Change of lifestyle

This is what I got myself for this month. A year of California Fitness membership which costs me a BOMB!!! Now I know why Jackie Chan is so damn rich. The gym is all about him. Good marketing strategy and puhleeze...FYI...I m not there because of him. I m there because I got no where to go. Now it's my second home. I go there nearly everyday after class. So, that means I m spending more like mad again (for good). Stress is not good when I spend it on other stuff (like food, food and food)...so why not go to the gym and work-out. :)
I m nearly obese. I need to lose 15kg. That's my target. I want my 16 year old body back...badly. Chinese New Year is just around the corner, I still haven't shop for any clothes yet besides 6 pairs of shoes. I m not the only crazy one around. My friend just tipped the waiter for RM30. That's what I call crazy. Over-stressed. I don't understand why we tend to "waste" money when we're stress. Spending money makes me happy. It's like that's the only thing that makes me happy for now. It's like you got some kind of freedom. I don't know how to say it...but it's a good feeling since I can't eat much now.
On the other hand, it seems like a good idea since I've planned to not to go to anywhere for 9 months. Wahahaha...I m going crazy again. No no...it's the the time of the month. I m okay. I just need someting to fill in the gap. The gap of being useless and lonely.

Let's see...I've got too much demand on myself. I should cut it down. I m demanding more and more on myself. Trying to be superwoman. My head hurts. I m very tensed. I m looking forward for my belly dancing class tomorrow. Should be funny...I wanna see my tummy wobble...bahahaha. After that it's hip hop. My favourite class of all. So am I healthy now? Mentally I mean.

2 free tickets for you

Okay, maybe it's not too late to make New Year resolutions. It's still January...Okay. I m having the toughest day of my life. Bad luck I should say. That's the result for not praying for years (that what some old people said to me), I m not wearing any crystals to put off bad luck (the crystal seller told me this), swore too much (my friends thinked that I swore too much), too many assignments and I m not mentally motivated (I think so). Everthing seems to go so so so wrong.
Let's see this week alone, a few days back, Let's start on Monday. I got very emotional because I feel very lonely. My grandma went on a holiday for more than a month. No one talk to me when I got home for a month. I cook myself, eat myself and for little entertainment sometimes I talk to myself like a mad woman. Just the walls around me. I've got tonnes of unfinish work to do. I stared at the wall again. I can't sleep at night. Then I stared at the ceiling. I found my life is so pointless and meaningless. It was so empty. I can't find a single thing to motivate me. It's like having friends without having friends. Yes, I m happy I've got people around me all the time but sometimes you need friends that will cry with you, right? I do have my crying friends but there're very far away from me. I feel lonely even with friends around me. Loneliness of all sorts. It's like I have to brave through my way alone. So sad...
Then came Tuesday, I would say, it's a Black Tuesday. Early in the morning, as usual, I was on my way to uni but my friend called for help, she can't get a cab, so I use another road to fetch her from her house. Then after that, we rush to class. I have to use the university's 2nd gate. We're already rushing because we're really late for class. Hmmmph....Never in the 2 years of my uni life...well to cut the story short, a stupid guard stop me then my name was automatically in the black list. He didn't give me any reasons and I m black listed for nothing. Blardy hell. What is he doing? Stop me for nothing and I got black listed for nothing?
Then after class, I tried to start my car but my car broke down there. In front of the Arts Faculty. I was there for my elective course. My car alarm was beeping so loud that I wish I m big enough to keep in inside my pocket to stop it from making so much noise. I tried my best to start everything but nothing can stop it....then finally I found the little switch below the car stering to stop the alarm. I called my mechanic but he's only free in the late evening. I was devastated. I got to rush home to finish my it-took-me-2-weeks assignment because the presentation is on the day after. So I called my dad. I heard a lot of unpleasent things from him. I was in need of someone to tell me what to do. I gone blank. I only have my assignment and my presentation in my head that time. I was so sad because I was hoping for a little support from them. I really want them to be the normal average parents. Not those who left their daughter in the "wild" and let them grow by themselves like a wild plant. I need some nice words. I was in tears because I can't bear it any longer. Those feelings that I've bottled-up since I was young bursted out with no control. Then I had those feeling of "loneliness" again. I can't hold it longer. So I cried out for a while. But I feel a lot better after that. Then I went back home. My laptop gave me a major headache. It doesn't want to on at all. All these while, I have never encountered anythign like this. I was thinking of banging my head on the table because I haven't finish with my assignment and all my important notes are all inside the laptop. I got panic and started to send messages to the whole world asking for computer repair shop. Nearly go crazy. No car, no laptop, presentation tomorrow. Die. Then later that night my coursemates came home with me because they know I m lonely and devastated. I can't even think properly. They scared I will do silly things. So they decided to stay with me until my grandma is back. It's really nice of them to do that. We played mahjong and I lose all night long. But it's a happy feeling. They even cooked dinner for me. I settled the car problem and called it a day. I was so 'mentally' tired.
On Wednesday morning, it's my "big day"...my assignment and presentation. A hard work of 2 weeks analysing Germany, Switzerland, Austria and Liechtenstein's speciality. I got some negative feedbacks from my lecturer saying that it was too long and too much information. Well, in the first place, she's the one who told me the presentation should be 15 minutes minimum. Then I was asked to present it again (in English) during the Foreign Language Week. I said, "OK"....very unwillingly. This means more things to do. Later in the evening, I went and bought some food. I was hungry. Really hungry. I bought 3 different kuihs. One was rotten. Damn. Not again. I can't even sleep and eat peacefully.
So now, I've changed my plans. I will not travel to anywhere for a period of 9 months. I m serious. I m sacrificing something that it's so impossible for me to do. I m too devastated to go anywhere. Now I m thinking of giving my tickets away (if possible). So anyone up for a Phillipines and a Cambodia ticket? Please raise your hands. Please don't waste this 2 tickets. It will only go to the dustbin if no one wants it. On the other hand, I m saving for a new car. I wanna get a new car since my late grandfather's car is giving me a lot of problems.
I will go crazy if someone send me some shocking news. Please dont. So 2 simple new year resolutions. Realistic ones. I m really really down rite now. It's not fun to be so unlucky for so many days you know?

I m stress...stress...stress

Looks like I will be having a series of very suprisingly-funny-stressful-crazy-unfortunate for some time to come. Why? Look...let's look at what happened this Monday till today:

Monday:
My lecturer called my name again and again. This time is uncountable. I didn't show any sign of sleepiness, I m very attentive in his class but my name got called again (in front of more than 70 people). Fate. The class is tough. Loadsa reading, surveying and more reading. And he loves to give quizzes. My name is on his list again. He told the whole class how he remembered every single word I wrote in his quiz. That's really embarassing. Suddenly out of no where, he would call my name to answer his questions. I feel so stress. It's normal if lecturers love to call out my name becoz it's like a norm for me since I was young. I've got this unique name and un-chinese feature that makes me "call-able". But this is different. I feel very stressful everytime he calls out mine. I got no idea what this subject is about and I got no interest in it at all. He seems so passionate about it. I m so so stressfull. On the other hand, my German lecturer is driving me up the wall again. Driving US up the wall actually. I can faint if you call out her name. Amazing!
And then I had the worst French lecturer I've ever had in my life. He speaks like a sloth. Ever so slow and he looks so lazy to conduct the class. I don't like French at all. They always read their words half way. Why? Can't they read it all? Why is "Au Revoir" is only read as [o va]????

Tuesday:
I was having lunch with my Iraqi colleague in a cafetaria (note: cafetaria) in my univeristy. He's studying in this uni aswell (just recently for his Masters in Engineering). So we decided to meet up and bring him around this uni since he thinks it's HUGE and he got lost a few times. Just his 2nd week of uni. As usual, we're having lunch, talking about Iraq and how I should appreciate my country more because I live in a very beautiful country with loadsa trees, peaceful, etc etc...and then he told me about bombs in his country. Bombings here and there....
Suddenly out of no where, there's this cafe staff, she was screaming her lungs out. I got shock of course, one moment it's about bombings and then somebody's screaming so loud the whole cafe stunned for a while. Then she was pointing to the sit next to me. Less than a metre away from me. Muahaha. I felt like fainting when I turn my head. There's a snake next to me and I didn't realise it. SNAKE!!! Snake in a cafe??? How come? My god!!! I didn't move an inch. I remain calm while laughing at my "luck" on these kinda things. Damn it. Snake next to me when the whole cafe is like so damn big. I was sitting in the middle of the cafe not the side places. So my colleague being a brave 27 year old took a broom and shoo-ed it away. It's a small little green tree snake with some red and black colour on the head. Oh gosh...Nightmare. Then a student asked me about my colleague.

Student: Wow, he's so courageous. Where is he from?
Me: Iraq...U know Iraq is full of brave people? ;)
Student: He's so so brave you know. Wow (She looks so amazed)
Me: Yeah, from Iraq you see...brave people live there.
Student: Haha. I don't dare to do that. He's just so brave. (Looks like she found her Superman)
Me: Yeah...Brave man there.


Wednesday (today)
My name is being called out twice today in his class. A new record. It's just 2 times today. I m so happy. He know every single move, every single eye contact I made with my friends. He knows everything. He can be a potential stalker if he's not a lecturer. But I m happy it's just twice today. And then came my another faculty course's lecturer. I sat at the corner where no one can see me. But she looks at me more than 6 times in that particular one hour. More questions...Stress stress. Sometime I can't be bothered to answer. I m just to "tired" to answer.

It's all about student life. Mine (including my coursemates) is more stressfull than other people in this faculty. Students from other department is so free. They can have Monday as "Shopping Day", Tuesday as "Movies Day", Wednesday as "wearing pink Day". How I wish. Nowadays I go to uni with slippers, I didn't comb my hair, I m not bothered to put on my contact lenses. I just put on moisturizer and sunblock and I m ready to go. Unlike my "olden" days where I will take ages in the morning to go to uni. Now, I just want to survive. That's all.

I picked up a new hobby. I m too stress today, I clean and scrub the whole kitchen. I even cook dinner. Amazing.

Now I want my baby Sony Alpha. Or a D80??? I dunno. I m lost.

Against me?

Have you ever felt like the whole world is planning a plot against you in everything you do? Well, I feel that way. Since yesterday night, everyone seems to have this little tiny thing of hurting me.

I was sleeping soundly in the middle of the night. It's was such a nice sleep since it's always difficult for me to fall asleep during school days...then suddenly someone called me, I was too tired to even look at the caller and I just pick up the phone.
Voila! Out of no where, some blardy bastard whom I have not keep in contact for nearly a year called me. He wants me to listen to him. So being the "nice" me...I gave him some time, I let him say whatever he wants to say. Suddenly out of no where....

X: You know you and me together...we can't be together. You know that right?
me: Uh huh...OF COURSE!!! It's impossible.
X: You're not the type that I like and I m not the type that you like rite?
me: Uh???? (WTF, you called me in the middle of the night just to say this?)
X: When I was not in contact with you a few months back, I kissed a girl. She's my ex-schoolmate. But I know we both won't be together. She's...
me: Wait wait. Stop. Why are you telling me all these? It's non of my business rite?
X: I need someone to listen to me for a while....
me: WHY ME???....

Hello, Mr. X. I don't know how to say it. But what makes you think I like you in the first place? I think there's been a big misunderstanding there. And calling me in the middle of the night just to tell me this. I really don't appreciate that. Called me just to tell me u kissed a girl and that we're both not meant for each other? That's childish!!! Man, can't some guys be more matured a bit? At least a bit?

---------------------------
I was packing my bag then some students from other faculty came in. Then I met one of my old schoolmate...can't remember her name. But I know she's one of the SMART and INTELLIGENT and CLEVER ones in my school. But I think she got no BRAINS or wat-so-ever.

G: Hey! Why are you here?
me: *blinking* Me?
G: Yeah...
me: I study here
G: Oh you study here? Owh...sorry. Hehe.
me: Hmm...yeah I study here...(what kinda question is she asking me?)

Oh gosh, not again. Okay. Maybe at school I m one of the bad student. Laziest, clumsiest, most undiscipline one...you name it...But that doesn't mean that I can't be studying in the same uni rite? What a question to ask. Can't she see that I m wearing my uni TAG. Which is so obvious? Man, the way she ask is so sarcastic. I don't like that tone at all. Sometimes she pretend not to see me...bahahahah...very funny. I can't seem to click with HIGH CLASS people like her. What a bitch.

More to come...I can sense it...yes...I can sense it. Arghhh....

"I HATE MY LIFE"

My coursemate said that this morning. I was about to say the same but I can't be bothered to say it becoz it happens every semester. The workload is getting higher and tougher each passing day. Lecturers love us so much that they always remember our names without fail. First day in their respective classes and we got our names called out 4-5 times in each classes. Interesting. Very interesting indeed. And that will go on till the end of this semester.

I got a bit emo just now when asked to do some group presentation in the Gender and Developement class. I m a feminist (just realised that). Woohoo...I stood up with great pride and starting to elaborate on stereotyping women in general. I spoke with great energy and emotion. Welcome back my old me. I guess my "political" side has just came back with greater energy. I remember my "good" old days back at school where I will blast every guys I don't like particularly (only those who annoys the class but the class didn't do anything to them) so badly sometimes it turns out to be a "romantic act". It happens to 2 of the guys. Both like me. And of course I deny it so badly that I would feel offended if anyone tries to tease me with any of them. Euks... Who wants to be linked to the "baddie" of the class. Not me of course. And there's this time where I scolded a male teacher who's always late to class and who didn't teach us anything in Form 2. Man, I was brave enough to scold him. Lucky nothing happened. What had gone into me. And my friends didn't stop me at all. Why? Why why?

So, you see, without work (as in my work work), I act like a "bitch" I should say. My energy has turned to political cause and not into my studies. I don't know about my studies as class just started not long ago. I tried not to yawn in class. But so far, I didn't do that...since my name is always being called out every few minutes so thank God for that! Being politcal. Hmm...could be a good news. Stand up for human rights! Fight poverty! No sexual discrimination at the workplace! Sounds so cheesy...

Have you ever felt like your vision for your future suddenly gone blur? Like when you're young you know exactly what you want in life and everything but suddenly at one point, you're LOST. I m facing that now. When I was young I know what I wanted in life, I have great plans, great ambition and great vision for the future. Suddenly it blurs out. For now I just wanna go through life and go back and sleep. Nothing else matters that much anymore. Maybe becoz it's my uni life. Maybe becoz I m stress becoz I know I have 7 presentations to go. ..8 paper works. ..and I m not sure about any upcoming competition or what-so-ever. Bah...I just can't be bothered.

Why do we have to live anyway? I don't know...

Happier News of the day

AirAsia X London flights from RM9.99
KUALA LUMPUR: Fly Asian Express (FAX) will fly its long-haul operations using the brand Air Asia X, under franchise from AirAsia, starting July. The flights will have two classes - super economy and economy. In-flight entertainment and food will be available for purchase onboard. Fares to London will start as low as RM9.99, excluding tax and surcharges. FAX has been given rights to operate long-haul flights to destinations in Asia, Australia and Europe. AirAsia CEO Datuk Tony Fernandes has a 50% stake in FAX. The other two FAX shareholders are AirAsia deputy chief executive Kamarudin Meranum (30%) and former AirAsia chief financial officer Raja Azmi Raja Razali (20%), who is also FAX CEO.

taken from http://thestaronline.com/news/story.asp?file=/2007/1/5/nation/20070105113409&sec=nation

I can't believe my eyes. Can't imagine ...later in July...London gonna be so packed with Malaysians...Aussie gonna be more packed with the already packed Malaysians. Unbelieable. But how's the flight like I wonder...

It's happening again

My nightmares I mean. It's only the 2nd week of uni. I have these weird dreams of people killing themselves, people commiting suicide everywhere on the road, people standing on the wall like Humpty Dumpty trying to jump off. I feel so tired of having these kinda weird things. I wanted to cry out just now because I can't differentiate which is reality and which is not. Damn it. Not again!!! Help...

Hello 2007

Happy New Year everyone, hope it's not to late to wish you all though. I've been very busy with life lately since I got back from my so-called holidays. It's official now I m not normal....mentally.I've outdo myself a lot for the week. I've edited more than 2000 photos in less than a week...dats record number one.
Number 2...I went back and stayed at my parent's house for New Year...dats for 5 days. That's a new record aswell becoz I've never stayed more than 2 and a half days back at my parents' house since I got into uni.
Number 3...I've dissed and hurt loadsa people's feeling more than ever in that week. Sorry to the people I've hurt...I can't help to say hurtful things like that when you people act like jerks, I can't lie to myself. It's a long story behind that...
Number 4 would be the funniest girls' night out ever (a few days back) with my girlfriends...We met a few guys later that night and they made me realise why most of the people in my group of friends are still single. That's because my girlfriends have high demand in guys. "Oh man, too bad he's not highly educated", "How sad...if he didn't smoke, he would be the perfect one for me", "He's the lala type. Not my style", "NONONO...he's such a nerd", "He cannot speak english at all. How am I gonna live...". There you go...it's not that the male species are facing extinction, it's the girls who're really demanding. (shoutout to best buddy in KK - dun be so choosy like ur frens here in KL)
Number 5...I think I ate a whale...u know what it means...
So far...I would not want to mention about 2006. It's a bit devastating for me altho there're good memories after that particular 'incident'. A big thank you to all who'd supported me all the way. Now 2007...I could sense there're loadsa things in store for me. A store which would be bigger than Tesco or Carrefour. All the best everyone!