I am a pervert

I am so bored here in Utrecht I am turning myself into a pervert.

J: You're getting more and more pervertic you know
Me: What? I am talking like the normal me, you're the one with the dirty mind.
J: Nooo...you're getting more pervertic. Especially in Holland. In Germany it's not that obvious. Here it's like every single second...you talk about dirty stuff.
Me: No. I m not.
J: Yes, you're. Maybe last time you're like this and then uni life turns u into a serious woman and then you're back to your normal self. Pervertic you...
Me: Errr...isn't that good? Being pervertic is better than talking about facts of life. Haha...

Bored

I just got back from a shopping trip. But I came back with empty hands because I don't know what to buy for 20 people. Yes...20 people. So many things to buy here my gawddd...it's like another Malaysia.

Not gonna think about it till the day comes. Worst come to worst...Haribo Gummibears for everyone...Muahahahahaha

Jeez...I am bored. How can I be bored? Yeah...I know why, I am on hiatus from work for nearly 3 months now, getting my sanity, health and my soul back, so it's a normal feeling to feel bored after being so hardworking for everything. I got some request from my boss to do some work but till now I have not reply him because I am not sure about it. For the very first time I hesitate to work. Workaholic turns zero.

Hmmm...what should I do after this? I like winter but winter with nothing to do really makes me go crazy. I slept, I ate, I shopped. So what should I do? Cook? I have no mood to cook here. And guess what, I have no appetite to eat aswell. I am losing weight at the same time. Being not 100% healthy makes me lose my appetite. Okay...maybe some TV after this. Gonna be a long day tomorrow....

Goede Dag!

Hello everybody. I m in the land of legal drugs and prostitution....and also legal abortion...legal Euthanasia...legal this and legal that...no wonder my dad wants me to stay with his friend. No wonder....

I came here alone and my friends will be joining me 2 days later. Utrecht is a place to shop, shop and shop. Tomorrow partyyyyyy in Rotterdam till Sunday and then Monday we'll proceed to Amsterdam.

I m still not feeling very well due to lack of sleep, the dizziness is here again. What a spoil to this trip.

Lucky I know dutch. If not, it will be a struggle to stay here like a foreign country. Time to polish my dutch skills this time before I start my French skills in Belgium. Wahahahaha...By the time I come back to Germany, my german skills will go bad me thinks. Confusion of languages.

It's so cold here. I just wanna stay in bed under the duvet. It's snowing and everything is cold outside with negative degrees. It's only white outside....white and grey and some black.

Okay...time to hide under the duvet again...my favourite past time hobby since I came to Europe. That is to stay under the duvet until I am warm enough to think straight...

Bad Omen

Today would be the worst day of my life ever since I stepped down the plane. Although I got a "Gut" in one of my exams, that doesn't mean anything at all. I had fever this morning and then it got back again and then now I m in between reality and sickness.

And then we (me and my friends) had a small arguement over some money issues. Yeah, men can never escape from monetary issues. And I was sick, I m being very patient, not to lose my anger. So I just keep quiet. I am once again amazed by my patience. I am getting more and more patient with things who doesn't go right.

Then I took the wrong bus home. The bus was filled with a very stinky smell. Someone vomited inside the bus. It was all over the chairs and the floor surface of the bus. 11 stations till I got home. How lucky can I get?

When I got home, 2 of the lightbulbs in my room refused to function. Ah...good. From all the days...why today?

And I have no appetitte to eat and I forced myself to eat. Now I felt like puking after that vomit stink inside the bus.

Holland tomorrow. I have no tickets, no confirmation from my friends, what so ever. Fine. I m tired mentally and I need to sleep.

Shit happens. Just flush it down the toilet bowl. And now I m trying to flush it away...

Babels

Yesterday I was in Kaufhof. I bought a pair of Baby Phat sneakers with some bling bling on it.
Today, I meant just now, I was there again. This time I bought a bag. Yaay finally I got myself a bag because I forgot to bring my handbag here. Another good reason to buy presents for myself. Carrying 3 lecture books and a dictionary everyday doesn't do much good to my good 8 months old faithful Nike backpack and back. I have back pain and worse, my shoulder ache is here again.

I am going there again tomorrow to check out the electronic dictionary I've been longing for and also some present for my family back home. This Thursday I will leave for Holland and then down to Belgium. Things about Holland scares me. I m not facinated by the drug addicts' stories, yada yada.

Shopping is a typical asian thing. I can't deny that. If it's not shopping at the shopping complex, it would be shopping for groceries. Like what I always do now. I m still very far away compared to those typical asian females when it comes to shopping.

Time flies like a Maglev train. A few more days would be my 30th day in Germany. Time flies without me realizing. 30th days of being so far away from home makes me a better person when it comes to cooking and house keeping. Believe it or not, I cook nearly everyday, I buy groceries nearly everyday and that explains my extra 3 kilos here. I ate 5 times a day. Morning (My host prepared breakfast), Brunch (I cook something), Lunch (I eat outside), Tea time (Some food from the uni canteen) and Dinner (Most of the time, my host will cook some typical german food or when I m with my friends, they will cook about 5 dishes of food, sometimes I cook and sometimes some take-away from restaurants). Not to mention Christmas Market.

My host asked me: "What do you want for Christmas?" Nothing. Nothing materially. For now, I can't answer that. What will I do if I have a million Euros? Nothing aswell. I want peace. If someone tell me that I m a material girl, I would have slap him/her. I m that idiot who gave away a Louis Vuitton bag (given to me by my grandaunt) to my mother because I don't like it. I m also the idiot who refuse to have a spanking new car and I prefer to drive an old car that belongs to my grandfather because I love him and that car reminds me of him (although I have plan to get a new car of my own). I am also that idiot who refuse to stay with my parents even they have a maid to do every single housework. I am also that idiot who always take the road less travelled. If I really do have that much, I will help the poor anonymously. The kids in Cambodia took my heart away.

When I go back, I will need to (plans for 2008):
- have a new haircut and new hair colour (I m getting more and more vulnerable with long black hair...I have to get rid of the unwanted old man aura)
- lose weight (duhhhhh...like it will happen)- survive for 4 more academic months at the university
- get my baby DSLR (gonna change my area of work to an event-photographer, I can't afford to sacrifice my shoulder pain and my sore eyes anymore)- plan for a holiday (I need a holiday somewhere ot of the country)
- take another german exam (a higher level exam)- hug my dogs- bully my sisters- pay bills, bills and more bills (my phone bill for my malaysian number is gonna be so so so expensive...OMG!)
- train my translation techniques from my lecturer (I will be so stress, pimples will start to grow like mushrooms on my face)
- get a full body check-up (the imbalance hormones)
- apply for more jobs (I forgot where I stop)- ignore whatever shit that will happen to me (ignorance is bliss)
- catch up with my friends

Hmmm...that's for now I think.

By the way, I love N24 Wissen. I don't know why. My friends find it boring. I find it interesting, like the part where they explain about the knives and also the Dresdner Christstollen and not to forget about guns. I m always curious about how things work. No wonder I m always asleep in grammar classes. If ever they have a degree/course for general knowledge, it will be so much more interesting. There's this channel, I forgot what's the name, it's so boring I use it as a "sleeping pill". Watch it for 15 mins, the next thing I know would be my alarm ringing at 8.30 am in the morning.

Looks like I m writting too much. Tomorrow gonna be my last day of class, not a class actually but a day for results. Jeez exam results. Eukkkkkkkkkkksss.

super powder for power

Yesterday...what a day...

- an Australian guy scared me at 6.50am in the morning on my way to the bus-stop
- a Chinese guy who's also sitting for the exam told me,"I see you nearly everyday. You're always taking the 707 S-bahn right? But you don't know my existance"
- a guy from no where gave me roses

I have some super hidden power. I think.

What will happen?

My uni results came out. Looks like shit. Not bothered.

My weight gone up. Looks ugly. Not bothered.

My hormones are all messed up. Looks crazy. Not bothered.

The question is..."What will happen after graduation?" That would be in 4 months time. I have no idea at all. My friends are doing their internship or at least applying for jobs and internships. Or maybe some, planning to get married.

I don't wanna think anything for now. I m living a normal life here. When I go back, that's when my nightmare will begin again. All the problems will arise again. How I hate to go through that. I really do hate to go through that without anyone knowing what I m going through.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL...isn't that ironic?

Skype me

Jeunie: Please on ur skype

I can only use skype on my laptop. Something wrong with my key ports and Proxy thingy. Please on ur skype. Thank you.

Internet please

I m still alive. Only without internet. Jeezzzzzzzzzz. I m going nuts.

Something wrong with my internet settings and stuff, hurhurhur....

So everyday after class:

- go to the supermarket, buy vegetables and meat and etc and cook
- clean my room
- go to the bar and drink beer
- eat Döner
- eat cakes
- do homework
- invite friends over for dinner
- clean my room again

Yeah...dats what I do everyday without internet. Can't work, can't do anything. I will go back to Malaysia as a poor girl. Pooooor me...

Cooking Certification

Today is the day everyone in this house certified that I can cook and they finished every single thing that I cooked. My host said this:

"You're now certified that you can cook great meals"

...and her daughter and that Korean girl agreed too.

That means I can cook. Wahahaha. Now let's see what I can't do. I baked, I cooked, I always make sure the house is in order. So no one can complain that I m not behaving like a girl anymore. But one thing I can't do, shopping. My ability to shop has long gone...but it's good news anyway.

What should I cook for tomorrow? Hmmm...

Essen Motorshow 2007

I will let the photos do the talking:

Girl talk

We had some food and we started walking endlessly. So we wander around and ended up in a small pub. We're the only young people there. But it's okay, we are not there to flirt around. We went into the wrong place but what happened just now is not about the place. It's about girl-to-girl talk and that's quite emotional for the 2 of us.

We started talking about our lives back in Malaysia where we have go through all the shit and people looked as us as if we're living a very good life. Maybe for some people, we're good on the surface.

"Owh, you are so lucky you can finance yourself in whatever you want"
"You're such a capable young lady"
"You're so intelligent. You're working and yet you can still secure a place in UM"
....yada-yada and the list goes on and on. That's what people said to us. But they don't know what we have to go through. The nights where we cry alone, the nights where we stay away from others and the nights we cry alone inside our car without anyone knowing. It's good to know that I m not the one doing all those crazy things but also her. We did that because we fear to show our emotions in front of others. The time we have to sacrifice because of our dreams, the people that we abandoned along the way. It's not easy.

One thing that we can't avoid is that we started to deal with these kinda shit at a very early age. Can't avoid that. And those shit will pile up and become an emotional baggage for us that would be very hard to leave behind. Then we started to talk about our future. For many girls, that would be starting a new family with someone they love or anything. But we just wanna survive.

Love is a big word. I got hurt so deeply that I am afraid to love again. Because when I do, I will put all my heart in it. That's literally bad but it's me. For her is another problem aswell. Too much love at the same time and yet couldn't find the right one. It is a very complicated 4-letter word.

It's good to have a talk like that since we don't do that everyday back in Malaysia.
Everyone goes through shit everyday. It's a matter of the size of the shit that we have to go through. Some people are lucky and some are not. I would say I manage my emotions pretty bad. After a hard day, I would just blog and torture my blog readers (if I have any). But normally I would just go to bed and end my sleep with a nightmare.

I've left nearly all my emotional baggage behind upon boarding the plane. I told myself that I have to become myself here and have my old self back. The chirpy, bubbly me has long gone as I have big responsibilities back home but not here. So now I m back. Better emotional health and mentally healthy for now.

I don't know why I am writing this. I felt it would be a better thing to do to remind me of this day when we have a real girl to girl talk. My blog has again emerged as my emotional trash can.
Just be thankful with what you have.

Settling down

I m talking about my place to sleep.



For the past one week I have to sleep inside the living room because there's no enough space for me to sleep. And now I got my own room. Yaaay!



I can now sleep peacefully without anyone looking/peeping inside the living room. This is my new sanctuary:


My bed



My homework station (as IF I will sit there and do my homework) and TV


My workstation and a small cupboard/rack for my clothes

And I shall go back to bed now. A comfortable bed is very essential during winter. All I wanna do is just stay in bed and not go out. I don't sleep much but I prefer the bed than to go out. Good Night...erm....Good Morning I mean.

Raclette Night

We had Raclette for dinner today. Raclette is like hotpot, just that it's the western hotpot with Raclette cheese. And that's another reason why I will not have the chance to become thin. I had a big belly now. I felt as if I m 4 months pregnant. Owh...bad bad.

And after dinner, we had ice-cream for dessert. 2 bowls of ice-cream. Damn. Super bad.

And this Sunday I will be making some hotpot for them.

Since I arrived, I've yet to discover that the ability to cook is very important especially when you're a girl. Sexist statement but that's what the people think. Everyone here was suprised with the fact that I can't cook. Well, I explained to them...

In Malaysia:
- the prices of food in Malaysia is very cheap, we can afford to eat in restaurant nearly everyday and sometimes everyday
- I don't cook at home as my maid is the cook and when I m with my grandma, she will cook for me as she don't trust my cooking and also I don't have the time to cook
- I DO bake but I don't cook

So, all of them suggested that I should take up cooking classes and also the best way is to marry someone who can cook for me. Wahahaha. Funny.

Cooking is important I know. I m learning. Please give me some time. Jeez...I felt pressured to cook. I always offer to clean the dishes but they want me to cook because they wanted to try Malaysian food. Damn. How to cook Malaysian food? They taught me tonnes of german recipes. Malaysian food is complicated, we need spices and chillies and stuff and I don't know how to cook them at all. Yeah, I am such a loser in this.

P/S: Jeunie: send me some Malaysian food ok?

Donnerstag ist Doener-tag

"You've put on weight!!!"

My friends just arrived here yesterday and that's the first thing they said to me. Not "Hello", not "How are you?" but THAT. :'(

I had a Doener yesterday and I've been addicted to that ever since. I m addicted to Doener. Can't help it. They tastes soooo good that I wanna bring back another 5 for breakfast and lunch and another round of dinner.

And now it's time for me to have a temporary break from cheeses and sausages. I m diverting that energy to Doener and more Doener and much more Doener. That explains my extra 1kg here. ;-)

I felt sick yesterday...very uneasy and also emotional. Jeez...I have 2 times period this month. Of course I m having bad mood. Hormone imbalance. I need to see the doctor once I m back in Malaysia. This can't be happening, I need to put a stop to this. Apart from being absolutely crazy like always, I've just developed a new habit. Which is.....oh no...I can't tell you that. Yeah...I can't tell it here. Shhhhhhh....

Essen Motorshow this Sunday. Waheee. My guy friends said that I m abnormal. Girls are not meant to like cars. But I m different. :p

New Passion

Looks like I m the only person in class who studies German Language for future (for my degree and my dream of becoming a translator/interpreter). 90 percent of the people I know here learn German Language because of their husbands and boyfriends. Hurhurhur. And I m the only idiot who actually study it for a degree. But I m proud because....so far, I m the only one from Malaysia (my friends have not arrive yet). It means I will be needed back in my Heimatland....hopefully.

When asked why did they choose to learn german language, this is what they said:
"My husband is a german"
"My boyfriend is a german'
"I married a german guy"

It's weird but I think I am in love with studying. Hahahaha. I can't wait for the next class and the other. It's fun and I didn't fell asleep at all. Funny eh? I even did my homework. Wonderful isn't it. Apart from studying, I did my revision. How weird can that be? For 22 years since I came to this world, I actually enjoy what I did for now...studying.

I like it here because I got weird classmates. There's one guy from Japan, he sits beside me and he's crazy like me but more on the quiet side. He said he learns german language to forget about lovesick. And I have to bear with his craziness because he's my language partner in class. Duh.
Then there's a woman from Romania who sits on my left hand side, she cracks jokes like there's no tomorrow (yeah, she's another one with a german husband). Another crazy woman. And there's another one from Turkey and Taiwan, all crazy people.

And guess what. The whole world is learning german language and why in Malaysia there's only 6 of us? There's another university in Malaysia who offered german language course but they're way far far far behind us.

South Koreans are everywhere in the uni, Taiwanese and people from east Europe are here and where the hell are all the Malaysians? There're even a few Singaporeans here. Jeez...Malaysians only spend their money for Guccis and Pradas and food but not into education. How sad can that be?

The past few days was not easy for me. I had to go through the scary part of taking public transportation in Germany all by myself. The public transportation here is so good....I felt very uneasy. But I was brave enough to go through that alone. ALONE!!! It's not easy...first with the bus and then with the S-Bahn and then U-Bahn and then the trains. I m all alone in a foreign country with super duper hi-tech transportation system. Back in Malaysia, I don't even use the bus to travel. Imagine that. But I told myself not to be scared since I m already that BRAVE enough to come here (to another side of the world) all by myself.

Pardon my english. I've been speaking german and only german here. I didn't know my level of german is actually usable. Hahaha. I went in for a test to determine my level of german without studying so that I know my level of proficiency. I got a 6. That means I am in level 6 out of 10 levels. That's quite high as level 10 is university level and I think I don't deserve to be in level 6. And I am the only one in my class who is a newbie. My classmates had gone through a few levels of german language before they can get into level 6. The problem for me now is that my Vocabulary is always in English and my grammar sucks big time. And also my confusion with the other 6 languages.

My host was so impressed with my ability of learning languages and also communicating with people of different races, she said that I have an IQ level of 200 to 300. Another radiology doctor said that I have greater brains than his. I get loadsa compliments in Germany but back in Malaysia I am no doubt a piece of shit. Language students get more exposure here and a wider range of career and studies. That's why I m a piece of shit in Malaysia like what "yellow" said to his parents about me. Language is not even an important subject back home, it's merely to talk and to bullshit. If I have the chance, I would consider to study here but I would like to work first and see how my future goes.

Man....I love to study. Weird eh?




------------------------------------------------------
Boy oh boy...I m getting fat. I will go back to Malaysia as a whale. I eat non-stop, and I just can't help it. I went to 3 different Christmas Market today and I ate:








...all by myself. I have really HUGE appetite here. I can't imagine what will happen to me in the next few weeks. Not even 1 week here I m already eating like that...

Wheee

Today I woke up with good mood and great people around me. I found my host finally. Stupid organizer gave me the wrong address. And guess what I did? I baked cookies. 6 types of cookies and we're laughing and giggling. I m living with my host and her daughter, a korean girl and her english boyfriend and a dog. An international family they called it.

I m going fat. I had loadsa cheese, bacon, potatoes and bread everyday. Oh gosh!

Oh...

I got nothing better to do...I walk around again...and again and again...and then I took some pics. And then I blog. After this I m going to walk around again and take pics again and blog again...

















I m a bit worried now. My host family didn't reply my email and it seems like I lost everyone's contact. Suddenly I felt scared to be alone. Like I m all alone here.

Düsseldorf is a small city. It looked so big on the map. I went to Kö 3 times in 4 hours time. I walked around the place and ended up in Altstadt and then I m back there again. Everyone is doing Christmas shopping and I m walking endlessly with nowhere to go. Suddenly I have no appetite to eat, no mood to do anything.

Oh yah, this morning someone guessed that I m from Malaysia. People back in Malaysia couldn't tell if I m Malaysian. Weird...he said I looked like Malaysian. Hahaha.

And also this morning, I saw someone wearing no pants. OMG!!!

Why do I feel scared suddenly? I should have feel scared the moment I board the plane. The best part is: My dad just knew that I m alone here. He thought I m with my friends. I think I have serious communication problem with everyone. Or something have gone missing in my life?

Please everyone....please go online on your MSN. Where did everybody go? Why didn't I see anyone that I can talk to? Maybe some chocolates will cure me. My host family is driving me nuts if they don't reply my email.

Tell me what's the date and time now

I m so confused with the time. It's 3.30 am now and I m going to shower because I think I didn't shower for 2 days already or is it 3 days? I forgot to bring my toothbrush.....again. Hurhurhur...

I went to a shop nearby and I bought some groceries and 2 toothbrushes. I think groceries in Malaysia is pretty expensive compared to here. But eating out is definately cheaper in Malayia. I have not tried any of the restaurants here yet becoz I won't be able to finish everything alone and it will be a waste of money. I can't wait for my friends to come. What is life without people? The answer would be: No life at all.

Today I will be visiting the Altstadt and Kö. And I will be walking there of course. Walking down the streets here is not tiring because it's not hot. I definately prefer the outdoors here.

Okay...time to shower. In Malaysia we do it 2-3 times a day. But here, I felt terrified to shower.

Germany - 1st day

Okay....I reached here safely after hours and hours of flight. Met some nice people, and the best part is I can speak german with the taxi driver and he understands me...completely. Wahahahaha...anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me, I felt pretty gloomy just like the weather. Maybe I got a lil tired with the long journey.

It feels like home here just that the weather is cold and the people on the streets are with different skin colour and I am way way smaller than them in many many ways even if I gain weight I will still be way way smaller than them. I like the roads and the buldings because that's the only thing I saw. I m confused with the time zone and I m feeling sleepy at 3pm in the afternoon.

Till then.....

We meet people for a reason

I m in Dubai airport right now. I nearly vommited inside the plane after a very digusting meal called "Nasi Himpit". Don't try that no matter what. After 7 hours of struggling on where to put my legs and head and body, I found temporary peace here. Here I m in the Emirates Business Lounge. Enjoying tonnes of food and drinks. Wahahahahahaha. All these thanks to my weirdness of attracting people lead me to a nice middle-aged woman and so happened that her daughter who's there aswell studied in the same university like I do, just that different course...all that in KLIA. And so happened that her daughter is a good friend of my friend and so we talked endlessly about how small the world is. We got parted inside the place, I had to sit at the back of the plane because of my lovely sit number 49D while theirs is 15 something. Then I found them again in Dubai International Airport and now with her husband (who's working in Dubai) is a frequent flyer with Emirates and they got me in here for FREE. They are flying to Venice...woo....nice.

OMG...another 7 hours plane ride. Next time, don't ever transit, it is very torturing. Never ever transit. Remember that. My next flight would be in 4 hours time and I can't wait to sleep at my hotel room.



Till then....

Bye bye Malaysia

Will be leaving the house in a few hours' time. Will I get homesick? Foodsick maybe...

This is a good chance to leave all the emotional baggage and also those problematic people behind for awhile. I felt happy although there's a German paper on Monday. For the very first time in my life I felt happy for an exam. Hehe.

"Don't you get excited?"
"When are you leaving? I m sure you can't sleep for days"

The answer is, "No".
I felt very neutral. No special feelings, no excitement, no emotions.

On the other hand, I hope:

- I don't get to meet weird Arabians or any weird weird stuff during the flight and after the flight
- I can survive winter
- I don't put on weight (please don't put on any weight, nononononononono)
- get a nice watch for my sister (if I don't, she'll probably tear my ear with her nags)
- I get nice hosts (I bought batik for them and tonnes of rare Malaysian biscuits)
- to get Internet connection wherever I go

Okay...I have to get ready now. See ya all in Dubai and then Germany...

Unwanted attention....again

It's just sad sometimes to know that so many people pick up on me. You wanna know why? It seems like my name, yes my name, me, myself and I has been a hit topic around this area where I call home, a place where I grew up with my friends, a place where I all my childhood memories were stored. A place where I had my very first crush when I was 4 years old.

I don't mind other people's parents telling my own parents' how stupid their daughter is or how she could end up in the oh-so-prestigious university of the country, what I can't stand most is how and why out of a sudden in these few years, people started to look down on me just because I'm a linguistic student after so much of brain cells burned to be able to speak a few foreign language? I don't understand this at all, this is nonsense. I am not even a celebrity. They think they're SO-DAMN-GOOD in prediction everyone's future saying that my future would be a gloomy one...yada yada...I wonder why they didn't help out with the never ending Iraqi issues or better still...global warming and climate change solution?

Someone...okay....Someone let's call him "Yellow", he's my neighbour and also ex-classmate, he told his parents about me being in a stupid course, and his parents' spread the news (in front of my parents) in a banquet to other people about my stupidity in a stupid course. And I wish he could just keep his mouth shut and study properly instead of having sex with his girlfriend when everyone's studying for that piece of paper. Although a piece of paper qualification doesn't mean much in how you define SUCCESS but at least it's a piece of paper to let you start somewhere.

I think everyone look at me as someone who doesn't have brains or what? I don't know, I don't mind people calling me ugly and stupid but I can be sure I m more SUPERIOR that their mouth. At least I don't pretend in front of my enemies, IF I DON'T LIKE YOU, I WON'T BE NICE TO YOU BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO. Period.

I m hurt. Deeply hurt. Why would everyone here give a BIG DAMN about me of my preference of not liking books, not liking to memorise thing, my preferences, my choices and why why why do I have to be in their topic of conversation? I don't even see them and for some, I don't even know them. And why is my choice of studies be a hit-topic around them?

"Why do you take this weird course?"
"Why study something that people don't wanna study?"
"Why don't you choose something professional like law, business, etc etc?"

When I first started, I DO still tell them why and how and what and who. But....since I've been asked for gazzilion times about that, I would simply reply,
"I wanna marry a german. So that I can eat more Bratwurst, drink more beer and drive a german car."

That's good enough to shut their mouth for years to come. If they still go on (again) with that I would reply them,
"Well, I wanna be a multi-lingualprostitute and serve that country. You know, the more you know the language, the more customers you will get afterall studying is not my cup of tea. And I like get laid while earning Euros. ;)"

I've been nice to them. Really nice. I don't mean to be rude buy I have my limit. Since they like to see me gone bad, or as a BIG FAILURE and that I-should-not-live-on-earth kinda thing, it's such a nice feeling to pull their legs and put in lies just to make them happy in another way. I m enjoying it, especially the "prostitute-statement"

My dad said this to me just now,"This place is bad for you. Go head somewhere else where you can be yourself."

What do you expect me to reply him when he said this to me? I m sorry that I had dissapoint him because I m not a filial daughter, not filial enough I should say. I don't need anymore unwanted attention from other people. I had enough. Really enough.

All I want is to be simple. I feel comfortable in my short pants and T-shirt without make-up laughing like a hyenna while walking along the streets so no one could pay any unwanted attention to me. But I do still get unwanted attention from strangers. Why?

I should turn this into something. Perhaps I should sell insurance to them since I m such a big attention-graber and turn myself as the first millionaire selling insurance. Good idea eh? Nosy people just can't stop being nosy. Busybody @$$h0L35!!!

I m hurt because I don't look like someone intelligent, I m not pretty, I look poor, I look like I am meant to be "The Failure". Owh...I felt so hurt. Damn it.

Damn

Just when I thought life would give me chocolates and sweets....


I got fined. RM100....that's about 20 Euro and there goes my lunch. Now I have to count everything in Euro, have to get use to the system before I spend like mad. That means bread for lunch and dinner. Serves me right!

Those money diggers! Filty money diggers! It's so weird because those people writting the summons were so damn quick. Quick when it comes to money but slow in service.. I swear it was only 3 minutes. 3 minutes!!!! I got no spare change with me. How can they treat me like that? I need at least 5 minutes to change my money into coins rite? Damn it. Coins...!!! Just because of 60 cents and a few minutes I have to eat bread.

#$%^*()^&!!!! Arghhhhhh

Solution

Finally, after yonks and eons of emotional distress, I've changed my perspective on life ...completely. Maybe it will only last for a few days or so, it's a good thing for me, I think. I m trying to keep it up for yonks and eons to come, hopefully.

What made me change? One word. Motivation.

I will no longer feel hurt if my family goes on a vacation without me (or without telling me), my sisters' plan with a new cafe or steakhouse whatever you called it (because I will always be the last person to know), hurtful relatives, crazy people around me, I will take it as a stepping stone to get what I want in life. My dreams.

When I was growing up, I have always wanted to conquer the world in some ways. I know it's pretty silly but that's me. That motivates me to go on and face challenges at ease. I love challenges, I love to be challenged. Well I should say "used-to like that a lot". Again, that was yonks and eons ago when I m still as innocent as a turtle.

"What is wrong with me now? Why am I like that?,"I asked myself.

That makes me wonder. I would say it all began at 16. With some personal problems with my parents. I couldn't understand them, they couldn't understand me kinda thing.

At 17, I was the youngest employee my company had ever employed. I know nothing about the working world, i.e; the back stabbing, work politics, etc. Money was really easy back then. Some say I earn more than a manager but things had change for now. I wish I could turn back time for this one.

At 18, I fell so deeply in love with someone which I would never have guessed it will end up like that. Innocence. My first ever "very steady" relationship (which eventually will lead to a marriage if I don't dump him). I thought an older guy would have a more matured thinking compared to my peers. But that failed to no avail.

At 19, I started to take drastic measures in improving myself. I've tonnes of self-improvement books, went for classes, took advices from people (some advices are really bad), etc etc. But still I have no interest with studies at school except for the Business paper because the teacher likes me a lot and loves to ask me general knowledge questions which makes me looks smarter than others in class. Ah...the good old days. Now I should be thankful if I can tell you the answer for 2+3=?

At 20, uni life begans. All I want is a pass, not an "A". So that means, I m the "stupidest" compared to my ex-schoolmates who scores more than 3.8 over 4.0. I m still the happy tart outside and a gloomy tart inside. People who just knew me thought I m a very playful, forever-happy, innocent that kinda girl (because they don't read my blog and they don't know my emotions). Balancing work and studies? Tough but fun.

At 21, I think I broke up with my ex this time rite? Or was it when I was 20? You see, I can't remember anything about him now because I have totally let go, everything about him. Post-breakup stuff is really draggy and crazy but then now it's gone. Rejoice!

Along the way, I've met interesting people (not those weird ones), I've met loadsa new friends, nice and caring ones which money can't buy. A good friend is like a nice song, you wouldn't want it to end. But keeping in touch with each other is the tough thing as we're busy with our lives and stuff. But it's good to have them. Thank you my friends for being so understanding and nice. ;)

Now I am 22. Can't believe it I m that old already. I m on hiatus now from work to focus on my studies (yeah..."focus on my studies", you know what I mean). Being away from work makes me realised that
- my grandmother is getting old
- my sisters are growing up
- I m going to graduate and work full-time
- I should change to become a better person

So, I am looking forward to this trip to Germany as a soul-searching trip to find what I really want in life. Maybe I will realise and appreciate things that I've never really care when I m there. Some people here said that I will suffer there because I have everything here (what they really mean is the fact that I have to cook and do the laundry and stuff). They forgot that I can take care of myself when I have to.

Now that I know the reasons for being so negative for the past years, I m diverting it into a positive energy. Let's get the positive energy flowing...although (no doubt) I will still be posting about the weird people that I met along the way, afterall nearly all my encounters are weird and funny.

Let's learn Geography

Let's start with the globe. This is the globe. Our lovely planet. We all knew that.
The red line shows the distance between Malaysia and Germany. Which means I will be flying across the globe, half of earth. Woahhhhh. But before that I will transit in Dubai first. So a quarter and then half of the globe before I reach Germany. I've never been so far away from home for so long (for more than a month).


Thanks to Google Earth. I love Google Earth. Muakkkks!!!

And this is Germany. It lies in the heart of Europe. Yeah, we all knew that...I know, but some kids don't know.


My Destination: Duesseldorf


The city. That long brown colour thing on the left is the Rhine River. You know that river in Grimm's Fairytale? Yeah, that's the river.


The first yellow pin that you see is my hotel for the first few days, very strategic, lies in the heart of the city and best of all they provide FREE WIFI in their rooms...you know I can't live without internet... and that's the University that I will attend for about a month.


I know I will have trouble with the map and stuff. Me and my friends got lost in Cambodia before. I hope I can read maps this time. Oh wait, there's a saying women can't read maps rite? I will prove you wrong. *hopefully*


My host family is somewhere there. I've been searching for hours for my hosts' place but I couldn't find it.


And till now I m still searching for that....it's so damn big. Arghhh....

Frying the fry

This semester...the 5th for me. I fried my exam papers. I fried my brains aswell.

8 papers in 4 different languages? That's what I call madness. Russian nearly kill me. At least I know Cyrillic, it took me ages to know all 33 of them. Crazy.

а
б
в
г
д
е
ё
ж
з
и
й
к
л
м
н
о
п
р
с
т
у
ф
х
ц
ч
ш
щ
ъ
ы
ь
э
ю
я

tadaaaaa.....

I don't wanna take anymore foreign language next semester. I m going crazy. Language crazy. Although I had a dream to become Mezzofanti one day, I gave up. German language is enough for me for now. Although I did some damage to my english, malay and chinese proficiency while learning german language, I felt happier to have it inside my brain. Minus the literature part. Talking about that, I read so much on "Faust 1" and "Kabale und Liebe", it didn't came out for exam. My my...what a waste. And that very clever Nathan came out again. You know how much I hate that story? No one knew....Fine.

4 more to go till temporary freedom!
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Friends are so unpredictable....again...yes again. Did I mention again? And again...arghhhhh

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I think I m insane sometimes. I talk to the wall and chairs and then I laugh with them over tea. Is it me or is it because of the exam? I m so tired of telling you people that I hate exams that I don't feel like telling it again but if I don't I will start talking to the lamp post outside the house. Maybe I should talk to human more?

Curse

Yes, it's me again. Hor hor hor....exam blues makes me blog, eat and surf more. And guess what I found today? I was looking for some notes on the internet for some certain subjects and then I stumbled upon 2 blogs from my university friends. Not really close to them but we know each other. Wooo....hidden secrets...like in some mystery novel. So many things...and yet I m so ignorant. Well, I m not a busybody. I don't dig people's dirt and I m not interested in their life, that's until today. Only for today. So I read the whole blog, and I wonder again. We're in the same university, studying inside the same building, and why do they look so happy and why we (me and my coursemates) look so gloomy? Because we're cursed.

Signs that we're cursed:
- All male lecturers love to create problems for us. I repeat, not the female lecturers but the male lecturers
- We are terrified of our own lecturers (we will run and hide whenever we encounter any) because they will ask us for homework and loadsa uni-related stuff
- We're stupid
- Assignments are meant to be finish on that same day (without the sun...wee hours in the morning before the dateline). We don't have the tendency to start our assignments earlier.

We called that the department curse. Only applies to our department.

Hence my time here. Muahahahhaha....I just finished a few online games. Games makes me happy. And now I feel sleepy. So, I better sleep first. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

My new occupation: Pornstar

I do amateur sex, kinky, whatever you name it. I m also a lesbian, a shemale...WTF?

also not forgetting "adultnude hoto bangla famous en toples sex"

I m a pornstar. Yes, by that I mean my name is a porn star's name. Hence, I m a pornstar.

LOL!!! Can that miss porn star that shares my name change her name into another name? I can't stop laughing.

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Yes, I m addicted to Facebook. Shoot me!

I m also addicted to the internet particularly today because I got a paper tomorrow morning and I can't seem to focus. I need someone in my life who can tell me what to do and take charge of my life. I m hopeless again...

I've never search my name on the internet. Amazing people out there sharing my name. It's fun, go and search yours today and see if you share the same job like I do. LOL! Let's do porn together gether okay?

A trip to the doctor

Doctor: Have a seat here, please. What's your problem?
Me: Actually...I don't know what's my problem... -_-!!!
Doctor: Haha...You don't know what's your problem and you're here? Haha!
Me: Haha. Yeah, because I've never encounter this before. First I had diarrhea and then I started to lose weight although I ate 4 times more than usual and then I felt dizzy, before sleep and when waking up. That's why I don't know what's my problem.
Doctor: Okay...when did this happenned?
Me: I think since my Great Diarrhea a few weeks back. Got it since my visit to Indonesia.
Doctor: Owh...The Great Diarrhea. Haha. Okay...Do you eat healthy food or...wait, you said you got that since the trip to Indonesia, rite? I think it's food poisoning. How long has the dizziness been going on?
Me: A few days back. I think 3 days back. I think I m lack of sleep.
Doctor: Yeah, true, lack of sleep will also cause dizziness.
Me: Yeah...you see the finals is very near, in fact this week. [I didn't tell him I went out nearly every night, so he thinks I m studying till late]
Doctor: *taking blood pressure*Ahhh...finals eh...I see. Your blood pressure is normal. Nothing wrong with that. ...You have to sleep more. How many hours did you sleep normally?
Me: Erm....not sure...I sleep at 4 am and wake up at 9 am. And sometimes I can't even sleep at 4. It's very uncertain.
Doctor: *Shakes head*... Make you go to bed at 10 tonight. You have to sleep normally. About your weight lost, do you get bloated after every meal?
Me: Yeah, very bloated but everything comes out after that. Very fast. I don't think my weight lost is a problem, my dizziness is the thing I m afraid of most. I lost 2 kgs last week.
Doctor: 2 kgs per week is a big problem. Worse than your dizziness. You have a big hidden problem you know. Tell you what, I will give you carbon, you know...charcoal to get rid of the wind and you get this Lacto-5 from the pharmacy okay. You know Lactobasilus?
Me: Heard of it but I can't remember.
Doctor: You know Vitagen? Yakult?
Me: Oh yah...yah. So I have to drink that?
Doctor: I m not sure if they really contain Lactobasilus but you try that for a week first, 2 bottles a day and then if the symptom doesn't dissapear, you get that Lacto-5 from the pharmacy okay. If everything doesn't work, come back here and we'll find a way to solve this okay.
Me: Okay...charcoal and Yakult...okay thanks. [Charcoal!!! You know those black colour thingy that people use to burn? Weird names]

And that costs me RM20. Having fever is much more expensive than an unknown problem anyway. Haha. I m going a bit crazy now. Drank too much Yakult. Not my favourite drink but it's good for the stomach.

Finals is coming and no one volunteered to slap me. Anyway, I turn myself into a good girl already. I started to search for my notes and books. At least that's a good start.

Slap me

Somebody please do me a favour. Please slap me on my face and wake me up. I won't kill your dog by doing so.

3 weeks of semester break really spoils me. And I still havent study yet for my finals. I m getting old with poor memory... I think. Things don't go in my brain as fast as it used to be. And the best part is I didn't really work becoz I need a break from working. Although I m a workaholic, I need a break sometimes. So I m incomeless and brainless.

I lose some weight again. I ate 4 times more and yet I m losing weight. People say I should be happy but I felt weak. Besides eating, I m glued to the telly. I have become a weight-losing couch potato. Still no mood to study.

Please slap me again and wake me up. Please...

Girly Man

Had a bad day?

Take a look at this. LOL!!!

Friends

Friends...are unpredictable

I don't know what to say anymore but I will still go on with my plans.

Borrrrrrrrrrrrrred

Since my semester break (it's my study week actually), instead of studying, I:

- killed some ants, poke some bubbles, killed some imaginary soldiers, smacked some weird creatures, made a rabbit hop higher nearly everyday on my laptop. I m talking about online games. Jeez...I m addicted to games.

- sleep at 4am and wake up at 9am, everyday and sleep again somewhere in the afternoon. Hopeless

- spent my time on Facebook, Friendster, Multiply, Zorpia and all sorts of websites where my friends are. Updating myself of their whereabouts.

- Took tonnes of photos with my camera. I snapped nearly every single object available in this house including the furnitures. Sick.

- am too lazy to work, I felt like puking even when I m reading work-related emails.

- still havent pack my luggage, I have no idea about the weather except it's gonna be damn cold. Havent book any accomodation yet. How smart!

- am BORED!!! Help!

Camera sick

Well...well:

- 4 people thought I m already in Germany (because of some rumours)

- I bought a camera...yaay!!! A new Nikon P5100 which is much more cheaper than a G9 for RM1340 for a 2Gb SD card, pouch, tripod, 2 customized photo album, 120pcs of photos (applicable when you processed your photos), umbrella, bag...etc etc..and I added RM90 for a 4Gb SD card upgrade. What a steal!

- I didn't buy any DSLR for the time being because I got an offer to become an event photographer for concerts and big events. If they really want me, I would get a high end DSLR instead. I would get a D300 instead of a D80 or any Canon Rebel XT. That's the reason why I got that P5100 in the first place. To replace my old faithful camera while waiting for this job confirmation. And I will be spending more on lenses and photography stuff. Is this a good offer? Btw, it's still the same company, just that I have more work to do. Freelance. Period.

- My friend told me this,"Everybody loves you". He's not the first one who said that to me. My lecturer, grandmother, sisters, aunts, uncles said that before. Why did I felt there's someting wrong with that phrase?

- For nearly 5 months, I m socially impared. I thought I lost my friends, I thought I m already an island in the making but that's not true. I have friends. Yes, I still have them in my pocket, some worried sick about me, some wonder where I had been. Yaay...I m not that anti-social after all. It's just a social setback, you know, like financial setback, I got a social setback due to unavoidable reaons.

- I have to avoid any shops selling cameras and lenses wherever I go. I ended up buying my new camera in a span of 3 hours. 2 and a half hours looking for DSLR because they're out of stock. Damn why is D80 so sellable? Besides their lame excuses like, "out of stock", "don't have lah", "hafta wait 3-5 months lah", "sorry lah". And that half an hour of looking at the specs for Nikon P5100. And I got it. That was fast.

- I have 8 finals' paper. And I still havent start any revision yet.

::
- I think I m getting better in handling workplace conflict. It happens. Broke my heart into pieces several times but I handled it well yesterday. No one got killed.

Very much awake

Why am I still awake?
I m not sleepy at all. I went clubbing with my friends, god knows how many clubs we went into. First it was Maison, there are having some sorta traffic light night. Where you choose either red, yellow or green. Singles wear green. So all three of us went in with green band but there's no crowd. Boring. So we went to Cynna. No crowd as well. Boring. Then we decided to change location to Sultan Ismail. Went in Aloha. Sucks big time. I've never been into a club that sucky that conned our money. Fuck that. Then there's this horny chinese guy. Fuck him. He's been staring at me since the dawn of civilization. I didn't know until he come nearer and nearer to me, grab my waist and I started to talk to me. I was like, "Hello!!! What do you want?" Then he followed me the whole night. I asked him to backed off...he did for a while. Jeez...I felt so damn irritated. But he's near me again and agan and again with his horny eyes. So damn irritating.

And then came a bunch of germans, one very old one. And a few around mid 30s. My friends were talking to them and that same chinese guy came to me again and grab my waist (again!). I went in between the germans. He came to me again and then he asked,"You like white people huh?" I just ignore him and hide behind some people. It seems like I was too big size, I have to stand behind another younger german to hide myself from that guy. No long after that, I saw him again. He came to me again. I was pissed. I've been so stressed out, I just wanna have some fun, chilling out with my friends since it's the last day of the semester, but this irritating guy came following me wherever I go. Holy shit! He even spilled our drinks without apologizing. What a LOSER.

Back to my friend. That old german was so interested into her. Haha. I couldn't stop laughing. He wouldn't wanna let her go. Not even for a second. Then I was avoiding that same chinese guy, I hide behind another guy. Then he introduced himself as Juergen. Wahahaha...is that my blog friend Juergen? I was wondering. I wanted to ask more but that old german wanted to bring my friend home, so we have to help her. She got panicked. We ignored everyone and ran away. What a night!

Then we went in to Thai Club. Becoz we know some people there, we're like VIPs. Free flow of drinks. I can't drink because I have to drive. What a pity. But at least we did enjoy ourselves minus that horny chinese guy. Eukkkssss...Maybe I look "easy" to him. Jeezzzzzzzzz...my nightmare. So now it's offical I havent sleep for nearly 24 hours. Yesterday I was busy finishng my assignment. Broke another record. The quickest assignment I've ever done. It took me 4 hours to finish everything.

My plan is to party every night till my finals. I felt I've been locked up in a cage for this semester. I need a break. I was invited to stay at any of my relatives' house in Thailand for the holidays but I still have no plans in my mind yet. I really wanna go but I have some responsibilities here. Aih...decisions decisions. And I still haven't plan my Germany trip yet. So many things to be done. Not to forget to study for my final exam. Eukkkssss...

Think Thank Thunk

I m out of words.

Last semester I was her best student in class scoring strings of A's.

This semester I am no doubt a piece of shit. No hope for any A's at all since I screwed up my mid-term papers. I can't blame it on anyone or anything. I was emotionally unstable for that week. My dad had an eye operation, I was still arguing with him during that period, I had to leave for Indonesia that very same day with 6 exam papers sandwiched in between, with 13 people from other countries to be taken care of for the whole 4 days because of language barriers between those countries and Indonesian language.

I wished that I was 10,000 times emotionally stronger. I can't believe that I scored 17/40 for my German Literature. I can't tell the difference between Boccaccio and Lessing's Ringparabel, I can't describe the French Revolution, I can't even explain about main ideas during the Classical-period. I wrote the test without any preparation. That's only one of my six papers. I've got 9 altogether.

Assessment is my worst nightmare. I fear to fail. I wished I could just memorize all the facts like my friends. The only thing I could ever remember would be ABCs and the times table. Why am I pressuring myself?

No one ever asked about my PMR, SPM or STPM results since I left school. Let's say I m a 2.0 student. What will happened? Will I be labelled as stupid? What if I m really that stupid? No one will blame me right? Maybe I m genetically stupid. Maybe I will be labelled as lazy. Maybe both. If I m stupid, there're stupider people around me right? Yeah, I m stupid. So what? I bet some smart people can't even bite their toes like me. I m so unbelievably stupid that I turned down so many offers that were offered to me. Or maybe stupid people get more offers because smart people can manage to get them with their brains?

6 more months till freedom. 6 is the number. Patience is all I need.

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I m going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow with the other October babies. That means I will be 22 a few days earlier. Hehe. Nooooo...I m old!!! 22. What a number. My mum gave birth to me when she was 22. That was during her time. A mother at the age of 22. How young was that? It's like having a friend my age with a baby. Scary or lovely?

I lost 3 kgs, no thanks to the diarrhea that lasted for nearly a week. And we're going to have Japanese Buffet tomorrow to put back what the toilet bowl took from my body.

I felt so much better after telling the whole world that I'm stupid. Ahhhh...what a relief. No one will look high on me to do things for them. Cheers!

Comparison

5 months ago...

- I had better skin
- I was mentally healthy
- I was more motivated to do things
- I don't have any stiff shoulders
- I don't have any intention to kill anyone
- I don't have any white/gray hair
- Ideas came to me like lighting
- I was a human vacumn-cleaner for food without having any stomach problems
- I was a bit normal
- I had better memory

Now...
- All the above mentioned in contrast.

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The toilet bowl is now my second sofa. My stomach is killng me. It has been like that since I got back from Indonesia. In fact, my sister is having the same syndrome. Owh...the toilet is calling me again...

7 things I didn't know about myself until last Saturday

1) I got a few strands of white hair hiding beneath my dark brown hair (I've been thinking and stressing too much. It's sad news for me. I m not even 22 yet but I have white hair growing without my permission)

2) I always left my clothes behind in several places wherever I go

3) Everyone in my extended family still thinks that I m a baby. They forgot that I will grow up one day and become a 22 year old like now. My grandaunt said,"You will be forever a baby in our eyes no matter how old you've grown."

4) I have a crazy uncle who lives in Phuket. He claimed that he's an idiot and pretended to be a retard whenever I talk to him. Did I mentioned that he's 47 years old?

5) I m stupid when it comes to accepting gifts from people. I always say "No". For the 5th time, I refused to accept a brand new car as a present from them.

6) I didn't know that I 35 percent Thai. I always thought that I m only 25 percent Thai.

7) Shopping is not my favourite activity. I got mall-sickness when I was in Indonesia. I visited 8 shopping malls in 4 days and I came back with 2 dictionaries. I am such a Geek!

Itchy

When I blog it means something is happening or had happened. Yes, I have a test tomorrow and another one the days after tomorrow before I board the plane to Indonesia and then I have another paper again on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday respectively. Damn!

When will I ever be free? When can I have my freedom? Why is everyone so damn obsessed with their marks? I scored the highest and the lowest marks in class. I have the best and the worst answers. I have had the best and the worst impression. But I don't like to be compared even when I scored good grades. I felt the pressure when everyone starts to compare. Comparing here and there. When will we ever stop comparing? Look at the older generation, they brag about their cars, the amount of houses they got, the college they sent their kids to...it's all about comparing. Why should we follow their footsteps? Please make the world a safer place by not comparing. Duh!!! I think I m having some kinda exam-allergen inside me. My itchy-ness to blog about it is here again.

Arghhh...Comparing, competing, you name it. It's a very tired process to go for someone like me who prefer to live a peaceful life. I always wish for that, but it will never happened. I have to fight for the things I want, for good. So wish me luck!

Final word,
I HATE EXAMS AS MUCH AS I HATE THOSE MORONS I WROTE IN MY BLOG!

*I m having severe stress lately due to a lot of things. They come in bulk without discounts. If ever I can get Hermes bags that come in bulk with discounts or for free. I don't have to go through this. I will con someone and go far far away with the money. Muahahahaha...*evil grin*

Foodie Council

I had a 2 pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, mexican bun and a salami cheese pie in a span of 3 hours. And I m still hungry.

Joyce: You're scaring me. Did you know that?
Me: What? What have I done?
Joyce: "The way you eat. My god!!! Are you really that hungry? Are you sick?
Me: I don't know. I just felt like bitting something. I m stress I guess.
Joyce: Not stress. You're going crazy!!!. I felt so full just by looking at you eating.

Food is everywhere. And I m always hungry. Is there anything that I can bite that won't break the scale? Nothing!!!

I

I laugh. I cried. I cried again. I cried again and again. I give up.

I spend. I laugh. I spend again. I m happy.

I cried. I spend. I look happy. But I m not.

I am giving up on these things starting from today:
- my parents
- my ability to score 4.0 out of 4.0
- that supermodel figure (I m blessed with loadsa food, why waste?)
- my dream of conquering the world

I don't wanna be sad. I wanna be happy. I don't wanna stress myself, I don't wanna be crazy. No doubt I m still weird but that will remain apart of me.

Being in a competition is tiring when you know you're not gonna win. If I know I m going to win, I will be apart of it. But in life, you don't know when you'll win.

I ate half of September

Amazing things that I did this week:

- spent RM12,000.00 within 2 days (air tics, course fees, etc etc.)
- ate 7 plates of sushi and 5 cups of tea in less than half an hour
- went to PWTC and then to Shah Alam and then to USJ and then back to PJ and Seksyen 17 and PJ again in less than 5 hours
- called the camera shop so many times I can remember the shop assistants' name, and their respective voices.
- met a Kenyan accidently while munching my lunch with my friends and out of no where the conversation started and he got really "aggresive" after I mentioned "Wangaari Maathai". He thought I m in love with Kenya. Jeeez...and my friend "thanked" me for attracting "unique" people into their lives aswell. (This one reminds me of my best friend's "ex lover" who came from that region aswell. Hehe)
- 5 people on the street said "I Love You" to me. It's one of my unwanted attention phenomena.

I m going to Germany this November. Not for fun but for a language course. I don't know what am I going to do there for the first 4 days. And I still don't know why I m there 4 days earlier. I changed my flight from Malaysia Airlines to Emirates because I m getting a better deal with Emirates with my student card. And best of all they fly directly to Duesseldorf from Dubai. Actually I don't like the idea of having to stop in Dubai but some people convinced me it's better to go with Emirates. And I will be back here in January. Although it's just for 1 and a half months but it felt like I will be there for 3 months (Nov - Jan). No one is going to miss me so I m not going to miss anyone :p

Heian NIdan - (Karate Kata)

This is purely for my reference (as I have Karate-do assesment tomorrow, and as usual I will try my best...Gambateh!!!):

Heian Nidan("Peaceful" (possibly "Basic") "Second Level")

About the kata
This is the originally first form in the Heian series that Itosu developed. Later, Funakoshi renamed this as the second kata since he felt it was more difficult to learn than the former second kata.

How to do the kata
Yoi(Ready Position)Stand ready with your feet about shoulder width apart, hands closed in front of the hips, and eyes focused forward.

Hidari Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look to the left and step in that direction with the left foot into a back stance while executing the forearm block.

Hidari Chudan Soto Uke Migi Ura Zuki(Left Mid-high Outside Block, Right-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the left hand down and across like an outside block. The right hand punches, but without full extension.

Hidari Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Left-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the right hand while swinging the left hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.

Migi Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look 180#deg; to the right and reverse your back stance in place towards that direction while executing the forearm block.

Migi Chudan Soto Uke Hidari Ura Zuki(Right Mid-high Outside Block, Left-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the right hand down and across like an outside block. The left hand punches, but without full extension.

Migi Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Right-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the left hand while swinging the right hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.

Migi Chudan Soto Geri Keage Migi Jodan Uraken Uchi(Right-foot Mid-level Side Snap Kick, Right-hand Head-high Backfist Strike)Look 90° to the right and step up slightly with the left foot towards the right foot. At the same time, bring the right hand back to the left into the "cup and saucer" position. Simultaneously, kick and strike to the right. Recoil both the foot and hand, but do not step down; remain on one foot.

Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 180° to the left and step the right foot down into a back stance. At the same time execute a left-hand knife hand block.

Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a right hand knife-hand block in a back stance.

Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a left hand knife-hand block in a back stance.

Hidari Chudan Osae Uke Migi Chudan Shihon Nukite Uchi Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Mid-level Pressing Block, Right-hand Mid-level Spear-hand Strike, Front Stance, Kiai)Press downward with the left hand and spear forward with the right hand while stepping forward into a front stance. Kiai.

Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a back stance while executing a left-hand knife-hand block.

Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new back stance and block with the right hand.

Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first knife-hand block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a back stance while doing a knife-hand block with the right hand.

Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new back stance and block with the left hand.

Migi Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block, Front Stance)Look 45° to the left then step deeply in that direction with the front foot. While pulling back strongly with the left hip, execute an inside block with the right hand.

Migi Chudan Mae Geri Keage Hidari Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Left-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the right foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the left hand.

Hidari Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke(Left-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block)Without stepping, pull back strongly on the right hip while executing an inside block with the left hand.

Hidari Chudan Mae Geri Keage Migi Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Right-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the left foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the right hand.

Migi Chudan Morote Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Augmented Block, Front Stance)Step forward into a front stance while doing an augmented block with the left hand supporting the right arm.

Hidari Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-hand Downward Block, Front Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a front stance while executing a left-hand downward block.

Migi Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Rising Block, Front Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new front stance and block with the right hand.

Migi Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Downward Block, Front Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first downward block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a front stance while doing a downward block with the right hand.

Hidari Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Rising Block, Front Stance, Kiai)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new front stance and block with the left hand. Kiai.

Yoi(Ready Position)Return to the ready position by first looking to the left. Then, keeping the right foot in place, step counter clock-wise with the left foot, ending in both the same posture and location that you started the form with.

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36pI7IRLqFs

It may look confusing to you, if you wanna try it, it will take you about a few weeks to learn and practise. Apart from this I have to do 6 types of I-dont-know-how-you-called-it-in-japanese styles of defending and attacking (that's where it will hurt my butt the most...loadsa falling and being punch)

Breathe..........

Runaway Plan A

Some people in the family made me cried today. When I said I cried, it means it's not a normal quarrel, it's a serious one. And thank god I didn't stab anyone today. I was so close to stepping into the kitchen and grab any knife available and stab some people to death. My "volcano" errupted....finally after 21 years. I can't take it anymore emotionally I shouted,"Yes, it's my mistake to be born here." And the arguement goes on and on for hours I couldn't stand it I ran back to PJ.

And I've been thinking, since I m single, I m not attached to anyone, I would like to escape from here as much as possible. Plan A would be 35 days in Eastern Europe after I graduate, then 25 days in Scandanavia and Russia, 15 days in Canada after that and 30 days in Latin America. That would also mean digging through all my savings and see what happened next. I don't care. I couldn't care anymore, what the point of owning blocks of houses without considerating the value of FAMILY? I m really really fed up with my materialistic parents. I m tired. People say I should change my perception and put myself into their shoes, when I m in their shoes I only see the word MONEY above any other thing. Money money money.

Apart from that I m applying for jobs in every corner of the world and not even Kuala Lumpur or Petaling Jaya because I don't wanna stay so near to them. I have been sitting here every night since last week typing cover letters for each different companies from shipping companies to condom companies. Let it be Trinidad or Tokyo, now I m writting a new cover letter for company number 15. Let it be graduate program or part time ot full time. All I did was...apply apply and apply. 100% willing to relocate.

I guess I had enough for now. I need some time to recover.

Brief Happenings

G: Why are you walking like that?
Me: Ermmm...I m having butt pain -_-!!!
G: HAHAHAHAHAHA...butt pain? That's so funny! I've always heard about headache, stomach pain, etc but never butt pain...

Laugh all you want, but I enjoyed my karate class yesterday. We're given an opponent each and we started to kick, punch, twist for nearly 4 hours of training. It's so much fun punching and kicking people but not the part when I have to become the victim. I think I hurt my butt so badly I can't walk straight after that. I fell down 72 times (6 styles x 12 times of practise) and my knees are all blue-black now. The nicest thing after food. Muahahahaha...

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Today is my senior's graduation day. I felt so happy for her after all she's the only surviving senior in my course (yes, one and only). I've mentioned about the toughness of my course before, the craziness and the impossible things that we did. Sometimes I did regret (for not following my parent's decision to study those "traditional courses" like business and stuff) but it's too late. But sometimes I am proud that I didn't follow their decision. It's a very complicated thing for me to explain. I don't want to follow their decision but I find it hard to follow mine. There're times that I felt like giving up as my course as it is unbelievably hard to score, hard to pass, don't even mention about "A". Thank god if you pass the subject and not repeating any. The batch of seniors have to repeat some german paper again and again. And did I mention they're only 3 of them, and yet they couldn't graduate on time. I always thought I m the only one feeling it's tough. But I m wrong.

Being rather curious, I went up to my senior and asked,"So...is studying tougher or working is tougher?"

I was expecting "Working is tougher" as 90% of the people I know would say that.

But no, she said this: "Of course studying is tougher. At work you face conflicts with your colleagues, busy with meetings and stuff that's it. But in uni, we face conflicts with ourselves especially in our department (our own subjects and stuff, crazy lecturers, lack of time, heavy workload, etc). Working life is definately better."

I m glad to hear that.

I m now waiting for my graduation day to come. Hopefully. That's the only thing I wanted now. I don't want any Hermes, Gucci or whatever bags or shoes. I just want to graduate. It's a laborous task to graduate so I would like to invite everyone I know to my convocation next year. Everyone. But not my ex.

"I nearly stab my roommate this morning for no reason..."

"I m so stress lately I can't think straight"

"I felt like killing myself everyday"

"I think I m going nuts..."

"I felt like jumping off from any building in KL"

Those were the things my coursemates said to me this afternoon. Everyone's having their very-emotional-nearing-the-end-of-semester-stress. I understand. I have them like everyday but I m not bothered now because I got no time to bother about those things. I just can't be bothered.

3-4 hours of sleep a day doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I felt like hiring someone to do my work for 300 bucks a day so that I can get a good sleep. I don't dream about dead people anymore (that's the good news) but now I often dream about going to classes, sitting inside the class, answering question inside the class, talking to lecturers in my dream. For god's sake...I study in my dream aswell. Does that mean that I will graduate with 2 degrees at the same time? One in reality and one in Dreamland? That's really really terrible. At least when I dream of dead people I m just scared for that moment but not the rest of the day (when I woke up), but exams and studies do haunt me aswell during the day.

Relax!!!
Everyone been saying that 5-letter word to me. The personal trainer, the dentist, the karate trainer, the lecturer, my family members...because they said I can't relax and always look very stressed out. I didn't realised that because I m already very relax during their sessions/ while meeting them. Just imagine when I m really really stressed out like these few days. I felt like bitting everyone like a mad dog but I couldn't do so because it's damn blardy INSANE. Instead of bitting people, I've been bitting on food and you know what that means...food=FAT.
I really couldn't help bitting things. I don't have the habit of bitting my nails. It's just between human and food. Luckily I chose food over human. I don't wanna kill anyone although sometimes I felt like pulling the trigger if I have a M-16 gun. Arghhhh...frustfrating.

I can't deny the fact that I have luck in meeting strange people hence my weirdness. Normal people find me weird (maybe because I got weird taste, weird background???). Strange people find me normal because they are strange and abnormal. So that sum up my month of August. It's a month of meeting strangers giving me strange comments like:

- I've never heard of granddaughter driving grandmother's car story. You're the first. [some woman told me this]

- (out of nowhere) Your Mandarin is very bad, did you know that. You got a very heavy Cantonese accent!!! [that bitch said this to me in front of her friends. What do you expect from someone who only got to learn Mandarin just a few years back. I m Chinese illiterate and I speak only Cantonese at home. I m sure her English and Malay sucks like mad. Duh!]

- You looked like my friend. That's why I love to look at you. Reallllly!!! I love to look at you. [some girl told me this. Sounds creepy eh. I doubt if she's straight. That really freaks me out totalllly.]

Whatever it is I just flash a BIG SMILE and go on with life. I can't help if I m the perfect target for verbally malfunctionised people like that. I should be happy because I always attract attention without having to do anything. I've got people treating me like a small kid at the photocopy shop, people telling me about their laws of men and women out of a sudden, etc etc. I should be happy rite?

Accidents do happen

- I accidently burnt my house's main fuse, so now I m only living with a computer, a fridge and a tv without the lights and fan. I have to use table fan and table lamp instead. My life grew dark after 7pm.

- I've been living alone for nearly one month now and I m going crazy. Coz I got no one to talk to except for the walls and doors. I m currently having "housewife training"...cooking and washing and cleaning the house, buying groceries, etc. I hate to live alone in a double storey house as I don't need that much of space. I miss my family.

- Running around Kuala Lumpur is not fun at all. The traffic is crazy and the people driving their cars are moronic.

- I got into trouble at work again just because I m too hardworking. Somehow some people are just jealous. I m cool with that. Do whatever he/she wants. Don't care.

- My grandma called me the other day saying she pitied me having to eat salad for dinner. Sooner or later I will be malnutrised.

Isn't it sad to live alone? To eat alone and to watch tv alone? I think I started talking to myself because of that. Thanks to Alexander Graham Bell, I m fully utilizing my phones. But still something is missing...

Just an another week in August

I m lost of words to tell you what happened for the past 2 weeks. So I will let the pictures do the talking.

Yeah, we won 2nd place. It's always the second place, I don't understand why. But it's better than nothing.




Yaay...mock check! So...we decided to spend some on food...

So just now, we all went for dinner at a very nice Austrian Restaurant somewhere in PJ. It's called Klimt's. Named after a famous austrian painter Gustav Klimt.

Yummy...I felt so full after that I couldn't think straight. And did I mention I m not a fan of white wine? I couldn't finish so I let my friend to finish them. Red wine is okay but not white. We ordered tonnes of food, tonnes of sausages, tonnes of dessert. And the part would be the raw herring fish. Gosh...I have to finish them because my friends couldn't stand the fish smell. It's raw and it smell like fish. I mean the fish smell is so strong I felt I m eating fish from somebody's aquarium. But the sauce is nice :)

Here's are some of the dishes. There's loads more but I felt these are really nice.

Dessert is the best part of all. I could just lick each and every plate clean. The melted dark chocolate is perfect. The crepes is cooked to perfection. I m addicted to their desserts. So tomorrow I m gonna ask my Austrian karate mate for some austrian food. I wish I had bigger stomach.