Affairs of the Heart

I was on my gmail chat today for a few hours because usually I don't use it as much as my MSN. Then I saw my ex on my list. He was online and I don't know why or what happened, my heart feels like as if there's a big bomb drop onto my chest. It's a weird feeling.

I didn't speak to him ever since we had THE BIG FIGHT last year and yes, we're not on any talking terms. No more wishing each other 'Happy Birthday' and all. And of course, a few minutes later, he went offline. Maybe I should just delete him off my list aswell since the emotional hangover is still there although we have broke up for more than 2 years.

I still don't understand why the emotional hangover is still there even when I see somebody who looks him, sounds like him, and worse still, seeing him online. The feeling of love is no longer there but hatred and also some fear of seeing/contacting him.

I should never get myself so deeply involved in any relationship. But I couldn't help it. Maybe it is one of my traits to be like that. When I love, I really do love someone. Relationship problems can affect me as much as global warming is affecting the earth. Sometimes when relationship problems arises, I felt so weak and hopeless. And again a lot of guys is taking advantage of this.

Now that I know I will be here and I can't avoid all these kinda relationship thingy, might aswell I put all my energy and effort to my career now. Love affairs are just too bad for health. One after another, I think there's no such thing as the BIG LOVE or THE ONE or etc. I wouldn't want any relationship problems affecting my life for days, becoming emotional than ever and neglecting my health.

Knowing that I am getting more and more possessive as I grow older, I should avoid being jealous and unreasonable. Hence, I think I will be in more control of my feelings.

The thing is, we can't help falling in love with someone, we can't control the feeling of having a crush on someone. But when things like that happened, to me at least, their problems with their Ex-es will arise or maybe others later during the courtship.

God hail this blog. I love my blog. At least I can tell this here. I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about this out of a sudden to anyone.

Ahhh...at least I feel better now. *Hugs*