I am a pervert

I am so bored here in Utrecht I am turning myself into a pervert.

J: You're getting more and more pervertic you know
Me: What? I am talking like the normal me, you're the one with the dirty mind.
J: Nooo...you're getting more pervertic. Especially in Holland. In Germany it's not that obvious. Here it's like every single second...you talk about dirty stuff.
Me: No. I m not.
J: Yes, you're. Maybe last time you're like this and then uni life turns u into a serious woman and then you're back to your normal self. Pervertic you...
Me: Errr...isn't that good? Being pervertic is better than talking about facts of life. Haha...

Bored

I just got back from a shopping trip. But I came back with empty hands because I don't know what to buy for 20 people. Yes...20 people. So many things to buy here my gawddd...it's like another Malaysia.

Not gonna think about it till the day comes. Worst come to worst...Haribo Gummibears for everyone...Muahahahahaha

Jeez...I am bored. How can I be bored? Yeah...I know why, I am on hiatus from work for nearly 3 months now, getting my sanity, health and my soul back, so it's a normal feeling to feel bored after being so hardworking for everything. I got some request from my boss to do some work but till now I have not reply him because I am not sure about it. For the very first time I hesitate to work. Workaholic turns zero.

Hmmm...what should I do after this? I like winter but winter with nothing to do really makes me go crazy. I slept, I ate, I shopped. So what should I do? Cook? I have no mood to cook here. And guess what, I have no appetite to eat aswell. I am losing weight at the same time. Being not 100% healthy makes me lose my appetite. Okay...maybe some TV after this. Gonna be a long day tomorrow....

Goede Dag!

Hello everybody. I m in the land of legal drugs and prostitution....and also legal abortion...legal Euthanasia...legal this and legal that...no wonder my dad wants me to stay with his friend. No wonder....

I came here alone and my friends will be joining me 2 days later. Utrecht is a place to shop, shop and shop. Tomorrow partyyyyyy in Rotterdam till Sunday and then Monday we'll proceed to Amsterdam.

I m still not feeling very well due to lack of sleep, the dizziness is here again. What a spoil to this trip.

Lucky I know dutch. If not, it will be a struggle to stay here like a foreign country. Time to polish my dutch skills this time before I start my French skills in Belgium. Wahahahaha...By the time I come back to Germany, my german skills will go bad me thinks. Confusion of languages.

It's so cold here. I just wanna stay in bed under the duvet. It's snowing and everything is cold outside with negative degrees. It's only white outside....white and grey and some black.

Okay...time to hide under the duvet again...my favourite past time hobby since I came to Europe. That is to stay under the duvet until I am warm enough to think straight...

Bad Omen

Today would be the worst day of my life ever since I stepped down the plane. Although I got a "Gut" in one of my exams, that doesn't mean anything at all. I had fever this morning and then it got back again and then now I m in between reality and sickness.

And then we (me and my friends) had a small arguement over some money issues. Yeah, men can never escape from monetary issues. And I was sick, I m being very patient, not to lose my anger. So I just keep quiet. I am once again amazed by my patience. I am getting more and more patient with things who doesn't go right.

Then I took the wrong bus home. The bus was filled with a very stinky smell. Someone vomited inside the bus. It was all over the chairs and the floor surface of the bus. 11 stations till I got home. How lucky can I get?

When I got home, 2 of the lightbulbs in my room refused to function. Ah...good. From all the days...why today?

And I have no appetitte to eat and I forced myself to eat. Now I felt like puking after that vomit stink inside the bus.

Holland tomorrow. I have no tickets, no confirmation from my friends, what so ever. Fine. I m tired mentally and I need to sleep.

Shit happens. Just flush it down the toilet bowl. And now I m trying to flush it away...

Babels

Yesterday I was in Kaufhof. I bought a pair of Baby Phat sneakers with some bling bling on it.
Today, I meant just now, I was there again. This time I bought a bag. Yaay finally I got myself a bag because I forgot to bring my handbag here. Another good reason to buy presents for myself. Carrying 3 lecture books and a dictionary everyday doesn't do much good to my good 8 months old faithful Nike backpack and back. I have back pain and worse, my shoulder ache is here again.

I am going there again tomorrow to check out the electronic dictionary I've been longing for and also some present for my family back home. This Thursday I will leave for Holland and then down to Belgium. Things about Holland scares me. I m not facinated by the drug addicts' stories, yada yada.

Shopping is a typical asian thing. I can't deny that. If it's not shopping at the shopping complex, it would be shopping for groceries. Like what I always do now. I m still very far away compared to those typical asian females when it comes to shopping.

Time flies like a Maglev train. A few more days would be my 30th day in Germany. Time flies without me realizing. 30th days of being so far away from home makes me a better person when it comes to cooking and house keeping. Believe it or not, I cook nearly everyday, I buy groceries nearly everyday and that explains my extra 3 kilos here. I ate 5 times a day. Morning (My host prepared breakfast), Brunch (I cook something), Lunch (I eat outside), Tea time (Some food from the uni canteen) and Dinner (Most of the time, my host will cook some typical german food or when I m with my friends, they will cook about 5 dishes of food, sometimes I cook and sometimes some take-away from restaurants). Not to mention Christmas Market.

My host asked me: "What do you want for Christmas?" Nothing. Nothing materially. For now, I can't answer that. What will I do if I have a million Euros? Nothing aswell. I want peace. If someone tell me that I m a material girl, I would have slap him/her. I m that idiot who gave away a Louis Vuitton bag (given to me by my grandaunt) to my mother because I don't like it. I m also the idiot who refuse to have a spanking new car and I prefer to drive an old car that belongs to my grandfather because I love him and that car reminds me of him (although I have plan to get a new car of my own). I am also that idiot who refuse to stay with my parents even they have a maid to do every single housework. I am also that idiot who always take the road less travelled. If I really do have that much, I will help the poor anonymously. The kids in Cambodia took my heart away.

When I go back, I will need to (plans for 2008):
- have a new haircut and new hair colour (I m getting more and more vulnerable with long black hair...I have to get rid of the unwanted old man aura)
- lose weight (duhhhhh...like it will happen)- survive for 4 more academic months at the university
- get my baby DSLR (gonna change my area of work to an event-photographer, I can't afford to sacrifice my shoulder pain and my sore eyes anymore)- plan for a holiday (I need a holiday somewhere ot of the country)
- take another german exam (a higher level exam)- hug my dogs- bully my sisters- pay bills, bills and more bills (my phone bill for my malaysian number is gonna be so so so expensive...OMG!)
- train my translation techniques from my lecturer (I will be so stress, pimples will start to grow like mushrooms on my face)
- get a full body check-up (the imbalance hormones)
- apply for more jobs (I forgot where I stop)- ignore whatever shit that will happen to me (ignorance is bliss)
- catch up with my friends

Hmmm...that's for now I think.

By the way, I love N24 Wissen. I don't know why. My friends find it boring. I find it interesting, like the part where they explain about the knives and also the Dresdner Christstollen and not to forget about guns. I m always curious about how things work. No wonder I m always asleep in grammar classes. If ever they have a degree/course for general knowledge, it will be so much more interesting. There's this channel, I forgot what's the name, it's so boring I use it as a "sleeping pill". Watch it for 15 mins, the next thing I know would be my alarm ringing at 8.30 am in the morning.

Looks like I m writting too much. Tomorrow gonna be my last day of class, not a class actually but a day for results. Jeez exam results. Eukkkkkkkkkkksss.

super powder for power

Yesterday...what a day...

- an Australian guy scared me at 6.50am in the morning on my way to the bus-stop
- a Chinese guy who's also sitting for the exam told me,"I see you nearly everyday. You're always taking the 707 S-bahn right? But you don't know my existance"
- a guy from no where gave me roses

I have some super hidden power. I think.

What will happen?

My uni results came out. Looks like shit. Not bothered.

My weight gone up. Looks ugly. Not bothered.

My hormones are all messed up. Looks crazy. Not bothered.

The question is..."What will happen after graduation?" That would be in 4 months time. I have no idea at all. My friends are doing their internship or at least applying for jobs and internships. Or maybe some, planning to get married.

I don't wanna think anything for now. I m living a normal life here. When I go back, that's when my nightmare will begin again. All the problems will arise again. How I hate to go through that. I really do hate to go through that without anyone knowing what I m going through.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL...isn't that ironic?

Skype me

Jeunie: Please on ur skype

I can only use skype on my laptop. Something wrong with my key ports and Proxy thingy. Please on ur skype. Thank you.

Internet please

I m still alive. Only without internet. Jeezzzzzzzzzz. I m going nuts.

Something wrong with my internet settings and stuff, hurhurhur....

So everyday after class:

- go to the supermarket, buy vegetables and meat and etc and cook
- clean my room
- go to the bar and drink beer
- eat Döner
- eat cakes
- do homework
- invite friends over for dinner
- clean my room again

Yeah...dats what I do everyday without internet. Can't work, can't do anything. I will go back to Malaysia as a poor girl. Pooooor me...

Cooking Certification

Today is the day everyone in this house certified that I can cook and they finished every single thing that I cooked. My host said this:

"You're now certified that you can cook great meals"

...and her daughter and that Korean girl agreed too.

That means I can cook. Wahahaha. Now let's see what I can't do. I baked, I cooked, I always make sure the house is in order. So no one can complain that I m not behaving like a girl anymore. But one thing I can't do, shopping. My ability to shop has long gone...but it's good news anyway.

What should I cook for tomorrow? Hmmm...

Essen Motorshow 2007

I will let the photos do the talking:

Girl talk

We had some food and we started walking endlessly. So we wander around and ended up in a small pub. We're the only young people there. But it's okay, we are not there to flirt around. We went into the wrong place but what happened just now is not about the place. It's about girl-to-girl talk and that's quite emotional for the 2 of us.

We started talking about our lives back in Malaysia where we have go through all the shit and people looked as us as if we're living a very good life. Maybe for some people, we're good on the surface.

"Owh, you are so lucky you can finance yourself in whatever you want"
"You're such a capable young lady"
"You're so intelligent. You're working and yet you can still secure a place in UM"
....yada-yada and the list goes on and on. That's what people said to us. But they don't know what we have to go through. The nights where we cry alone, the nights where we stay away from others and the nights we cry alone inside our car without anyone knowing. It's good to know that I m not the one doing all those crazy things but also her. We did that because we fear to show our emotions in front of others. The time we have to sacrifice because of our dreams, the people that we abandoned along the way. It's not easy.

One thing that we can't avoid is that we started to deal with these kinda shit at a very early age. Can't avoid that. And those shit will pile up and become an emotional baggage for us that would be very hard to leave behind. Then we started to talk about our future. For many girls, that would be starting a new family with someone they love or anything. But we just wanna survive.

Love is a big word. I got hurt so deeply that I am afraid to love again. Because when I do, I will put all my heart in it. That's literally bad but it's me. For her is another problem aswell. Too much love at the same time and yet couldn't find the right one. It is a very complicated 4-letter word.

It's good to have a talk like that since we don't do that everyday back in Malaysia.
Everyone goes through shit everyday. It's a matter of the size of the shit that we have to go through. Some people are lucky and some are not. I would say I manage my emotions pretty bad. After a hard day, I would just blog and torture my blog readers (if I have any). But normally I would just go to bed and end my sleep with a nightmare.

I've left nearly all my emotional baggage behind upon boarding the plane. I told myself that I have to become myself here and have my old self back. The chirpy, bubbly me has long gone as I have big responsibilities back home but not here. So now I m back. Better emotional health and mentally healthy for now.

I don't know why I am writing this. I felt it would be a better thing to do to remind me of this day when we have a real girl to girl talk. My blog has again emerged as my emotional trash can.
Just be thankful with what you have.

Settling down

I m talking about my place to sleep.



For the past one week I have to sleep inside the living room because there's no enough space for me to sleep. And now I got my own room. Yaaay!



I can now sleep peacefully without anyone looking/peeping inside the living room. This is my new sanctuary:


My bed



My homework station (as IF I will sit there and do my homework) and TV


My workstation and a small cupboard/rack for my clothes

And I shall go back to bed now. A comfortable bed is very essential during winter. All I wanna do is just stay in bed and not go out. I don't sleep much but I prefer the bed than to go out. Good Night...erm....Good Morning I mean.

Raclette Night

We had Raclette for dinner today. Raclette is like hotpot, just that it's the western hotpot with Raclette cheese. And that's another reason why I will not have the chance to become thin. I had a big belly now. I felt as if I m 4 months pregnant. Owh...bad bad.

And after dinner, we had ice-cream for dessert. 2 bowls of ice-cream. Damn. Super bad.

And this Sunday I will be making some hotpot for them.

Since I arrived, I've yet to discover that the ability to cook is very important especially when you're a girl. Sexist statement but that's what the people think. Everyone here was suprised with the fact that I can't cook. Well, I explained to them...

In Malaysia:
- the prices of food in Malaysia is very cheap, we can afford to eat in restaurant nearly everyday and sometimes everyday
- I don't cook at home as my maid is the cook and when I m with my grandma, she will cook for me as she don't trust my cooking and also I don't have the time to cook
- I DO bake but I don't cook

So, all of them suggested that I should take up cooking classes and also the best way is to marry someone who can cook for me. Wahahaha. Funny.

Cooking is important I know. I m learning. Please give me some time. Jeez...I felt pressured to cook. I always offer to clean the dishes but they want me to cook because they wanted to try Malaysian food. Damn. How to cook Malaysian food? They taught me tonnes of german recipes. Malaysian food is complicated, we need spices and chillies and stuff and I don't know how to cook them at all. Yeah, I am such a loser in this.

P/S: Jeunie: send me some Malaysian food ok?