July 31, 2007

We're young people, we always ruin ourselves

Yeap...bear that sentence in mind. It seems like there's a trend with the people around me (my classmates). We have a die-hard motto. We're are not supposed to have enough food and sleep in order to get what we want in life. Let's look at our kind of lifestyle:

Classmate A
- Been working as a Liquor Sales Executive in clubs for the past 2 years. Only sleeps like 3-4 hours a day and then survived all the university's papers and assignments.
- Goes to work at 9pm and came back around 3am to 4am. Class usually starts at 8am. Go figure it out.
- My falling-asleep-partner-in-crime. If I rank the first in class with yawns, she's in the second place.
- She's lack of time to eat and sleep properly she has gastric and imbalance hormone.

Results: Getting a car soon. Not dependant on parents for money, she even pays for her sister's needs.

Classmate B
- Been working hard ever since this semester started. She gives tuition, working with a MLM company, helping me with some Chinese news thingy, she is also an active member with the Tzu-Chi Association (the very famous charity association from Taiwan).
- Always lacked of sleep and ranked number 3 for yawning in class. Blurness is a plus-point.
- Been battling with weight-gain like me. Having abnormal lifestyle of sleeping.

Results: Bought a car. Paying for her family needs, paying for herself in everything. Doesn't depend on anyone.

Me
- Been working and studying at the same time for nearly 5 years now. So it's a norm for me to balance everything.
- Favourite target of the lecturers to carry out projects and events because I m the most active student in class.
- Yawning and sleeping in class is a MUST. Been battling with weight-gain ever since I stepped into uni. Now at the stage of losing weight (lack of interest to eat) and doesn't eat on time. Also having imbalance hormone.
- Becoming anti-social due to the problematic people around me. Or problematic me around the people?

Results: Being able to travel around (100% on my own). Established good connection with my boss (despite being the middle person in the "Fight of the Mistresses") because I m a workaholic and gives suprising results. Being able to own things I never thought I would ever have since young (because I was brought up by stingy parents) and that really makes me appreciate things more.

Well, there's only 6 people in my class. Other 3 were the luckier 3. One is a guy who doesn't have to work or do anything in life to get anything he wants. He is the youngest baby in the family. Another one is also the youngest in the family. Doesn't have to worry much as she enjoys life the best. But when it comes to assignments and homework, she can be awake for 2 days just to finish them. Doesn't eat accordingly. And lastly, a girl, she doesn't have to work but she's the most hardworking person in class, always passing up her homework and would never miss any given work. One "bad trait" though, she MUST have enough sleep, if not she will die (according to her).

We have different goals in life. And we work really hard to achieve that. The question is...When are we going to suceed? When can we really sit back, relax and enjoy? Does working hard and having insanely-routined-lifestyle gives us satisfaction? What would it be like if everything is as free as air? Life would be so blunt and colourless. But it hurts mentally to be in such position everytime I think about it. Still life goes on...

July 28, 2007

Feelings

For nearly one week now, I kept sneering at people, wanting to stab them so much I m thinking of poking my pen straight to their lungs.

I get very defensive and very protective with my things, belongings, friends and family after that very incident.

And at the end of the day I got really tired. Mentally tired. I can't focus on doing anything. Just wanted to play games. games and more games.

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Affairs of the heart:

I don't even know if I like anyone now or I don't have any feelings towards anyone. Gone cold towards people. I can't even talk to people. That's the problem.

What an emotional week for me. It's the time of the month. No wonder.

July 23, 2007

STUPID UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA'S LIBRARIAN!!!

Says who my university is the best in the country? My FOOT!!!
Says who my university offers the best of everything in the country? My ASS!!!
Says who my university has the best staff? My Dog's ASS!!!

In fact, they have the stupiest librarian in the whole wide world. In fact in my faculty, people....it's the FACULTY OF LANGUAGE AND LINGUISTICS IN UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA. FUCK THEM OFF!!!

And there's this stupid librarian there who's always giving problems and best of all he's the biggest and fattest liar and the most racist people I've ever seen in Malaysia. Okay, so what if I m chinese? So what if I m not Malay? We're in a multi-rational country isn't it? Where's the Malaysia Boleh spirit? To me it's "Malaysia NO-leh". We have to be racist towards racist people in Malaysia. For nearly 22 years living in this country, I've never been so racist towards anyone. But this case it's exceptional.

Okay here's the story:

As usual, whenever my friends (anyone of them) who wanted to return a borrowed book from the library, he/she will asked us if we wanted it (as a matter of fact, it's courtesy) so that it will be easier for us to skip the fuss of looking for that particular book. We share what we read and we share nearly every single book we borrowed. And if anyone of us wanted to re-borrow it again, we'll pass our student card to the "friend with the book" to renew it. Also to skip the fuss and make things easier. And we have been doing that ever since I step in this uni. Ever since my first year. Now I m in my 3rd year. Means that I m aware of every single rules here.

So there goes, my friend, Y just finished her Peter Bichsel book and I found it pretty interesting and I gave her my student card while munching my food ( I was multi-tasking as usual, having breakfast while having some small discussion after lining up to buy food at the canteen nearby that stupid library) because I have very limited time to eat as there's a class at 10.

After about 3 minutes or so, she returned with an empty hand. She said, she couldn't get through that "man". I said," Okay" because I know that "man" is one troublemaker and he's one of the stupidest people that had mistakenly landed on planet earth.

So there I go, face-to-face with him with food still in my mouth.

STUPID: Who's card is this?
me: Mine.
STUPID: Whay can't you come and borrow it yourself?
me: I was eating. Busy lining up for canteen and stuff. (giving a big smile and thinking why this issue never came up ever since the first time I step in here)
STUPID: Can't you see what is this? (Showing me the back of my student card)
me: Yeah, my card with my name. (smile again)
STUPID: Read!
me: Bla...bla..bla...(reading)
STUPID: So what it said?
me: That I can't lend it or give it to other people? And what's the problem? I didn't lend it to anyone?
STUPID: But why is your card with other people?
me: No, it's not, I didn't. I didn't GIVE it to anyone. I wanted to borrow that book. No one took my card. This card is my card, that card is hers. The card is here and this book is the one I wanted. So can I borrow it now? If not, it's okay. So can I borrow it now?
STUPID: *Looks anguish* What do you think will happen if I suspend your card for a semester? You know have broken the law by not.......*showing me a book*...bla bla bla....rule number....bla bla bla...okay, read what is this studen't fault!
me: He or she has broken rule number 3. And that doesn't apply to me. And I don't think I m guilty because I didn't GIVE or LEND it to anyone. GIVE means I give the card to somebody but I didn't. Or LEND it to anyone. I use this for myself. (I understand malay language for god's sake, the law's in malay am I that stupid?)
STUPID: Okay, I will suspend your card until futhur notice! Bla bla bla.......(shouting)
me: Okay then, up to you. And thank you for suspending my card. (flashing a smile)
*Left the library*

I got emo, because I kept flashing my very "expensive" smiles to him. On normal occasions, I already blasted him with unpleasant words and etc. But I keep my cool. I even smiled at him. That's why I suffer. My friends keep on asking me what happen and then I can't control my feelings and then I cried. I don't know why my tears keep on rolling out non-syop when I know it's a small matter. No one ever shouted at me like that. No one except for my parents of course. They are my parents, of course they deserved to shout at me. I only limt a few people who can shout at me. But this bastard is out of the compound, out of the world to shout at me like that.

In class I cried like mad dog. I got emo because I was treated so well the day before by my uncles and today I have to go through hell. I tried to keep my eyes dry and tried to keep cool. But failed to no avail.
As soon as my lecturer entered the class, she saw me wiping my eyes. Because normally I will greet her and give her my biggest smile (showing that I m not sleeping in class) and will answer all her questions actively. The my friend explained to her what happened. She got very furious and she said that can't be happening and asked me to follow her to the library.

At the library
Lecturer: Hi, can you do me a favour? Can you give her her student card back because it's really imporant for my student.
STUPID: *Rudely* So it's important for you or for her?
Lecturer: *trying to reply him*
STUPID: Wait wait, let me talk to her first. (showing a stop hand sign and looking at me)
me: Yea? So how do I get my student card back? (bravely because I've gone stronger with my very-fierce lecturer with me)
STUPID: bla...bla....bla...bla....that card....you have to see my boss for it...bla
me: Why didnt you tell me just now? You didnt give me a warning and you took my card away, is that a proper way?
STUPID: No, it's like this, I've spoken to my boss about it, now she decided to give you only the first warning. And that's it, you can have your card back.
me: Do I have to sign or give any letters for that warning? Or need to see anyone for that?(sarcastically)
STUPID: No...no...you can have your card back, if you're not happy with my work you can complain to this number #$%^&* and this person #^&* (repeated that 3 times)
me: No...you're a good librarian and I THANK YOU FOR BEING A VERY GOOD LIBRARIAN (everyone in the library looked at me)....

and then I slammed the door......

I left my lecturer with him and I think she said something to him which I m not bothered to know. Damn sad. Racists people....aihhhhhhhhhh

On the other hand, I just got a call and my team will be joining a Inter-Varsity Internship Challenge. That makes me happy somehow.

July 22, 2007

Spoilt over the weekend

What's better than having boxes of Godiva chocolates all by myself and eating different food from all around the world 4 times a day with my 2 favourite uncles. Nothing feels better than spending quality time with them, sharing stories and laughter and...food. FOOD!

Being around with them makes me feel that I m the youngest in the family. And getting pampered with my Midas touch (everything I touch, I got it....most of the time). But it will only last for the weekened. :(

Then I have to get back to reality. Sad.

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For 3 consecutive days...my uncle did some discussion with me about my future. And he's another 199%-member-of-the-family who wanted me to continue my studies in Germany which I don't feel like it because I m terrified of studying. I m tired of studying. I felt mentally tired of studying. I hate studying. I don't like exams, I m allergic to books. Arghhh...And that's why I m hessitating to make any decisions at the moment. I can't live without spicy food, my spas, my shoppings, my car, my bed. Things would be so different. My life would change totally. I won't be living in a so-called 3 world country anymore. I m still thinking...aihhhhhhhhhhh....

July 18, 2007

More Oxygen please...

I need more air, more fresh air, more Oxygen. Coz you know...I can hardly breathe.

I wonder and always wonder...what would happen if I m really jobless after I grad.
My lecturer is trying very hard to get us expose to everything under the sun. She had given me loadsa tasks and assignments which are mostly out of the question ( I mean those incredible things that I never thought I would ever do in my life and not related to my studies at all). I've tried my hands on marketing, computing, public relations, archeology...more like history, geography, IT....etc...you name it... and now in theater. Drama...you know drama...she wanted us to participate again in yet another German contest which is like in 2 months time...oh gosh. This time it's classical german drama, you know those Lessing-era, with those classical german language and stuff? I felt so suffocated. I really do. I m going crazy.

Did I mention I m learning Karate-do this semester? Because it's apart of my degree program. And I m planning to kick some asses before I take the oath. Muahahaha. 9 subjects under my sleeve, will I be able to take it of flop it? Why do they always have to torture students in such a way? They think the students from my uni are hyper-intelligent students? Not all...I got in becoz I m lucky, not because of my results. And why they have to emphasize so much on results? I can't deny that most of them are brainy, smart, etc...yeah my bad my bad. I should study more instead, right? Me and studying is like the penguins in the south pole and the polar bears in the north pole. They will never meet unless you put them in the zoo next to each other or someone trying to breed some peguins in the north pole.

On the other hand, I m totally over that idiot. Totally. It took me 1 and a half days to come back to reality. Not worth it.

Oh...I still fall asleep in class when the lecturer is lecturing. Is it because of the lecturer or because of me? But I did make sure I have enough sleeop before I attend class. Amazing isn't it?

July 14, 2007

Someone likes someone

I like someone...someone likes another one. Sad. But that someone didn't know my feelings for him. And I don't think that someone deserves my feelings for him. What a world of crazy humans.

One moment I heard my friends talking about abortion. One even had 2 times abortion in less than a year. Now this friend whom I adore likes someone who's not single but he saw the chances of them both of them getting together.

And the other moment I heard my another friend's friend story with her liking of having wild nights everyday. That's incredible what people are up to these days.

On the other hand, my uncle's getting married. So happy for him. Sometimes, I felt it's a blessing meeting the right ONE without having to go thru a series of unsuccessfull relationships.

I know why I am so busy with so many things now. I m trying to avoid those relationship thingy since I broke up because going through it is really tough for me.

Since it's so hard for me to fall for someone, and when I fall for someone, someone fell for another one, it's really nonsense. The time is not right, might aswell I put all my effort into my studies and my so-called career to forget about it.

I run-away from problems. The best example would be dissapearing everytime I got a long semester break. I avoid socializing with people sometimes. I avoid going out with friends becoz they will ask me the same things again and again. I like to be alone sometimes, pondering about my life, lazing around the house trying to forget my bad experiances with human beings. I do have my happy times but it doesnt last long enough for me to remember to the last detail.

It really hit me when he told me he's madly in love with that girl. Reality check: I don't have to be sad for a guy that doesn't have any courtesy for me at all. Period.

Life goes on...this is just another day of my life. Tomorrow I will be happy again hopefully. No one in this house ever know if I m sad because I never told them anything, it's just here in my blog where I spill out everything.

My heart sours like rotten grapes. My eyes cant bear to see the messages that he sent to me talking so happily about this "unavailable" girl that he met and the chances of them getting together for eternity. Felt like puking. I keep on telling myself, he's not the only guy existed in this world. Yeah...maybe global warming melted the kind of guys I like? Or the polar bears just got hungry and ate them all?

I m me. I m strong at heart right? Why do I go so weak? What an idiot.

July 04, 2007

Hehe...so happy

H-A-P-P-Y

Nono...don't turn away. You're at the right page, right website. Yes, I m happy for no reason. Muahahaha. I know, my blog has always been sad stuff, all my sad events, sad experiances and stuff, but I don't know why I felt happy today.

No...I m not in love, I didn't strike any lottery (becoz I didnt bet on any), I didn't lose 10kgs, I didn't take any drugs. I m just happy. Believe it. I m happy. People on my MSN have been asking me if I took any ecstacy or any illegal drugs. Yo...people..I m not on drugs. I m not drunk, I m okay. Even the weather is damn hot right now thanks to global warming, I felt like Spring. It feels like Christmas now. Holiday season...nice...

No...there're no delicious food here in front of me. I just feel happy. Everyone should be happy. I should be happy more. It makes the world so much peaceful and safe. It makes me less harmful compared to the nuclear plant in North Korea. Happy.

July 03, 2007

Summary of my 2006/2007 Semester Break

This holiday...of 2 and a half months:

I've learned:

- to love Cambodian kids more than ever
- to avoid blood sucking friends (money issues involved)
- losing weight is tougher than any other job in the world
- multitask even more (whatelse can I say? I've been the trainer, supervisor, photographer, arbitrator, worker, english teacher, malay teacher, accountant, driver, banker, house-maid, chef, etc...etc)
- not to neglect anyone anymore (especially those who really cared for me, I've always take them for granted. I m truly very sorry. I meant it. I don't mean to hurt you all. I m so so so sorry. Forgive me)
- if I m hardworking, I won't starve myself
- I don't really like the idea of bossing people around. It's tiring. Why do I like it so much last time?
- rice contains loadsa carbs. Avoid rice and you will start to lose weight slowly. Tough.
- close friends can hurt sometimes, just be strong
- this is the most unproductive semester break ever (didnt plan my holidays yo!)
- Malaysian women loves branded stuff very much. I don't know why they (some people) like to make such a big fuss about it. (Another story I've encountered weeks ago)

I've planned to (plans doesnt have to work everytime but in my case, it's a must) :

- survive 9 uni subjects (5 german papers, one russian paper, 2 malay papers and one curricular paper)
- lose weight to 50kg. You know it's really hard for me to look for nice dresses?
- be more friendly. People say that I am as cold as ice. I wonder why? Not friendly enough?
- save more moolahs coz I really wanna visit Mongolia or Tibet or Nepal in December. I m crazy I know. I like exotic places. :)
- attend short computer courses (I've chosen Photoshop, Illustrator, Indesign and Acrobat). By this I also mean to sit for the ICM certificate exam thingy from UK. I know I m crazy and weird. I know.
- avoid canteen food (super oily uni food)
- dye my hair....light brown with strands of brown highlights. (I used to dye my hair very often but due to some circumstances of some certain people, I stopped dyeing my hair. Now I wanna rejoice!!!)
- don't stress too much. Don't let stress stress me. Impossible eh? Yeah, I know. I m crazy remember?
- excursions every fortnight or month. It's Visit Malaysia Year 2007, what else can you ask for?

So...my lessons and my plans. Just a target. Bad eh?