I love

I love my gmail

I love my determination

I love my Euro 9.99 blue summer jacket

I love my floral print shirt

I love my rice cooking skills

I love my hidden ability to impress people with my german essay when provoked

I love my ability to eat

I love my ability to get into trouble with guys in their 30s

I love my Restaurant City on Facebook

I love my Coach purse

I love my world for now. Muaaahh!!!

Of Loneliness

Humans are weird species. When they have not get what they want, they want it badly and are willing to sacrifice everything for that. When they got what they want, they complain and feels bad.

Yes, I am talking about me. I am not complaining, just that bad things likes to hit on me everyday.

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I think I have a collection. A collection of men that is. But I am still single. I don't know why I am THAT picky. I have no rights to choose people as I am not perfect. So that shall be it, I shall not be picky after this blog entry. 

Guys let me down sometimes. To that point that I am afraid to like someone, don't mention about love. I am trying to give chances to people around me but that does't work. Jeez, I think being here for a month makes me feel lonely. Like really really lonely.

It's just another day or is it not?

I just had a haircut. FREE OF CHARGE.

That's because I am the living experiment for my friend. She just bought a new scissors and thinks that my hair is great for her experiments. LOL. Now I look like a kid.

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Someone just asked me to become his girlfriend.

Booo!!! I rejected.

And a few minutes later, another guy said he likes me and would like to sleep with me. Wooot!!!

Why on earth I have this kinda people around me?

Why can't someone I want appear in front of me just like in the movies? Do I really have to live alone?

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Something worth to be "paste" here

"when u return 2kl, i m old d"

"u r a nice gal, m proud of u"

"sometimes i hope u r here to build biz career with me"

"with u around, life is better"

"i shall remmeber u"

He is a guy from Malaysia. Yes, from my homeland. And as expected, he is in his 30s, working in the financial sector. 

It's a complicated thing called feelings between human beings. Ain't it?

Lil update

Hmm...I am really tired.

And hungry too.

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I am going to my classmate's little party this afternoon. She's from China ad she's making jiao ze. It's the Chinese version of Tortellini. Nice. And I will be seeing other classmates aswell. And perhaps some new friends.

On the other hand, after that I will go to the library and borrow some books and copy them. As I don't have any german grammar books with me now. Not even in Malaysia. I threw them away in Frankfurt. At the Frankfurt International Airport to be exact. Sad. Sad. Sad.

It's a looooong story. But the past is the past.

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I am starting to look forward for things after all those disasterous things that happened to me since I arrived here. I am getting myself to awkward situtions, embarassing situations, in short, all sorts of situations.

Homesick

I never thought I would say this but yes I would like to go home to my dogs, my family and everything.

Nearly a month of living in insanity makes me feel sad and stupid. 

I never thought I would have such a hard time adapting to this place. Maybe because it's still has the eastern Germany cult that is not as pleasant as being in the west of Germany minus Berlin. Berlin is another story.

Everyday I try to live meaningfully. I really do.

Well...I think this period is for me to learn to be more independant than before. Actually no, I think I should called it emotionally independant. Yes, that's right.

For now, 6 months is my target to pass that damn paper and try to move to another city. Jeez...this place is, well compared to Madrid, I think it's the same with Madrid, just cleaner.

What the feeling of being a student in a german university? Nothing special. Just that my student card is more powerful than the one I had in Malaysia.

I do want to do a few things for now. I wanna hug my dogs. Hurhur. Or maybe I should get myself a dog. But it would be too troublesome for me once I move back to Malaysia or something. I don't know.

What I need is a guy? I think so. But I don't think so. Here I only have 2 choices. Old men or unwanted men. No no. I have no appetite for them. 

On the other hand, maybe this is good. So that I will focus fully on my studies and not wasting time waiting for this and that. But you know me well, I am not those who can stick with my books 24/7. 

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I fell asleep just now. And I was sleep talking in german. Jeez.........I could never understand myself now. How could I sleep talk in german? I was really tired mentally.

Okay, I think I should stop writting now and go "home". To the place where people have sex freely on the dining table, etc etc. Jeez...I could never imagine my food on that table ever again. And hopefully they are not doing it superbly tonight like the day before I "ran away from home". Oh gosh....I need to breathe. Why do I always have to be in the place where everything weird happens?

Hope

Things has gone really really crazy lately. Sometimes I would just want to buy a one way ticket back to Malaysia but sometimes I think I need to stay here to get what I want for now. This is gonna be very tough but I am determine to go on.

Weird things fall on me like the autumn leaves on the ground. I have not had a single break or a happy day since I arrived here. This is just a test. I am really tired now. I m running out of energy after 20 days here. 

I wish I can lead a normal life here for now.

When will it end?

I think I have just ended some sort of relationship with someone again.

I need someone who has a certain extent of maturity and not being childish all the time. And for now, I am really afraid to deal with my emotions especially when it comes to relationship.

For the past few years, my heart is broken and then mended and then broken again for so many times. So, yeah, today will be just another day like the other days where I broke people's heart or vice versa.

I am hoping the grey clouds will be away soon. Since I arrived to this small little city, I felt like a wrecked ship.

Shittt

Since I stepped out from the plane in Frankfurt Airport till now...my life has been so shitty I don't know what to say.

And best of all I have no internet.

Okay, I should write a long one about what happened to me for the past few weeks. SHIT do happens. I know that.