I am feeling like a pig. People feed me well here with loadsa fattening stuff. Awwww....
Summer is gone and the cold wind is now here. I like this place. Peaceful and loadsa cheap stuff. I like.
---------------------
I am having headache now with my accommodation in Germany. I was given one by the university and I am looking for another one for back-up and probably
February 28, 2009
February 26, 2009
February 24, 2009
I love my mum
No matter how much I hated her last time and sometimes now, I know deep down in my heart I love her.
Although we both don't get along well since I was young, I still love her. I don't want to see her sad or whatever that is unpleasant. Damn it. Why am I so emotional today?
Although we both don't get along well since I was young, I still love her. I don't want to see her sad or whatever that is unpleasant. Damn it. Why am I so emotional today?
Controlllll
Yeap, I am still alive and I am feeling very sleepy right now...zzzzzzzz
Australia is like the best place to shop for now. Oh my god!!! I just bought a pair of boots for AUD$14.50, and it's made of leather. How cheap is that? It was AUD$59.90 at first but they slashed it one time and then another time. Woah...I am loving this place.
All I need now is a wind breaker and also a cap. Yes, and a bag won't hurt much but I don't want to do so much damage now. I shall control on my spendings. Yes.
Till then.
Australia is like the best place to shop for now. Oh my god!!! I just bought a pair of boots for AUD$14.50, and it's made of leather. How cheap is that? It was AUD$59.90 at first but they slashed it one time and then another time. Woah...I am loving this place.
All I need now is a wind breaker and also a cap. Yes, and a bag won't hurt much but I don't want to do so much damage now. I shall control on my spendings. Yes.
Till then.
February 19, 2009
Leaving on a jet plane
I will be leaving for Australia in about 10 hours from now. But I still don't feel anything. No excitement. Not even jumping with joy.
I have been having this kind of attitude of not jumping for joy for holidays. I wonder why. But I will definitely jump up and down for a few days if I know the next thing I will do is to board the plane to the place where I can meet up with someone dearest to me. As in very very very important to me. Hmmm...when can I do that?
Let's see...sometimes I felt like an idiot of staying for more than 2 weeks in Australia. Well, I have nothing to expect now. This is gonna be a family gathering. And I have told myself not to over shop again this time like what I did to America. Ohmmm...
I have been having this kind of attitude of not jumping for joy for holidays. I wonder why. But I will definitely jump up and down for a few days if I know the next thing I will do is to board the plane to the place where I can meet up with someone dearest to me. As in very very very important to me. Hmmm...when can I do that?
Let's see...sometimes I felt like an idiot of staying for more than 2 weeks in Australia. Well, I have nothing to expect now. This is gonna be a family gathering. And I have told myself not to over shop again this time like what I did to America. Ohmmm...
Emotions
Emotion is something I don't understand and yet it's pretty interesting how it can change some people's life.
I am hoping, all of you out there who have had a bad day today. Chill and everything will be okay later. Don't stress yourself too much and look at the positive side of it. Although it sounds more like a message to myself, but I am sincerely wishing/telling all of you out there that this is gonna be alright.
February 16, 2009
Back again
The past few days was a blast. Minus the sunburn, and the big tummy.
Finally, I felt at home and also gained myself back. I felt so Malaysian after this trip and I am loving Malaysia more (minus the stupid politics and some problematic people here).
And I survived 3 days without touching the internet. It was a funny roadtrip as many things happened in between like having a punctured tyre in the middle of no where, squatting by the roadside for some delicious food, protesting against Valentine's Day by wearing stupid T-shirts, we even took pics with the big snake (it was really heavy and cold and scaly...eukkks) ,etc etc.
And some quality time with my girlfriends laughing over funny stuff that we did during our uni days, not to mention, stalking guys like, "Hey, look at that one. He's the type that I like" or "He's cute isn't he?". I am gonna miss them.
--------------------------------
3 days of not touching the internet means 3 days of not checking my mails. And then..................there goes......some called him my Darling from the United States of America, some called him my Honey from the West did something very amazing. Whatever it is, he sent me 3 messages to my inbox. Why I called it amazing? Because all this while messages was not that intense but the ones I got yesterday and the day before was filled with so much emotions for me. Is it because of Valentine's Day or because of the heat?
Anyhow, I have not reply anything as I was still shocked. I don't know what to reply. Weird. I am so over him at one point in my life.
Hmmmm....what should I do now? I wish I could understand guys more. I really really don't understand guys to the point that I think it's hard to undertsand men and women.
Enough of the crap. I should clear my emotions right now as I still don't know how I feel towards him. But knowing myself, when I know I don't like/love someone anymore, I won't look back. I don't know :(
Finally, I felt at home and also gained myself back. I felt so Malaysian after this trip and I am loving Malaysia more (minus the stupid politics and some problematic people here).
And I survived 3 days without touching the internet. It was a funny roadtrip as many things happened in between like having a punctured tyre in the middle of no where, squatting by the roadside for some delicious food, protesting against Valentine's Day by wearing stupid T-shirts, we even took pics with the big snake (it was really heavy and cold and scaly...eukkks) ,etc etc.
And some quality time with my girlfriends laughing over funny stuff that we did during our uni days, not to mention, stalking guys like, "Hey, look at that one. He's the type that I like" or "He's cute isn't he?". I am gonna miss them.
--------------------------------
3 days of not touching the internet means 3 days of not checking my mails. And then..................there goes......some called him my Darling from the United States of America, some called him my Honey from the West did something very amazing. Whatever it is, he sent me 3 messages to my inbox. Why I called it amazing? Because all this while messages was not that intense but the ones I got yesterday and the day before was filled with so much emotions for me. Is it because of Valentine's Day or because of the heat?
Anyhow, I have not reply anything as I was still shocked. I don't know what to reply. Weird. I am so over him at one point in my life.
Hmmmm....what should I do now? I wish I could understand guys more. I really really don't understand guys to the point that I think it's hard to undertsand men and women.
Enough of the crap. I should clear my emotions right now as I still don't know how I feel towards him. But knowing myself, when I know I don't like/love someone anymore, I won't look back. I don't know :(
February 13, 2009
Mini Roadtrip
My friends and I will be going on a lil roadtrip to the south. This is the craziest thing we have ever come up with. At 3 pm just now, we sat down and came up with this lil plan. We have planned to splash water at Sunway Lagoon and then some shopping and some dinner but then, we felt it's too boring and then we decided to do something crazier... A roadtrip!!!
The journey will start at 4.30am because we want to catch the sunrise in Port Dickson and then some beach games and some food and some sun and some sandcastles and some photos and then we will head down to Malacca for food and some portuguese food and some boring historical stuff and then down to Johor. And the next day we will be heading back to Malacca again for lunch and then back to Kuala Lumpur. Pheww....so much just to avoid Valentine's Day in Kuala Lumpur.
And of course the 3 of us will take our turn...driving. Hmmm....So much for being single...But happy singles!!!
Anyhow, for those couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day and to all the singles out there, don't be sad. Your day will come one day.
The journey will start at 4.30am because we want to catch the sunrise in Port Dickson and then some beach games and some food and some sun and some sandcastles and some photos and then we will head down to Malacca for food and some portuguese food and some boring historical stuff and then down to Johor. And the next day we will be heading back to Malacca again for lunch and then back to Kuala Lumpur. Pheww....so much just to avoid Valentine's Day in Kuala Lumpur.
And of course the 3 of us will take our turn...driving. Hmmm....So much for being single...But happy singles!!!
Anyhow, for those couples out there, Happy Valentine's Day and to all the singles out there, don't be sad. Your day will come one day.
February 11, 2009
Family Matters
"Not even a month back in Malaysia and you are already flying somewhere else. Do you have a problem?"
"I have never seen anyone like you. Why can't you stick your feet in your own country?"
Okay. Well. It's not that I don't like Malaysia. It's because when I am back, thousand of problems come to me as if I am the only person in the world that can deal with these.
Take today for instance, I just woke up, went to the toilet, poo-ed, came out, brushed my teeth, washed my face, went downstairs for breakfast and suddenly. Voila...
Someone came running to me and started to tell me stories from the Ice Ages and how she was treated and all. Moments after that, phone calls and sms came in and of course, they are looking for me telling me the same Ice Age story.
I cried today telling them, "I just want all of you to be together and be with me for these few weeks as I will be away for 3 years. I don't know when I will be back."
I bought a one-way ticket. Yes, I just did. I don't know why I did that. I have never bought any one-way ticket to any place before. I think next year, I will probably spend my Chinese New Year in Holland or somewhere else.
My family members is spreaded from the North of Asia till Australia. So, how many borders did it crossed? Plenty I should say. And so far to my understanding, only my family members in Malaysia is the one hardest to deal with.
It kills me slowly knowing the facts from the Ice Age, on how some people treated other people.
And forgiving other people is a sin here. Why can't they just forgive and forget and let loose and be themselves and stop pretending and love each other and keep on to everything together. Leave aside the material world. I think they are already rich enough to not neglect love. A few Platinum credit cards in their purses and wallets and their Louis Vuittons won't make the world a better place.
I think the poorer some people are, the better forgiver they can be. Just like me. I have nothing. I don't own a house, I drive an old car passed down to me since my grandfather passed away, I don't have a stable job. And if I have money, I travel. Yes, I have some luxuries with me, yes I do have a few branded stuff in my wardrobe but it won't last long. I gave it away. The only luxurious thing I have now would be my PDA and my laptop and my camera and my Coach bag. People hurt my feelings, I forgive them and go on with life. Again and again I am the dumb ass. So what? I am happier now. I am more than happy to forgive some jerks in my life than to keep revenge for my whole life.
Is money the factor to degrade people and not love each other even they have blood relations? And apart of me is jumping with joy with the fact that I will be away for 3 years in a lonely town in the middle of Thueringen. With loadsa trees, grass, mountains and river...I know I will be bored but I am looking at the positive side of it. I have to be strong, I have to be positive.
No one I know, at least here in my family would take the plunge to go to a foreign country alone backed with shitty german proficiency and not even a Platinum credit card. Just some canned food and mental readiness to brave the cold hard winter.
No matter how shitty my life is right now or no matter how shitty I was treated by some people or no matter how shitty my life will be in the future. I forgive everything that happens and I am learning to grow to be a better person through this. I have nothing but only the love to myself. I am starting to love myself more than ever.
Being 23 going to be 24 is going to be a bit harder than before. I knew it. No more nice warm food, no screamings or fits from anyone in the family, no hot sun, no warm beach, no sisterly love from my sisters, no dogs to play with, no cheap cinema tickets, no childhood friends for as long as I choose to stay in Jena. It's really not going to be easy.
--------------------------------------------
By the way, I got scolded by my uncle out of a sudden and I was like WTF!!! And then came another and then another all throwing their hissy fits at me when they are supposed to throw it at other people. I got mad and I scolded each and everyone of them including my grandmother.
I tried to patch things up and this is what I get? Anyhow, I managed to get them back together. I am talking about all of them. I spent 5 hours talking on Skype and on my handphone and also on the house phone. Each of them shouting at me and I remained calm but cried alone because I felt it's really unfair to be scolded when I am the innocent one. It was really the worst point of my life after my job at the consulting firm.
I think I hold some important power in this family as I think when I scolded them, everyone kept silent and listen and agreed to whatever I said. I really wish they could remain peaceful and hold no grudge against each other. Amen.
"I have never seen anyone like you. Why can't you stick your feet in your own country?"
Okay. Well. It's not that I don't like Malaysia. It's because when I am back, thousand of problems come to me as if I am the only person in the world that can deal with these.
Take today for instance, I just woke up, went to the toilet, poo-ed, came out, brushed my teeth, washed my face, went downstairs for breakfast and suddenly. Voila...
Someone came running to me and started to tell me stories from the Ice Ages and how she was treated and all. Moments after that, phone calls and sms came in and of course, they are looking for me telling me the same Ice Age story.
I cried today telling them, "I just want all of you to be together and be with me for these few weeks as I will be away for 3 years. I don't know when I will be back."
I bought a one-way ticket. Yes, I just did. I don't know why I did that. I have never bought any one-way ticket to any place before. I think next year, I will probably spend my Chinese New Year in Holland or somewhere else.
My family members is spreaded from the North of Asia till Australia. So, how many borders did it crossed? Plenty I should say. And so far to my understanding, only my family members in Malaysia is the one hardest to deal with.
It kills me slowly knowing the facts from the Ice Age, on how some people treated other people.
And forgiving other people is a sin here. Why can't they just forgive and forget and let loose and be themselves and stop pretending and love each other and keep on to everything together. Leave aside the material world. I think they are already rich enough to not neglect love. A few Platinum credit cards in their purses and wallets and their Louis Vuittons won't make the world a better place.
I think the poorer some people are, the better forgiver they can be. Just like me. I have nothing. I don't own a house, I drive an old car passed down to me since my grandfather passed away, I don't have a stable job. And if I have money, I travel. Yes, I have some luxuries with me, yes I do have a few branded stuff in my wardrobe but it won't last long. I gave it away. The only luxurious thing I have now would be my PDA and my laptop and my camera and my Coach bag. People hurt my feelings, I forgive them and go on with life. Again and again I am the dumb ass. So what? I am happier now. I am more than happy to forgive some jerks in my life than to keep revenge for my whole life.
Is money the factor to degrade people and not love each other even they have blood relations? And apart of me is jumping with joy with the fact that I will be away for 3 years in a lonely town in the middle of Thueringen. With loadsa trees, grass, mountains and river...I know I will be bored but I am looking at the positive side of it. I have to be strong, I have to be positive.
No one I know, at least here in my family would take the plunge to go to a foreign country alone backed with shitty german proficiency and not even a Platinum credit card. Just some canned food and mental readiness to brave the cold hard winter.
No matter how shitty my life is right now or no matter how shitty I was treated by some people or no matter how shitty my life will be in the future. I forgive everything that happens and I am learning to grow to be a better person through this. I have nothing but only the love to myself. I am starting to love myself more than ever.
Being 23 going to be 24 is going to be a bit harder than before. I knew it. No more nice warm food, no screamings or fits from anyone in the family, no hot sun, no warm beach, no sisterly love from my sisters, no dogs to play with, no cheap cinema tickets, no childhood friends for as long as I choose to stay in Jena. It's really not going to be easy.
--------------------------------------------
By the way, I got scolded by my uncle out of a sudden and I was like WTF!!! And then came another and then another all throwing their hissy fits at me when they are supposed to throw it at other people. I got mad and I scolded each and everyone of them including my grandmother.
I tried to patch things up and this is what I get? Anyhow, I managed to get them back together. I am talking about all of them. I spent 5 hours talking on Skype and on my handphone and also on the house phone. Each of them shouting at me and I remained calm but cried alone because I felt it's really unfair to be scolded when I am the innocent one. It was really the worst point of my life after my job at the consulting firm.
I think I hold some important power in this family as I think when I scolded them, everyone kept silent and listen and agreed to whatever I said. I really wish they could remain peaceful and hold no grudge against each other. Amen.
February 10, 2009
To da Land Down Under
Yeap. I am going to Australia in 10 days. Will be there for 15 days, and will be spending some needed quality time with my another brood of family and my new born baby cousin. And some quality time with everyone before I fly back to Germany on the 27th of March.
I felt like a kid again as I will be going with my grandma and my mother. More like the one in charge to carry luggage since I am the most eligible one to carry luggages.
I am so excited to see everyone in Australia. I think I should gather all my friends there and party for one whole day. But then, thinking of that, I think I have more friends in Melbourne but I don't want to go there for now as it's freaking hot and so on.
Kangaroos and Koalas, here I come. And not to mention Billabong, Roxy and Quiksilver goodies (I know we can get it in Malaysia but it should be way way cheaper there). I wanna get a baseball cap.
I felt like a kid again as I will be going with my grandma and my mother. More like the one in charge to carry luggage since I am the most eligible one to carry luggages.
I am so excited to see everyone in Australia. I think I should gather all my friends there and party for one whole day. But then, thinking of that, I think I have more friends in Melbourne but I don't want to go there for now as it's freaking hot and so on.
Kangaroos and Koalas, here I come. And not to mention Billabong, Roxy and Quiksilver goodies (I know we can get it in Malaysia but it should be way way cheaper there). I wanna get a baseball cap.
February 09, 2009
Busy busy
I have been quite busy these few days apart from visiting my relatives and friends and stuff, I am also busy with my preparation for my studies in Jena. 3 years. Yeap. 3 years. How am I going to survive 3 years in Jena? Some people say that I am independant enough to live everywhere, but that's not true.
I have been so busy I forgot to send in my application letter for the accomodation. And now, I am hoping they will at least have a place for me to stay. Damn.
Why am I so forgetful these days?
I have been so busy I forgot to send in my application letter for the accomodation. And now, I am hoping they will at least have a place for me to stay. Damn.
Why am I so forgetful these days?
February 04, 2009
Emo
Somebody broke my heart into pieces.
Somebody really did broke my heart into pieces. I have no words to say.
Well, on the bright side, this is not the first time my heart gets broken again. Wahahahaha. I wanna be a bitch. Simple isn't it? Being a bitch is better. Breaking people's heart is better than being broken. But I think this time it's karma, maybe I have broken too many hearts last time, people break mine this time.
----------------------------------------
I am feeling super-superly depressed due to the fact that I have to decide on what I want. Damn it. Why do we have to make choices?
Anyhow, I don't have any mood to write anymore. Simple. I am being very emotional right now I wanna kill some flies. @#$%^&*
Somebody really did broke my heart into pieces. I have no words to say.
Well, on the bright side, this is not the first time my heart gets broken again. Wahahahaha. I wanna be a bitch. Simple isn't it? Being a bitch is better. Breaking people's heart is better than being broken. But I think this time it's karma, maybe I have broken too many hearts last time, people break mine this time.
----------------------------------------
I am feeling super-superly depressed due to the fact that I have to decide on what I want. Damn it. Why do we have to make choices?
Anyhow, I don't have any mood to write anymore. Simple. I am being very emotional right now I wanna kill some flies. @#$%^&*
I am going to Redang Island !!!
Wooohooo...I have just won myself a 3 days 2 night stay hotel package in Redang Island worth RM4000 (about 800 Euros) for 2 people. Gonna bake myself in the sun with the white sandy beaches and clear turquoise sea water. Wheeeeee.....
For your information, my family have been there, my friends have been there and I am the weird one out who has never been to this beautiful island on the east coast of Malaysia. Shame on me, nearly 24 years of living in Malaysia, I have never been to Redang Island. I have never step my feet on that particular state aswell. Shame shame.
But now I am going....yippie yayaayaay!!!
But that's gonna be in March. Wooo....I can't wait for another beach holiday. Wooooo....hmm...who should I bring along with me. I am planning to bring everyone but I think the suite is just enough for 5 people. Hmmm....
And the food...ahhh...I am so gonna eat everything available there. And bikini time girls!!! Perfecto!!!
February 01, 2009
Pissing me off
What a day today and it is not a good one.
It seems like I have a personality crash with people or something here.
Number one:
This morning, I went and met up with my old uni mates because the main point is that one of my girlfriend wanted to introduce her soon-to-be boyfriend to us. So I was seated next to him as that's the only place available and it would be very rude to sit on the other side of the table. As per say, he is some sort of Feng Shui practioners thingy and he can count what your life can hold in the future so on and so fort. Okay, fine.
According to him, I am too strong for a woman as in I take and handle things like a man. Not very womanly. And that I will argue a lot in the future with my husband as I am too strong in everything. And also a lot of other things which I don't understand and I tried to make a stand as I don't think I am like that and then he said I like to argue a lot. I said that is not argueing, that's proving my point that I am not like that.
I felt so uncomfortable for the next few hours as I don't like to argue with him anymore but have to pretend that I accepted whatever he said about me. I felt so shitty.
Yeah rite, if I am strong, I won't even be offended with whatever he said. And yeah, the best part is, he discouraged me to furthur my studies and he said that studying is actually wasting time and that I should actually focus on my career. Yeah, I can't blame him. He didn't know that I am not that kind of person who can't survive doing office job. And I told him I want to continue because of my passion for the language that I have been working on since the past few years. I wanna be professional. He said that's BULLSHIT and there's no such thing as PASSION.
WOW! No one ever speak like that to me. No one. But okay, I kept my cool and I just nodded. And pretended to agree on everything he said.
Okay, number one he's way way older than me, I should respect him. Number two, I should also give him some face as he is going to be my girlfriend's boyfriend or something like that. I just keep my cool. Pheww....I think I should just forget about this as I will be seeing more of him in the future. Just nod on whatever he said. The world would be a better day. The whales in the pacific ocean won't die because of that. Okay. Good.
Number two:
As I was trying on my new glasses I have got a phone call. From my aunt, that is. Okay fine, she came up to me and complained to me as if I am in charge of the after sales department of some supermarket. I just keep quiet. And nod and agreed and nod and agreed on every single thing she said and even apologize for the things I have never done before but to apologize for the things that people do.
What the hell people? Can't you leave me in peace for a while? I am home for not even a week and things start to pour in like the elephant dung. Scheisse!
Like always and forever...people NEVER ask me what I want or my permission to do anything and just plan ahead FOR me and I DONT appreciate that. Or point fingers at me whenever things go wrong even if the thing happened before I was born. How cool can that be? VERY COOL!
Can't anyone here stop blaming me for everything that happened? Can't anyone stop telling me grandmother stories that has happened long long time before? Can't anyone be more acceptive towards other people's bad habits or what so ever. WHATEVER IT IS...DON'T BLAME IT ON ME!
I wanna run-away now to Brazil. Like seriously tomorrow morning if I can.
Fine. Do whatever you wanna do, say whatever you wanna say. I don't care.
It seems like I have a personality crash with people or something here.
Number one:
This morning, I went and met up with my old uni mates because the main point is that one of my girlfriend wanted to introduce her soon-to-be boyfriend to us. So I was seated next to him as that's the only place available and it would be very rude to sit on the other side of the table. As per say, he is some sort of Feng Shui practioners thingy and he can count what your life can hold in the future so on and so fort. Okay, fine.
According to him, I am too strong for a woman as in I take and handle things like a man. Not very womanly. And that I will argue a lot in the future with my husband as I am too strong in everything. And also a lot of other things which I don't understand and I tried to make a stand as I don't think I am like that and then he said I like to argue a lot. I said that is not argueing, that's proving my point that I am not like that.
I felt so uncomfortable for the next few hours as I don't like to argue with him anymore but have to pretend that I accepted whatever he said about me. I felt so shitty.
Yeah rite, if I am strong, I won't even be offended with whatever he said. And yeah, the best part is, he discouraged me to furthur my studies and he said that studying is actually wasting time and that I should actually focus on my career. Yeah, I can't blame him. He didn't know that I am not that kind of person who can't survive doing office job. And I told him I want to continue because of my passion for the language that I have been working on since the past few years. I wanna be professional. He said that's BULLSHIT and there's no such thing as PASSION.
WOW! No one ever speak like that to me. No one. But okay, I kept my cool and I just nodded. And pretended to agree on everything he said.
Okay, number one he's way way older than me, I should respect him. Number two, I should also give him some face as he is going to be my girlfriend's boyfriend or something like that. I just keep my cool. Pheww....I think I should just forget about this as I will be seeing more of him in the future. Just nod on whatever he said. The world would be a better day. The whales in the pacific ocean won't die because of that. Okay. Good.
Number two:
As I was trying on my new glasses I have got a phone call. From my aunt, that is. Okay fine, she came up to me and complained to me as if I am in charge of the after sales department of some supermarket. I just keep quiet. And nod and agreed and nod and agreed on every single thing she said and even apologize for the things I have never done before but to apologize for the things that people do.
What the hell people? Can't you leave me in peace for a while? I am home for not even a week and things start to pour in like the elephant dung. Scheisse!
Like always and forever...people NEVER ask me what I want or my permission to do anything and just plan ahead FOR me and I DONT appreciate that. Or point fingers at me whenever things go wrong even if the thing happened before I was born. How cool can that be? VERY COOL!
Can't anyone here stop blaming me for everything that happened? Can't anyone stop telling me grandmother stories that has happened long long time before? Can't anyone be more acceptive towards other people's bad habits or what so ever. WHATEVER IT IS...DON'T BLAME IT ON ME!
I wanna run-away now to Brazil. Like seriously tomorrow morning if I can.
Fine. Do whatever you wanna do, say whatever you wanna say. I don't care.
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