It's been a very busy week for me. It's actually "study week" now but I misuse it. I don't do it intentionally but un-intentionally. I'm supposed to use this (very precious) time to study and not work, but instead of burying my head to the books, I bury myself into the computer, I think the computer has become apart of me, like an important organ for work and play. I regret. I do regret of not studying, my coursemates who came online told me they have all studied for this and that subject, while me...busy giving trainning, having meetings and discussions with my boss, colleagues and so on. Oh...and still I m denying the fact that I've got not much time left. I really hope now that I've got some superpowers to help me in my exams. My finals starting this 8th. Jeez...I m getting the allergies now. I m allergic to exams.
On the other hand, I've been eating like a pig, due to severe stress and exams-allergy and also apart of the leftovers of DeepaRaya. Okay, I need to exercise...I really need to exercise.
October 31, 2006
October 28, 2006
How to sleep?
Oh people...help. It's 3am and I m still WIDE AWAKE. I cant sleep. I keep on dancing to the music, keep on singing like mad and yet I m not tired nor sleepy. I m the champion in the family when it comes to sleeping but why can't I sleep?
October 26, 2006
Hmmm
I miss smooth internet connection. It's really hard for me to get online at my own house. Not a good day for me though. Loadsa things happened in a day. In just a day's time. My dogs fought, my sisters got injured, I got injured more like emotionally. I still havent touched my books yet for my finals. My "abandoned"-workplace gave me some issues. I was in a mess just now. I couldn't express myself but to laugh and laugh and laugh like mad. No words can describe that. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I need a holiday badly. I need to break free and fly...around the world. That's what I want...(please let me dream for a while, reality sux) A brief entry today. Awww...*hugs everyone*
October 23, 2006
Impressing a good impression
Now that I realised that I m indeed a very busy young lady. I didnt realise time flies so fast. I thought tomorrow is Deepavali but sadly it's 2 days ago. I can't believe that I m that ignorant. Not to say ignorant. I didnt sleep for 26 hours rushing for my IR assignment. Just a few minutes nap in between, then the next day I was like a zombie...walking around without knowing what I m doing. And while eating, I can't really taste the food. And the effect lasted till today.
After my uni stuff...then came my uncle's girlfriend's family. They will be here for a week for holiday. Because he's my only uncle, and of course as his niece, I play a very important role of giving them a good impression of the family and Malaysia. They are here to see the family background, so of course we have to look the best and treat them the best. I hope I didnt dissapoint them. I can see that they know I m tired. Can you imagine that me with my-zombie-ness-and-trying-to-leave-a-good-impression face? So, I've been busy serving them, telling them about Malaysia, the history, the people, the food and stuff. So that's like 40 percent of my remaining energy.
Then my friends wanted to celebrate my brithday with me, yes, a belated one. So, I went back to my parent's house, got lost 3 times in my own area. And then celebrated. It's so nice to catch up my my old friends and talked about the good old days in school. There goes my 15% of my renmaining energy.
And then my boss, out of no where came and tell me that I have to train an Iraqi guy somewhere in KL. I was like...OMG. It's kay, it will only take 2-3 hours. But I havent confirm the time yet. But this thing still bothers me because it's still a pending thing inside my brain.
Then my finals is coming. Loadsa things to be done. Jeez. I hate studying. Seriously. Euksss. *puke*
Then, some banking stuff, business related stuff, friend's stuff due this month....OMG...that's quite a lot of things to be done. Tomorrow my responsiblity to impress my future aunt's family is here again. Oh man, I really hope I can. This is for my one and only uncle in the world. For his future. See how much I love u uncle. *hugs*
After my uni stuff...then came my uncle's girlfriend's family. They will be here for a week for holiday. Because he's my only uncle, and of course as his niece, I play a very important role of giving them a good impression of the family and Malaysia. They are here to see the family background, so of course we have to look the best and treat them the best. I hope I didnt dissapoint them. I can see that they know I m tired. Can you imagine that me with my-zombie-ness-and-trying-to-leave-a-good-impression face? So, I've been busy serving them, telling them about Malaysia, the history, the people, the food and stuff. So that's like 40 percent of my remaining energy.
Then my friends wanted to celebrate my brithday with me, yes, a belated one. So, I went back to my parent's house, got lost 3 times in my own area. And then celebrated. It's so nice to catch up my my old friends and talked about the good old days in school. There goes my 15% of my renmaining energy.
And then my boss, out of no where came and tell me that I have to train an Iraqi guy somewhere in KL. I was like...OMG. It's kay, it will only take 2-3 hours. But I havent confirm the time yet. But this thing still bothers me because it's still a pending thing inside my brain.
Then my finals is coming. Loadsa things to be done. Jeez. I hate studying. Seriously. Euksss. *puke*
Then, some banking stuff, business related stuff, friend's stuff due this month....OMG...that's quite a lot of things to be done. Tomorrow my responsiblity to impress my future aunt's family is here again. Oh man, I really hope I can. This is for my one and only uncle in the world. For his future. See how much I love u uncle. *hugs*
October 16, 2006
The day I got my golden key(s)
I celebrated my birthday a few days earlier due to several reasons...because of incomplete assignments and tests and etc etc. So last Saturday was it. Although the joy of celebrating my own birthday is no longer there but it was good to know there're people who still remember and treasure you despite of being missing in action for nearly a year.
First suprise of all : 2 Cakes. The last time I had my own birthday cake would be somewhere before the new millenium. Lucky I have my best buddies to celebrate with me. Although there're no cakes like these, it was a "priceless" feeling.
2nd suprise: A gift from dad. For the very first time in 21 years, he gave me this. My first ever birthday present from him. (That's what's it's like to live in a materialistic family that cares more about money more than any other thing). But I m really happy.
3rd: 2 Golden keys to mark ur freedom. I think my parents should give me a golden lock instead, since I roam the world freely since I was 16. Earlier this year, they said I m "incontrollable". I wonder what that means.
And also loadsa gift and red packets from others. Thank you very much. Everyting is double this year. Including my text messages. Keeps on coming in till now. Thanks a lot people.
Okay...now I gotta get my ass back to my 3000 words assignment due this friday. Test tomorrow aswell. Duh...potong stim je...spoil the fun. If today's friday night, I'm gonna rock the whole world. Jeez...
First suprise of all : 2 Cakes. The last time I had my own birthday cake would be somewhere before the new millenium. Lucky I have my best buddies to celebrate with me. Although there're no cakes like these, it was a "priceless" feeling.
2nd suprise: A gift from dad. For the very first time in 21 years, he gave me this. My first ever birthday present from him. (That's what's it's like to live in a materialistic family that cares more about money more than any other thing). But I m really happy.
3rd: 2 Golden keys to mark ur freedom. I think my parents should give me a golden lock instead, since I roam the world freely since I was 16. Earlier this year, they said I m "incontrollable". I wonder what that means.
And also loadsa gift and red packets from others. Thank you very much. Everyting is double this year. Including my text messages. Keeps on coming in till now. Thanks a lot people.
Okay...now I gotta get my ass back to my 3000 words assignment due this friday. Test tomorrow aswell. Duh...potong stim je...spoil the fun. If today's friday night, I'm gonna rock the whole world. Jeez...
October 13, 2006
Treats for everyone....if there's an "IF"
I miss everyone. Everyone misses me aswell...Wahahaha. I m going crazy for now. Classes from 8am-6pm non stop can drive everyone crazy. My life is moving 4 times faster than before. How do I know? Well...
During the holiday (without working) my life moves on the scale of 0-1
During the holiday (with work) my life moves on the scale of 3
Normal uni days (normal uni routine) is a 5
Now it's 4 x 5 = 20. Means 20 out of 10.
Phew....if someone pay me for the things I did, I will definately treat everyone who reads this blog a bottle of XO or tequila, u name it. No problem at all....That's "IF". So now...since no one's willing to do that, we shall just get back to our respective routine and hope...and hope and hope.
During the holiday (without working) my life moves on the scale of 0-1
During the holiday (with work) my life moves on the scale of 3
Normal uni days (normal uni routine) is a 5
Now it's 4 x 5 = 20. Means 20 out of 10.
Phew....if someone pay me for the things I did, I will definately treat everyone who reads this blog a bottle of XO or tequila, u name it. No problem at all....That's "IF". So now...since no one's willing to do that, we shall just get back to our respective routine and hope...and hope and hope.
October 07, 2006
Affairs of the heart
Today I m gonna bitch. Yes, because I m not satisfied and I m not happy. Please don't read on if you find this very disturbing. I need to say this no matter what.
That's the thing with relationship. When you're in a relationship, sometimes there're feelings of letting it go and not wanting to commit into a relationship at that time. But when you're out of the relationship, you found new interest and sometimes your ex(es) keeps on bothering you. Or perhaps you like someone very deeply but he/she has an eye for another person, or maybe you cannot decide who you like. It happens to me all the time.
And for now, I m having some problems with my ex. Sometimes he said things that hurt me, sometimes nice things that make me reminds me of the good time we shared together. I've let go, start over a new life but it seems like he still can't. He said that I m too tight with things which means I m very strict about the break-up thingy. Man, I wanted to tell him so much, I m that kind of girl who don't like to go back to an old relationship. If it happens to go down the drain, it means we do have problems and if we get back together, the same will happen because of different thinking and stuff like that. Why can't he understand me even a little bit? When I m with him, he don't really care about me and what's the fuss after the relationship? People always say they don't understand women, I say I really don't understand men. I really don't.
That's what happen when I get into a serious relationship. And on the other hand, when I don't get steady with someone, insecurity loams me. I cannot accept unfaithfulness. Imagine one day he said you're his, the next day he's someone's else. To me, a guy don't have to have big bank acount, a big car, etc etc but he must be faithful all the time. Is it so hard? Having flings is the best way to cope up with this, but then the feeling of being "cheap" is another thing.
Of all the guys I knew, 8.5 out of 10 don't mean what they say. One day you're like platinum and the next day you're worse than a piece of shit. This includes my best friends, classmates, etc. And that's why I don't trust all the things I heard. Be a judge urself before anything happens. Sorry if I said anything offending, I got very pissed off today.
That's the thing with relationship. When you're in a relationship, sometimes there're feelings of letting it go and not wanting to commit into a relationship at that time. But when you're out of the relationship, you found new interest and sometimes your ex(es) keeps on bothering you. Or perhaps you like someone very deeply but he/she has an eye for another person, or maybe you cannot decide who you like. It happens to me all the time.
And for now, I m having some problems with my ex. Sometimes he said things that hurt me, sometimes nice things that make me reminds me of the good time we shared together. I've let go, start over a new life but it seems like he still can't. He said that I m too tight with things which means I m very strict about the break-up thingy. Man, I wanted to tell him so much, I m that kind of girl who don't like to go back to an old relationship. If it happens to go down the drain, it means we do have problems and if we get back together, the same will happen because of different thinking and stuff like that. Why can't he understand me even a little bit? When I m with him, he don't really care about me and what's the fuss after the relationship? People always say they don't understand women, I say I really don't understand men. I really don't.
That's what happen when I get into a serious relationship. And on the other hand, when I don't get steady with someone, insecurity loams me. I cannot accept unfaithfulness. Imagine one day he said you're his, the next day he's someone's else. To me, a guy don't have to have big bank acount, a big car, etc etc but he must be faithful all the time. Is it so hard? Having flings is the best way to cope up with this, but then the feeling of being "cheap" is another thing.
Of all the guys I knew, 8.5 out of 10 don't mean what they say. One day you're like platinum and the next day you're worse than a piece of shit. This includes my best friends, classmates, etc. And that's why I don't trust all the things I heard. Be a judge urself before anything happens. Sorry if I said anything offending, I got very pissed off today.
October 05, 2006
My first Ebay parcel
I've been experimenting with Ebay lately to see how things work. Is was really fun and at the same time hurts ur wallet aswell. I bided on some vintage stuff...it was written 18 pieces but I got 28 pieces altogether. Some are not in really good condition, like missing stone, broken clip and stuff like that but overall I should rate it 67% out of 100%. I got my parcel after 6 days I won the bid. From Ohio to Kuala Lumpur. From fried chicken to nasi lemak. Woo...6 days. That was fast. I was expecting 21 days or so.
One thing I don't like about bidding online is that you have to pay for the delivery charges which is more expensive than the price of the things u bid. And also since it's my first time...yes...first time ever bidding online, I won 2 other bids accidently, one stupid tibetan box and lot of 5 not-so-broken-duno-what diamente thingy. Arghhh...I was so angry with myself. Hmm..maybe it's a good thing, I bought the please-be-more-careful-when-bidding-online lesson aswell. Looks like people around me will be getting more prezzies from me this year. (RAWRRRRR my friends...RAWWWRRRR!!!!)
Great vintage stuff for less than USD30.00.
Hmm..bidding online can be addictive aswell, more like gambling. I don't gamble but it's such great fun to race with others and bid on really good and rare stuff. It's a great way to relieve stress aswell. (no wonder...I nearly burn my plastic moolah). But do have strong self-control when bidding. Don't fall deeper and deeper for something. There're more things to see and bid. Set a price limit for the things you buy. And the British pounds looks so much cheaper. So nice to see but when you convert it to RM, ur neck suddenly hurts, because you're imagining urself being slaughtered. Yes, we humans tend to fall for pretty things but pretty things don't last/ not practical. So just becareful when bidding.
At least the parcel made my day. I was smilling non-stop. My smile is from the left to the right ear. Hehe. It's like receiving a BIG secret birthday present, not knowing what's inside. Wahaha.
On the other hand, I m thinking of dropping my Dutch subject for next semester, just a thought. I keep on saying the wrong things in class. My Dutch lecturer doesn't look that happy with my German side.
On the other hand's hand, my boss wanted me to give trainning to someone. A stranger. Yes, someone I don't know. A guy. In KL somewhere at night. Hopefully everyting will be OK. He's always good with timing. Everytime he ask me for a favour, it's always against my timetable or I've got some important thing to do.
On the other hand's hand's leg, I felt happier everytime I blog. All these while I keep everything to myself, which is very unhealthy. Since my best buddy left to KK to continue her studies, blogging is my way of letting out my feelings. We still boil the phone line but the percentage of me and her talking on the phone has dropped drastically from 100% to 10% because we're "married" to our "dreams of getting a degree" for now. Although I don't blog that frequent, but it's good enough for someone who thinks she's busier than the streets of New York to post someting up. Agree?
One thing I don't like about bidding online is that you have to pay for the delivery charges which is more expensive than the price of the things u bid. And also since it's my first time...yes...first time ever bidding online, I won 2 other bids accidently, one stupid tibetan box and lot of 5 not-so-broken-duno-what diamente thingy. Arghhh...I was so angry with myself. Hmm..maybe it's a good thing, I bought the please-be-more-careful-when-bidding-online lesson aswell. Looks like people around me will be getting more prezzies from me this year. (RAWRRRRR my friends...RAWWWRRRR!!!!)
Great vintage stuff for less than USD30.00.
Hmm..bidding online can be addictive aswell, more like gambling. I don't gamble but it's such great fun to race with others and bid on really good and rare stuff. It's a great way to relieve stress aswell. (no wonder...I nearly burn my plastic moolah). But do have strong self-control when bidding. Don't fall deeper and deeper for something. There're more things to see and bid. Set a price limit for the things you buy. And the British pounds looks so much cheaper. So nice to see but when you convert it to RM, ur neck suddenly hurts, because you're imagining urself being slaughtered. Yes, we humans tend to fall for pretty things but pretty things don't last/ not practical. So just becareful when bidding.
At least the parcel made my day. I was smilling non-stop. My smile is from the left to the right ear. Hehe. It's like receiving a BIG secret birthday present, not knowing what's inside. Wahaha.
On the other hand, I m thinking of dropping my Dutch subject for next semester, just a thought. I keep on saying the wrong things in class. My Dutch lecturer doesn't look that happy with my German side.
On the other hand's hand, my boss wanted me to give trainning to someone. A stranger. Yes, someone I don't know. A guy. In KL somewhere at night. Hopefully everyting will be OK. He's always good with timing. Everytime he ask me for a favour, it's always against my timetable or I've got some important thing to do.
On the other hand's hand's leg, I felt happier everytime I blog. All these while I keep everything to myself, which is very unhealthy. Since my best buddy left to KK to continue her studies, blogging is my way of letting out my feelings. We still boil the phone line but the percentage of me and her talking on the phone has dropped drastically from 100% to 10% because we're "married" to our "dreams of getting a degree" for now. Although I don't blog that frequent, but it's good enough for someone who thinks she's busier than the streets of New York to post someting up. Agree?
October 03, 2006
why is paper qualification so damn important?
Yes, I m talking about those bloody days u spent to survive in uni/college just to get a piece of paper saying that,"Well done! You've survived (insert ur years spent there) bloody years with us, now go fly fly fly and look for ur dreams from University/College of xxx.
The sleepless nights, the nightmares, the non stop on-going assesments, the scary lecturers, crazy lecturers, peer pressures, competative friends, insane coursemates, super-duper intelligent people around u as if you're downright stupid, etc, etc. Normally, I just say,"Bah, whatever...I don't have such time to think and care about it" or "It's just another day in our lives, nothing to be so paranoid about".
But today, reality hit on me. I got a very bad result for my Dutch exam, worst than the last time. Jeez...It was okay for me at first but then one of my coursemates were like,"Only 3 you know, only 3, my gawd!!!" and then moments later my lecturer said," You keep on messing up the dutch and the german together, darling. That's what you did in ur exam". Poooop...I felt the tense, die. 7 over 20 for ongoing assesments. Never in my life...I got a 7. Then I put it in a positive way:"Cheer up!","It's nothing, Beckham got a 7 aswell". The number 7 printed on Beckham shirt during his MU time compared to mine is a big difference. It's like between the sky and the undersea. No one dare to say anything to me after that so I just keep quiet. It's very very shocking. I used to get very very low marks for other subjects, and normally the lowest amongst my super-duper intelligent friends, and I still go dee-dee-dum-dum, happily and not worrying about anything.
So here I m wondering...we did all these because of MONEY! Yes, MONEY, regardless of what people say, I will still say MONEY. You go to school because of MONEY, you have good social relations with people because of MONEY. My Form 6 Tutor used to say this before. It's because of MONEY. You study because you wanna get good results and then get a good job and getting a good job means getting a good pay. That's why you study.
Hmm...money and studying? Maybe not so right. I do felt that results and money making skills doesn't click. There're loadsa students who score really nice results, nicer than Eiffel Tower itself, more beautiful than the blooming Sakura in Japan...but they no nothing about Sergey Brin nor Warren Buffett (at least for some people in my faculty). Why why why everyone is judging you on ur piece of paper? In my case, their demands will stop, got ur degree, where's ur masters? Got ur masters, where's you this and that? Jeez.
Apart of me, I called it the SillyMe was wondering, why did I end up here? Why is everyone around me pushing me to get a piece of paper? What's motivating me to get up so early in the morning to uni? Nothing. I can't find a single reason. I m lost at the moment. Phew...maybe not today. The NormalMe who's normally happy is no where to be seen now.
So, here I m whinning, at least my lecturers don't read my blog. My coursemates dont read mine either. Oh man...I need some hug...tell me I can go through this. It felt like it's already 1000 years in here altho it was just nearly one and a half years. I need ice-creams.
The sleepless nights, the nightmares, the non stop on-going assesments, the scary lecturers, crazy lecturers, peer pressures, competative friends, insane coursemates, super-duper intelligent people around u as if you're downright stupid, etc, etc. Normally, I just say,"Bah, whatever...I don't have such time to think and care about it" or "It's just another day in our lives, nothing to be so paranoid about".
But today, reality hit on me. I got a very bad result for my Dutch exam, worst than the last time. Jeez...It was okay for me at first but then one of my coursemates were like,"Only 3 you know, only 3, my gawd!!!" and then moments later my lecturer said," You keep on messing up the dutch and the german together, darling. That's what you did in ur exam". Poooop...I felt the tense, die. 7 over 20 for ongoing assesments. Never in my life...I got a 7. Then I put it in a positive way:"Cheer up!","It's nothing, Beckham got a 7 aswell". The number 7 printed on Beckham shirt during his MU time compared to mine is a big difference. It's like between the sky and the undersea. No one dare to say anything to me after that so I just keep quiet. It's very very shocking. I used to get very very low marks for other subjects, and normally the lowest amongst my super-duper intelligent friends, and I still go dee-dee-dum-dum, happily and not worrying about anything.
So here I m wondering...we did all these because of MONEY! Yes, MONEY, regardless of what people say, I will still say MONEY. You go to school because of MONEY, you have good social relations with people because of MONEY. My Form 6 Tutor used to say this before. It's because of MONEY. You study because you wanna get good results and then get a good job and getting a good job means getting a good pay. That's why you study.
Hmm...money and studying? Maybe not so right. I do felt that results and money making skills doesn't click. There're loadsa students who score really nice results, nicer than Eiffel Tower itself, more beautiful than the blooming Sakura in Japan...but they no nothing about Sergey Brin nor Warren Buffett (at least for some people in my faculty). Why why why everyone is judging you on ur piece of paper? In my case, their demands will stop, got ur degree, where's ur masters? Got ur masters, where's you this and that? Jeez.
Apart of me, I called it the SillyMe was wondering, why did I end up here? Why is everyone around me pushing me to get a piece of paper? What's motivating me to get up so early in the morning to uni? Nothing. I can't find a single reason. I m lost at the moment. Phew...maybe not today. The NormalMe who's normally happy is no where to be seen now.
So, here I m whinning, at least my lecturers don't read my blog. My coursemates dont read mine either. Oh man...I need some hug...tell me I can go through this. It felt like it's already 1000 years in here altho it was just nearly one and a half years. I need ice-creams.
October 01, 2006
Dream a dream...
Let's talk about dreams today...(not wet dreams but) real terrifying dreams.
This always happens to me, whenever I m sick, I always dream of falling down from a bridge or being stuck in a chess set. Some things will just come and chase me out of no where. That's when I m sick. And also sometimes when I woke up, I sweat more than a pig, and I wish I never had slept at that moment.
Some years back I had a dream of me dying. An "angel" out of no where told me this: "You're dying today at 5.35pm". Be prepared. Bid goodbye to ur family and friends". And what I replied was,"Orrr...ok". Man, someone told me that I'm gonna die and what I replied was "OK"? That's so freaking weird. Maybe that time I m really really down and I don't have the will to go on. Maybe. But I couldn't believe my answer. They even prepared the whole dying ceremony thing for me. I saw people crying. It do hurts to leave them forever. It's a very terrifying experiance. When I woke up, I felt like kissing and hugging everyone. I started to appreciate life more than never.
Then 2 years ago, for 3 consecutive months I kept having this dream about people dying. Corpes were being carried everywhere. People always die in front of me. It's either me or someone. Jeez. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, it's like a computer virus or I hadn't clean-up my memory for a while. I m terrified. I felt the loneliness, the cold feeling, the weirdness of being the only one alive. It's not a pleasant feeling. I don't like it at all. This thing is more horrifying than horror movies. I feel the "pain". I wonder what behind all these.
Being naked is another thing. I've dreamt of me being naked before an appointment or at school. I know I must put on someting but some kinda force or procrastination stoped me. I felt scared. Insecurity loams me. Perhaps I did someting not right but the thing is, it's not right to let me have a dream of being naked in front of everybody. It's scary. Even till now.
Then, I used to have this dream of losing all my teeth when I was 8 or 9, the time when you have ur tooth pulled out and stuff like that. And then losing my hair, which is like when you comb ur hair, all ur hair fall down like how rain falls, I think I've lost too many erasers and pencils that time, I got "punished" in my dreams. So from that day onwards, I keep my pencils and erasers properly. What a dream to make me a better person.
Then on and on, I will have dreams that make me cry, don't know for what reason, but I cried. When I woke up, my pillow will be soaking wet with my tears (and not saliva) and I don't know why I cried. When I woke up, I felt restless and very very tired but I have no idea where those tears came from. It's supposing to be a sad thing, but I think it's more like having a very big anger on somebody but you can't do anything to improve the situation. I felt damn useless. But till now, I still have no idea what's that about.
People says that dreams interprete a meaning. I m doing some research on it. It do scares me a LOT. Is it because I can't let go of something or because of other things? I need to see a dream interpreter. Anyone?
This always happens to me, whenever I m sick, I always dream of falling down from a bridge or being stuck in a chess set. Some things will just come and chase me out of no where. That's when I m sick. And also sometimes when I woke up, I sweat more than a pig, and I wish I never had slept at that moment.
Some years back I had a dream of me dying. An "angel" out of no where told me this: "You're dying today at 5.35pm". Be prepared. Bid goodbye to ur family and friends". And what I replied was,"Orrr...ok". Man, someone told me that I'm gonna die and what I replied was "OK"? That's so freaking weird. Maybe that time I m really really down and I don't have the will to go on. Maybe. But I couldn't believe my answer. They even prepared the whole dying ceremony thing for me. I saw people crying. It do hurts to leave them forever. It's a very terrifying experiance. When I woke up, I felt like kissing and hugging everyone. I started to appreciate life more than never.
Then 2 years ago, for 3 consecutive months I kept having this dream about people dying. Corpes were being carried everywhere. People always die in front of me. It's either me or someone. Jeez. I don't know what's wrong with my brain, it's like a computer virus or I hadn't clean-up my memory for a while. I m terrified. I felt the loneliness, the cold feeling, the weirdness of being the only one alive. It's not a pleasant feeling. I don't like it at all. This thing is more horrifying than horror movies. I feel the "pain". I wonder what behind all these.
Being naked is another thing. I've dreamt of me being naked before an appointment or at school. I know I must put on someting but some kinda force or procrastination stoped me. I felt scared. Insecurity loams me. Perhaps I did someting not right but the thing is, it's not right to let me have a dream of being naked in front of everybody. It's scary. Even till now.
Then, I used to have this dream of losing all my teeth when I was 8 or 9, the time when you have ur tooth pulled out and stuff like that. And then losing my hair, which is like when you comb ur hair, all ur hair fall down like how rain falls, I think I've lost too many erasers and pencils that time, I got "punished" in my dreams. So from that day onwards, I keep my pencils and erasers properly. What a dream to make me a better person.
Then on and on, I will have dreams that make me cry, don't know for what reason, but I cried. When I woke up, my pillow will be soaking wet with my tears (and not saliva) and I don't know why I cried. When I woke up, I felt restless and very very tired but I have no idea where those tears came from. It's supposing to be a sad thing, but I think it's more like having a very big anger on somebody but you can't do anything to improve the situation. I felt damn useless. But till now, I still have no idea what's that about.
People says that dreams interprete a meaning. I m doing some research on it. It do scares me a LOT. Is it because I can't let go of something or because of other things? I need to see a dream interpreter. Anyone?
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