June 23, 2007

I hate to tell her this...

Rewind 7 years back:

I was only 15 that time. My favourite past time would be hogging the computer and go online everyday chatting with my friends via ICQ and MSN. To me studying is something I have to do only when there's a paper a day after that. I always sleep during the History class, I stare blankly at my maths teacher (who keeps on repeating,"Ini bulatan, Ini bulatan"...[This is a circle, This is a circle"] pretending to understand everything she taught while my mind flies off to Heathrow Airport waiting for my plane to come. That's my Form 3 life. To me results are like decoration, the more A's u have, the prettier your report book would be. And of course, I have nice results since kindergarten, always the top 10 in class, always in the first few classes, etc. Because I m very hardworking at copying other people's homework. So you see when you copy other people's homework you learn someting aswell. That's how I learn. I've never finish or even take a look at my homework. Never. So, me being weird of course have weird way of learning. I supposed it's the Malaysian education system. You don't need brains to get good results. Just remember everything and voila, your report card would be as pretty as Angelina Jolie. I don't memorise, I just remember what I copied. That's how I survied all those years.

But...There's always a "but" in everything. Some people...let's call her N and her mother M...okay...so this one, let me tell you a bit of her mother, M. She's a teacher, I don't know about her mentality but I think she educated nerds all the way, she worship A's like how the people worship the king-gods last time. So, you see, she got to know that I m friends with her daughter, N. Maybe she got a lil worried and stuff that I will poison her daughter's mind. Buahaha. So.... one day, my mother went to his father's shop (so happened that her mother was there aswell) to buy some machineries and stuff for my dad's office. Together with her is my mother's best friend. This is what she told my mother's friend while my mother was looking at other stuff.

M: Hey you know "D" rite?
Mother's friend: Yeah, Of course I do.
M: Well, she's a nice girl I know but can you tell her to focus more on her books and put aside her computer. It will help her.

Then mother's friend told me about it. I was shocked. It means she told her mother eveything about me. I was hurt. I cried becoz I felt betrayed. Betrayed because I told her about what I did everyday with my leisure time. I was only 15, NAIVE. One word. Naive. Thinking back I should just laugh and laugh and laugh. Of course I felt hurt, who's she to tell me not to touch my computer? Who is she to tell me what I should do with my results when my own mother didn't even complain about my results. Why? Expect me to be like her daughter? No way.

Fast Forward 7 years after that incident.

So today I went out with my bunch of geeky friends. Me and my best buddy and another girl, MY, called this club the G-Club which stands for the Geeky Club. Since all of them are overly educated with geekness in them no matter what they do. They think clubbing is a crime, alcohol are very poisonous, revision books are their bible and A's are the reasons why they came to earth. It's not suprising if I tell you all of them consists of medical student, dental student, microbiology student and etc, you name the geekiest subject, I have it there. And of course I m the worst in there, Intellectually (hmm...should I say the ability to memorise revision books) So, then...my C-Club (Crazy Club which I can hang out and laugh and stalk guys with) are not complete because my best buddy is not ther due to work. And that's why me and MY have to just follow the flow of geekiness. Geek geek geek. I don't mind being with a geek. I mind if the geek is like.... you know.... brainless.

I was looking and ... going to enter Roxy coz some nice things in there caught my eye. The Malaysian Mega Sale is hurting my pcoket. I can't bear to see the word SALE. So during the process of stepping in there, N asked me this:

N: Hey do you wanna become a temporary teacher at my mother's school?
me: What? A teacher? You know that's the last thing I would ever become, that's a teacher.
N: But it's RM1600.
me: Anything but a teacher please. (You think RM1600 is worth my time? Has she forgotten I m a uni student like her aswell, is she out of her mind to ask me this? And has she also forgotten I m working?)
N: My mom asked me to asked you this because she got 17 vacancies.
me: No thank you. I got my work to do.
N: But it's RM1600 leh. I see that you're so free now that's why I asked you. Also because you're jobless now.
me: -_- (I got very upset with that word JOBLESS. Very sensitive. You can say that I m fat but you can never ever say that I m jobless)

Yeah, so what if I m a LOSER in your eyes and also you mother's eyes? Yeah so what if I don't stay in a bungalow? So what If I m not as clever as you're in examinations? So what if you see me like I m some kinda jobless freak on the streets? How could she said that I m jobless when all my friends know that I have a freelance job. To me she's close enough to be called as a close friend. I got very offended with that word "JOBLESS". All my friends who are close to me know that my job is like my most important thing after my life. All these weeks of "torturing" myself till the wee hours of the night just to train and control the work of some certain workers is not easy besides editing thousands of photos and stuff, taking care of both firing side just to mantain good relations with them. And you called that'"JOBLESS"?? I felt like telling her straight to her face a lot of things that will tear her heart apart like how I tear a bag of chips and eat the content. But I didn't. Why? Because I still treat her like my friend. You know those kind who forgives some stupidity that their friends has done to them.

I don't know how or what her mother told her. But I don't like the feeling of being asked."My mom asked me to ask you about..." It's like specifically to me. Why didnt she asked her other super duper geeky friends like the one doing medic? Or the one studying some kinda scientific subject? Why me? Simply because my degree is not worthy or not honourable enough? Is that so?

Personally I can say that her thinking is just like a 17 year old? Is it because she's been protected from all the viruses outside and not be able to see how cruel the world is outside? A lot of times before, I felt her statements are a little bit blunt and immature. Not practical and doesn't fit the whole picture. I know I don't deserve to say this but that's what I felt. Is it because I've been thrown to the real world since in my teens and I don't grow up normally like what normal teens do. I have to work and deal with what I had when I was younger. I don't get the latest handphone just because I got into uni. I have to get my own. I don't get a brand new car for my 21st birthday. I have to get it on my own. (The current car I m using is from my late grandfather. If he didn't die of heart attack, he will be fetching me to my uni). To her, studying and getting strings of A's is like to get a passport to paradise. How easy can that be? Well, that's what her parents set in her. Am I lack of something? Why do I feel I m lack of something?

Enough said. I've been hurt to many times, this doesn't feel anything. Just wanna share something with you all, that's it.

June 15, 2007

To the guy who pisses me the most

I've had enough. Everytime we ended up arguing for no reason. And I find it it's his favourite thing to do, which is to piss me off with every single second of his life.

Just like today, I told him I went to watch Fantastic 4 with a friend and he started to question me about my "free time". "Why are you so free when you go out with other guys but when you got no time when I ask you out. I wanna know how many excuses you can give me this time." "You always give me excuses when I wanna ask you out, actually you're always free, just that you purposely don't want to go out with me".

Can't I have my own space? Like choosing who I wanna go out with and so on? And he started to diss me with my "busy schedule" and keep on critising my "time management".

I am so tired of this, I would wanna tell him this, "Hello, you are not even my BOYFRIEND, why are you so demanding, do I have to report my timetable to you?" But I didn't because it would be a waste of time, so I just keep quiet and replied him with "WHATEVER".

What kind of sickness is he having anyway? I really don't understand.

June 10, 2007

June eh?

Okay...June June June

What to do in June?

I must:

- change my specs as it's dangling now (The surviving one from my China trip and a few days back I accidently dropped it 3 times on the floor...bwahahaha...it's annoying)

- get a hair cut coz I've been running around like a zombie

- burn all my photos with my ex. I saw it the other day, I was emo for days. So better dig every single thing that reminds me of him and BURN BURN BURN.

- register for uni subjects on Monday

- I really wanna visit Vietnam for once but I can't find any partner-in-crime at the moment. There goes. My potential partner-in-crime turns out to be busy. So I have to wait.

- Prepare for my ZD. (I hate sitting for exams but I have to do it, it's been a year since I promised my lecturer that I will do it)

- I wanna get a new car. Now that I can afford to buy that car, I want a more classy one. (Greed!) 3 people told me not to buy any at the moment, car prices will drop more. So...we'll see about it.

- go on a few roadtrips in Malaysia itself. The last one to Sekinchan was indeed great. Ate 7 times of expensive seafood for just RM43 per person...yes RM43 for the 7 meals. Where to get?

- Watch Shrek 3. I had M&Ms 'ogre-size'....so the influence.

- Relax...Rest and have more sleep. I've been sick for several times in less than a month. Not good.

- I wish that people could just stop taking advantage of me. It's sad.

- refuse to receive any calls after 10pm. I need my rest. (except for my best friends and family who needed my help)

- turn back my sleeping time

Hmmm....probably dats it. I don't think there's anything more. Hopefully no more. And my transformer-selling friend is pretty busy at the moment. So no coffee. And my abnormal 4am sleeping friend is always busy with her husband a.k.a the internet, so no outing at the moment. Ahh...I need food.

June 03, 2007

Great Mama for the future

This holiday I did loadsa great stuff. Taking care of "children" in their 30 to 40 year old body but with 15 year old mentalities. And also a real teenager to be included inside. Every night the "older" children will come to me and complain about their days and the younger one will call me up like every single 3 minutes because she's lost somewhere.

I slept at 3am every day just because of these children. So now, what's more to say to be a good mother? My maternal instinct has gone bad over the years but I've gained it back in days. Great isn't it?

On the other side, taking care of this children makes my pocket thicker a bit. So I must really really really have patience with them for the time being. My head hurts really bad now. Lack of sleep, radiation, IT technical stuff which I have to learn myself, and best of all not enough food for me to munch on. Food food food. How can I be starving like this when I m living in Malaysia? I lost 2 kgs.

I m so emo right now. Hormones hormones.

I m ready to backpack anytime now. I wanna run away from the country for a while ASAP. I can't be doing liek this everyday. My butt will grow sideways and I don't want that to happen. I need fresh air, I need to see people not my kind, I need to flee, I need to fly. Owh owh sad. 3rd day of June is already driving me nuts.

We all need holiday.

On the other side of the note, I discussed about my future plans with my friend. She said this to me. "Believe me, you will never last more than 2 months in a company in Malaysia after you graduated. Unless you're working for a big company with big prospect for you. I assure you that." Dats a very cruel remark of her to me. Who knows I can survive rite? The last company I worked with, I was there for good whole 2 months okay. That's a fact.

Rusty guns. Let's play with guns. I miss the time in Cambodia where we get to play with real weapons and stuff, oh I miss the Bazooka the most. Makes me happy :D