Think Thank Thunk

I m out of words.

Last semester I was her best student in class scoring strings of A's.

This semester I am no doubt a piece of shit. No hope for any A's at all since I screwed up my mid-term papers. I can't blame it on anyone or anything. I was emotionally unstable for that week. My dad had an eye operation, I was still arguing with him during that period, I had to leave for Indonesia that very same day with 6 exam papers sandwiched in between, with 13 people from other countries to be taken care of for the whole 4 days because of language barriers between those countries and Indonesian language.

I wished that I was 10,000 times emotionally stronger. I can't believe that I scored 17/40 for my German Literature. I can't tell the difference between Boccaccio and Lessing's Ringparabel, I can't describe the French Revolution, I can't even explain about main ideas during the Classical-period. I wrote the test without any preparation. That's only one of my six papers. I've got 9 altogether.

Assessment is my worst nightmare. I fear to fail. I wished I could just memorize all the facts like my friends. The only thing I could ever remember would be ABCs and the times table. Why am I pressuring myself?

No one ever asked about my PMR, SPM or STPM results since I left school. Let's say I m a 2.0 student. What will happened? Will I be labelled as stupid? What if I m really that stupid? No one will blame me right? Maybe I m genetically stupid. Maybe I will be labelled as lazy. Maybe both. If I m stupid, there're stupider people around me right? Yeah, I m stupid. So what? I bet some smart people can't even bite their toes like me. I m so unbelievably stupid that I turned down so many offers that were offered to me. Or maybe stupid people get more offers because smart people can manage to get them with their brains?

6 more months till freedom. 6 is the number. Patience is all I need.

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I m going to celebrate my birthday tomorrow with the other October babies. That means I will be 22 a few days earlier. Hehe. Nooooo...I m old!!! 22. What a number. My mum gave birth to me when she was 22. That was during her time. A mother at the age of 22. How young was that? It's like having a friend my age with a baby. Scary or lovely?

I lost 3 kgs, no thanks to the diarrhea that lasted for nearly a week. And we're going to have Japanese Buffet tomorrow to put back what the toilet bowl took from my body.

I felt so much better after telling the whole world that I'm stupid. Ahhhh...what a relief. No one will look high on me to do things for them. Cheers!