Part 1

Holiday is over

Reality is here

I am back to square one after all the running and traveling. Class has started, work piled up, time to reconstruct myself again to become a better person. And the thought of me going back to Malaysia this time is scary.

When I go back, it's time to face the ugly side of life. i.e. Some people giving me unreasonable nonsense, backstabbing, ridiculous problems, etc etc.

Anyhow, I think I have grown a bit in 2008 and now I am 0.015 percent tougher and is 0.001 percent better.

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It's weird to see what people are up to in Facebook. When I first came here, it seems like everybody is breaking up or has broke up with the significant other. And then, during my holidays and now after my holidays, everyone has found someone new. Even my friend who is living with me here has found herself someone. I am so proud of her, finally "my daughter" knows how to date people and finally she knows the meaning of being in a relationship.

And another friend is with someone new. Hoohaaa...and another and another. Wooo...this world is becoming a better place or what?

And I have another bunch of friends who are getting married. Wooohoo...double the happiness. It's so sad to die alone. I don't wanna be alone and die alone and do everything alone. It's so meaningless.

Have I found someone new? Yes and No.

I don't know.

Thinking back, it was really funny how things turned out to be.

I have time now and I shall write every single thing I can remember starting from the 15th of December 2008. I wanna keep the memories here instead of somewhere else.

Let's see...that noon I arrived in Lisbon, I got lost because some people showed me the wrong way. I was so close to the place where I am staying but some people showed me the wrong way. Armed with 0 knowledge of Portuguese language, I know nuts. I only speak English to them. After being lost for sometime, I finally found the place. Being tired and sweaty (I was wearing layers of clothings for the weather in Berlin and not for Lisbon which is way way warmer than Berlin) and armed with 7/8kgs of luggage, climbing through endless stairs and hilly roads. I was contented to be inside the building where I will be staying for the next few days. Then I was told that my bed will only be ready at 1.30pm. I turned sour.

Fine. It's alright. I told myself. "Maybe some sight seeing can kill the time."

A few minutes later, I walked back to the place where I got lost, saw some hop on and hop off tour bus. Gave 15 Euros, stayed on top of the deck and went round Lisbon twice. In that short period, I took 400 photos. Which was totally insane. I have had a lot of thoughts when I was there. I was alone. I felt lonely. I felt scared. I finally understand the meaning of being lonely at the age of 23. I told myself that I don't wanna die alone. I asked myself, "Silly, how am I going to survive here till I meet up with Min (my friend I am supposed to meet up in Coimbra)?"

After having Lisbon-sickness (imagine seeing the same thing for 4 hours in a row)...I went back to the place to get my keys. There I am. I was given a bed and will be sharing the room with another 14 people in a big dormitory. But my bed was placed in the "luckier" section where the room is designed to fit 2 double decker bed. I was really happy. I was placed at the upper deck instead of the lower one. I looked around me. No one was there but me alone.

I was stinking stinky with melted snow water from Berlin, salty-sea-watered-wind near the port area in Lisbon, the dust near the construction area near Belem and etc etc. I told myself. "I have to go and get a nice shower no matter what." And the toilet is a unisex toilet. Bahh..I don't care, I need my shower so I just jumped in and I don't care what's happening inside the toilet.

It was really really good. It's like letting go off everything the things that has been boggling my mind ever since I was born. I washed my hair twice because I forgot that I shampooed it before. But it was okay. As long as the shower is good.

I jumped off naked because I forgot to bring along my towel and wear my clothes with my wet hair and body. "Silly, you are so forgetful. How can you forget your towel." (I left my faithful big towel in Berlin, by the way.)

Anyhow, I walked back straight to my bed because I planned to read a bit about Lisbon before taking a short nap. That was the original plan. With my very wet hair and half dry clothes, I went inside looking as if I have just dropped inside a pool. Totally an unsightly sight of me.

As I opened the door, there, someone stood next to my bed on the upper deck. He said,"Hi!" and I said, "Hi" too. I was busy searching for another small towel because I was really soaking wet like a duck. Then he started introducing himself, asking about me, etc etc. I was not focusing 100% when I was talking to him because I need my towel. So I just answered what he asked and turns out that he can speak german too. And then I said, "Good. I think I can forget my german for a while and leave it behind in Germany but then it seems like the german language wants me to be with me, so we shall speak in german then."

He speaks german with some northern accent. I have got headache but I tried to understand every word he said. And then he said, "Hey, you know what, let's speak in English. I have difficulties explaining things in german." I agreed. I told him I have headache listening to him speaking german and English makes life easier.

Since then, we have never spent the time apart from each other, except for his toilet sessions and my toilet sessions. But the first day was spent with other roomies discussing about Lisbon and which place we should visit and all but I slept early that day. I have had a really tiring week and I slept like a pig at 11pm till the next morning.

The second day was quite sad actually. Some roomies left for other destination and the whole lucky corner was left with just the 2 of us. We sent our new found friends to the train station and I was left to do the Lisbon walking tour with him. And only him.

I still have no feelings for him or whatsoever. I am not someone who fall for someone very quickly. I treated him like my friend. And of course my sillyness and old man charm is beyond control. I attracted some old Portuguese man along the street who came up to my and say, "Simpatico! Simpatico!" while holding my arms and tonnes of Portuguese and keeps on repeating "Simpatico!" I looked at the old man blankly...and he was smilling. Then the old man gave me a card of a restaurant and I can't really remember what happened after that. But it was really funny.

And then we went round and round Lisbon looking for souvenirs and we ended up in a store owned by a Bangladeshi. So we went in and the old man asked me where am I from. I said Malaysia and he got really excited and said..."Ohhh...Malaysia very beauuuteeful country. Bangladeshi always go there to work. But Malaysians never work for other countries. Very rich country." I just nodded and smile and he even gave me discounts. So we bought tonnes of souvenirs from this shop and he said, "I am amazed with your ability in attracting old men." I said, "Thank you."

And then we went up to the Castella which is like on top of the hill and I was like #$%^&*...not again...I have to climb hills and stairs. Jeez.

Along the way, we talked about linguistics stuff which other people couldn't understand, the theories and studies of languages, the books that he read (I told him I don't read books and I felt stupid for that), our travels, the women he dated, the men that makes me vomit, the plans ahead of us, etc etc. There're so many things to be shared and so little time. The sky grew dark and we found a really nice restaurant on the foot of the hills. We shared a plate of chicken rice as the portion is very big and also some soup and we make the whole restaurant go HOOHAAH when I showed some Malaysian Ringgit. The people inside the restaurant got really excited as I explained to them about Malaysia. Ahhh...suddenly I felt Malaysia is such a nice place to be. And I gave him my RM15 notes as souvenir from Malaysia. He paid for the dinner. I insisted on paying him back but he refuse to accept my Euros.

We walked back to our hostel. Walk!!! I am talking about half of Lisbon here. Yes, it took us about an hour or so but we are happy walking. That's the thing I will never do in Malaysia.

We stopped by a park near the Estrella. We sat on the swing and suddenly he said, "You know what?"
I asked, "What?" and looked at him blankly.
"You have got something that draws people to you. You're very magnetic, charming, interactive and likeable."
I replied, "What??? Are you kidding me? I am always the bitch in the class. The bad. Never have I hear anything nice about me like what you said."
He said, "Don't be so modest. I know. I like you."
And stupid me replied, "Haha...who doesn't?"

We talked non-stop again, this time sitting on the bed below us till midnight. As usual, linguistics stuff and historical and political stuff and general knowledge that he knew combined with mine. By the way, he is also a linguistics graduate from America. That's why he can tell me about linguistical stuff.

The silly thing is he gave me a chocolate egg. Like Kinder egg but Portuguese version but we shared it and a crocodile was borned. Silly. I have not done such thing of sharing chocolate eggs with someone.

It was then already 11.30pm. Time really flies. On my schedule, I was supposed to meet up with my friend in Coimbra, in another state and his plan was to go to some village in Spain the next day. He looked sad when he told me this. And stupid innocent me was like, "Why do you look so sad?" He kept silent.

Then it was already 12.30am. I asked him to shut off the light of our corner and we talk in whisper not wanting to disturb other people. And I was dozing off to sleep but suddenly he called my name. And I woke up and I asked, "Yes, what's the matter?"

He said, "You know...urm....hmmm"
I said, "What? What's the matter?"
He said, "After spending the whole day today with you. I felt I am starting to like you very much. This may sound insane but..."
I said, "Wait wait...please wait. Stop!!!! Stop!!! Stop!!!"
He said, "Haha, what's the matter?"
I said, "This is just another illusion that you are having. It's a normal syndrome okay. Relax...This is not my first time dealing with this. You feel that you like me but this is just temporary. After a few days, you will be back to normal."
He said, "What's wrong of me liking you?"
I said, "Wrong...very wrong. This is just another illusion that you are having you know. You don't like me. You just feel like this because everythign happens at the right time and the right place." (I got into trouble again. My heart was thumping like the car engine. I nearly go insane but I remained calm.)
He said, "Listen. Since XXX incident that happened a few years back, I realized that life is short and that's why I am here...travelling the world. I have been to so many places but I have never meet someone like you. Someone who speaks such good english outside America, someone whom I can talk to, someone who is funny, someone who knows a lot about the world out there...It's is wrong to like you?"
I said, "No, not wrong. I know you are sleepy. I am sleepy too. Sleep. Continue tomorrow okay?"
He said, "No no no no no...I want to tell you what I feel at this moment now. I might not be seeing you tomorrow. You are going to Coimbra and I will be in another place. I would really want to follow you to Coimbra because I like you and I want to know more about you."
I said, "Erm...we will see what happens tomorrow okay? Sleep."
He said, "Okay, before you sleep, let me play you a song okay?"

I was really in shocked after all the things he said to me. I said, "Yes"and he handed me his iPod. He chosed a song for me to listen but I forgot the songs' name. I laughed at myself and at the song that was being played on his iPod. It was trully funny. I was laughing at myself again.

Although we slept on different beds, he face was near to mine. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I see was his green eyes.

"Good morning!!! You did not sleep eh?", I asked.
"I did. I just want to look at you sleeping."
"Owh gosh..." I replied and I covered my face with the blanket.
He laughed.

Then we met 2 new friends during breakfast and we decided to tour Lisbon again, this time to Belem by bus.

So all 4 of us went round and round Belem and I didn't say anything much for the whole trip. As soon as we send the 2 girls off to another place, he turned to me and asked me for my plans.

I said, "I have to go and meet up with my friend no matter what."
He said, "Come with me to Spain. I wish you can go there with me. And I wish I can go with you to Coimbra."
I said, "You can come to Coimbra if you want. Coimbra is not mine." (Out of my courtesy. I didn't expect him to change his plans for this)
He said, "Really? I can go with you?"
I said, "Errr...yah? What about your plans to Spain?"
He said, "Well...Spain will always be there but you won't. I have never change my plans for anyone but I will do it for you."
I said, "If that makes you happy. I have nothing to say."
He said, "Thank you." and gave me a big hug.

So we bought our tickets to Coimbra and went back to the hostel, go back to the station again and there will be another story in Coimbra. We shared a pan of pizza and waited for our train. He looks so happy like a small little kid going to Disneyland. Me on the other hand looks a bit worried. I was telling myself, "What have you done? You let someone you barely know for 2 days to go with you to another state in another country? Silly donkey!!!"