Back

Finally! I am back. Back home and also back to the Internet. Like real Internet.

Although I was online but the past few days but it was spent without being in front of my laptop but to pack, pack and clean. I am glad it's over.

After hours and hours of being Hercules carry more than 50kgs of luggage from Berlin to Frankfurt and then to Dubai and then back to Kuala Lumpur. I am finally back and tired. Really tired. Although I am really tired but I am typing this at 3.30am as I am having jet-lag.

Everything still looks the same, smells the same and taste the same. I finally realized that the one who have changed is me but not the things here.

I guessed it's time to start over a new phrase of life again. And this time is gonna be so different.

I received a letter from the uni that I have applied. And yes, I have to be there before the 30th of March 2009, which is making me a bit uncomfortable now. I can't decide if this is really what I want. But this is what I wanted all these while. That was before I know I have grown old.

Anyhow, I think I will probably go for it. Some people asked me not to forgo this chance as it doesn't comes easily like rain from the sky. I guess I will be okay doing this alone although my friend has decided not to go this time. It's time for her to build a new family and it's time for me to improve myself.

Hmm...wind oh wind...where shall' thou bring me?

On the other side of happiness

Hmm...I came with 40kgs and I am going back with 45kgs. Where the hell did the 5kgs come from?

Okay, I finished all my food from Malaysia. I am supposed to be left with 20kgs only. But now it's 25kgs extra. Where the hell did I get that 25kgs extra?

I am going to faint right now. Lugging 45kgs is like lugging a standard size girl from Berlin to Frankfurt and then to Dubai and then to Kuala Lumpur. Oh my shit.

Hmm...as far as I can remember, I did not buy as much things as last year and I only buy a few pieces of clothings. When I say a few, it's less than 5. And only a pair of shoes. And nothing else.

I am really going to faint right now. I am packing halfway and I have stuffed 32kgs into my big bag alone and it's amazing how I managed that.

Hmm...again...I am repacking again tonight.

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Looks like being targetless hits my quater life crisis again. Everyday when I woke up, I am in dilemma. Apart from missing some people in my life, I need to adapt myself again back home and after that to a whole new place depending where the wind will bring.

Yes, I am now sure that if I have the offer from the university, I will definately jump on the bandwagon. That's the only thing I can do now. I am thinking of the bright side of the whole thing. Very bright side. I am being very very positive now. Won't be that bad living in a small town. Won't be that bad without entertainment. Won't be that bad being alone in a small place. Won't be that tough to go through the winter again. Won't be that bad to miss some people.

Yeap. I am ready for it. It's not going to be easy but it's not going to be super duper hard either. It's the brain that controls the mind. So stay positive will be okay I guess.

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One day, I woke up. Saw myself in the mirror. I looked old. I need anti-aging cream at the age of 23. How sad. Okay. I shall stop now.

Stay happy and be happy.

World without me

Everyone sleeps so early nowadays.
Everyone is so busy nowadays.
Everyone is so different nowadays.

Is it because the world is moving rapidly without me or the other way round?

Should be me being the sloth and other people are way way ahead of me in many many ways.

Probably it is...

You can sacrifice, I can too

This is a quote from a friend of mine on her MSN. Wow.

I am impressed. I use to sacrifice a lot for the people I love. Not anymore. Maybe for the ones I really really love and dearest to me, maybe I will.

Bravo my friend. I am not as sacrificial as you. But you have my applaud.
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Hmmm...today has been a boring day. I stayed at home. Yeap, on a Saturday, watched TV and washed dishes.

My friend went out on a date today and she said, sometimes, some things happen when you are in the right time and the right place. Yes, I totally agreed with that.

She said, if she met this guy earlier than the one back home, she will like this one a lot. But too bad, she has found her one back home.

And I told her the same thing. If I don't go to Portugal on that particular day, I won't meet him. And I won't mess up my life once again because of him. But then, I am afraid to have another long distance relationship.

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Okay, on the serious note. I really should list down the things I have to do when I go back. Just incase I forget.

1. Apply for visa
2. Meet up with everyone
3. Clear the air with him (clear everything up, no misunderstandings, no tears involved)
4. Talk to my parents about my blurness, plans and etc. (I usually fight with them more than having peaceful talk. I think peaceful talk rarely exist but anyhow I shall try...)
5. Have a haircut. I need a haircut badly.
6. Clear my bills. Wooo...going broke.
7. Do my homework given by my very nice lecturer who agreed to watch over my grammar for 2 months. FOC. I wonder what he is up too. Too nice to be true.
8. Clean the house. The house has been empty for too long. And yes, I will be living alone again.
9. Clean-up my contact list. Yes, I am deleting people whom I think meaningless to me. Don't worry my friends, you will stay in my list. I need to delete those useless people on my list. No regrets for that.
10. Exercise. I need to exercise badly.
11. Sort out some work stuff.

I think that's what I can do for now. I can't think of anything. As usual, I will become a bit stupid once I get back home. I don't know why. But this is the thing I can't avoid.

Till then...

Nonsense

Ahhh...I felt so much better today.

In less than 10 days I will be back to my own country. But this time, my Chinese New Year will be very different from the previous ones. All my family members are all spreaded out in various places and it's gonna be different. I am sensing that we are losing the tradition rather than gathering family members around for this important event.

And I am pretty busy this week and next week meeting up with all my friends, attending gatherings and stuff because I know we will miss each other, especially the time we spent together in class.

Did I mention anything before about my language teacher? I think no. Long story. The conclusion is, ahh...another long story.

Anyhow, I would really wanna start my life somewhere else other than going back to Malaysia. I am happier outside Malaysia even Malaysia is like heaven to me for food and such. But I am emotionally healthier in other places.

Time to think what I wanna do next.

Bye bye

Wooohooo...I am breaking-up/ dumping someone/ ignoring someone/ whatever it is...

I don't give a damn anymore. I know it's not gonna last, it's not gonna work. I lose faith once again. So, I should just forget about it and go different direction. It seems like every year I have been doing the same thing. Whatcha gonna say about me? A bitch? Come on...

It's not easy being me. It's not easy being in my shoes.

Once again ladies and gentlemen, I am single.

I have only one thing in my mind right now. A master's degree that is. My short-term goal.

Great. Exactly a month ago I met him. And now it's time to let go after a month later. Goodbye.

After this blog entry, I am going to start a new life. Hmmm...it's not going to be easy but once again, it had happened before. So, that shall be it.

I am damn tired of these shit right now, I just want to sleep.

Goodnight. Damn it.

Before I forget

Okay, now, I shall continue with my story. The one I left hanging a few days back.

So, we were on our way to Coimbra with the intercity train. All we did during the journey was talk, talk, draw, talk, joke, talk, learn Latin, talk, drink, eat, laugh, talk, draw, talk, learn more Latin. Yeah, pretty boring I know. But we are excited with our linguistics discoveries with the Portuguese language. And how the language change and how Latin influenced the Romantic languages.

I know nuts about Latin. I regretted that I told him that. That is when he started to search for Latin ebooks on his iPod and I have to listen to it for about half an hour. I understand nothing. But being courteous, I just stuck them to my ears and listen. Like a teacher, he asked me about the things I know in linguistics and relate it to Latin. Oh my gawddd...I was like...so out of school but I tried nevertheless.

"I am stupid, don't ask me. I always sleep in class and it is a wonder that I graduated."
"You are not stupid. You are smart. Don't be so humble."
"I am telling the truth."

But in the end, I finally know the advantage of knowing Latin. So many words yet so little time.

About 12 midnight we finally reached our destination in Coimbra B. Crazy. It was cold and we were in another station. I was supposed to meet up with my friend in Coimbra A station. It is about a kilometre from Coimbra B. And as you know, Coimbra is indeed a very small town. Everything was closed and we were lost. All we did was, with our broken French, Spanish, Latin and whatever languages we both know combined together, we asked the nearest living Portuguese for direction. A security guard that is. And luckily, he knows where we want to go but we don't understand a single thing he said. But we know we have to walk along the road fromt he way his hands moved. So we did.

"I am glad that you let me go with you."
"Go with me to where?"
"Here!"
"Jeez, why are you so glad? We are lost now."
"I am happy to be lost with you."
"Crazy. No one will be happy to be lost with me. No one likes to be lost in some unknown place."
"But I like to be lost with you. It's so fun to be with you."
"Pfuuuuuhhhh...WHAT? Crazy!"
"I like you."
"O_o...Okay, I don't want to talk to you."

He knows I am pretty upset being lost. Dragging my luggage, looking sad, with my cellphone battery dead on me. I wanted to just give up looking for my friend's place and stay some where else.

He asked me to stay in a place while he go look for the right direction. And when he came back, he has breathing difficulties because of his asthma. OH MY GAWD!!! Asthma!!! Why on earth did he not tell me about this? I was scared to death when he reached for his inhaler. Never in my life I know about asthma, I don't even know how an inhaler looks like in real life. I was really shocked. I was speechless and I felt guilty. Really really guilty.

I mean he has asthma partly because of me. Because I was fed-up being lost and he went to somewhere and suddenly his asthma came attacking. That was when my heart fell on the floor being in that situation. SHIT!

What he did was a very selfless act. I appreciated that. Somehow, I grew to care more for the people around me after that incident. I was brought up in a very cold family. I.e. not knowing much about caring and loving other people as money is more important than blood.

As we walk, I kept on asking, "Are you okay, are you okay?" Another part of me doesn't care anymore if he tells me that he likes me a lot and so on and all the nonsense that I have heard endlessly for the past few years where people say they like me like the passing wind.

After about 30 minutes of walking, we stopped and a group of drunken girls came up to him and flirted with him. He panicked. Being "attacked" by a group of girls in a small little town. I laughed. But I decided to leer off the girls in the end.

As usual, being protective. I told the girls that he's my english teacher and he comes with me. In a very stern but friendly way. And they get lost. That makes me a possesive bitch to be exact.

We waited at the same spot for my friend. I tried to on my cellphone, with hope that it has enough battery to make a simple call. As soon as I on my 99.99% dead cellphone, my friend called and I told her that we are near some stinky market. She knew the place. Thank god! And the battery went flat...really really flat.

Finally, I met up with my friend and it's so great to see her again after a few months. We hugged and I told her about him. She was shocked and excited at the same time, and she can't wait to listen to my stories. So the both of us stayed at her house and he was placed in another room.

"Are you not going to sleep with me?" he asked
"Don't you wish. I am of course going to sleep with my friend." I said.
"Awwwww....," he sighed.
"Don't ever dream about it. Haha." I said sarcastically.

Eventhough I was really tired, I told her everything that happened since I reached Lisbon. And she couldn't believe what she heard and said, "This is FATE." She updated me with her life and etc etc. I was shocked too. And said, "That's FATE."

The next morning, my friend left the both of us at home with a very grumpy old lady. She speaks only Portuguese and has hearing problem. She banged my door at around 8 am. Asking me to wake up to meet up with my friend at the university (from the body language and some keywords).

"Wake up, wake up, I need your help." I went beserk as I came in to his room.
"What?"
"Just come out when you are ready okay. I need your language abilility to communicate with the old woman."

The old lady was telling me something in her language and I couldn't understand a thing.

Her body language showed as if we have to go out and not stay inside the house. So we did.

We decided to go around the town as it is a better way. I think that we are actually being chased out of the place rather than any other thing.

We did some sightseeing around the small university town, to some small little narrow roads with loadsa shops.

In Portugal, there's this thing called the Sun which rarely exist in Berlin. The sun was shinning brightly and sometimes I couldn't see properly. I left my sunglasses at home and that's when I stopped walking halfway and wait for other people to cross first. "Stupid me, again and again I forgot my sunglasses. Damn it." I was mumbling that to myself. He is already in front and a lot of people made the gap between us.

A few moments later, he came to the back to get me. This time, pulling me away from the crowd and holding my hands.

I looked at him and I was stunned. Not that that's the first time someone ever hold my hand, but it's another kind of feeling.

"Your hands are so warm," he said
"Of course. I come from Malaysia. It's a warm country with warm people."
"That's why I like you."
I just smiled. I felt like a 13 year old again. It's like having a first crush.

He did not let go my hands even for a moment.

We went around the town for a few times and stopped at the university for lunch with my friend. And then we continued walking until we reached another part of the university. We stayed there and we chatted.

"You are always so cheerful and happy. Have you ever cried?"
"Why? You wanna see me cry?...Of course I do. I am human. In fact I cried more than you can imagine."
"I wouldn't wanna see you cry. It makes me feel sad."

That's when he asked a lot of questions about me. About my background, about my life, about everything. I just sat there and answered everything and I asked him back the things he asked me.

There are a few times where he tries to kiss me but I turned away. I turned away on purpose. I wouldn't want to be seen kissing in the university area. I am not playing hard to get. But I felt it's not a good place to do so.

So we went around the town and to the other side of the river. Sat on the stairs near an old church and start talking about everything.

"You are a romantic person aren't you?"
"No, I am not."
"Yes, you are. You are just avoiding to be romantic."
"Avoid? No. I will only be romantic to the right person I can be romantic with."

I knew he would ask me this as I avoided to be kiss by him nearly the whole day.

Then as we walked back, we reached another bank of the river. A very nice place to be and the sun is setting down. Watching sunset by the riverside with him.

I stood up as I wanted to snap a photo of the nice view. That's when he stood up and hug me from behind. I tried to shook his hands off but he said, "Stay still. Let's keep memories of this together."

He hugged me so tight sometimes I felt I couldn't move. It's like I-am-afraid-to-lose-you kinda hug. And he kissed my forehead. And slowly he turned in front of me and kissed me on my lips.

I cried. Tears were rolling down like the rain. I couldn't stop crying as I kissed him.

"Why are you crying? Please don't cry. You hurt my feelings too when you cry."

"Why should I not cry? Every time, the same thing happens. When I feel I like someone or found someone, I have to part with him. Just like last year. I am tired of being in such a situation. It hurts a lot, you know?"

"Owww...don't be. Please don't cry anymore."

My phone rang. My friend called and she was shocked why I sounded different. I told her that I will tell her everything after we meet after this.

"Look...there's always a way that we can keep in touch with each other. You can come to America and other way round. There's the internet. But of course it will be different with the internet."

"Let's not talk about this anymore. We'll see how it goes."

I kept silent during dinner. But I forced myself to smile and laugh and my friend's jokes. He knew I was not happy.

Then we spent time in the computer room with other students while waiting for my friend to come. He showed me his passport and started to tell me about his journey throughout the world. And he tries to cheer me up by choosing funny songs in his iPod for me to listen. I finally laugh and it's silly to be angry with him for such a long time.

Half an hour later, my friend came and we did some change to our travel plans as there are some disruptions. And then after that, 3 of us cramped together in a room, helping my friend to pack her things as she was fed-up living with the old lady and she's moving out the very next day. Drama eh? Well, that always happens.

We spent the time teaching him Chinese and Malay and malaysianizing him with our culture and food and with our very own malaysian flag. Everyting with Malaysia in it. Suddenly we are being very patriotic. And then he turned to me and say,"See, that's why I like you. Because you are from Malaysia." I laughed.

It was really late at night but he refuse to go back to his room. He said, "The time with you is getting lesser and lesser. I want to spend more time with you." But the time and place doesn't allow us to do so as my girlfriend was quite emotional that time due to her problems with her landlady. And we tried to console her in every way we can. Another way of spending time with me is to be with my problems or what I am indirectly involved with. Nevertheless he still get to spend some quality time with me.

A bowl of mixed feeling

I am happy
I am sad
I am dissapointed
I am glad
I am worried
I am fine
I am great
I am not

Whatever it is, I wish to speak to someone now.

When life is getting more and more meaningless

...that's when we have no more hope/expectation/the will to pursue what we want to pursue

These few days I felt like a wrecked ship. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's the decision that I have to make in less than 6 days now. Or maybe I am avoiding the reality.

Life here is great. Life back in Malaysia is great too. Living my life elsewhere is great too. Just like in San Francisco or Lisbon...ahhhh...but not Madrid or Milan.

The question is where I wanna be now? And where I wanna be in the near future and where I wanna be forever and ever?

What do I want?
Simple. I wanna be happy.

What makes you happy (other than food)?
Being around with the people I love and traveling.

Career?
Good question. I have the tendency to work freelance than to be stuck inside the office from 9-5. Anything but sitting inside a cubicle is good.

Anything else?
I am feeling damn down right now, I need to talk to someone desperately. Seriously, I miss home.

Decisions

If I say YES:

- I will be leaving my home country for 3 consecutive years
- My pocket will bleed a bit more
- I will come back with another degree
- I will be REALLY out of the country leaving everyone behind, having to start a new life again in a foreign place.
- I will be nearer to the person I wanna be with (what a joke...he is still miles and miles away in another continent)
- I will miss my family and friends (especially during the cold winter)
- I miss my dog so much I want them to send him over here. I miss my dog more than anyone in my family. I know he misses me too since I am the one who feeds him with junkies...
- I will grow an inch smarter, wiser, more matured, more educated, more independent

If I say NO:

- I will be probably the stupidest homosapien on earth, to forgo a chance of a lifetime to study in the university where Karl Marx, Kurt Tucholsky, Gottfried Leibniz once studied.
- I will be forever and ever in Malaysia
- My pocket won't bleed as much
- I will be lost again
- I will be close to my family and friends (although they will say that doesn't make any difference since I am always "away")
- I will probably move to another country other than Germany
- I will probably work in yet another consulting firm opening doors and closing doors in Malaysia
- I can have all the nice food in Malaysia

I have 7 days to decide on this. A YES or a NO?

Part 1

Holiday is over

Reality is here

I am back to square one after all the running and traveling. Class has started, work piled up, time to reconstruct myself again to become a better person. And the thought of me going back to Malaysia this time is scary.

When I go back, it's time to face the ugly side of life. i.e. Some people giving me unreasonable nonsense, backstabbing, ridiculous problems, etc etc.

Anyhow, I think I have grown a bit in 2008 and now I am 0.015 percent tougher and is 0.001 percent better.

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It's weird to see what people are up to in Facebook. When I first came here, it seems like everybody is breaking up or has broke up with the significant other. And then, during my holidays and now after my holidays, everyone has found someone new. Even my friend who is living with me here has found herself someone. I am so proud of her, finally "my daughter" knows how to date people and finally she knows the meaning of being in a relationship.

And another friend is with someone new. Hoohaaa...and another and another. Wooo...this world is becoming a better place or what?

And I have another bunch of friends who are getting married. Wooohoo...double the happiness. It's so sad to die alone. I don't wanna be alone and die alone and do everything alone. It's so meaningless.

Have I found someone new? Yes and No.

I don't know.

Thinking back, it was really funny how things turned out to be.

I have time now and I shall write every single thing I can remember starting from the 15th of December 2008. I wanna keep the memories here instead of somewhere else.

Let's see...that noon I arrived in Lisbon, I got lost because some people showed me the wrong way. I was so close to the place where I am staying but some people showed me the wrong way. Armed with 0 knowledge of Portuguese language, I know nuts. I only speak English to them. After being lost for sometime, I finally found the place. Being tired and sweaty (I was wearing layers of clothings for the weather in Berlin and not for Lisbon which is way way warmer than Berlin) and armed with 7/8kgs of luggage, climbing through endless stairs and hilly roads. I was contented to be inside the building where I will be staying for the next few days. Then I was told that my bed will only be ready at 1.30pm. I turned sour.

Fine. It's alright. I told myself. "Maybe some sight seeing can kill the time."

A few minutes later, I walked back to the place where I got lost, saw some hop on and hop off tour bus. Gave 15 Euros, stayed on top of the deck and went round Lisbon twice. In that short period, I took 400 photos. Which was totally insane. I have had a lot of thoughts when I was there. I was alone. I felt lonely. I felt scared. I finally understand the meaning of being lonely at the age of 23. I told myself that I don't wanna die alone. I asked myself, "Silly, how am I going to survive here till I meet up with Min (my friend I am supposed to meet up in Coimbra)?"

After having Lisbon-sickness (imagine seeing the same thing for 4 hours in a row)...I went back to the place to get my keys. There I am. I was given a bed and will be sharing the room with another 14 people in a big dormitory. But my bed was placed in the "luckier" section where the room is designed to fit 2 double decker bed. I was really happy. I was placed at the upper deck instead of the lower one. I looked around me. No one was there but me alone.

I was stinking stinky with melted snow water from Berlin, salty-sea-watered-wind near the port area in Lisbon, the dust near the construction area near Belem and etc etc. I told myself. "I have to go and get a nice shower no matter what." And the toilet is a unisex toilet. Bahh..I don't care, I need my shower so I just jumped in and I don't care what's happening inside the toilet.

It was really really good. It's like letting go off everything the things that has been boggling my mind ever since I was born. I washed my hair twice because I forgot that I shampooed it before. But it was okay. As long as the shower is good.

I jumped off naked because I forgot to bring along my towel and wear my clothes with my wet hair and body. "Silly, you are so forgetful. How can you forget your towel." (I left my faithful big towel in Berlin, by the way.)

Anyhow, I walked back straight to my bed because I planned to read a bit about Lisbon before taking a short nap. That was the original plan. With my very wet hair and half dry clothes, I went inside looking as if I have just dropped inside a pool. Totally an unsightly sight of me.

As I opened the door, there, someone stood next to my bed on the upper deck. He said,"Hi!" and I said, "Hi" too. I was busy searching for another small towel because I was really soaking wet like a duck. Then he started introducing himself, asking about me, etc etc. I was not focusing 100% when I was talking to him because I need my towel. So I just answered what he asked and turns out that he can speak german too. And then I said, "Good. I think I can forget my german for a while and leave it behind in Germany but then it seems like the german language wants me to be with me, so we shall speak in german then."

He speaks german with some northern accent. I have got headache but I tried to understand every word he said. And then he said, "Hey, you know what, let's speak in English. I have difficulties explaining things in german." I agreed. I told him I have headache listening to him speaking german and English makes life easier.

Since then, we have never spent the time apart from each other, except for his toilet sessions and my toilet sessions. But the first day was spent with other roomies discussing about Lisbon and which place we should visit and all but I slept early that day. I have had a really tiring week and I slept like a pig at 11pm till the next morning.

The second day was quite sad actually. Some roomies left for other destination and the whole lucky corner was left with just the 2 of us. We sent our new found friends to the train station and I was left to do the Lisbon walking tour with him. And only him.

I still have no feelings for him or whatsoever. I am not someone who fall for someone very quickly. I treated him like my friend. And of course my sillyness and old man charm is beyond control. I attracted some old Portuguese man along the street who came up to my and say, "Simpatico! Simpatico!" while holding my arms and tonnes of Portuguese and keeps on repeating "Simpatico!" I looked at the old man blankly...and he was smilling. Then the old man gave me a card of a restaurant and I can't really remember what happened after that. But it was really funny.

And then we went round and round Lisbon looking for souvenirs and we ended up in a store owned by a Bangladeshi. So we went in and the old man asked me where am I from. I said Malaysia and he got really excited and said..."Ohhh...Malaysia very beauuuteeful country. Bangladeshi always go there to work. But Malaysians never work for other countries. Very rich country." I just nodded and smile and he even gave me discounts. So we bought tonnes of souvenirs from this shop and he said, "I am amazed with your ability in attracting old men." I said, "Thank you."

And then we went up to the Castella which is like on top of the hill and I was like #$%^&*...not again...I have to climb hills and stairs. Jeez.

Along the way, we talked about linguistics stuff which other people couldn't understand, the theories and studies of languages, the books that he read (I told him I don't read books and I felt stupid for that), our travels, the women he dated, the men that makes me vomit, the plans ahead of us, etc etc. There're so many things to be shared and so little time. The sky grew dark and we found a really nice restaurant on the foot of the hills. We shared a plate of chicken rice as the portion is very big and also some soup and we make the whole restaurant go HOOHAAH when I showed some Malaysian Ringgit. The people inside the restaurant got really excited as I explained to them about Malaysia. Ahhh...suddenly I felt Malaysia is such a nice place to be. And I gave him my RM15 notes as souvenir from Malaysia. He paid for the dinner. I insisted on paying him back but he refuse to accept my Euros.

We walked back to our hostel. Walk!!! I am talking about half of Lisbon here. Yes, it took us about an hour or so but we are happy walking. That's the thing I will never do in Malaysia.

We stopped by a park near the Estrella. We sat on the swing and suddenly he said, "You know what?"
I asked, "What?" and looked at him blankly.
"You have got something that draws people to you. You're very magnetic, charming, interactive and likeable."
I replied, "What??? Are you kidding me? I am always the bitch in the class. The bad. Never have I hear anything nice about me like what you said."
He said, "Don't be so modest. I know. I like you."
And stupid me replied, "Haha...who doesn't?"

We talked non-stop again, this time sitting on the bed below us till midnight. As usual, linguistics stuff and historical and political stuff and general knowledge that he knew combined with mine. By the way, he is also a linguistics graduate from America. That's why he can tell me about linguistical stuff.

The silly thing is he gave me a chocolate egg. Like Kinder egg but Portuguese version but we shared it and a crocodile was borned. Silly. I have not done such thing of sharing chocolate eggs with someone.

It was then already 11.30pm. Time really flies. On my schedule, I was supposed to meet up with my friend in Coimbra, in another state and his plan was to go to some village in Spain the next day. He looked sad when he told me this. And stupid innocent me was like, "Why do you look so sad?" He kept silent.

Then it was already 12.30am. I asked him to shut off the light of our corner and we talk in whisper not wanting to disturb other people. And I was dozing off to sleep but suddenly he called my name. And I woke up and I asked, "Yes, what's the matter?"

He said, "You know...urm....hmmm"
I said, "What? What's the matter?"
He said, "After spending the whole day today with you. I felt I am starting to like you very much. This may sound insane but..."
I said, "Wait wait...please wait. Stop!!!! Stop!!! Stop!!!"
He said, "Haha, what's the matter?"
I said, "This is just another illusion that you are having. It's a normal syndrome okay. Relax...This is not my first time dealing with this. You feel that you like me but this is just temporary. After a few days, you will be back to normal."
He said, "What's wrong of me liking you?"
I said, "Wrong...very wrong. This is just another illusion that you are having you know. You don't like me. You just feel like this because everythign happens at the right time and the right place." (I got into trouble again. My heart was thumping like the car engine. I nearly go insane but I remained calm.)
He said, "Listen. Since XXX incident that happened a few years back, I realized that life is short and that's why I am here...travelling the world. I have been to so many places but I have never meet someone like you. Someone who speaks such good english outside America, someone whom I can talk to, someone who is funny, someone who knows a lot about the world out there...It's is wrong to like you?"
I said, "No, not wrong. I know you are sleepy. I am sleepy too. Sleep. Continue tomorrow okay?"
He said, "No no no no no...I want to tell you what I feel at this moment now. I might not be seeing you tomorrow. You are going to Coimbra and I will be in another place. I would really want to follow you to Coimbra because I like you and I want to know more about you."
I said, "Erm...we will see what happens tomorrow okay? Sleep."
He said, "Okay, before you sleep, let me play you a song okay?"

I was really in shocked after all the things he said to me. I said, "Yes"and he handed me his iPod. He chosed a song for me to listen but I forgot the songs' name. I laughed at myself and at the song that was being played on his iPod. It was trully funny. I was laughing at myself again.

Although we slept on different beds, he face was near to mine. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I see was his green eyes.

"Good morning!!! You did not sleep eh?", I asked.
"I did. I just want to look at you sleeping."
"Owh gosh..." I replied and I covered my face with the blanket.
He laughed.

Then we met 2 new friends during breakfast and we decided to tour Lisbon again, this time to Belem by bus.

So all 4 of us went round and round Belem and I didn't say anything much for the whole trip. As soon as we send the 2 girls off to another place, he turned to me and asked me for my plans.

I said, "I have to go and meet up with my friend no matter what."
He said, "Come with me to Spain. I wish you can go there with me. And I wish I can go with you to Coimbra."
I said, "You can come to Coimbra if you want. Coimbra is not mine." (Out of my courtesy. I didn't expect him to change his plans for this)
He said, "Really? I can go with you?"
I said, "Errr...yah? What about your plans to Spain?"
He said, "Well...Spain will always be there but you won't. I have never change my plans for anyone but I will do it for you."
I said, "If that makes you happy. I have nothing to say."
He said, "Thank you." and gave me a big hug.

So we bought our tickets to Coimbra and went back to the hostel, go back to the station again and there will be another story in Coimbra. We shared a pan of pizza and waited for our train. He looks so happy like a small little kid going to Disneyland. Me on the other hand looks a bit worried. I was telling myself, "What have you done? You let someone you barely know for 2 days to go with you to another state in another country? Silly donkey!!!"

Growing old

Ahhh....busy busy busy

I have my friend here from Portugal with me for a few days. We had a good time eating and shopping and sleeping and joking like mad...as we don't have life. LOL!!!

She is now here on a short trip and I know I am going to miss her when she goes back to Portugal. She's the one who took care of me when I was sick in Spain. And she's the one who knows everything about my current situation of my yet another emotional rollercoaster. Hurhur...girlfriends stays forever for each other, no?

I knew her since we were 13. And now after 10 years, we met again in Europe. I was not close to her compared to years before this but things do change sometimes and now we are munching on Bratwurst together now.

And now 3 Malaysians in a little house in Berlin makes the winter less colder compared to before. We cooked, we laughed and shopped. And as usual, they used me to get discounts from horny old men selling clothes. Old men love me...I know...

I didn't buy anything yesterday. My whole cross country trip costs me about 1200 Euros already and my pocket bleeded. Hence, the silence of using any money for yesterday.

1200 Euros for a round (of a few rounds) of being loved, being challenged, being happy, being sick, being emotional, being adventurous is worth it.

Hopefully in the near future I will be able to do another cross country thingy across eastern Europe. This time, I will be wiser and will bring more Vitamin C with me. Being sick is such a torture.

Ahhh...I am going back to Malaysia end of this month and again...another new stage of my life. My friends will all be working and I will be jumping here and there like mad again. Hmm...my best friend founded a new job, another friend founded another job and another. Sigh...

And most of my friends are getting married. Lol!!!

When will I ever grow up?

2008

The top 20 list of 2008

In 2008, I:

20) Went through another emotional breakdown earlier this year

19) Found a job as a business consultant in between my final year thesis and also standing strong with my freelance job. Tough. Thank god I am not there anymore.

18) Graduated

17) Rejected 3 guys (Yes, I am very picky. Hence, the singledom)

16) Went on a road trip in America. Drove through the famous highways in the West Coast. Enjoyed the very beautiful scenery of the Pacific Coast. Shopped till I dropped. Gained weight. Left home for a month...more or less.

15) Bought myself a very expensive pen in Taiwan. And I lost it...bahhh...

14) Got myself stranded in Thailand.

13) Found another consulting job. Sounds very promising with great future. Yeap, opening doors. I am thankful I quit. I realized it's not the $$$ that matters.

12) Became lost. What is future?

11) Came to Germany to continue my passion for the language. Found myself in Berlin...minus the cold weather.

10) Being conned into another emotional rollercoaster.

9) And another.

8) Traveled to Portugal alone. Met someone. The rest is history.

7) Went to Spain. I hate Madrid. Filled with rude people. Barcelona is a bit better.

6) Conquered The Coliseum in Rome 3 times. Ate loadsa gelato in Milan and other places in Italy.

5) Travelled to Austria by bus and train. Fell in love with that place. Loadsa good looking people there aswell.

4) Bought loadsa things for people. And only a shirt for myself in Milan. My favourite shirt of all time.

3) Realized that my passion is traveling and meeting new people and not to forget, eating.

2) Have had the least alcohol consumption this year.

1) Became broke

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Happy New Year!!!