When I blog it means something is happening or had happened. Yes, I have a test tomorrow and another one the days after tomorrow before I board the plane to Indonesia and then I have another paper again on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday respectively. Damn!
When will I ever be free? When can I have my freedom? Why is everyone so damn obsessed with their marks? I scored the highest and the lowest marks in class. I have the best and the worst answers. I have had the best and the worst impression. But I don't like to be compared even when I scored good grades. I felt the pressure when everyone starts to compare. Comparing here and there. When will we ever stop comparing? Look at the older generation, they brag about their cars, the amount of houses they got, the college they sent their kids to...it's all about comparing. Why should we follow their footsteps? Please make the world a safer place by not comparing. Duh!!! I think I m having some kinda exam-allergen inside me. My itchy-ness to blog about it is here again.
Arghhh...Comparing, competing, you name it. It's a very tired process to go for someone like me who prefer to live a peaceful life. I always wish for that, but it will never happened. I have to fight for the things I want, for good. So wish me luck!
Final word,
I HATE EXAMS AS MUCH AS I HATE THOSE MORONS I WROTE IN MY BLOG!
*I m having severe stress lately due to a lot of things. They come in bulk without discounts. If ever I can get Hermes bags that come in bulk with discounts or for free. I don't have to go through this. I will con someone and go far far away with the money. Muahahahaha...*evil grin*
September 26, 2007
September 17, 2007
Foodie Council
I had a 2 pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, mexican bun and a salami cheese pie in a span of 3 hours. And I m still hungry.
Joyce: You're scaring me. Did you know that?
Me: What? What have I done?
Joyce: "The way you eat. My god!!! Are you really that hungry? Are you sick?
Me: I don't know. I just felt like bitting something. I m stress I guess.
Joyce: Not stress. You're going crazy!!!. I felt so full just by looking at you eating.
Food is everywhere. And I m always hungry. Is there anything that I can bite that won't break the scale? Nothing!!!
Joyce: You're scaring me. Did you know that?
Me: What? What have I done?
Joyce: "The way you eat. My god!!! Are you really that hungry? Are you sick?
Me: I don't know. I just felt like bitting something. I m stress I guess.
Joyce: Not stress. You're going crazy!!!. I felt so full just by looking at you eating.
Food is everywhere. And I m always hungry. Is there anything that I can bite that won't break the scale? Nothing!!!
September 16, 2007
I
I laugh. I cried. I cried again. I cried again and again. I give up.
I spend. I laugh. I spend again. I m happy.
I cried. I spend. I look happy. But I m not.
I am giving up on these things starting from today:
- my parents
- my ability to score 4.0 out of 4.0
- that supermodel figure (I m blessed with loadsa food, why waste?)
- my dream of conquering the world
I don't wanna be sad. I wanna be happy. I don't wanna stress myself, I don't wanna be crazy. No doubt I m still weird but that will remain apart of me.
Being in a competition is tiring when you know you're not gonna win. If I know I m going to win, I will be apart of it. But in life, you don't know when you'll win.
I spend. I laugh. I spend again. I m happy.
I cried. I spend. I look happy. But I m not.
I am giving up on these things starting from today:
- my parents
- my ability to score 4.0 out of 4.0
- that supermodel figure (I m blessed with loadsa food, why waste?)
- my dream of conquering the world
I don't wanna be sad. I wanna be happy. I don't wanna stress myself, I don't wanna be crazy. No doubt I m still weird but that will remain apart of me.
Being in a competition is tiring when you know you're not gonna win. If I know I m going to win, I will be apart of it. But in life, you don't know when you'll win.
I ate half of September
Amazing things that I did this week:
- spent RM12,000.00 within 2 days (air tics, course fees, etc etc.)
- ate 7 plates of sushi and 5 cups of tea in less than half an hour
- went to PWTC and then to Shah Alam and then to USJ and then back to PJ and Seksyen 17 and PJ again in less than 5 hours
- called the camera shop so many times I can remember the shop assistants' name, and their respective voices.
- met a Kenyan accidently while munching my lunch with my friends and out of no where the conversation started and he got really "aggresive" after I mentioned "Wangaari Maathai". He thought I m in love with Kenya. Jeeez...and my friend "thanked" me for attracting "unique" people into their lives aswell. (This one reminds me of my best friend's "ex lover" who came from that region aswell. Hehe)
- 5 people on the street said "I Love You" to me. It's one of my unwanted attention phenomena.
I m going to Germany this November. Not for fun but for a language course. I don't know what am I going to do there for the first 4 days. And I still don't know why I m there 4 days earlier. I changed my flight from Malaysia Airlines to Emirates because I m getting a better deal with Emirates with my student card. And best of all they fly directly to Duesseldorf from Dubai. Actually I don't like the idea of having to stop in Dubai but some people convinced me it's better to go with Emirates. And I will be back here in January. Although it's just for 1 and a half months but it felt like I will be there for 3 months (Nov - Jan). No one is going to miss me so I m not going to miss anyone :p
- spent RM12,000.00 within 2 days (air tics, course fees, etc etc.)
- ate 7 plates of sushi and 5 cups of tea in less than half an hour
- went to PWTC and then to Shah Alam and then to USJ and then back to PJ and Seksyen 17 and PJ again in less than 5 hours
- called the camera shop so many times I can remember the shop assistants' name, and their respective voices.
- met a Kenyan accidently while munching my lunch with my friends and out of no where the conversation started and he got really "aggresive" after I mentioned "Wangaari Maathai". He thought I m in love with Kenya. Jeeez...and my friend "thanked" me for attracting "unique" people into their lives aswell. (This one reminds me of my best friend's "ex lover" who came from that region aswell. Hehe)
- 5 people on the street said "I Love You" to me. It's one of my unwanted attention phenomena.
I m going to Germany this November. Not for fun but for a language course. I don't know what am I going to do there for the first 4 days. And I still don't know why I m there 4 days earlier. I changed my flight from Malaysia Airlines to Emirates because I m getting a better deal with Emirates with my student card. And best of all they fly directly to Duesseldorf from Dubai. Actually I don't like the idea of having to stop in Dubai but some people convinced me it's better to go with Emirates. And I will be back here in January. Although it's just for 1 and a half months but it felt like I will be there for 3 months (Nov - Jan). No one is going to miss me so I m not going to miss anyone :p
September 11, 2007
Heian NIdan - (Karate Kata)
This is purely for my reference (as I have Karate-do assesment tomorrow, and as usual I will try my best...Gambateh!!!):
Heian Nidan("Peaceful" (possibly "Basic") "Second Level")
About the kata
This is the originally first form in the Heian series that Itosu developed. Later, Funakoshi renamed this as the second kata since he felt it was more difficult to learn than the former second kata.
How to do the kata
Yoi(Ready Position)Stand ready with your feet about shoulder width apart, hands closed in front of the hips, and eyes focused forward.
Hidari Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look to the left and step in that direction with the left foot into a back stance while executing the forearm block.
Hidari Chudan Soto Uke Migi Ura Zuki(Left Mid-high Outside Block, Right-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the left hand down and across like an outside block. The right hand punches, but without full extension.
Hidari Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Left-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the right hand while swinging the left hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.
Migi Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look 180#deg; to the right and reverse your back stance in place towards that direction while executing the forearm block.
Migi Chudan Soto Uke Hidari Ura Zuki(Right Mid-high Outside Block, Left-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the right hand down and across like an outside block. The left hand punches, but without full extension.
Migi Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Right-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the left hand while swinging the right hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.
Migi Chudan Soto Geri Keage Migi Jodan Uraken Uchi(Right-foot Mid-level Side Snap Kick, Right-hand Head-high Backfist Strike)Look 90° to the right and step up slightly with the left foot towards the right foot. At the same time, bring the right hand back to the left into the "cup and saucer" position. Simultaneously, kick and strike to the right. Recoil both the foot and hand, but do not step down; remain on one foot.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 180° to the left and step the right foot down into a back stance. At the same time execute a left-hand knife hand block.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a right hand knife-hand block in a back stance.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a left hand knife-hand block in a back stance.
Hidari Chudan Osae Uke Migi Chudan Shihon Nukite Uchi Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Mid-level Pressing Block, Right-hand Mid-level Spear-hand Strike, Front Stance, Kiai)Press downward with the left hand and spear forward with the right hand while stepping forward into a front stance. Kiai.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a back stance while executing a left-hand knife-hand block.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new back stance and block with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first knife-hand block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a back stance while doing a knife-hand block with the right hand.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new back stance and block with the left hand.
Migi Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block, Front Stance)Look 45° to the left then step deeply in that direction with the front foot. While pulling back strongly with the left hip, execute an inside block with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Mae Geri Keage Hidari Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Left-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the right foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the left hand.
Hidari Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke(Left-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block)Without stepping, pull back strongly on the right hip while executing an inside block with the left hand.
Hidari Chudan Mae Geri Keage Migi Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Right-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the left foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Morote Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Augmented Block, Front Stance)Step forward into a front stance while doing an augmented block with the left hand supporting the right arm.
Hidari Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-hand Downward Block, Front Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a front stance while executing a left-hand downward block.
Migi Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Rising Block, Front Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new front stance and block with the right hand.
Migi Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Downward Block, Front Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first downward block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a front stance while doing a downward block with the right hand.
Hidari Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Rising Block, Front Stance, Kiai)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new front stance and block with the left hand. Kiai.
Yoi(Ready Position)Return to the ready position by first looking to the left. Then, keeping the right foot in place, step counter clock-wise with the left foot, ending in both the same posture and location that you started the form with.
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36pI7IRLqFs
It may look confusing to you, if you wanna try it, it will take you about a few weeks to learn and practise. Apart from this I have to do 6 types of I-dont-know-how-you-called-it-in-japanese styles of defending and attacking (that's where it will hurt my butt the most...loadsa falling and being punch)
Breathe..........
Heian Nidan("Peaceful" (possibly "Basic") "Second Level")
About the kata
This is the originally first form in the Heian series that Itosu developed. Later, Funakoshi renamed this as the second kata since he felt it was more difficult to learn than the former second kata.
How to do the kata
Yoi(Ready Position)Stand ready with your feet about shoulder width apart, hands closed in front of the hips, and eyes focused forward.
Hidari Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look to the left and step in that direction with the left foot into a back stance while executing the forearm block.
Hidari Chudan Soto Uke Migi Ura Zuki(Left Mid-high Outside Block, Right-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the left hand down and across like an outside block. The right hand punches, but without full extension.
Hidari Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Left-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the right hand while swinging the left hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.
Migi Jodan Morote Haiwan Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Head-high Two-Handed Forearm Block, Back Stance)Look 180#deg; to the right and reverse your back stance in place towards that direction while executing the forearm block.
Migi Chudan Soto Uke Hidari Ura Zuki(Right Mid-high Outside Block, Left-hand Close Punch)With no stance change, sweep the right hand down and across like an outside block. The left hand punches, but without full extension.
Migi Chudan Mawashi Tettsui Uchi(Right-hand Circular Hammer Strike)With no stance change, pull back the left hand while swinging the right hand in an arc parallel to the floor into a hammer fist strike.
Migi Chudan Soto Geri Keage Migi Jodan Uraken Uchi(Right-foot Mid-level Side Snap Kick, Right-hand Head-high Backfist Strike)Look 90° to the right and step up slightly with the left foot towards the right foot. At the same time, bring the right hand back to the left into the "cup and saucer" position. Simultaneously, kick and strike to the right. Recoil both the foot and hand, but do not step down; remain on one foot.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 180° to the left and step the right foot down into a back stance. At the same time execute a left-hand knife hand block.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a right hand knife-hand block in a back stance.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward with a left hand knife-hand block in a back stance.
Hidari Chudan Osae Uke Migi Chudan Shihon Nukite Uchi Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Mid-level Pressing Block, Right-hand Mid-level Spear-hand Strike, Front Stance, Kiai)Press downward with the left hand and spear forward with the right hand while stepping forward into a front stance. Kiai.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a back stance while executing a left-hand knife-hand block.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new back stance and block with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first knife-hand block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a back stance while doing a knife-hand block with the right hand.
Hidari Chudan Shuto Uke Kokutsu Dachi(Left-hand Mid-level Knife-hand Block, Back Stance)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new back stance and block with the left hand.
Migi Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block, Front Stance)Look 45° to the left then step deeply in that direction with the front foot. While pulling back strongly with the left hip, execute an inside block with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Mae Geri Keage Hidari Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Left-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the right foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the left hand.
Hidari Chudan Gyaku Uchi Uke(Left-hand Mid-level Reverse-form Inside Block)Without stepping, pull back strongly on the right hip while executing an inside block with the left hand.
Hidari Chudan Mae Geri Keage Migi Chudan Gyaku Zuki Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-foot Mid-level Front Snap Kick, Right-hand Mid-level Reverse Punch, Front Stance)Kick forward with the left foot and land in a front stance while punching forward with the right hand.
Migi Chudan Morote Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Mid-level Augmented Block, Front Stance)Step forward into a front stance while doing an augmented block with the left hand supporting the right arm.
Hidari Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Left-hand Downward Block, Front Stance)Look 90° to the right using your peripheral vision. Moving your left, rear, foot, pivot counter-clockwise on your right foot in a 270° spin. Stop and land in a front stance while executing a left-hand downward block.
Migi Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi(Right-hand Rising Block, Front Stance)Step forward and 45° to the right into a new front stance and block with the right hand.
Migi Gedan Barai Zenkutsu Dachi(Right Mid-level Downward Block, Front Stance)Begin by looking 135° to the right over the right shoulder. Keeping the left foot in place, step with the right foot 135° to your right; you should end up inline with your first downward block, but facing the other direction. Turn via your right side into a front stance while doing a downward block with the right hand.
Hidari Age Uke Zenkutsu Dachi Kiai(Left-hand Rising Block, Front Stance, Kiai)Step forward and 45° degrees to the left into a new front stance and block with the left hand. Kiai.
Yoi(Ready Position)Return to the ready position by first looking to the left. Then, keeping the right foot in place, step counter clock-wise with the left foot, ending in both the same posture and location that you started the form with.
Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36pI7IRLqFs
It may look confusing to you, if you wanna try it, it will take you about a few weeks to learn and practise. Apart from this I have to do 6 types of I-dont-know-how-you-called-it-in-japanese styles of defending and attacking (that's where it will hurt my butt the most...loadsa falling and being punch)
Breathe..........
September 09, 2007
Runaway Plan A
Some people in the family made me cried today. When I said I cried, it means it's not a normal quarrel, it's a serious one. And thank god I didn't stab anyone today. I was so close to stepping into the kitchen and grab any knife available and stab some people to death. My "volcano" errupted....finally after 21 years. I can't take it anymore emotionally I shouted,"Yes, it's my mistake to be born here." And the arguement goes on and on for hours I couldn't stand it I ran back to PJ.
And I've been thinking, since I m single, I m not attached to anyone, I would like to escape from here as much as possible. Plan A would be 35 days in Eastern Europe after I graduate, then 25 days in Scandanavia and Russia, 15 days in Canada after that and 30 days in Latin America. That would also mean digging through all my savings and see what happened next. I don't care. I couldn't care anymore, what the point of owning blocks of houses without considerating the value of FAMILY? I m really really fed up with my materialistic parents. I m tired. People say I should change my perception and put myself into their shoes, when I m in their shoes I only see the word MONEY above any other thing. Money money money.
Apart from that I m applying for jobs in every corner of the world and not even Kuala Lumpur or Petaling Jaya because I don't wanna stay so near to them. I have been sitting here every night since last week typing cover letters for each different companies from shipping companies to condom companies. Let it be Trinidad or Tokyo, now I m writting a new cover letter for company number 15. Let it be graduate program or part time ot full time. All I did was...apply apply and apply. 100% willing to relocate.
I guess I had enough for now. I need some time to recover.
And I've been thinking, since I m single, I m not attached to anyone, I would like to escape from here as much as possible. Plan A would be 35 days in Eastern Europe after I graduate, then 25 days in Scandanavia and Russia, 15 days in Canada after that and 30 days in Latin America. That would also mean digging through all my savings and see what happened next. I don't care. I couldn't care anymore, what the point of owning blocks of houses without considerating the value of FAMILY? I m really really fed up with my materialistic parents. I m tired. People say I should change my perception and put myself into their shoes, when I m in their shoes I only see the word MONEY above any other thing. Money money money.
Apart from that I m applying for jobs in every corner of the world and not even Kuala Lumpur or Petaling Jaya because I don't wanna stay so near to them. I have been sitting here every night since last week typing cover letters for each different companies from shipping companies to condom companies. Let it be Trinidad or Tokyo, now I m writting a new cover letter for company number 15. Let it be graduate program or part time ot full time. All I did was...apply apply and apply. 100% willing to relocate.
I guess I had enough for now. I need some time to recover.
September 08, 2007
Brief Happenings
G: Why are you walking like that?
Me: Ermmm...I m having butt pain -_-!!!
G: HAHAHAHAHAHA...butt pain? That's so funny! I've always heard about headache, stomach pain, etc but never butt pain...
Laugh all you want, but I enjoyed my karate class yesterday. We're given an opponent each and we started to kick, punch, twist for nearly 4 hours of training. It's so much fun punching and kicking people but not the part when I have to become the victim. I think I hurt my butt so badly I can't walk straight after that. I fell down 72 times (6 styles x 12 times of practise) and my knees are all blue-black now. The nicest thing after food. Muahahahaha...
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Today is my senior's graduation day. I felt so happy for her after all she's the only surviving senior in my course (yes, one and only). I've mentioned about the toughness of my course before, the craziness and the impossible things that we did. Sometimes I did regret (for not following my parent's decision to study those "traditional courses" like business and stuff) but it's too late. But sometimes I am proud that I didn't follow their decision. It's a very complicated thing for me to explain. I don't want to follow their decision but I find it hard to follow mine. There're times that I felt like giving up as my course as it is unbelievably hard to score, hard to pass, don't even mention about "A". Thank god if you pass the subject and not repeating any. The batch of seniors have to repeat some german paper again and again. And did I mention they're only 3 of them, and yet they couldn't graduate on time. I always thought I m the only one feeling it's tough. But I m wrong.
Being rather curious, I went up to my senior and asked,"So...is studying tougher or working is tougher?"
I was expecting "Working is tougher" as 90% of the people I know would say that.
But no, she said this: "Of course studying is tougher. At work you face conflicts with your colleagues, busy with meetings and stuff that's it. But in uni, we face conflicts with ourselves especially in our department (our own subjects and stuff, crazy lecturers, lack of time, heavy workload, etc). Working life is definately better."
I m glad to hear that.
I m now waiting for my graduation day to come. Hopefully. That's the only thing I wanted now. I don't want any Hermes, Gucci or whatever bags or shoes. I just want to graduate. It's a laborous task to graduate so I would like to invite everyone I know to my convocation next year. Everyone. But not my ex.
Me: Ermmm...I m having butt pain -_-!!!
G: HAHAHAHAHAHA...butt pain? That's so funny! I've always heard about headache, stomach pain, etc but never butt pain...
Laugh all you want, but I enjoyed my karate class yesterday. We're given an opponent each and we started to kick, punch, twist for nearly 4 hours of training. It's so much fun punching and kicking people but not the part when I have to become the victim. I think I hurt my butt so badly I can't walk straight after that. I fell down 72 times (6 styles x 12 times of practise) and my knees are all blue-black now. The nicest thing after food. Muahahahaha...
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Today is my senior's graduation day. I felt so happy for her after all she's the only surviving senior in my course (yes, one and only). I've mentioned about the toughness of my course before, the craziness and the impossible things that we did. Sometimes I did regret (for not following my parent's decision to study those "traditional courses" like business and stuff) but it's too late. But sometimes I am proud that I didn't follow their decision. It's a very complicated thing for me to explain. I don't want to follow their decision but I find it hard to follow mine. There're times that I felt like giving up as my course as it is unbelievably hard to score, hard to pass, don't even mention about "A". Thank god if you pass the subject and not repeating any. The batch of seniors have to repeat some german paper again and again. And did I mention they're only 3 of them, and yet they couldn't graduate on time. I always thought I m the only one feeling it's tough. But I m wrong.
Being rather curious, I went up to my senior and asked,"So...is studying tougher or working is tougher?"
I was expecting "Working is tougher" as 90% of the people I know would say that.
But no, she said this: "Of course studying is tougher. At work you face conflicts with your colleagues, busy with meetings and stuff that's it. But in uni, we face conflicts with ourselves especially in our department (our own subjects and stuff, crazy lecturers, lack of time, heavy workload, etc). Working life is definately better."
I m glad to hear that.
I m now waiting for my graduation day to come. Hopefully. That's the only thing I wanted now. I don't want any Hermes, Gucci or whatever bags or shoes. I just want to graduate. It's a laborous task to graduate so I would like to invite everyone I know to my convocation next year. Everyone. But not my ex.
September 06, 2007
"I nearly stab my roommate this morning for no reason..."
"I m so stress lately I can't think straight"
"I felt like killing myself everyday"
"I think I m going nuts..."
"I felt like jumping off from any building in KL"
Those were the things my coursemates said to me this afternoon. Everyone's having their very-emotional-nearing-the-end-of-semester-stress. I understand. I have them like everyday but I m not bothered now because I got no time to bother about those things. I just can't be bothered.
3-4 hours of sleep a day doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I felt like hiring someone to do my work for 300 bucks a day so that I can get a good sleep. I don't dream about dead people anymore (that's the good news) but now I often dream about going to classes, sitting inside the class, answering question inside the class, talking to lecturers in my dream. For god's sake...I study in my dream aswell. Does that mean that I will graduate with 2 degrees at the same time? One in reality and one in Dreamland? That's really really terrible. At least when I dream of dead people I m just scared for that moment but not the rest of the day (when I woke up), but exams and studies do haunt me aswell during the day.
Relax!!!
Everyone been saying that 5-letter word to me. The personal trainer, the dentist, the karate trainer, the lecturer, my family members...because they said I can't relax and always look very stressed out. I didn't realised that because I m already very relax during their sessions/ while meeting them. Just imagine when I m really really stressed out like these few days. I felt like bitting everyone like a mad dog but I couldn't do so because it's damn blardy INSANE. Instead of bitting people, I've been bitting on food and you know what that means...food=FAT.
I really couldn't help bitting things. I don't have the habit of bitting my nails. It's just between human and food. Luckily I chose food over human. I don't wanna kill anyone although sometimes I felt like pulling the trigger if I have a M-16 gun. Arghhhh...frustfrating.
I can't deny the fact that I have luck in meeting strange people hence my weirdness. Normal people find me weird (maybe because I got weird taste, weird background???). Strange people find me normal because they are strange and abnormal. So that sum up my month of August. It's a month of meeting strangers giving me strange comments like:
- I've never heard of granddaughter driving grandmother's car story. You're the first. [some woman told me this]
- (out of nowhere) Your Mandarin is very bad, did you know that. You got a very heavy Cantonese accent!!! [that bitch said this to me in front of her friends. What do you expect from someone who only got to learn Mandarin just a few years back. I m Chinese illiterate and I speak only Cantonese at home. I m sure her English and Malay sucks like mad. Duh!]
- You looked like my friend. That's why I love to look at you. Reallllly!!! I love to look at you. [some girl told me this. Sounds creepy eh. I doubt if she's straight. That really freaks me out totalllly.]
Whatever it is I just flash a BIG SMILE and go on with life. I can't help if I m the perfect target for verbally malfunctionised people like that. I should be happy because I always attract attention without having to do anything. I've got people treating me like a small kid at the photocopy shop, people telling me about their laws of men and women out of a sudden, etc etc. I should be happy rite?
"I m so stress lately I can't think straight"
"I felt like killing myself everyday"
"I think I m going nuts..."
"I felt like jumping off from any building in KL"
Those were the things my coursemates said to me this afternoon. Everyone's having their very-emotional-nearing-the-end-of-semester-stress. I understand. I have them like everyday but I m not bothered now because I got no time to bother about those things. I just can't be bothered.
3-4 hours of sleep a day doesn't help me at all. Sometimes I felt like hiring someone to do my work for 300 bucks a day so that I can get a good sleep. I don't dream about dead people anymore (that's the good news) but now I often dream about going to classes, sitting inside the class, answering question inside the class, talking to lecturers in my dream. For god's sake...I study in my dream aswell. Does that mean that I will graduate with 2 degrees at the same time? One in reality and one in Dreamland? That's really really terrible. At least when I dream of dead people I m just scared for that moment but not the rest of the day (when I woke up), but exams and studies do haunt me aswell during the day.
Relax!!!
Everyone been saying that 5-letter word to me. The personal trainer, the dentist, the karate trainer, the lecturer, my family members...because they said I can't relax and always look very stressed out. I didn't realised that because I m already very relax during their sessions/ while meeting them. Just imagine when I m really really stressed out like these few days. I felt like bitting everyone like a mad dog but I couldn't do so because it's damn blardy INSANE. Instead of bitting people, I've been bitting on food and you know what that means...food=FAT.
I really couldn't help bitting things. I don't have the habit of bitting my nails. It's just between human and food. Luckily I chose food over human. I don't wanna kill anyone although sometimes I felt like pulling the trigger if I have a M-16 gun. Arghhhh...frustfrating.
I can't deny the fact that I have luck in meeting strange people hence my weirdness. Normal people find me weird (maybe because I got weird taste, weird background???). Strange people find me normal because they are strange and abnormal. So that sum up my month of August. It's a month of meeting strangers giving me strange comments like:
- I've never heard of granddaughter driving grandmother's car story. You're the first. [some woman told me this]
- (out of nowhere) Your Mandarin is very bad, did you know that. You got a very heavy Cantonese accent!!! [that bitch said this to me in front of her friends. What do you expect from someone who only got to learn Mandarin just a few years back. I m Chinese illiterate and I speak only Cantonese at home. I m sure her English and Malay sucks like mad. Duh!]
- You looked like my friend. That's why I love to look at you. Reallllly!!! I love to look at you. [some girl told me this. Sounds creepy eh. I doubt if she's straight. That really freaks me out totalllly.]
Whatever it is I just flash a BIG SMILE and go on with life. I can't help if I m the perfect target for verbally malfunctionised people like that. I should be happy because I always attract attention without having to do anything. I've got people treating me like a small kid at the photocopy shop, people telling me about their laws of men and women out of a sudden, etc etc. I should be happy rite?
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