Girl talk

We had some food and we started walking endlessly. So we wander around and ended up in a small pub. We're the only young people there. But it's okay, we are not there to flirt around. We went into the wrong place but what happened just now is not about the place. It's about girl-to-girl talk and that's quite emotional for the 2 of us.

We started talking about our lives back in Malaysia where we have go through all the shit and people looked as us as if we're living a very good life. Maybe for some people, we're good on the surface.

"Owh, you are so lucky you can finance yourself in whatever you want"
"You're such a capable young lady"
"You're so intelligent. You're working and yet you can still secure a place in UM"
....yada-yada and the list goes on and on. That's what people said to us. But they don't know what we have to go through. The nights where we cry alone, the nights where we stay away from others and the nights we cry alone inside our car without anyone knowing. It's good to know that I m not the one doing all those crazy things but also her. We did that because we fear to show our emotions in front of others. The time we have to sacrifice because of our dreams, the people that we abandoned along the way. It's not easy.

One thing that we can't avoid is that we started to deal with these kinda shit at a very early age. Can't avoid that. And those shit will pile up and become an emotional baggage for us that would be very hard to leave behind. Then we started to talk about our future. For many girls, that would be starting a new family with someone they love or anything. But we just wanna survive.

Love is a big word. I got hurt so deeply that I am afraid to love again. Because when I do, I will put all my heart in it. That's literally bad but it's me. For her is another problem aswell. Too much love at the same time and yet couldn't find the right one. It is a very complicated 4-letter word.

It's good to have a talk like that since we don't do that everyday back in Malaysia.
Everyone goes through shit everyday. It's a matter of the size of the shit that we have to go through. Some people are lucky and some are not. I would say I manage my emotions pretty bad. After a hard day, I would just blog and torture my blog readers (if I have any). But normally I would just go to bed and end my sleep with a nightmare.

I've left nearly all my emotional baggage behind upon boarding the plane. I told myself that I have to become myself here and have my old self back. The chirpy, bubbly me has long gone as I have big responsibilities back home but not here. So now I m back. Better emotional health and mentally healthy for now.

I don't know why I am writing this. I felt it would be a better thing to do to remind me of this day when we have a real girl to girl talk. My blog has again emerged as my emotional trash can.
Just be thankful with what you have.