Women

There are things that are really irrelevant to me.

i.e: Hey, your aunt is coming over to XXXXX to visit us and we'll have a family gathering...yada yada....yada yada...

i.e: Your aunt is very annoying, yada yada yada....

i.e I really can't stand your aunt, she's such a #%&* and #^**^ and yada yada yada


Hell no...my aunt is my aunt and I am me. No point complaining to me or telling me whatever stories about her. I don't care. I am not bothered. Sometimes being patient is like having a frog in your body. You feel so sick you will wanna kill yourself and take that frog out and prefer to die than to live again.

Yeah....you see that is why I prefer to be alone most of the time despite being a social butterfly at the same time. Being alone let you have time to think logically and be less emotional.

And women are those species on earth that are very very emotional. Bad bad. I am emotional because of the women around me that creates endless problems and also being jealous all the time. Jeez...I really don't understand them.

My latest obsession

A Toshiba G810...all that I need in a piece with an affordable price of RM1,999.00.


Slurpppp...

The "U" word

I am confused with my own identity right now.

I am really really confused. Who am I?

I don't know myself anymore. Worse...I felt pretty useless lately.

I am such a failure in everything. Do I even have talent in something?

Bad mood

What day is today?

Why am I so grumpy?

Why do I feel like strangling and scolding people so much today?

Why am I scolding everyone?

Why do everyone get scolded by me today?




Should be my hormones again....

Super busy

I have been so so so busy running errands I think I forgot the date today. Everyday after I resigned I have been busy with uni application, dealing with application/visa documents, DHL, searching for food (yes, I have been searching high and low and doing some survey of food that I should bring over to Germany like curry powder, chilly powder, soup powder, indian spices, chinese spices, malay spices...yeah, THAT much of stuff because I was brought up in good old multi-cultural Malaysia, I know I am going to miss Malay food, Indian food, Chinese food, Bengali food, etc etc...and also because I know I have got limited ability to cook perfectly :(
Haha! )

Tomorrow I am going to a few places again. Jeez...but I am happy!!!

This Sunday, my grandma is leaving me for Australia. She will be there for 3 months and I will have to cook for myself starting next week. :(

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A guy pisses me off yesterday. He is very demanding and I think he is crazy. Suddenly he asked me to call him back. He didn't know that I won't call a guy unless he is a close friend of mine. (What the heck should I call him anyway? He's just a friend's friend of mine. No strong reason to call, I don't want to send any wrong message to him thinking that I am giving him a chance). So he waited for hours and hours. And after that he sent me a message saying that I am not sincere in becoming his friend. I was like WTF?

I was a bit pissed yesterday because he thought that after all those "I love you"s I will fall for him. No way. Some people just don't understand. If we are not in the same channel why force into a relationship? He was forcing me indirectly to accept him. And of course I said "NO". I know I have been cruel to reject him but the thing is the chemistry is not there. And this feeling is worse than opening doors in that company.

After I came back from my holidays, I have become very very impatient. If I want something, I want it ASAP. And if I want to get rid of something, I will find ways to get RID of it. The old me would just wait and wait and wait till the sun goes down and up again and never take any action. I guess I am more agressive now. So, now, I would really want to give him 5 slaps on each cheek and push him into a pool. MUAAHAHAHHAHAHA...I am INDEED PISSED!

Okay...no more bad stuff about me. I know I am already bad enough.

I shall go to bed now. Somehow I think I didn't make a very smart move of not telling him off yesterday. I still remain silent. :(

Run

I am tired

I am exhausted

I am sleepy

I am burned-out

Finally, after all the running and copying and writing and jumping and throwing tantrums...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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I have offically COMPLETED and SENT my application. Woohoo!!!


Jeez...one document took me 3 days to prepare. Running from point A to B every single day. I hope this leads to somewhere.

Ah.....I need some sleep now. I am missing my bed again.

G'nite.

Doing the things I like

Ah...busy busy busy...but I like this kinda busy-ness.

You see, in life, if you do the things that you like, you wouldn't mind spending 24 hours a day doing it. You will be happy doing it. But for the things you don't like to do at all, one hour feels like a millenium.

I am currently busy with my german uni application. I am praying hard so that I can reach there before the 1st of October. So yeah...I will be returning to my student life but in a different place. Sounds exciting eh? Hmmm...the moment that I have been told that they need a motivation letter auf deutsch, I was like...OMG!!! My german has gone so bad that I can't bear to look at it. But I don't care what it takes, I just wanna get a place in that uni.

So I will be feeding myself fat again end of this year. Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

When money is not everything in life

I am officially UNEMPLOYED now!!!!

Oh gosh...I felt so happy that I don't have to open doors anymore. Thank god!

Now that I got back my life and that I am so happy that I am no longer stuck in that office, I am back on track...back to my long lost soul of happy-craziness. Now that my life is no longer a straight line...I am very very very happy.

Now I can focus on doing things I like in life. And also my tendency of killing my boss is over now, so he is safe for the time being. I felt so so so relieve. It was such a big impact on my life to be stuck in such a job. And of course I learnt my lessons as well which is to not look for jobs in Chinese companies anymore. Never again. Ah......I just feel so happy.

It got me thinking. No matter how much I need money to fund my studies, being stuck in that kind of job won't get me anywhere no matter how high the pay is for a fresh-graduate.

I can say that period of working there is the suckiest part of my life this year. I have never open doors for so many people in my life before, I have never been blamed and scolded so much before over the things I didn't do, and of course I have never been paid so high to do such work before. Oh...I am so thankful right now.

Can't you feel the happiness? I am so happy right now I can finish 5 tubes of ice-cream all by myself. Ahhhh...

Fed up

Arrghh.....I am so fed up with the people around me. So fed up with everything all I wanna do now is sleep and forget about those stupid things.

Just imagine...Individual A scolded Individual B because of me and Individual C scolded Individual A because of me and Individual D scolded Individual E because of me. And this goes on till Individual Z. More than Z.

I know a lot of people cared about me regardless of what happened to me. I am so tired of people arguing with each other because of me as IF I am the real culprit behind this. I don't blame my very dramatic problems because of them. Anyhow they are my family.

*sigh*

Lesson learnt: I know my dad loves me very much....I only knew it today. Too late eh? After nearly 23 years living on earth...I just knew (a few minutes back) that he really cared for me. The things he did today, made me cry because I am touched by his action to save me from being stabbed emotionally by someone.

Owh god...I cried again. Since I started work in this company, the tears keep on flowing out. I think the problem with me is because I am the weird one in the family. I think so. Maybe I am not human.

Gawdddddd....I wanna runaway...Maybe after 4 years, they will realize me as a human.

Itch

The itch is here again...MUAHAHAHAHAHA....

The itch to venture to new places and more new photographs is here again.

God bless me...the old me is BACK ON TRACK!!!

Now I am trying to figure out for more ways to get out from that company and also earning more money to fund my soul-searching trips.

I think I am gonna start with Europe first. After all the 27 EU countries, I would really love to go to South America. Oh GAWDDDD...I like Brazil...and then Paraguay and Uruguay....ahhh...

But before that, I can only venture to EU after I got my Visa. 3 Years is sufficient enough I think to travel to all 27...opps...26 countries within that period while I am studying in Jena/Bochum/...whatever I can get. So first thing's first is to get THAT Visa.

"Girl, you're not thinking of getting a man and get married ah?"
Errrr...the answer would be....err.......NO, not at the moment.

Let's not get into that. I have been given tonnes of lectures from my relatives about that. *sigh*

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Thinking of Monday makes me sad already....*sob*...WORK!!!

Commitment

com·mit·ment –noun

1. the act of committing.
2. the state of being committed.
3. the act of committing, pledging, or engaging oneself.
4. a pledge or promise; obligation: We have made a commitment to pay our bills on time.
5. engagement; involvement: They have a sincere commitment to religion.
6. perpetration or commission, as of a crime.
7. consignment, as to prison.
8. confinement to a mental institution or hospital: The psychiatrist recommended commitment.
9. an order, as by a court or judge, confining a person to a mental institution or hospital.
10. Law. a written order of a court directing that someone be confined in prison; mittimus.
11. Parliamentary Procedure. the act of referring or entrusting to a committee for consideration.
12. Stock Exchange.
a. an agreement to buy or sell securities.
b. a sale or purchase of securities.

The reason why I am posting this up is because I am told by my boss that I am not committed enough. Or not even committed at all at work. And today my uncle told me that I am not ready for any kind of commitment. And another uncle of mine said that I can't be committed at all.

Ok. Fine. Commitment has always been a big word for me. I will only commit if like my the thing that I am doing. I.e: Committed to my job as a photographer. Or commit myself to someone I love. But if I am forced to do something I don't like, it's hard to even care about it. So now, it's like being forced to commit myself into my work. I would really love to tell my boss this (but I can't):

Hello Boss,

Frankly speaking, I hate to work here. I am being treated like a slave and I honestly don't like it at all. Or worse still no respect at all, just like a dog..you know. And with that kind of working condition, how do you want me to commit here? Commit my life as a slave to this company so you can spend more money and I have to do those work that people don't do for life? Hell no.

Because of my unhappiness of working here, I have health problems due to being emotionally tortured by the fact that I have to open that damn door everyday and also taking care of the cleaner of the office. What sort of training are you giving me? It's been a month (God bless me...I am still alive), and I am still doing the same thing while other people has been learning more things and improving themselves and my life is still at point 0.

And everyday, just because you want to show your power to me, you scolded me over petty stuff and even at stuff that I didn't do and still it's my fault. And I am tough enough to get scolded by you and admit the fault even I didn't do it...EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Do I need to get you a book on Human Rights so that you know how to treat your employees right? Just because you can offer a better pay doesn't mean that you can scold whenever you like or ask me to do silly things like watering the plants.

Sometimes, I am so pissed you with that I could have stabbed you with the letter opener or that IKEA glass on your head.

Seriously, whatever you promised me during that interview went to the drain. It's totally different from what is being promised. You said that I will get the chance to learn the nature of business, sales and marketing, but hell no. I only know how to water the plants and open the doors perfectly.

I shall wait for 2-3 more months to see the result? Ridiculous. If I am given the chance, I could have stop now. That would make me so happy because I don't have to see your damn face everyday and your ridiculous scoldings. And that's it. End of story.

Yours Faithfully,

Employee of XXXXXXX company


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I took MC today because I am sick. The doctor gave me some very sleepy medication that I can't help but to fall asleep like a bear in hibernation.

Although I am sick but I am happy enough because I don't have to go to work.

Every morning I drag myself to work. What is the meaning of life when you have to force yourself doing something you don't like just because of money? Ahhh well....everyone will say, "Well you have to do it for MONEY." Jeez.