Pray

My favourite line of the day: "Pray Pray"

Guess what I do daily without fail since I arrived here, pretty simple:

- wake up

- get ready

- go to class

- come back and cook

- do some reading

- nap/outing

- shower

- chat with "My Majesty" till late, honestly I did appear offline a few times because it's really really tiring to talk to him

I called him "My Majesty" since he needs a lot of attention from me when we were talking. No flaws, no mistakes. Just accuracy.

I am tired to be honest. Imagine after a long day in Uni, u came back with a demanding creature waiting for you on your MSN and Skype and all he wants is 900% of your ears and brains and patience. He really tested my patience good enough. I felt I have pressure talking to him now.

Sometimes, when I have a rough day, I still have to give my best to what he wants. Now I am talking about me being here and him being back in Malaysia. Not under the same roof. It's already really tiring. Imagine if I have to see him everyday and all. Do all relationships have to be like this?

I tried to make this one a successful one but I am nearly giving up. I can't imagine my life being like this. Or should I say I like being single? Damn no. But why is it so hard for me to give my all to him? I am talking about lifetime commitment here.

I am really stress right now. I think it has became more and more obvious that I am avoiding him now by appearing offline and pretend I am not there when I am there. I just feel tired.

And now that he's giving me more commitment to handle, i.e. holding his account password and all, I felt more pressured.

I should not make any hasty decision on this. But then again, I have to. I can't imagine my kids having this military life of being accurate and strict when I can't handle it myself. Am I being too carefree or it is becoz I have had a rough day I don't feel like talking to anyone.

I am terrified if this one goes down the drain again. I am tired of being in and out of relationships. And the emotional roller coaster than comes with it. It's just scary. In fact really tiring.

Hopefully this is becoz I am dead tired and I need some time for myself.

Pray pray.