Agony

"So what u do in life?"
"What is your occupation?"
"What do you do for a living?"
"What are you working as now?"

Man...honestly, these are easy questions but it's very hard for me to answer. I am NOT really an Executive in my office but merely a...door opener...glass washer...clerk...typist...complaint department...etc.

3rd week starting tomorrow...Oh gosh...tomorrow is Monday. I am struggling to make myself happy. Seriously, I am forcing myself to be happy to open doors for people. Seriously, I am indeed forcing myself to smile and pretend to be happy. I have never felt such shitty in my whole entire life of 22 years.

And again...what can I say. I don't want to be called a quitter and I don't want to be called a loser. Maybe I need some time to adapt. But it's already the 3rd week and I am still feeling shitty.

This is like getting in a relationship with a jerk that pays you money and fucks you for nothing. Yes, I did feel THAT bad.

I felt even shittier when my ex uni-mates are pursuing their studies in Barcelona (Spain), Verona (Italy), Macau, etc..etc. And I am still stuck in Malaysia as a door opener. Jeez...I never look at my life that way. Never.

I go to work without using my brains. I don't even have to think. Tell me, do you have to use your brain or squeeze your brain juice out to open the door? There's no need to use your brain. Just push that damn button.

I need to talk to someone about this. I really do. I think I am going to talk to my boss tomorrow about what I am doing. Maybe he's just testing my patience. I don't know. But that is not the way to waste their time and my time on a daily basis to open doors.

I just came back from coffee with my friend. We're surfing Facebook together and Xing (the Facebook for business people) and we felt double the shittiness when we compare ourselves with some of the people there. Don't call me a overly high-achiever but I can't seem to be myself with the rate I am going now.

Never in my life I have been assigned to do stupid things like this. The first day of work I told myself, "I think I want to live in a farm and breed pigs." I rather breed pigs rather than opening that damn door. Oh gosh!

I think I am crazy or something after I came back from my vacation. A friend told me this, "You've changed you know? The person in you that I know last time don't give 5 fucks for that amount of money. In fact you will ask that person to open the door for you. What happened to you?"

Yeah...I just nodded.

I think if it's not because of the requirement of 2 years of working experience to continue my master's degree. I would have fucked that company upside down and fly to Germany the next day.

2.5 more months to go before I really make the shoot. Patience...patience...I am afraid that I won't be able to control myself during this period.

I am so pissed while typing this entry.

Number 1: I have never wash any cups for anyone in my whole entire life other than for my family of course.

Number 2: I have never succeeded to sit still in one place (2.25m square to be exact) for more than 4 hours a day and amazingly I succeeded with a record of 8 hours a day for 2 working weeks. What else to worsen the wound? Opening doors.

Number 3: Never I have to endure stupid rants from the people in my office just because of other people's mistakes and I nodded happily with a smile.

For my master's degree in Germany...which requires 2 years of working experience! I am here to endure the pain. I have to do it!

Come...just throw me a rich old man, I don't mind getting married. Second thought: NO WAY!!!

Patience......................................owh......*cry*