. I am in fact really proud of myself right now as I can take more shit than before. I miss moments like these. It makes me a better person. 

I love myself more than any other people in the world. And that means I am going to plan for my runaway trip for August and September. I think I need another kind of air to breathe in.

I should treat myself a big bowl of ice-cream right now for not falling into other people's marriage trap and also for saving my dignity. I am so proud of myself. For this moment.

Woop

Yes, I am still alive if u r wondering.

These few days I have got not enough sleep and I have been having some sort of dizziness and nausea. That's what happened when you have not enough sleep for about a week. It happened to me 2 times before this, consulted the doctor and he said I am lack of sleep and that I should rest and relax instead of worrying for the world's economy and it's recession.

Hopefully I will gain myself back and feel whole again for tomorrow. :)

------------------------------

I have been living at my friend's house for nearly a month now. Yes, shamelessly sticking my butt here for a month because I don't like to go home.

But yeah, I felt happy but I am not sure how long this is gonna last as it's not my place and maybe the other housemate would feel unfair because I am leeching this place.

Apart of me really wanted to flee this place and move to another. And not to mentioned, my homesick. It's getting worse each day, but I am staying strong and yes, shit happens and yes, I am strong to go through this.

------------------------------

My best buddy and I have had a few conversation for the last few days. About guys. Yes guys! It's been such a long time since we had such conversation and of course we laughed like there's no tomorrow. That's a good thing knowing someone for 20 years and she knows what I am thinking and vice versa. I miss ya woman!!!

No doubt the reason of us still being single is because of our pickiness. Jeez. I know, you would say that I am too picky and not just picky. But it's interesting to know she has the same problem. Like the saying, Birds of the same feather flock together. LOL.

P.S. Woman, LV is good ya know. Don't lose focus. I will be supporting you all the way.

--------------------------------

I have been behaving really bad these days. Like a mad biatch.

Since I arrived here till now, I have 4 girlfriend proposals and I did asked them to "f**k off!" without even giving them any chance. Jeez. Cruel eh?

And I shamelessly went up to a guy and asked him to be my boyfriend. I know. Aggressive. That's my very first time of doing things like that. Pretty amazing. I know. The story is not as simple as this. He made me asked him about this so I played along and I find it's not that bad anyway to ask him this.

He's still uncertain of my feelings towards him and he has bad tantrums like everyday. But I like him the way he is. I hope this is not because of my loneliness here. Hopefully it's not.

I shall write down what I like about him now so that in future, I can refer back to what I wrote and maybe laugh at it. Since this is the "first time ever that I dared to ask a guy to be my boyfriend". LOL!

Maybe this will just be another fling of mine. Nothing personal. I am tired of being in love with someone at some point and it doesn't work and I have to go on. The frequency of this happening is getting more and more intense as I grow older.

Here you go:

- Smart (Damn blardy smart. The smartest guy I have ever met so far. I have this little thing of falling for smart guys)
- Hard to deal with (Ahh...this I like. I like challenges. I don't like guys who obey whatever I said and say yes yes yes. Maybe I am bored with good guys. Maybe this wont last long. I don't know.)
- Gadget freak (Very common but making money out of it is another thing. He's like my gadget dictionary. Woo...I like)
- Polygot (Which means he speaks more than one language perfectly and I like his English. Woo...I like)
- Stable (Not someone who can't think for himself. Very very stable. He's someone who can give me some sort of security, like a big tree. I have been with some guys who can't think for his future and also can't decide what he wants in life. Bad.)
- Loyal (Judging from his past relationships. I always judge people based on their past relationships. And I have never been wrong unless something bad happened in between. He said he can't trust me fully on this because he knows what happened with my past. And he said I am too much of a playgirl for him. Hurhur. But I am loyal no?)
- Hardworking (Like me when it comes to things that I like to do. I wish I could be more hardworking in studying or when dealing with my books. I really like hardworking guys. Haha.)

The list will go on and on but that's all I can write for now. I need to go off for a while and do some other things. Till then...

Face it

I m speechless. Really really speechless. I know I can go through this with my determination. Yes, I believe I can.

Let's see if I can end it here.

I m listing all the things I am not happy with this place.

1. When I first arrived, the place where I take my shower is doorless. Yes, open shared bathroom with nothing to cover. Just shower naked like that. And it's filty scary dirty and...words can't describe how it is. Eukks...

2. My toilet which is also a shared toilet has shit on the side of the toilet bowl. It just stuck there as if somebody's shit is made of elephant glue. Just stuck there like that.

3. The shared kitchen is filty oily and appetite-less. Which means every dish that I cook there will end up tasting nothing due to the look-at-that-dirty-stove-and-floor factor.

4. So I moved to a better place. Yeah, I thought finally I could end up in peace. But no. The 44 year old guy thought I like him and jeez....long story. One whole big misunderstanding. And then he found himseld a new girlfriend, thanks to my "luck" that I have (according to him). It seems that I give people good luck and I get bad luck. Okay, back to the point, so he and his new girlfriend has been having sex non stop from the toilet to the kitchen to the bathroom and etc etc and the loud voices at night for 2 weeks. Raging hormones I should say! Jeez...that house was pretty small and I can HEAR EVERYTHING. OMG GRACIOUS LORD! Never in my life I have to hid myself in my room and not brushing my teeth and not pee the whole night because I don't want to see things that I don't want to see.

5. Okay fine, so I partially sleep at my friend's house and that 44 year old guy thought I was jealous because I can't have a relationship with him and yada yada just because I didn't like to go back home. OMG!!! Never in my life I FELT THAT DISGUSTED. EUKKSSS....44 year old and me?? No thank you. MY GAWDDDDD!!!

6. Okay fine. Fine. Then today I went back and just found out that he has not pay his house rent for 2 months. No wonder he's rushing me for my room rent. My gawdddd....and slowly he told me that he is not working and yada yada and no money and yadayada. Jeez...OMGGGGGGGGG!!! I don't know what to say. So now, in order to pay back his good deed, becoz he helped me before this (he helped me out from that toilet sticking place). So I decided to pay him 2 mths rent in advanced. So he can have some money to himself. And did I mention, he has a kid? Jeez, as a father he needs money to feed the kid. Yeah, call me soft hearted but then I am totally shock of the culture here.

7. Fine. Fine. Fine. I've sent 3 packages from Malaysia, 2 belong to me and one belongs to my friend. Okay fine. My friend's package arrived last week, without any scratch. And one of my packages arrived today, with scratches everywhere and Custom tapes everywhere as if I am bringing some swine flu stuff it in. Jeezzzzzz...I was so mad mad mad. Side note: we sent all 3 together at the same day and same time. And still one more missing.

8. Before this, i have problems with the university admin stuff. Yes, with the registration and that they have not received any money from me and that my name is listed somewhere and so on and so fort. Jeez. My brain gonna burst out. But I stayed calm.

9. And what's the best part staying here? NO INTERNET. NO BLARDY INTERNET. How am I supposed not to be mad when I don't have internet? I am living in Germany not Cambodia. Jeez.

10. I am not sure if old ladies here in this place are all grumpy and doesn't smile a lot or at all. But the lady at the photocopy shop is really scary. She wants everything in 100% order and frowned at me AS IF I spoiled her things and she said I am slow at photocopying. Hello. I don't work here and I pay you the money means I can do whatever I want with my book. And she keeps on pressing my book while I am doing the copy and keeps on emphasizing on pressing it and fast and accurate and emphasizing on her weekends and that I will ruin her weekends. Jeez. Fine.

11. There are lots more which I can't remember for now. If I were to list down everything here I would probably go back to Malaysia. Thank god I can't remember much about the bad things here. 10 is enough. Jeez.

I hate this place and yet I am trying to love it as I am going to be here for quite sometime.

---------------------------------

Talking about love. I like someone. But I can't like him as we are from 2 different world. After all those liking and loving, I shall stay focus on what I have to do now. No time to mess with my heart affairs which will lead to another dead end which I have gone through many many times before. Shit.

I shall just keep my busy within my studies and work and that's it. And nothing will happen if I stay here for the time being.

I don't think I will have another love story like what had happened in Portugal or the one when I just got back from Netherlands. I also like the fact that germans don't really talk to strangers. So I am having this new kind of habit of not talking to anyone and being not friendly at all. Not to sound rude but the surroundings here is making me one. And not to mention, slowwwwwww.

Someone just slapped me

on the face. Slap!!!

Not literally but it's just an expression I felt now.

He scolded me like no one has ever scolded me before. He said that my general knowledge is very shallow because I couldn't answer his financial questions. Okay fine, I don't. It's true, I don't know, I just go to the bank and take some money out and spend and sometimes I put some money in. That's it. I am not bothered with the foreign rates and so on and so fort.

And he asked me to make an excel table. A foreign exchange rate table and send it to him ASAP. I don't get a single thing he said and I didn't do it and I told him I got to go becoz of a meeting. And I got scolded again and again saying I made him loadsa money and so on and so fort.

Seriously, I find this guy very amazing. The first who has ever made me worried about my own brain.

Today is his bday. With this, I never thought he came to me with 1001 financial questions and bammm...I lost. For my record of nearly 24 years, I have never been called stupid on general things. And yes, I got it today. And it did made me realize that it's time for me to improve myself again. That is to have a better brain. 

I felt so damn stupid today I can't forgive myself. Okay, so some might say, certain people have certain gift for some certain fields. In this case, I have no brains for technical stuff and also when it comes to money. No sense at all. I also have no sense in scientific stuff like why this micro living thingy has 3 eyes. It seems like I have no sense in everything. Which is quite sad.

Why do I still live on earth?

I love

I love my gmail

I love my determination

I love my Euro 9.99 blue summer jacket

I love my floral print shirt

I love my rice cooking skills

I love my hidden ability to impress people with my german essay when provoked

I love my ability to eat

I love my ability to get into trouble with guys in their 30s

I love my Restaurant City on Facebook

I love my Coach purse

I love my world for now. Muaaahh!!!

Of Loneliness

Humans are weird species. When they have not get what they want, they want it badly and are willing to sacrifice everything for that. When they got what they want, they complain and feels bad.

Yes, I am talking about me. I am not complaining, just that bad things likes to hit on me everyday.

------------------------------

I think I have a collection. A collection of men that is. But I am still single. I don't know why I am THAT picky. I have no rights to choose people as I am not perfect. So that shall be it, I shall not be picky after this blog entry. 

Guys let me down sometimes. To that point that I am afraid to like someone, don't mention about love. I am trying to give chances to people around me but that does't work. Jeez, I think being here for a month makes me feel lonely. Like really really lonely.

It's just another day or is it not?

I just had a haircut. FREE OF CHARGE.

That's because I am the living experiment for my friend. She just bought a new scissors and thinks that my hair is great for her experiments. LOL. Now I look like a kid.

---------------------------

Someone just asked me to become his girlfriend.

Booo!!! I rejected.

And a few minutes later, another guy said he likes me and would like to sleep with me. Wooot!!!

Why on earth I have this kinda people around me?

Why can't someone I want appear in front of me just like in the movies? Do I really have to live alone?

---------------------------

Something worth to be "paste" here

"when u return 2kl, i m old d"

"u r a nice gal, m proud of u"

"sometimes i hope u r here to build biz career with me"

"with u around, life is better"

"i shall remmeber u"

He is a guy from Malaysia. Yes, from my homeland. And as expected, he is in his 30s, working in the financial sector. 

It's a complicated thing called feelings between human beings. Ain't it?

Lil update

Hmm...I am really tired.

And hungry too.

--------------------------------

I am going to my classmate's little party this afternoon. She's from China ad she's making jiao ze. It's the Chinese version of Tortellini. Nice. And I will be seeing other classmates aswell. And perhaps some new friends.

On the other hand, after that I will go to the library and borrow some books and copy them. As I don't have any german grammar books with me now. Not even in Malaysia. I threw them away in Frankfurt. At the Frankfurt International Airport to be exact. Sad. Sad. Sad.

It's a looooong story. But the past is the past.

-------------------------------

I am starting to look forward for things after all those disasterous things that happened to me since I arrived here. I am getting myself to awkward situtions, embarassing situations, in short, all sorts of situations.

Homesick

I never thought I would say this but yes I would like to go home to my dogs, my family and everything.

Nearly a month of living in insanity makes me feel sad and stupid. 

I never thought I would have such a hard time adapting to this place. Maybe because it's still has the eastern Germany cult that is not as pleasant as being in the west of Germany minus Berlin. Berlin is another story.

Everyday I try to live meaningfully. I really do.

Well...I think this period is for me to learn to be more independant than before. Actually no, I think I should called it emotionally independant. Yes, that's right.

For now, 6 months is my target to pass that damn paper and try to move to another city. Jeez...this place is, well compared to Madrid, I think it's the same with Madrid, just cleaner.

What the feeling of being a student in a german university? Nothing special. Just that my student card is more powerful than the one I had in Malaysia.

I do want to do a few things for now. I wanna hug my dogs. Hurhur. Or maybe I should get myself a dog. But it would be too troublesome for me once I move back to Malaysia or something. I don't know.

What I need is a guy? I think so. But I don't think so. Here I only have 2 choices. Old men or unwanted men. No no. I have no appetite for them. 

On the other hand, maybe this is good. So that I will focus fully on my studies and not wasting time waiting for this and that. But you know me well, I am not those who can stick with my books 24/7. 

-----------------------------------

I fell asleep just now. And I was sleep talking in german. Jeez.........I could never understand myself now. How could I sleep talk in german? I was really tired mentally.

Okay, I think I should stop writting now and go "home". To the place where people have sex freely on the dining table, etc etc. Jeez...I could never imagine my food on that table ever again. And hopefully they are not doing it superbly tonight like the day before I "ran away from home". Oh gosh....I need to breathe. Why do I always have to be in the place where everything weird happens?

Hope

Things has gone really really crazy lately. Sometimes I would just want to buy a one way ticket back to Malaysia but sometimes I think I need to stay here to get what I want for now. This is gonna be very tough but I am determine to go on.

Weird things fall on me like the autumn leaves on the ground. I have not had a single break or a happy day since I arrived here. This is just a test. I am really tired now. I m running out of energy after 20 days here. 

I wish I can lead a normal life here for now.

When will it end?

I think I have just ended some sort of relationship with someone again.

I need someone who has a certain extent of maturity and not being childish all the time. And for now, I am really afraid to deal with my emotions especially when it comes to relationship.

For the past few years, my heart is broken and then mended and then broken again for so many times. So, yeah, today will be just another day like the other days where I broke people's heart or vice versa.

I am hoping the grey clouds will be away soon. Since I arrived to this small little city, I felt like a wrecked ship.

Shittt

Since I stepped out from the plane in Frankfurt Airport till now...my life has been so shitty I don't know what to say.

And best of all I have no internet.

Okay, I should write a long one about what happened to me for the past few weeks. SHIT do happens. I know that.

Selamat Tinggal Malaysia

Yeap, flying off soon.

Still...no extraordinary feelings. Feeling sad because I am about to leave my beautiful country for sooooooooo long becoz of my passion that a lot of people couldn't understand. And also my grandmothers. One is nearly 100 and another one is 75. How could I do this to them? And they love me to bits. If my grandfathers were alive, they will also love me to bits. Apart from all the loving and loving and loving, I can't live without Malaysian Food.

So for now, the only thing I am looking forward to would be my trips to Weimar, Erfurt and the places around it since my friend in Portugal is coming to visit me and my another friend. Another girls day in day out kinda thing.

Hmmm...what will I be when I grow up? Yeah, that was supposed to be a joke since I already grew up to this stage.

Okie dokie, I have to do some last minute packing now. Till then. See you once again in Germany!

W

I am worried.

I don't know.

I am just worried.

I have nothing to say

I have nothing to say nor anything to blog right now.

I know I will have to start a new life in a matter of days, in a foreign place, unlike other german states where I have been to.

I know I will have difficulties going back to my studies as I am not that kind that likes to study and bury myself into books.

I know I will have to work harder than before and also look for a new job there as Euros are expensive and I know I can't be living at the speed I have lived previously. For example: spending like mad, etc.

Welcome to another stage of my life...

I have no expectation right now nor anything. I just want to survive and get my Master's Degree.

On throwing hissy fits

Somebody's dad has cancer.

I felt so sorry for him. I wish him that everythign will be okay.

And he came barking at me, scolding me for no reason, throwing his hissy fits at me with the reason I am not sensitive enough. WTF? Who is he to do this to me?

I think I am having a bad week. A few days back, I went to the wrong counter at the Embassy, I was talking to my dad and he banged the car behind us, a few hours later I banged a lorry, a few moments later my finger started to bleed with no reason because I didn't realized there's a cut there, I got scolded by a few people mainly because they are having bad mood, etc etc.

Okay fine. I have patience. Really high tolerance in everything. I know I can go through this.

Updates

Yes, I am still alive if you wonder. It's been quite a while since I write something here. I have been busy with a lot of things. Mainly, packing, canceling accounts and managing some other things just to name a few.

And another shocking news to me would be, the girl who used to work in the company, I used to open and close door with, has quit. I was like OMG!!! She's like the life of the company and she's moving on to another company. Somehow, I am relieved I no longer work there.

What's new with my life? Nothing. Nada. Nichts.

More like I know I have to start a new on starting end of this month. I am not sure I am ready to live there for 3 years but I am looking at the bright side of it. Being positive.

As much as I want to pursue my dreams. I would also want to be happy. Happy in the sense that I don't throw tantrums at people or sulking or something.

I have not meet up with my friends here and I think I should do something about it. With my really packed schedule for now, I will no matter what try my best.

Updates

Facebook is just amazing isn't it?

As much as I wanted to avoid someone online, he posted in his Facebook that he misses me a lot.

I didn't know about this until my friend came up to me and mentioned that to me. I am such a baddie sometimes. But avoiding him is good for me for now. I don't know what is going on between the 2 of us. It's been 3 months now and it's been an on and off thing. Oh dear.

Now I am focusing hard on my work and also my studies. Not to mention spending my time with my family.

Oh dear...I am putting on a lot of weight. Thanks to fattening food here. And yes, I am still in Australia if you wonder.

Homesick

Weird if I said that eh?

I m missing home. Although this is a nice place and all but then I miss the feeling of my own bed and pillow and my little bolster.

Random

I am feeling like a pig. People feed me well here with loadsa fattening stuff. Awwww....

Summer is gone and the cold wind is now here. I like this place. Peaceful and loadsa cheap stuff. I like.

---------------------

I am having headache now with my accommodation in Germany. I was given one by the university and I am looking for another one for back-up and probably

On being single

What is wrong being single at my age?

I love my mum

No matter how much I hated her last time and sometimes now, I know deep down in my heart I love her.

Although we both don't get along well since I was young, I still love her. I don't want to see her sad or whatever that is unpleasant. Damn it. Why am I so emotional today?

Controlllll

Yeap, I am still alive and I am feeling very sleepy right now...zzzzzzzz

Australia is like the best place to shop for now. Oh my god!!! I just bought a pair of boots for AUD$14.50, and it's made of leather. How cheap is that? It was AUD$59.90 at first but they slashed it one time and then another time. Woah...I am loving this place.

All I need now is a wind breaker and also a cap. Yes, and a bag won't hurt much but I don't want to do so much damage now. I shall control on my spendings. Yes.

Till then.

Leaving on a jet plane

I will be leaving for Australia in about 10 hours from now. But I still don't feel anything. No excitement. Not even jumping with joy.

I have been having this kind of attitude of not jumping for joy for holidays. I wonder why. But I will definitely jump up and down for a few days if I know the next thing I will do is to board the plane to the place where I can meet up with someone dearest to me. As in very very very important to me. Hmmm...when can I do that?

Let's see...sometimes I felt like an idiot of staying for more than 2 weeks in Australia. Well, I have nothing to expect now. This is gonna be a family gathering. And I have told myself not to over shop again this time like what I did to America. Ohmmm...

Emotions

Emotion is something I don't understand and yet it's pretty interesting how it can change some people's life.

I am hoping, all of you out there who have had a bad day today. Chill and everything will be okay later. Don't stress yourself too much and look at the positive side of it. Although it sounds more like a message to myself, but I am sincerely wishing/telling all of you out there that this is gonna be alright.

Back again

The past few days was a blast. Minus the sunburn, and the big tummy.

Finally, I felt at home and also gained myself back. I felt so Malaysian after this trip and I am loving Malaysia more (minus the stupid politics and some problematic people here).

And I survived 3 days without touching the internet. It was a funny roadtrip as many things happened in between like having a punctured tyre in the middle of no where, squatting by the roadside for some delicious food, protesting against Valentine's Day by wearing stupid T-shirts, we even took pics with the big snake (it was really heavy and cold and scaly...eukkks) ,etc etc.

And some quality time with my girlfriends laughing over funny stuff that we did during our uni days, not to mention, stalking guys like, "Hey, look at that one. He's the type that I like" or "He's cute isn't he?". I am gonna miss them.

--------------------------------

3 days of not touching the internet means 3 days of not checking my mails. And then..................there goes......some called him my Darling from the United States of America, some called him my Honey from the West did something very amazing. Whatever it is, he sent me 3 messages to my inbox. Why I called it amazing? Because all this while messages was not that intense but the ones I got yesterday and the day before was filled with so much emotions for me. Is it because of Valentine's Day or because of the heat?

Anyhow, I have not reply anything as I was still shocked. I don't know what to reply. Weird. I am so over him at one point in my life.

Hmmmm....what should I do now? I wish I could understand guys more. I really really don't understand guys to the point that I think it's hard to undertsand men and women.

Enough of the crap. I should clear my emotions right now as I still don't know how I feel towards him. But knowing myself, when I know I don't like/love someone anymore, I won't look back. I don't know :(

Mini Roadtrip

My friends and I will be going on a lil roadtrip to the south. This is the craziest thing we have ever come up with. At 3 pm just now, we sat down and came up with this lil plan. We have planned to splash water at Sunway Lagoon and then some shopping and some dinner but then, we felt it's too boring and then we decided to do something crazier... A roadtrip!!!

The journey will start at 4.30am because we want to catch the sunrise in Port Dickson and then some beach games and some food and some sun and some sandcastles and some photos and then we will head down to Malacca for food and some portuguese food and some boring historical stuff and then down to Johor. And the next day we will be heading back to Malacca again for lunch and then back to Kuala Lumpur. Pheww....so much just to avoid Valentine's Day in Kuala Lumpur.

And of course the 3 of us will take our turn...driving. Hmmm....So much for being single...But happy singles!!!

Anyhow, for those couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day and to all the singles out there, don't be sad. Your day will come one day.

Family Matters

"Not even a month back in Malaysia and you are already flying somewhere else. Do you have a problem?"
"I have never seen anyone like you. Why can't you stick your feet in your own country?"

Okay. Well. It's not that I don't like Malaysia. It's because when I am back, thousand of problems come to me as if I am the only person in the world that can deal with these.

Take today for instance, I just woke up, went to the toilet, poo-ed, came out, brushed my teeth, washed my face, went downstairs for breakfast and suddenly. Voila...

Someone came running to me and started to tell me stories from the Ice Ages and how she was treated and all. Moments after that, phone calls and sms came in and of course, they are looking for me telling me the same Ice Age story.

I cried today telling them, "I just want all of you to be together and be with me for these few weeks as I will be away for 3 years. I don't know when I will be back."

I bought a one-way ticket. Yes, I just did. I don't know why I did that. I have never bought any one-way ticket to any place before. I think next year, I will probably spend my Chinese New Year in Holland or somewhere else.

My family members is spreaded from the North of Asia till Australia. So, how many borders did it crossed? Plenty I should say. And so far to my understanding, only my family members in Malaysia is the one hardest to deal with.

It kills me slowly knowing the facts from the Ice Age, on how some people treated other people.

And forgiving other people is a sin here. Why can't they just forgive and forget and let loose and be themselves and stop pretending and love each other and keep on to everything together. Leave aside the material world. I think they are already rich enough to not neglect love. A few Platinum credit cards in their purses and wallets and their Louis Vuittons won't make the world a better place.

I think the poorer some people are, the better forgiver they can be. Just like me. I have nothing. I don't own a house, I drive an old car passed down to me since my grandfather passed away, I don't have a stable job. And if I have money, I travel. Yes, I have some luxuries with me, yes I do have a few branded stuff in my wardrobe but it won't last long. I gave it away. The only luxurious thing I have now would be my PDA and my laptop and my camera and my Coach bag. People hurt my feelings, I forgive them and go on with life. Again and again I am the dumb ass. So what? I am happier now. I am more than happy to forgive some jerks in my life than to keep revenge for my whole life.

Is money the factor to degrade people and not love each other even they have blood relations? And apart of me is jumping with joy with the fact that I will be away for 3 years in a lonely town in the middle of Thueringen. With loadsa trees, grass, mountains and river...I know I will be bored but I am looking at the positive side of it. I have to be strong, I have to be positive.

No one I know, at least here in my family would take the plunge to go to a foreign country alone backed with shitty german proficiency and not even a Platinum credit card. Just some canned food and mental readiness to brave the cold hard winter.

No matter how shitty my life is right now or no matter how shitty I was treated by some people or no matter how shitty my life will be in the future. I forgive everything that happens and I am learning to grow to be a better person through this. I have nothing but only the love to myself. I am starting to love myself more than ever.

Being 23 going to be 24 is going to be a bit harder than before. I knew it. No more nice warm food, no screamings or fits from anyone in the family, no hot sun, no warm beach, no sisterly love from my sisters, no dogs to play with, no cheap cinema tickets, no childhood friends for as long as I choose to stay in Jena. It's really not going to be easy.

--------------------------------------------

By the way, I got scolded by my uncle out of a sudden and I was like WTF!!! And then came another and then another all throwing their hissy fits at me when they are supposed to throw it at other people. I got mad and I scolded each and everyone of them including my grandmother.

I tried to patch things up and this is what I get? Anyhow, I managed to get them back together. I am talking about all of them. I spent 5 hours talking on Skype and on my handphone and also on the house phone. Each of them shouting at me and I remained calm but cried alone because I felt it's really unfair to be scolded when I am the innocent one. It was really the worst point of my life after my job at the consulting firm.

I think I hold some important power in this family as I think when I scolded them, everyone kept silent and listen and agreed to whatever I said. I really wish they could remain peaceful and hold no grudge against each other. Amen.

To da Land Down Under

Yeap. I am going to Australia in 10 days. Will be there for 15 days, and will be spending some needed quality time with my another brood of family and my new born baby cousin. And some quality time with everyone before I fly back to Germany on the 27th of March.

I felt like a kid again as I will be going with my grandma and my mother. More like the one in charge to carry luggage since I am the most eligible one to carry luggages.

I am so excited to see everyone in Australia. I think I should gather all my friends there and party for one whole day. But then, thinking of that, I think I have more friends in Melbourne but I don't want to go there for now as it's freaking hot and so on.

Kangaroos and Koalas, here I come. And not to mention Billabong, Roxy and Quiksilver goodies (I know we can get it in Malaysia but it should be way way cheaper there). I wanna get a baseball cap.

Busy busy

I have been quite busy these few days apart from visiting my relatives and friends and stuff, I am also busy with my preparation for my studies in Jena. 3 years. Yeap. 3 years. How am I going to survive 3 years in Jena? Some people say that I am independant enough to live everywhere, but that's not true.

I have been so busy I forgot to send in my application letter for the accomodation. And now, I am hoping they will at least have a place for me to stay. Damn.

Why am I so forgetful these days?

Emo

Somebody broke my heart into pieces.

Somebody really did broke my heart into pieces. I have no words to say.

Well, on the bright side, this is not the first time my heart gets broken again. Wahahahaha. I wanna be a bitch. Simple isn't it? Being a bitch is better. Breaking people's heart is better than being broken. But I think this time it's karma, maybe I have broken too many hearts last time, people break mine this time.

----------------------------------------

I am feeling super-superly depressed due to the fact that I have to decide on what I want. Damn it. Why do we have to make choices?

Anyhow, I don't have any mood to write anymore. Simple. I am being very emotional right now I wanna kill some flies. @#$%^&*

I am going to Redang Island !!!

Wooohooo...I have just won myself a 3 days 2 night stay hotel package in Redang Island worth RM4000 (about 800 Euros) for 2 people. Gonna bake myself in the sun with the white sandy beaches and clear turquoise sea water. Wheeeeee.....

For your information, my family have been there, my friends have been there and I am the weird one out who has never been to this beautiful island on the east coast of Malaysia. Shame on me, nearly 24 years of living in Malaysia, I have never been to Redang Island. I have never step my feet on that particular state aswell. Shame shame.

But now I am going....yippie yayaayaay!!!

But that's gonna be in March. Wooo....I can't wait for another beach holiday. Wooooo....hmm...who should I bring along with me. I am planning to bring everyone but I think the suite is just enough for 5 people. Hmmm....

And the food...ahhh...I am so gonna eat everything available there. And bikini time girls!!! Perfecto!!!

Pissing me off

What a day today and it is not a good one.

It seems like I have a personality crash with people or something here.

Number one:

This morning, I went and met up with my old uni mates because the main point is that one of my girlfriend wanted to introduce her soon-to-be boyfriend to us. So I was seated next to him as that's the only place available and it would be very rude to sit on the other side of the table. As per say, he is some sort of Feng Shui practioners thingy and he can count what your life can hold in the future so on and so fort. Okay, fine.

According to him, I am too strong for a woman as in I take and handle things like a man. Not very womanly. And that I will argue a lot in the future with my husband as I am too strong in everything. And also a lot of other things which I don't understand and I tried to make a stand as I don't think I am like that and then he said I like to argue a lot. I said that is not argueing, that's proving my point that I am not like that.

I felt so uncomfortable for the next few hours as I don't like to argue with him anymore but have to pretend that I accepted whatever he said about me. I felt so shitty.

Yeah rite, if I am strong, I won't even be offended with whatever he said. And yeah, the best part is, he discouraged me to furthur my studies and he said that studying is actually wasting time and that I should actually focus on my career. Yeah, I can't blame him. He didn't know that I am not that kind of person who can't survive doing office job. And I told him I want to continue because of my passion for the language that I have been working on since the past few years. I wanna be professional. He said that's BULLSHIT and there's no such thing as PASSION.

WOW! No one ever speak like that to me. No one. But okay, I kept my cool and I just nodded. And pretended to agree on everything he said.

Okay, number one he's way way older than me, I should respect him. Number two, I should also give him some face as he is going to be my girlfriend's boyfriend or something like that. I just keep my cool. Pheww....I think I should just forget about this as I will be seeing more of him in the future. Just nod on whatever he said. The world would be a better day. The whales in the pacific ocean won't die because of that. Okay. Good.

Number two:

As I was trying on my new glasses I have got a phone call. From my aunt, that is. Okay fine, she came up to me and complained to me as if I am in charge of the after sales department of some supermarket. I just keep quiet. And nod and agreed and nod and agreed on every single thing she said and even apologize for the things I have never done before but to apologize for the things that people do.

What the hell people? Can't you leave me in peace for a while? I am home for not even a week and things start to pour in like the elephant dung. Scheisse!

Like always and forever...people NEVER ask me what I want or my permission to do anything and just plan ahead FOR me and I DONT appreciate that. Or point fingers at me whenever things go wrong even if the thing happened before I was born. How cool can that be? VERY COOL!

Can't anyone here stop blaming me for everything that happened? Can't anyone stop telling me grandmother stories that has happened long long time before? Can't anyone be more acceptive towards other people's bad habits or what so ever. WHATEVER IT IS...DON'T BLAME IT ON ME!

I wanna run-away now to Brazil. Like seriously tomorrow morning if I can.

Fine. Do whatever you wanna do, say whatever you wanna say. I don't care.

Back

Finally! I am back. Back home and also back to the Internet. Like real Internet.

Although I was online but the past few days but it was spent without being in front of my laptop but to pack, pack and clean. I am glad it's over.

After hours and hours of being Hercules carry more than 50kgs of luggage from Berlin to Frankfurt and then to Dubai and then back to Kuala Lumpur. I am finally back and tired. Really tired. Although I am really tired but I am typing this at 3.30am as I am having jet-lag.

Everything still looks the same, smells the same and taste the same. I finally realized that the one who have changed is me but not the things here.

I guessed it's time to start over a new phrase of life again. And this time is gonna be so different.

I received a letter from the uni that I have applied. And yes, I have to be there before the 30th of March 2009, which is making me a bit uncomfortable now. I can't decide if this is really what I want. But this is what I wanted all these while. That was before I know I have grown old.

Anyhow, I think I will probably go for it. Some people asked me not to forgo this chance as it doesn't comes easily like rain from the sky. I guess I will be okay doing this alone although my friend has decided not to go this time. It's time for her to build a new family and it's time for me to improve myself.

Hmm...wind oh wind...where shall' thou bring me?

On the other side of happiness

Hmm...I came with 40kgs and I am going back with 45kgs. Where the hell did the 5kgs come from?

Okay, I finished all my food from Malaysia. I am supposed to be left with 20kgs only. But now it's 25kgs extra. Where the hell did I get that 25kgs extra?

I am going to faint right now. Lugging 45kgs is like lugging a standard size girl from Berlin to Frankfurt and then to Dubai and then to Kuala Lumpur. Oh my shit.

Hmm...as far as I can remember, I did not buy as much things as last year and I only buy a few pieces of clothings. When I say a few, it's less than 5. And only a pair of shoes. And nothing else.

I am really going to faint right now. I am packing halfway and I have stuffed 32kgs into my big bag alone and it's amazing how I managed that.

Hmm...again...I am repacking again tonight.

-----------------------------------------------

Looks like being targetless hits my quater life crisis again. Everyday when I woke up, I am in dilemma. Apart from missing some people in my life, I need to adapt myself again back home and after that to a whole new place depending where the wind will bring.

Yes, I am now sure that if I have the offer from the university, I will definately jump on the bandwagon. That's the only thing I can do now. I am thinking of the bright side of the whole thing. Very bright side. I am being very very positive now. Won't be that bad living in a small town. Won't be that bad without entertainment. Won't be that bad being alone in a small place. Won't be that tough to go through the winter again. Won't be that bad to miss some people.

Yeap. I am ready for it. It's not going to be easy but it's not going to be super duper hard either. It's the brain that controls the mind. So stay positive will be okay I guess.

------------------------------------------

One day, I woke up. Saw myself in the mirror. I looked old. I need anti-aging cream at the age of 23. How sad. Okay. I shall stop now.

Stay happy and be happy.

World without me

Everyone sleeps so early nowadays.
Everyone is so busy nowadays.
Everyone is so different nowadays.

Is it because the world is moving rapidly without me or the other way round?

Should be me being the sloth and other people are way way ahead of me in many many ways.

Probably it is...

You can sacrifice, I can too

This is a quote from a friend of mine on her MSN. Wow.

I am impressed. I use to sacrifice a lot for the people I love. Not anymore. Maybe for the ones I really really love and dearest to me, maybe I will.

Bravo my friend. I am not as sacrificial as you. But you have my applaud.
------------------------------------

Hmmm...today has been a boring day. I stayed at home. Yeap, on a Saturday, watched TV and washed dishes.

My friend went out on a date today and she said, sometimes, some things happen when you are in the right time and the right place. Yes, I totally agreed with that.

She said, if she met this guy earlier than the one back home, she will like this one a lot. But too bad, she has found her one back home.

And I told her the same thing. If I don't go to Portugal on that particular day, I won't meet him. And I won't mess up my life once again because of him. But then, I am afraid to have another long distance relationship.

-----------------------------------

Okay, on the serious note. I really should list down the things I have to do when I go back. Just incase I forget.

1. Apply for visa
2. Meet up with everyone
3. Clear the air with him (clear everything up, no misunderstandings, no tears involved)
4. Talk to my parents about my blurness, plans and etc. (I usually fight with them more than having peaceful talk. I think peaceful talk rarely exist but anyhow I shall try...)
5. Have a haircut. I need a haircut badly.
6. Clear my bills. Wooo...going broke.
7. Do my homework given by my very nice lecturer who agreed to watch over my grammar for 2 months. FOC. I wonder what he is up too. Too nice to be true.
8. Clean the house. The house has been empty for too long. And yes, I will be living alone again.
9. Clean-up my contact list. Yes, I am deleting people whom I think meaningless to me. Don't worry my friends, you will stay in my list. I need to delete those useless people on my list. No regrets for that.
10. Exercise. I need to exercise badly.
11. Sort out some work stuff.

I think that's what I can do for now. I can't think of anything. As usual, I will become a bit stupid once I get back home. I don't know why. But this is the thing I can't avoid.

Till then...

Nonsense

Ahhh...I felt so much better today.

In less than 10 days I will be back to my own country. But this time, my Chinese New Year will be very different from the previous ones. All my family members are all spreaded out in various places and it's gonna be different. I am sensing that we are losing the tradition rather than gathering family members around for this important event.

And I am pretty busy this week and next week meeting up with all my friends, attending gatherings and stuff because I know we will miss each other, especially the time we spent together in class.

Did I mention anything before about my language teacher? I think no. Long story. The conclusion is, ahh...another long story.

Anyhow, I would really wanna start my life somewhere else other than going back to Malaysia. I am happier outside Malaysia even Malaysia is like heaven to me for food and such. But I am emotionally healthier in other places.

Time to think what I wanna do next.

Bye bye

Wooohooo...I am breaking-up/ dumping someone/ ignoring someone/ whatever it is...

I don't give a damn anymore. I know it's not gonna last, it's not gonna work. I lose faith once again. So, I should just forget about it and go different direction. It seems like every year I have been doing the same thing. Whatcha gonna say about me? A bitch? Come on...

It's not easy being me. It's not easy being in my shoes.

Once again ladies and gentlemen, I am single.

I have only one thing in my mind right now. A master's degree that is. My short-term goal.

Great. Exactly a month ago I met him. And now it's time to let go after a month later. Goodbye.

After this blog entry, I am going to start a new life. Hmmm...it's not going to be easy but once again, it had happened before. So, that shall be it.

I am damn tired of these shit right now, I just want to sleep.

Goodnight. Damn it.

Before I forget

Okay, now, I shall continue with my story. The one I left hanging a few days back.

So, we were on our way to Coimbra with the intercity train. All we did during the journey was talk, talk, draw, talk, joke, talk, learn Latin, talk, drink, eat, laugh, talk, draw, talk, learn more Latin. Yeah, pretty boring I know. But we are excited with our linguistics discoveries with the Portuguese language. And how the language change and how Latin influenced the Romantic languages.

I know nuts about Latin. I regretted that I told him that. That is when he started to search for Latin ebooks on his iPod and I have to listen to it for about half an hour. I understand nothing. But being courteous, I just stuck them to my ears and listen. Like a teacher, he asked me about the things I know in linguistics and relate it to Latin. Oh my gawddd...I was like...so out of school but I tried nevertheless.

"I am stupid, don't ask me. I always sleep in class and it is a wonder that I graduated."
"You are not stupid. You are smart. Don't be so humble."
"I am telling the truth."

But in the end, I finally know the advantage of knowing Latin. So many words yet so little time.

About 12 midnight we finally reached our destination in Coimbra B. Crazy. It was cold and we were in another station. I was supposed to meet up with my friend in Coimbra A station. It is about a kilometre from Coimbra B. And as you know, Coimbra is indeed a very small town. Everything was closed and we were lost. All we did was, with our broken French, Spanish, Latin and whatever languages we both know combined together, we asked the nearest living Portuguese for direction. A security guard that is. And luckily, he knows where we want to go but we don't understand a single thing he said. But we know we have to walk along the road fromt he way his hands moved. So we did.

"I am glad that you let me go with you."
"Go with me to where?"
"Here!"
"Jeez, why are you so glad? We are lost now."
"I am happy to be lost with you."
"Crazy. No one will be happy to be lost with me. No one likes to be lost in some unknown place."
"But I like to be lost with you. It's so fun to be with you."
"Pfuuuuuhhhh...WHAT? Crazy!"
"I like you."
"O_o...Okay, I don't want to talk to you."

He knows I am pretty upset being lost. Dragging my luggage, looking sad, with my cellphone battery dead on me. I wanted to just give up looking for my friend's place and stay some where else.

He asked me to stay in a place while he go look for the right direction. And when he came back, he has breathing difficulties because of his asthma. OH MY GAWD!!! Asthma!!! Why on earth did he not tell me about this? I was scared to death when he reached for his inhaler. Never in my life I know about asthma, I don't even know how an inhaler looks like in real life. I was really shocked. I was speechless and I felt guilty. Really really guilty.

I mean he has asthma partly because of me. Because I was fed-up being lost and he went to somewhere and suddenly his asthma came attacking. That was when my heart fell on the floor being in that situation. SHIT!

What he did was a very selfless act. I appreciated that. Somehow, I grew to care more for the people around me after that incident. I was brought up in a very cold family. I.e. not knowing much about caring and loving other people as money is more important than blood.

As we walk, I kept on asking, "Are you okay, are you okay?" Another part of me doesn't care anymore if he tells me that he likes me a lot and so on and all the nonsense that I have heard endlessly for the past few years where people say they like me like the passing wind.

After about 30 minutes of walking, we stopped and a group of drunken girls came up to him and flirted with him. He panicked. Being "attacked" by a group of girls in a small little town. I laughed. But I decided to leer off the girls in the end.

As usual, being protective. I told the girls that he's my english teacher and he comes with me. In a very stern but friendly way. And they get lost. That makes me a possesive bitch to be exact.

We waited at the same spot for my friend. I tried to on my cellphone, with hope that it has enough battery to make a simple call. As soon as I on my 99.99% dead cellphone, my friend called and I told her that we are near some stinky market. She knew the place. Thank god! And the battery went flat...really really flat.

Finally, I met up with my friend and it's so great to see her again after a few months. We hugged and I told her about him. She was shocked and excited at the same time, and she can't wait to listen to my stories. So the both of us stayed at her house and he was placed in another room.

"Are you not going to sleep with me?" he asked
"Don't you wish. I am of course going to sleep with my friend." I said.
"Awwwww....," he sighed.
"Don't ever dream about it. Haha." I said sarcastically.

Eventhough I was really tired, I told her everything that happened since I reached Lisbon. And she couldn't believe what she heard and said, "This is FATE." She updated me with her life and etc etc. I was shocked too. And said, "That's FATE."

The next morning, my friend left the both of us at home with a very grumpy old lady. She speaks only Portuguese and has hearing problem. She banged my door at around 8 am. Asking me to wake up to meet up with my friend at the university (from the body language and some keywords).

"Wake up, wake up, I need your help." I went beserk as I came in to his room.
"What?"
"Just come out when you are ready okay. I need your language abilility to communicate with the old woman."

The old lady was telling me something in her language and I couldn't understand a thing.

Her body language showed as if we have to go out and not stay inside the house. So we did.

We decided to go around the town as it is a better way. I think that we are actually being chased out of the place rather than any other thing.

We did some sightseeing around the small university town, to some small little narrow roads with loadsa shops.

In Portugal, there's this thing called the Sun which rarely exist in Berlin. The sun was shinning brightly and sometimes I couldn't see properly. I left my sunglasses at home and that's when I stopped walking halfway and wait for other people to cross first. "Stupid me, again and again I forgot my sunglasses. Damn it." I was mumbling that to myself. He is already in front and a lot of people made the gap between us.

A few moments later, he came to the back to get me. This time, pulling me away from the crowd and holding my hands.

I looked at him and I was stunned. Not that that's the first time someone ever hold my hand, but it's another kind of feeling.

"Your hands are so warm," he said
"Of course. I come from Malaysia. It's a warm country with warm people."
"That's why I like you."
I just smiled. I felt like a 13 year old again. It's like having a first crush.

He did not let go my hands even for a moment.

We went around the town for a few times and stopped at the university for lunch with my friend. And then we continued walking until we reached another part of the university. We stayed there and we chatted.

"You are always so cheerful and happy. Have you ever cried?"
"Why? You wanna see me cry?...Of course I do. I am human. In fact I cried more than you can imagine."
"I wouldn't wanna see you cry. It makes me feel sad."

That's when he asked a lot of questions about me. About my background, about my life, about everything. I just sat there and answered everything and I asked him back the things he asked me.

There are a few times where he tries to kiss me but I turned away. I turned away on purpose. I wouldn't want to be seen kissing in the university area. I am not playing hard to get. But I felt it's not a good place to do so.

So we went around the town and to the other side of the river. Sat on the stairs near an old church and start talking about everything.

"You are a romantic person aren't you?"
"No, I am not."
"Yes, you are. You are just avoiding to be romantic."
"Avoid? No. I will only be romantic to the right person I can be romantic with."

I knew he would ask me this as I avoided to be kiss by him nearly the whole day.

Then as we walked back, we reached another bank of the river. A very nice place to be and the sun is setting down. Watching sunset by the riverside with him.

I stood up as I wanted to snap a photo of the nice view. That's when he stood up and hug me from behind. I tried to shook his hands off but he said, "Stay still. Let's keep memories of this together."

He hugged me so tight sometimes I felt I couldn't move. It's like I-am-afraid-to-lose-you kinda hug. And he kissed my forehead. And slowly he turned in front of me and kissed me on my lips.

I cried. Tears were rolling down like the rain. I couldn't stop crying as I kissed him.

"Why are you crying? Please don't cry. You hurt my feelings too when you cry."

"Why should I not cry? Every time, the same thing happens. When I feel I like someone or found someone, I have to part with him. Just like last year. I am tired of being in such a situation. It hurts a lot, you know?"

"Owww...don't be. Please don't cry anymore."

My phone rang. My friend called and she was shocked why I sounded different. I told her that I will tell her everything after we meet after this.

"Look...there's always a way that we can keep in touch with each other. You can come to America and other way round. There's the internet. But of course it will be different with the internet."

"Let's not talk about this anymore. We'll see how it goes."

I kept silent during dinner. But I forced myself to smile and laugh and my friend's jokes. He knew I was not happy.

Then we spent time in the computer room with other students while waiting for my friend to come. He showed me his passport and started to tell me about his journey throughout the world. And he tries to cheer me up by choosing funny songs in his iPod for me to listen. I finally laugh and it's silly to be angry with him for such a long time.

Half an hour later, my friend came and we did some change to our travel plans as there are some disruptions. And then after that, 3 of us cramped together in a room, helping my friend to pack her things as she was fed-up living with the old lady and she's moving out the very next day. Drama eh? Well, that always happens.

We spent the time teaching him Chinese and Malay and malaysianizing him with our culture and food and with our very own malaysian flag. Everyting with Malaysia in it. Suddenly we are being very patriotic. And then he turned to me and say,"See, that's why I like you. Because you are from Malaysia." I laughed.

It was really late at night but he refuse to go back to his room. He said, "The time with you is getting lesser and lesser. I want to spend more time with you." But the time and place doesn't allow us to do so as my girlfriend was quite emotional that time due to her problems with her landlady. And we tried to console her in every way we can. Another way of spending time with me is to be with my problems or what I am indirectly involved with. Nevertheless he still get to spend some quality time with me.