OMG...another one

This is funny (at least I find it funny):

[10:50:05 PM] 구승회 says: hi
[10:51:36 PM] Me says: hi
[10:51:44 PM] 구승회 says: long time
[10:52:16 PM] 구승회 says: where are you?
[10:52:42 PM] Me says: at home
[10:53:04 PM] 구승회 says: hahaha
[10:53:08 PM] 구승회 says: i miss you
[10:53:11 PM] 구승회 says: do you miss me?
[10:54:16 PM] Me says: haha
[10:54:20 PM] Me says: very funny
[10:54:26 PM] 구승회 says: who??
[10:54:27 PM] 구승회 says: you?
[10:54:30 PM] Me says: you
[10:54:43 PM] 구승회 says: i am not funny
[10:55:49 PM] 구승회 says: do you need to me?
[10:55:57 PM] Me says: need?
[10:56:00 PM] Me says: what do u mean?
[10:56:12 PM] 구승회 says: do you want to me?
[10:56:17 PM] Me says: huh?
[10:56:20 PM] Me says: want what?
[10:56:23 PM] 구승회 says: me
[10:56:30 PM] Me says: i dont understand
[10:56:45 PM] 구승회 says: i will get you
[10:57:24 PM] Me says: get me?
[10:57:28 PM] 구승회 says: yes
[10:58:47 PM] 구승회 says: we are just friend?
[10:58:53 PM] Me says: yes
[10:58:54 PM] Me says: friends
[10:59:04 PM] 구승회 says: we are couple?
[10:59:18 PM] Me says: no
[10:59:23 PM] 구승회 says: why?
[10:59:24 PM] Me says: because we dont know each other
[10:59:46 PM] 구승회 says: okay
[10:59:58 PM] 구승회 says: bu i need to your heart
[11:00:20 PM] Me says: get other korean girls
[11:00:23 PM] Me says: they r nicerr
[11:00:29 PM] 구승회 says: no..
[11:00:31 PM] 구승회 says: i want to you
[11:00:44 PM] 구승회 says: i falling love
[11:01:17 PM] Me says: u cannot fall in love with me
[11:01:22 PM] Me says: because u dont know me
[11:01:32 PM] 구승회 says: we need to time
[11:01:41 PM] 구승회 says: we are first start
[11:01:43 PM] 구승회 says: love
[11:01:55 PM] Me says: first start?
[11:01:59 PM] 구승회 says: yes
[11:02:04 PM] 구승회 says: and i show you to all
[11:02:16 PM] Me says: show me to all?
[11:02:18 PM] Me says: what do u mean?
[11:02:29 PM] 구승회 says: i show you
[11:02:33 PM] 구승회 says: everything
[11:02:44 PM] 구승회 says: i show all of thing
[11:03:33 PM] Me says: what thing?
[11:03:43 PM] 구승회 says: my all
[11:03:47 PM] 구승회 says: my heart
[11:03:52 PM] 구승회 says: everything
[11:05:33 PM] Me says: ic
[11:05:34 PM] Me says: why me?
[11:05:46 PM] 구승회 says: i falling you
[11:05:51 PM] 구승회 says: we are couple now
[11:06:02 PM] Me says: noooooo...we cannot be a couple
[11:06:08 PM] 구승회 says: why?
[11:06:12 PM] 구승회 says: you say me ic
[11:06:42 PM] Me says: i c means "i see" means i m thinking
[11:06:47 PM] Me says: it doesnt mean anyhting
[11:06:57 PM] 구승회 says: okay
[11:07:04 PM] 구승회 says: but i will get you
[11:07:05 PM] 구승회 says: today
[11:07:13 PM] 구승회 says: plz
[11:07:58 PM] Me says: u cant get me today coz other ppl will get me
[11:08:19 PM] 구승회 says: other ppl???what mean?
[11:10:10 PM] Me says: other people means people in malaysia
[11:10:17 PM] 구승회 says: no
[11:10:23 PM] 구승회 says: i get you today
[11:11:18 PM] Me says: u cant get me becoz u r not here
[11:11:33 PM] 구승회 says: not important
[11:11:45 PM] 구승회 says: just tell me to love me
[11:11:47 PM] Me says: why not?
[11:12:11 PM] 구승회 says: i will go there
[11:12:18 PM] 구승회 says: just you wait me
[11:12:56 PM] Me says: i no wait u
[11:12:59 PM] Me says: u no wait me
[11:13:06 PM] 구승회 says: why?
[11:13:15 PM] 구승회 says: do you hate me?
[11:13:20 PM] Me says: i dont hate nor love
[11:13:20 PM] 구승회 says: i get you
[11:13:45 PM] 구승회 says: okay
[11:14:04 PM] 구승회 says: how do i get you?
[11:15:00 PM] Me says: there's no urm...way to get me
[11:15:40 PM] 구승회 says: okay
[11:15:46 PM] 구승회 says: today i fight you
[11:16:40 PM] Me says: no fight...dont fight..wont fight
[11:16:56 PM] 구승회 says: my meaning is i get you
[11:17:07 PM] Me says: dont be so agrresive okay
[11:17:12 PM] Me says: this is just skype


Okay...so this guy added me on Skype last year asking me about Malaysia. Being courteous and very ignorant at the same time, I let him stay in my list. And today gonna be the last day...of execution. Which means he will be deleted foerever and ever...muahahaha....

DESPERADOS...please stay away from me....gosh!!!

Magic?

These few weeks has been quite peaceful for me. I am happy that I am having a normal life for now. Sometimes it's THAT normal, I felt very uncomfortable with it.

I am serious. How can that happen? It's like magic. Abbrracadabbraaaaa...


Is it magic or I am having illusions?

Fantabulous not

Today, the 20th of February 2008, I felt pathetic and useless. Pathetic and useless because I am not as fantabulous like others, like C, M, L, S and P and not to mention E, Z and also R, T and Q (who are so fantabulous in their own way, be it the brain or the boobs). But if everyone is fantabulous, who is going to become the pathetic and useless loser like me who can make them feel fantabulous?

Blame it on the hormones...I am not feeling 100% happy today.

Dumb Blonde

Ohmmmmm...I am hungry...

I have another test tomorrow and my brain is refusing to suck all the information needed. Becoz I am damn blardy hungry rite now.

Ohmmmm....I think I need to hit the club next week. Or maybe the week after next week. That would be a good idea. Ohm....girls' night out with the girls and hopefully no old uncles.

February is a month of working hard and abandoning health.
March should be a month of working hard and partying hard aswell.
April should be a month of rushing for assignments and revising for exams.
May should be a month of travelling and shopping after the 2nd.
June should be the month of flirting around (bahh...will I? Haha. I have stopped fooling around since I was 18)
and there goes the same till September....

Ohmm........I have no idea what is going on with my life right now. Confusion. No idea at all. Keine Ahnung. Damn. Maybe I am a dumb blonde after all, minus the blonde hair.

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Career fair tomorrow at the university. Then another career fair in KL Convention Centre on the 29th this month. Ohmmm....see....I do go to career fairs to find a "good and secured" job. I do healthy activities...like looking for jobs....applying for companies that pay peanuts....all apart of my "RUN-AWAY-AND-LEAVE-MALAYSIA-FOREVER-PLAN". I am such a devil these days...

Muahhh...

Love is stupid,

Love is forgiving people easily without thinking,

Love is also being jealous and demanding for nothing,

Love knows no boundaries but yourself,

Love hurts as much as lemon juice on a wounded skin,

Why do we love?

To lust is easier than to love,

Lust more, love less

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Apart of me is in already on the plane. Apart of me is still here typing my assignments.

This coming holiday in May (yes, still very far away), I need to:

- get a whole new wardrobe (I have just donated 70% of my clothes to charity)

- get a new cupboard (I am not an avid shopper but I have no idea where all my stuff came from)

- go on a shopping spree. I am going to shop till I drop. 2 weeks is all I need. America...here I come!!!

- settle down (I mean find a nice place and get all my things there. For now, I have 3 wardrobe in 3 different places. It makes me feel like I am a nomad and I don't have a real place to stay)

I am insane enough to think of that while brushing my teeth. Yes, I am pretty insane for now. I've never been so busy. I am giving 100 percent of dedication to my work and also my studies. 100 percent!!!

This semester is a bit peaceful compared to the ones before. For now, it's been peaceful enough for me to give 100% dedication to what I am doing. No barking librarian, no crazy lecturers, no insane people, no strange people so far. I am living a normal life. Ahhh...that's what I call life...peaceful...Hopefully things will still remain the same after this post. Normally when I say something good about my life, the next day it will turn out like shit. *touchwood*

I am busy, busy and all busy. All I can think of is HOLIDAY and did I mention...HOLIDAY? We need HOLIDAY as much as we need money to survive. But HOLIDAY is a must once in a while. HOLIDAY is so darn important. Did I mention that I like HOLIDAY? HOLIDAY is apart of me for now. HOLIDAY is a must for everyone. If I am rich, I will treat everyone on a HOLIDAY with me in the Carribean. Muahahahaha...HOLIDAY!!!

Running Away

I wish that I can run-away now. Let it be Singapore or Seychelles. I can't tolerate with the people around me anymore. They are amazingly stubborn and fake. My chest pain are here again. I don't like to scold nor shout at people these days. I just keep quiet. Silence is golden. That's how I got my chest pain. I have been oppressing the pain too much. Sometimes I wish I can hide somewhere for a while. That is why I need to get out of the country as soon as possible.

I am running away after my last paper on the 2nd of May.

Here's my plot:

6th of May: Bangkok, Thailand
15th of May: road trip from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, USA
Somewhere in June: road trip in Italy (and some other places in Europe which I have not plan yet)
August: Somewhere in Asia (Vietnam, Singapore (again), etc)
September: Convocation (Yeah, have to come back and take my scroll...)

Despite of that, I am ready to answer life tougest questions again...:

1) After you grad, you don't have to work? You're really a spoilt brat!
Spoilt? That's the last thing one should say about me. Spoilt means being supported financially, emotionally, mentally, whatever -ly one can think of. I am working...freelance. And I work my ass off!!! I deserve to relax.

2) You think your dad is printing money? You should consider about his finances aswell!
I don't use his money. His money is his money. I don't have to explain to anyone. Btw, I don't get money by spreading my legs, I work hard for it.

3) You really have to think of your future. Get a secured job. Then get married!
I didn't say I did not want a secured job. I am applying for every single company on my list now. Marriage is not in my dictionary yet. If I am paid for the lies that the guys said to me, I can afford to buy a new house by now. How can the word "marriage" occur?

4) You're plain stupid. You think you can solve your problems by running away?
People around me give me problems. Running away means getting rid of them. Hence, no problems for me anymore for a while (at least). I have my own problems to settle aswell. Like some people say...my future.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I always wonder what will happen to my life after I graduate? Will I be thinner? Will I have a "secured" job? Will I be able to travel or run-away as I like? Will I get paid just by travelling? Or I will become more morose and emotional? Or will I become a plain-jane? Or my life will just revolve around work, work and more work and no party at all?

I need to breathe....

Welcome me back

Finally after weeks and weeks of not being myself. I am finally 100% back on track. I got back to work (can't afford to go workless anymore), got back to my books (can't afford to mess with my final semester), got back to discarding old stuff in my room (I have a habit of throwing old stuff whenever I felt not right) and my appetitte is back (weight gain...LOL!!!).

I was really busy for the past weeks, all I did was:

a) fullfilling other people's request
b) making other people happy
c) listen to stories which I don't understand
d) explain to them from A to Z about life tougest questions (questions about me)

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One thing is on my mind right now
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HOLIDAY!!!

Tired

Uncle: You know, I am actually very tired now. Tired of entertaining people during Chinese New Year.
Me: Of course I know. We are on the same boat. All we do is smile and make them happy so that they feel at home. Think about it, I have to entertain your guest and you aswell. :(

I am so damn tired right now. One moment I am at the airport, one moment I am in USJ searching for authentic Malaysian food for them, one moment in some shopping malls and I can't recall how many malls I went to this time, one moment I am cleaning the house so that they wont sleep in a chicken-coup, one moment I am the driver driving them up and down around the city. I am so damn blardy tired I can't think straight now.

Now I shall collapsed to any available sofa/couch/bed. Good night everyone!!!

Happy Chinese New Year

In just 5 days:

- I gained weight
- I became fatter
- I am rounder
- I have bigger ass
- my brains became smaller
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All thanks to the people with high metabolic rate around me who eats non-stop. I am amazed with their ability to eat everything and yet maintain the shape of their body. I am also amazed with the amount of food the fridge can store and I am also amazed with the fact that they can finish everything on the table like a vacumm cleaner.

Festive seasons are bad for health. I have to shed the fat once I go back to uni. I can't bear to see myself walking with these fat.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone.

Enjoy your 15 days of celebration!!!

Choose

What will happened if I am stuck with only one option?

World of Fakers

It's amazing how people react to one another on certain occasion. Most of them are fakies with fake heart and fake soul just because they wanna look good in front of other people. The poorer counterpart will fake their everything to match the rich counterpart. The rich one will pretend to be poor and humble.

It's so obvious. I felt like slapping the fakies and ask them to WAKE UP and SHUT THE FUCK UP! It's also amazing how people treat me the way I am not supposed to be treated just because I am influential in some ways (yeah thanks to my years of building good rapport). And the best part is, they will talk bad behind my back thinking that I don't know anything about it.

So fake...euksss...it's disgusting. Can't they treat people sincerely? There're a lot of people faking themselves when they are around me. I hate it. I am expecting sincerity not fakies. I have to control my emotions now. I have to resist from throwing disgusting fits at those fakies. Patience is all I need now.

Chinese New Year is also the time where everyone flashes their new designer bags and shoes and make-up. I shall remain the one without any make-up, and worse still...without any new clothes for the occasion and I will still wear my RM24.99 slippers all week long. One shall like me for who I am not for which designer bag I am carrying. Maybe I should start "faking" myself next year. I will dress myself in Diane von Furstenberg and carry a lil Marc Jacobs around with black Louboutin heels with tonnes of make-up and start talking about buying a house in Switzerland...I wanna be fake.

I wanna be fake fake fake. I shall learn from the fakies. Oh hail the fakies. Maybe I can accept more people once I am fake since everyone is getting faker these days.

I am so damn blardy emotional now because I am resisting myself from screaming at some fakies. I am keeping quiet for the time being. Shhhhhh....

I will never bake again at home

Okay...I can't bake, I can't cook, I can't do anything other than outside of the kitchen. How come I can cook so well in Germany and in Holland? How come I don't burnt anything there but I nearly burn the house down...again here?

These are white chocolate muffins....and now it's black. Wahahahaha...I am too depress to bake nowadays. I know I am HOPELESS.

Dreammaker

To the one who created dreams for people when we're all asleep:

Please...I beg you. Please do not let me have anymore nightmare like people dying in front of me or getting pregnant out of no where. And also please do not include those people that I miss dearly in my dreams as I don't want it to end. It will no doubt makes me more miserable after that. I felt the pain even when I am asleep. Lack of sleep is another thing, now with terrible dreams like this, I cannot be myself once I woke up.

A few minutes ago, I woke up with a weird dream. Someone I missed dearly was in it. I don't want it to end. It was such a wonderful feeling to be able to meet him back in such a weird way. I was literally on cloud 9, even when the dream was filled with loadsa lawyers and a lot of travelling inside a tour bus. It was more like an adventure, but an adventure with him makes a hell loadsa difference. I am not sure where I am in that dream. I was indeed happy as he did appear as my partner-in-crime.

I woke up without telling him that,"I will never ever let you go again and I will never allow you to dissapear in front of me ever again." I really wish that I have said that. But it was too late. I should have said that before we parted. Why am I such a fool?

Why do you have to create such a dream to torture my soul. Mental torture is much more painful than physical torture, don't you think?

I am afraid to sleep back. I am afraid to go back to sleep. I am afraid to have dreams. I am afraid to wake up again with tears.

Please...no more nightmare okay?


xox
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Maybe someone's right. Maybe I do need some TLC sometime or somehow in my life. I have been patient enough to go through the ruthless days as a university student and also as a faithful worker for nearly 3 years without realising that I am getting older and lonelier. It may look like I have loadsa friends around me, a lot, but I am all alone most of the time. Without having a life. I have no life. All I have is tonnes of work and work and work. I am tired. I am finally tired of running errands for people, tired of putting a happy face even if I am not.

Some may say,"You're different, you get money by doing so." Yes we do need money to survive but not to the extend of literally not having a life. Money don't buy happiness, they just buy things that temporary make you happy. And then...that's the end of it when you're bored with the things you bought. To me at least. One moment I have someting that will make people envy or jealous, the next thing I know, it will be filled with dust and that's it. That's not happy. That is wasting resources. Using money own temporary happiness is just so wrong.

This is getting worse each day, after each event. After each event where you have to smile and smile and smile for no reason. People say,"It's good for you to build a good rapport for your future." Yeah...good rapport. To me good rapport is partying all night long 24/7 without having to think of the next "commercialized best thing" that you have to say.

I have been thinking...thinking of what I am going to do next with my life on the way home just now, after another event at the university. I am LOST.

Tomorrow will be another day of smilling and smilling and more smilling even when I don't feel like it. Smilling and making other people happy. Who will make me happy?

The only person who can make me happy right now is the person who wanted to catch me a duck, the person who covered my eyes and asked me not to peep at the white labrador peeing and also the one who tells me that everyting going to be alright with a great bear hug.

Of giving and receiving

What have I been doing for the last few months?
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Being very charitable lately. Although I am broke (because I did not work and I am spending like mad), I am much more happier. In fact, I felt that I am much more happier even when I have only RM50 in my wallet. I buy whatever I want, I spend on whatever I felt that makes me happy. I am so happy. When I am out with my girlfriends, we will buy things for each other, even food and earrings. It's more like exchanging gifts rather than shopping for ourselves. Yesterday, I bought a Levi's bookmark for my friend with a funny message (something which reminds her of somebody) on it and she had the bookmark written with something which reminds me of someone. Hahaha...It's so funny because she knew I would do something like that. And my another girlfriend bought me food. And the other one bought me mangoes. Owh...how I love them sometimes.

The other day, we exchanged gifts amongst ourselves and cracked off laughing. They bought me clothes from H&M and I bought them earrings, toiletries, a pair of Adidas gloves, etc. And then my uncle bought me something, in return I bought him something. So basically, I have been spending a lot lately to make people happy. When everyone is happy, I am happy.

This is the only thing that makes me happy being around with people. But once they open their mouth and ask me to do things for them. I felt pressured. That's when I my pimples will pop out of no where and I grow uglier...*sob sob* (Someone just requested me to help him to book some flowers for his girlfriend on Valentine's Day. Speaking of Valentine's Day...why does it have to be a sad day for singles? I am going to bury myself with work actually...yeah yet another sad day for being single)

On the other hand, we're growing ourselves into giants. On the mission to become the "Fantastic Fatty Five" (5 stressful girls eating non-stop). One moment we're eating lunch, the next thing we know, we're ordering dessert and the next, some cakes and the next thing some kind of junks. I know I will become fat, I don't care. I know some relatives (during Chinese New Year) will come up to me and say,"Hey Fatty, you look ugly." I don't care. I will just tell them,"Look it's in the ugly genes. You're also one of them." My bad my bad...