Family Matters

"Not even a month back in Malaysia and you are already flying somewhere else. Do you have a problem?"
"I have never seen anyone like you. Why can't you stick your feet in your own country?"

Okay. Well. It's not that I don't like Malaysia. It's because when I am back, thousand of problems come to me as if I am the only person in the world that can deal with these.

Take today for instance, I just woke up, went to the toilet, poo-ed, came out, brushed my teeth, washed my face, went downstairs for breakfast and suddenly. Voila...

Someone came running to me and started to tell me stories from the Ice Ages and how she was treated and all. Moments after that, phone calls and sms came in and of course, they are looking for me telling me the same Ice Age story.

I cried today telling them, "I just want all of you to be together and be with me for these few weeks as I will be away for 3 years. I don't know when I will be back."

I bought a one-way ticket. Yes, I just did. I don't know why I did that. I have never bought any one-way ticket to any place before. I think next year, I will probably spend my Chinese New Year in Holland or somewhere else.

My family members is spreaded from the North of Asia till Australia. So, how many borders did it crossed? Plenty I should say. And so far to my understanding, only my family members in Malaysia is the one hardest to deal with.

It kills me slowly knowing the facts from the Ice Age, on how some people treated other people.

And forgiving other people is a sin here. Why can't they just forgive and forget and let loose and be themselves and stop pretending and love each other and keep on to everything together. Leave aside the material world. I think they are already rich enough to not neglect love. A few Platinum credit cards in their purses and wallets and their Louis Vuittons won't make the world a better place.

I think the poorer some people are, the better forgiver they can be. Just like me. I have nothing. I don't own a house, I drive an old car passed down to me since my grandfather passed away, I don't have a stable job. And if I have money, I travel. Yes, I have some luxuries with me, yes I do have a few branded stuff in my wardrobe but it won't last long. I gave it away. The only luxurious thing I have now would be my PDA and my laptop and my camera and my Coach bag. People hurt my feelings, I forgive them and go on with life. Again and again I am the dumb ass. So what? I am happier now. I am more than happy to forgive some jerks in my life than to keep revenge for my whole life.

Is money the factor to degrade people and not love each other even they have blood relations? And apart of me is jumping with joy with the fact that I will be away for 3 years in a lonely town in the middle of Thueringen. With loadsa trees, grass, mountains and river...I know I will be bored but I am looking at the positive side of it. I have to be strong, I have to be positive.

No one I know, at least here in my family would take the plunge to go to a foreign country alone backed with shitty german proficiency and not even a Platinum credit card. Just some canned food and mental readiness to brave the cold hard winter.

No matter how shitty my life is right now or no matter how shitty I was treated by some people or no matter how shitty my life will be in the future. I forgive everything that happens and I am learning to grow to be a better person through this. I have nothing but only the love to myself. I am starting to love myself more than ever.

Being 23 going to be 24 is going to be a bit harder than before. I knew it. No more nice warm food, no screamings or fits from anyone in the family, no hot sun, no warm beach, no sisterly love from my sisters, no dogs to play with, no cheap cinema tickets, no childhood friends for as long as I choose to stay in Jena. It's really not going to be easy.

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By the way, I got scolded by my uncle out of a sudden and I was like WTF!!! And then came another and then another all throwing their hissy fits at me when they are supposed to throw it at other people. I got mad and I scolded each and everyone of them including my grandmother.

I tried to patch things up and this is what I get? Anyhow, I managed to get them back together. I am talking about all of them. I spent 5 hours talking on Skype and on my handphone and also on the house phone. Each of them shouting at me and I remained calm but cried alone because I felt it's really unfair to be scolded when I am the innocent one. It was really the worst point of my life after my job at the consulting firm.

I think I hold some important power in this family as I think when I scolded them, everyone kept silent and listen and agreed to whatever I said. I really wish they could remain peaceful and hold no grudge against each other. Amen.