Decisions decisions

What a busy week...with piles of photos to be edited, tonnes of news to be read, and loadsa other things to be done. I just love working for now. Loadsa things to learn, new experiances, etc etc. On the other hand, I m considering of stopping work for the next one and a half years. Which means focus 100% on my studies (which I never did before in my life) till I graduate. For once...I felt like wanting to have good results again. It's so not me to say that. But it's the most positive thing I've ever decided in years. Tough decision there becoz I m used to spending "quite a sum" every month. It's gonna be tough. I m not sure yet. If I really do that, I have to forget about my DSLR, my holidays, etc etc...which I think it's impossible. Very impossible. A habit of 4 years can't be changed in just one day.

I can't depend on my parents as they won't give me what I want. So the question is, to stop or not to stop? If I stop, I will be able to get better results as in more A's and no longer the "just pass" me. But if that happens, my perfectionism will come back again. I suffer from my perfectionism years ago, making me suffer as I wanted to make sure everyting is 100%. And when I was 16, I learn to let go. And from there, I m a happier person. I learn to let every tough/sad emotions easily. Why do I choose to have better results when it doesn't bother me at all since I came to this world? Peer pressure I guess. I feel there's a need to be better than what I m now. Rushing to finish assigments in 3-5 days when other people took 2-3 months...it's not good. Study last minute for exams and tests...it's not good. Guessing the vocabularies with every available answers for every questions asked...it's bad. Opening my book (for the subject I dislike) only when it's the end of the semester...it's hopeless. Hmm...should I stop? But when I stop I cant guarentee to stay with my books. I might end up having other plans since I m always doing someting...Awww...can't make up my mind.

For now I think I m having some kinda eating disorder. I can't stop eating. I don't feel full at all. Everyday, I drank half a bottle of mango yogurt drink, 2 granola bars, 2 units of mango pudding, banana and nuts cereals, 5 mochis, and that's excluding meals. And I m still feeling very hungry now. Gonna dig for food now. And think...