Solution

Finally, after yonks and eons of emotional distress, I've changed my perspective on life ...completely. Maybe it will only last for a few days or so, it's a good thing for me, I think. I m trying to keep it up for yonks and eons to come, hopefully.

What made me change? One word. Motivation.

I will no longer feel hurt if my family goes on a vacation without me (or without telling me), my sisters' plan with a new cafe or steakhouse whatever you called it (because I will always be the last person to know), hurtful relatives, crazy people around me, I will take it as a stepping stone to get what I want in life. My dreams.

When I was growing up, I have always wanted to conquer the world in some ways. I know it's pretty silly but that's me. That motivates me to go on and face challenges at ease. I love challenges, I love to be challenged. Well I should say "used-to like that a lot". Again, that was yonks and eons ago when I m still as innocent as a turtle.

"What is wrong with me now? Why am I like that?,"I asked myself.

That makes me wonder. I would say it all began at 16. With some personal problems with my parents. I couldn't understand them, they couldn't understand me kinda thing.

At 17, I was the youngest employee my company had ever employed. I know nothing about the working world, i.e; the back stabbing, work politics, etc. Money was really easy back then. Some say I earn more than a manager but things had change for now. I wish I could turn back time for this one.

At 18, I fell so deeply in love with someone which I would never have guessed it will end up like that. Innocence. My first ever "very steady" relationship (which eventually will lead to a marriage if I don't dump him). I thought an older guy would have a more matured thinking compared to my peers. But that failed to no avail.

At 19, I started to take drastic measures in improving myself. I've tonnes of self-improvement books, went for classes, took advices from people (some advices are really bad), etc etc. But still I have no interest with studies at school except for the Business paper because the teacher likes me a lot and loves to ask me general knowledge questions which makes me looks smarter than others in class. Ah...the good old days. Now I should be thankful if I can tell you the answer for 2+3=?

At 20, uni life begans. All I want is a pass, not an "A". So that means, I m the "stupidest" compared to my ex-schoolmates who scores more than 3.8 over 4.0. I m still the happy tart outside and a gloomy tart inside. People who just knew me thought I m a very playful, forever-happy, innocent that kinda girl (because they don't read my blog and they don't know my emotions). Balancing work and studies? Tough but fun.

At 21, I think I broke up with my ex this time rite? Or was it when I was 20? You see, I can't remember anything about him now because I have totally let go, everything about him. Post-breakup stuff is really draggy and crazy but then now it's gone. Rejoice!

Along the way, I've met interesting people (not those weird ones), I've met loadsa new friends, nice and caring ones which money can't buy. A good friend is like a nice song, you wouldn't want it to end. But keeping in touch with each other is the tough thing as we're busy with our lives and stuff. But it's good to have them. Thank you my friends for being so understanding and nice. ;)

Now I am 22. Can't believe it I m that old already. I m on hiatus now from work to focus on my studies (yeah..."focus on my studies", you know what I mean). Being away from work makes me realised that
- my grandmother is getting old
- my sisters are growing up
- I m going to graduate and work full-time
- I should change to become a better person

So, I am looking forward to this trip to Germany as a soul-searching trip to find what I really want in life. Maybe I will realise and appreciate things that I've never really care when I m there. Some people here said that I will suffer there because I have everything here (what they really mean is the fact that I have to cook and do the laundry and stuff). They forgot that I can take care of myself when I have to.

Now that I know the reasons for being so negative for the past years, I m diverting it into a positive energy. Let's get the positive energy flowing...although (no doubt) I will still be posting about the weird people that I met along the way, afterall nearly all my encounters are weird and funny.