I can have it my way

If life give me lemons, I will make cosmetics out of it...not lemonades.

The last few days was pretty emotional for me, although no one knew what happened to me. Other than my best friends, of course. But I felt better today... I guess. I am still trying to accept the fact that I have to move a mountain from east to west. And I m moving it slowly.

Next week:

- 2 presentations to present

- one major presentation for uni

- one assignment to pass up

- 2 new projects to handle

- 2 translation sheets

- thesis

- photo collection from other photographers

- banking

- case study and research for the new projects

This is just 50 percent of what I have to do next week (in a span of 5 days). The other 50% I m trying to push it to the week after. Not forgetting I have to attend client meetings and etc etc.

Nowadays I swear more than keeping myself cool. Everyday, every morning, I swear non-stop like a daily mantra, not religious ones but in foul language !#%^$()+?:"{]#!!! The toilet is the best place to swear. And toilet is my new found heaven.

Wanna exchange your life with mine? I welcome you open arms.

I need food

I m stress!!!
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I need food.

Let's start off with McDonalds for breakfast
Chicken rice later for brunch
Noodles for lunch
Cakes, scones and tea for teatime
Chicken Cordon Bleu for dinner
Satay for supper
...and ice-creams in between

Yummmmmmmmm...and again I don't bloody care if I turn into a whale.


Everytime I closed my eyes, the images of work, that bitch, my thesis, work again, exams, etc....came haunting me. Arghhhh.

I asked my friend, "Can't I just get married and breed and live happily ever after?"

She said, "Can, if you are Cinderella..."

-_-

Save me

Welcome to the world of big fat Fakies
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And I am one of them...



:'( ...Sadly



I will most probably be the snobbiest corporate bitch ever in 6 months time.
I always thought that making decision for myself is easy. But it's not.


As soon as I hit the "Send" button to send my rejection letter, many things happened in a span of 24 hours.

- Phone calls flow in like the pouring water into the reservoir
- Naggings from my family members (from everywhere...That's when I realized the technology of human mouth is even faster than the internet.)
- Again I received a call from the company negotiating another way to make me work so we came up to the conclusion that from now onwards I will be working from home till I am ready a.k.a till I graduate.
- So.........I have given myself a span of 2 months to work with them. Give it a try and see how bad can it be. 2 months is a good period to make everyone happy. (I hate myself so much for this!)



I am in such a bad state now that I don't feel like talking or doing anything. I need my friends. I need to talk to them badly but sadly everyone is busy. Although I have spoken to 4 good friends of mine, I still feel very devastated.

How am I going to separate myself into 4?
- As a Student
- As a worker for Company A
- As a worker for Company B
- As a human

This is indeed "Mission Impossible".

24 hours a day is not enough. Blame me for having bad time management. But I have tried my best. I already sacrifice my social life, my hobbies, my sleeping time and my time with my family and friends. What else do I have to do?

The more I wanted to runaway from here, the more comitment I have.
The more freedom I want, the more burden I have to stay.

I am going to buy a tube of ice-cream after this and binge on it. I don't blardy care if I turn into a whale.

Let's talk life

5.00 am
Someone called me. That 45 year old who has been missing ever since I told him "I don't need another father". I should thanked him for waking me up so that I will pick up the book and study for my exam.

8.45am
Drove to SS2 to take Passport size photos for the interview. Reached there at 9.10 am. Apparently shops are not open yet after 9am. My bad. Malaysian time. I forgot. On the way to uni, I saw someone who looks like my ex walking with a girl. He is holding her hands. My heart stopped beating for a split second. Suddenly I felt uneasy. I don't know why. Blame it on the hormones.

10.00am
Exam starts. I was sleepy.

11.30am
I passed up my exam paper 30 minutes earlier because I don't wanna be late.

11.4oam
Car park full in Taman Jaya, drove to Kelana Jaya instead. Because Malaysian love to utilize the place to park, they made me park on a pile of mud. Luckily I was not wearing my 2.5 inch heels. I was wearing full corporate wear with.... sandals. (I won't suffer to look good in heels. Heels are not my cup of tea. I broke my toe nails because of heels and boots). I brought my heels along with me all the way to KL.

1.10pm
Was in Sg. Wang area searching for a photo shop. Found one. Own by an old uncle. Another story to tell but I m tired with old men. So from now onwards, I am not going to deal with any old uncles anymore. Needless to say more. Duhhhh......he's in his late 60s I think.

1.40pm
Change into my 2.5 inch heels. Damn it. I was swearing non-stop. Women should never torture themselves with heels. I was waiting in front of Louis Vutton, I was drooling outside the window because I saw comfy shoes...comfy LV sandals on display. Fate brought me there....Muahahahaha. And all these while I thought LV oni sells high heels and not cheap looking stuff like sandals. Like u know...beach sandals. But I have to go on...I don't wanna be late.

2.00pm
Reached the hotel lobby. Waited like a mannequin for 10 minutes. Apparently there's a misunderstanding. Damn.

2.15pm
My horror begins. 3 against 1.

3.30pm
Final conclusion. Okay...this is the part I am having dillema with:

"IF" I say YES
- I will be a corporate bitch
- Gucci and Prada will be my everday wear
- Fine dining is my food
- Wine and cigarettes is a must (Imagine...me transforming into a red tomato. Oh no!)
- On the way to work I have to go through Malaysia's most f*ck-up roads
........................all because it's required for my work

I will have to work under a bitch. Damn. Damn bitchy. Seriously I can't even stand the way she talk. She's the combination of the 3 worse women I have ever met in my whole entire life history. A great combo of 3 worst bitches that ever appeared in my life. It's just an interview and I already can't stand her ways of dealing with things. Jeez...she's a dictator.


"IF" I say NO
- I will be happy
- I love my life more
- My blog readers don't have to see me whine more than usual
- I will at least have a life
- I can go wherever I want to go
- I have freedom
- I don't have to wear heels
- I don't have to be fake
- I don't have to put make-up on...(another reason to celebrate)

I felt that my uni life is pretty wonderful compared to that. I rather go through another 3 years of my uni life again than to work there...she's really scary.

Although today is not any special day in particular, I should say I learned a lot about myself. At least now I know what I want in life. At least I know I wouldn't wanna be an ordinary person working like a dog for no reason. I want to be SOMEONE.

I don't fucking care about the fakies and life with designer items. I don't find it a point to spend 20K on a Hermes just to look good unless I m really that rich. Even if I m rich, there're starving African kids out there. My GAWDDDD!!!

I wanna be happy and contented. It seems simple. But everyone knows that I m not easily contented with what I had. But I will do it without being fake. I HATE FAKIES, SERIOUSLY!

So now I am going to write a reply telling them a NO.

Some may think I am damn blardy stuck-up because I am don't own a professional degree but I am being very choosy in work. Who am I to do that? Duh, I don't care. Whatever. I am the one living my life, Guccis and Pradas don't buy me happiness. They buy me more fake friends. Friends who wants to use you as an object.

"Weird Company"

Not even a week after I applied for jobs in that job search webbie, I got a phone call this morning...in the middle of my tutorial. So I ran out of the class to pick up that call. I have no idea who's calling but but it's a "Private Number Calling", so I guessed it should be from some companies. My instinct was right. It was from a German company. I can't really recall the name because I applied for 6 companies and I didn't expect to get such quick response from them.

So we talked on the phone for about 20 minutes asking about my qualifications and stuff and some business stuff. First it was weird because that woman mentioned something about "Marketing Executive" but I applied for "Business Consultant Assistant". Then about my knowledge of Germany. And then about me starting work in April. WTF? It's so confusing. She mentioned to me a lot of things like the german products and stuff and that their HQ is in Heidelberg and also something about products and that I have to deal with german people and stuff...My head gone blank for a few seconds. I don't know what to expect and what to do. It was like the bullet train and the next thing I know she wants to interview me after that call. I said I can't because I have classes and that I will only be free tomorrow. So I will have an interview tomorrow. The whole thing was really confusing and weird. Apart of me is very happy but a part of me is not.

As soon as I reached home, I did some research on this company and guess what? They only have 6 employees. OMG!!!

And tomorrow... 3 people will be interviewing me, actually it was supposed to be 4 but the boss flew off to China so left 3. So, if 3 people were to interview me, which means only 3 people are working for that period of time while I m being interview rite? Do I do my maths right? OMG!!!

The person who calls me speaks german, apparently. But she stops halfway because she can't speak german anymore with me. Hahaha... komisch. Then she said her german is worse than mine (if she's a professional, she shouldn't comment on that right?) The whole thing that happened in the span of 20 minutes is like a TV drama. So much information in so little time. 20 minutes to judge 3 years of german language experiance. Phewwwww....OMG!!!

So tomorrow, I will be fully dressed up and race against the time for that interview in the middle of Kuala Lumpur. I have an exam paper at 10am. Imagine how packed my schedule is. I didn't expect anything. It's okay for me if I don't get that job. It was very low-pay with loadsa work as far as I can sense it. I rather work with the "Big Hotel" where my work is only to talk and talk and talk.

And I don't understand, it's a big company supposingly...everything is so not logic.

I have a mixed feeling for this company though. I don't know why. It's so strange. We'll see what happens tomorrow. We shall call this "Weird Company".


(OMG!!!!....I will have to run like a mad dog tomorrow morning till evening. From morning till dawn...Can somebody please buy me Baskin Robbins' ice-cream? I need some comforting food.)

Till then wish me luck....

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Sometimes it's very stressful to speak german in Malaysia. The environment is different, we have 3 languages of our own just like Belgium with their 3 languages. My head is spinning like a washing machine now. I think I have to give up my dreams of speaking 10 different languages fluently. Dooohh.

Ms. Blame-it-all-on-me

It's raining cats and dogs here. This added more sadness to my saddened emotions. Why?

Because I got blamed again. This time with money issues in it.

I really really hate people blaming everything on me as if I am a dump site or Recycle Bin. I can't empty my emotions or all the blames with just one click. I don't have "Empty the Recycle Bin" nor "Restore Items" in my system.

With Sri Lankas + Exams + sensitive stomach + all the stresses in the World
= I-WANNA-KILL-SOMEONE!!!

I thought when we face some problems, we will be stronger the next time we face another problem, right? But why I am weaker than before?

If I can choose, If I really really really have an option (without my parents come running after me with guns and knives)

I will.....................................
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Pack some essentials, my camera, all the money I have in my account, etc etc in a bag.
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And start walking from Kuala Lumpur to Potugal and then take a ship to Morrocco and then walk again till South Africa, take another ship to Argentina and then walk again to Canada. Then turn left and start walking again till I reach Alaska (Alaskan Crabs...yummmy) and then take a boat to the Alutian Islands and then another boat again to Kuril Islands and then to Japan and then Korea and then Taiwan and then back to China and walk back to Kuala Lumpur.
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By the time I m back in Kuala Lumpur, my sisters are probably married with tonnes of kids, my friends will probably grandmother- or grandfathers-to-be. Food on the streets would probably costs 10 times more than now. I gone poorer and unwanted. I will become anorexic because I can't afford to buy food and probably full of sickness.
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Then probably I am too sad to live, then I kill myself.
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And that's the end of my life.



THE END

Of Sri Lankas

You know Sri Lanka? Yeah..That small little country next to India. Please go and check where Sri Lanka is located on the World Map, and tell me the size of it. Imagine having 5 Sri Lankas on your face. I am talking about pimple as big as Sri Lanka on the World Map.

My hormones are so f*cked up, I don't even know myself anymore.

How to get rid of 5 Sri Lankas in just 3 days?

Help!!!

Job Search

I am stress but I m not stress. Get what I mean?

I know you don't, because I don't aswell.

Maybe it's been a while that I've been working and studying like a dog...even dogs don't do work and study like me. :(

I don't blardy care what will happen after this. I am DOOMED!!!
EXAMS= DOOMED + Bad Stomach

I am so not in the mood. Whenever I am overly stress I will have stomachache like 5 times a day, each time after each meal for nothing. How sad.

So I happily browse the web and happily call my best buddy a few times today, asking for job employment webbies. And the next thing I know is that I have applied for 6 companies all situated not in Malaysia except for that "Big Hotel". As far as I can remember, one in Indonesia, and a few in Singapore. Hehe. I will have places to stay with my own room in Indonesia and Singapore (what more can I ask for?). But I am not applying for those in Thailand although I have relatives all over Thailand, from north to south. That country is only good for holidays. And I have headache everytime I go there, because of the language barriers. "No speaking Engrishhhh. England don know." OMG!!!

I am just trying my luck. My friend told me that she only get replies from those companies after a month. WOW! Well, no rush. I am still living in the Dark Ages. I have no idea at all for my future, a sudden blackout since I enter Uni.

My grandma was really worried about me when I told her about my UN plans. I said I wanna work for UN and that I need to pursue my masters first if I wanna work with them and yada-yada...all the plans and suddenly her facial expression changed...and she said,
"You're a girl you know. You have to get married and have your own family."

Because...to her, working in UN means a lot of travelling and no chance of meeting men and no chance of settling down and also that I will probably marry someone from some weird country.

I know I am a girl. But I have no plans in the near future to get married and breed. I am still terrified of screaming kids and those uncles who are interested in me terrifies me. I don't hate guys, I am just not ready. And my other side of the family is also worried about me because they felt weird, I am already in my 20s and I am not dating or seeing anyone. Some of them thought I am bi. OMG!!!

Then, I told them,"Wait...be patient, one day I will bring back a boyfriend."
Then my another grandma said,"I am already in 90s, how long you want me to wait? The grave is calling me." Why do old people have to use their age to "threaten" their grandchildren to get a boyfriend or get married? Apart of me felt sad to hear that, but apart of me will be much more sadder if I marry the wrong guy and end up like Britney Spears. Jeez...bad. And I am not a girlfriend material either. Wahahaha.

Okay, back to job hunting now. Applying jobs is really addictive. The feeling is like how I got hooked to Neopets (yonks and yonks ago...), Facebook and etc.

Happy Easter!!!

PC: I wanna have babies with you
Me: OH PUHLEEZE...PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME THROW UP. I DON'T SEE ME HAVING ANY IN THE FUTURE.
PC: But you will...with me.
Me: OMG!!! PLEASE GET LOST!!!

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You know how frustfrated am I when I have so many things under my sleeve and suddenly someone said that to me? I was fuming with a 45800 degree Celcius flame on top of my head when I heard that. I wonder why in this particular year, I attracted so many pathetic people talking to me like that. Do I look like I m that fertile? OMG!!!

Next week I am going to be so so so DOOM. I have so many 40% exams, presentations and passing up of assignments in a span of 4 days. Damn. I wish I can survive. Pray pray pray. Wish me luck people!

There will be a change of date of my travels in May. I might be flying off one week earlier and maybe I will come back 1-2 weeks later...I wish...I really wish that I can come back 3-4 weeks later so that I can visit New York and other states aswell. Huhuhuhuhu...Then I have to push my European plan a bit furthur than planned. Argh...I still don't know. My family is urging me to continue my Masters. (They don't know how much I hate studying...) I don't want to think about anything now. I just wanna survive...survive for next week then my finals.

1 and a half more months till FREEDOM!!! Woooohooo!!!

BTW, Happy Easter everybody. Send me some easter eggs kay...

ARGHHHH!!!!!

You know how much I wanna kick people's ass now?

Very!!!!

Today is not my day. I am damn f*cking pissed. @$%#&*(@%^@)!*#&&!#^!!!!!

I wish I can cloned myself into 3 new me.
- one for work
- one for translation work
- one for being the point of attention for everybody

OMFG!!! I am indeed very pissed. I can't explain it into words. If I have a nuclear bomb right one, yes, just ONE. One is enough. I would drop it here. Seriously. I don't care of I die with them, just let me die, I wouldn't wanna suffer from radiation. End of the world. Or perhaps I need 50 to destroy the world. ARGHHHH!!!!

I m going nuts. Whatever happens, I don't blardy care. I need to breathe. I wanna chop off all the trees in Amazon, I wanna burn all the Pirahnas, I wanna melt 30 percent of Greenland and boil the melted ice with those problematic people that suffocates the world in a big couldron, I wanna throw sperm whales on the stupid people that are making my life so miserable!!!! Arghhhh....

I am going to burst soon. ARGHHHHHH...DAMN IT!!!

Tell me I don't need new glasses

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Apparently this guy, whose name is Azali Azlan scored 21As in the recent SPM examination. My god! 21A's is like the amount of A's I got in my 2 years of SPM which also includes monthly test and self-given A's. Duhhhh...gosh...I felt so stupid.

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Why on earth did he chose to sit for 21 subjects anyway? Do he need that much of A's? No one ever asked me about my results after my SPM (maybe they know I am hopeless, so they better not ask me about it).

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I would like to know if he has any social life, or did he surf the net, or did he eat on time? Or did he even watch TV. How???

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Azali, if you are reading this...tell me your secrets to longevity...urm, I mean how you manage your time with 21 subjects, it's like having 21 kids you know? If I have 21 kids, i think about 18 or 19 of them will die of starvation.

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You are going to be the 9th Wonder of the Academic World. What motivates you to be with the books for such a long span of time? I salute you.

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The 8th Wonder would be me...needless to explain why. Hehe.

Offers

Someone is offering me:

- a BMW
- monthly allowance of a few thousands (in Ringgit of course)
- endless love and attention...Tender Loving Care...woooooooo
- free delievery service of any food of my choice anywhere in KL or PJ to my doorstep whenever I felt hungry or whenever I need food with just a phone call (sounds tempting!)
- Sunset/ sunrise trip with him maybe once a month (OMG! I don't find looking at sunset or sunrise a romantic thing to do)
- protection from bullies (erm...when I don't bully anyone?)
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But I turned down the offer.
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Because he wants me to be his girlfriend.
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And erm...I have no appetite? Erm...no appetite to eat when I see him. I can't date someone who makes me hungry-less. I will be starving and maybe...one fine day in the future, I might be anorexic. I can't let that happen, can I?

He's 10 years older than me. OH no.....not again. Yeah, I have pretty much attracted a lot of old man these days. And yeah, he's my high school senior. And I don't date anyone from that-place-where-I-grew-up. It's dangerous. My Papa and my Mama will faint. My dogs will also faint.

Pimples

Why do I hate myself so much these days?
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Because I don't have a life

Everyday...for the past one month or is it two..all I did was:

wake up - eat - go to class - come back - eat - continue my translation work and work - sleep - wake up in the middle of the night - eat - continue my translation work again - sleep

or

wake up - eat - do my translation work - work - sleep - eat - translation again - work - translation again - sleep - eat - translation - sleep

Very meaningless to have a life like that. I woke up very grumpy everyday and I went to bed with a lot of things in my mind. I have pimples popping out every single day. By the end of April I will have a lot of spots on my face. I am so sick of using pimple cream, I use mouth wash on them, yes I am talking about Listerine or Oral -B...works like magic. Just dab it on before you sleep and leave it overnight on your face. The next day, the swell is gone. I don't wanna look ugly. I wanna be pretty. I need my facials but I have no time to lose. I felt so devastated right now.

I think I felt devastated because I felt like puking when I see myself in the mirror. That explains why I am so emotional today.

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Viewing about 3000 photos today doesn't help much. In fact, I felt more stressful than before. I have responsibilities that I need to take, not leaving them aside. Arghhh....

I HATE MY LIFE

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How bad/good is my english?

My English is not that bad afterall...well, if I don't mix it up with German of course...

;)

Try this test: http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170

No one

It's not easy being EASY


When it comes to making other people happy, I am no doubt the biggest loser. But who is going to make me happy? No one...

I am talking about pulling a happy face, attending to everyone's needs...but who's going to attend my needs? No one...

Why do I always have to be the one attending to everyone's need like organizing things, helping them, etc etc and no one would ever do that to me? Who's going to shower me with his/her attention when I need it? No one...

Living with a world full of fakies is one thing, pretending nothing has happened is another.


Life sucks!

Knowing thyself

OMG!!! Sometimes I felt like banging my head on the laptop. For nearly a week now, all I did was:

1) Translation
2) Translation
3) Translation

with minimal food and sleep in between.

Freedom is so near yet so far. The steps are getting steeper and harder to climb. But I will finish it...hopefully. Argh...I need motivation. What is life without motivation?

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I received a call from Blue Coat Singapore this morning. Yeah, that big company...I was blur. I can't even remember if I have applied for that company. Or did I really send my CV to them. Owh...I get so confused. I am so out of this world right now. But if I got a job interview or anything...the branch in Malaysia should have called me right. So it's just another wasted effort.

:(

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It has come to a point that I don't care for the things that people say to me anymore. Maybe just for today. I have got thousands of things to do right now and I can't afford to "care" about them.

I need McDonalds...I need HOLIDAY!!!