Affairs of the heart

Today I m gonna bitch. Yes, because I m not satisfied and I m not happy. Please don't read on if you find this very disturbing. I need to say this no matter what.

That's the thing with relationship. When you're in a relationship, sometimes there're feelings of letting it go and not wanting to commit into a relationship at that time. But when you're out of the relationship, you found new interest and sometimes your ex(es) keeps on bothering you. Or perhaps you like someone very deeply but he/she has an eye for another person, or maybe you cannot decide who you like. It happens to me all the time.

And for now, I m having some problems with my ex. Sometimes he said things that hurt me, sometimes nice things that make me reminds me of the good time we shared together. I've let go, start over a new life but it seems like he still can't. He said that I m too tight with things which means I m very strict about the break-up thingy. Man, I wanted to tell him so much, I m that kind of girl who don't like to go back to an old relationship. If it happens to go down the drain, it means we do have problems and if we get back together, the same will happen because of different thinking and stuff like that. Why can't he understand me even a little bit? When I m with him, he don't really care about me and what's the fuss after the relationship? People always say they don't understand women, I say I really don't understand men. I really don't.

That's what happen when I get into a serious relationship. And on the other hand, when I don't get steady with someone, insecurity loams me. I cannot accept unfaithfulness. Imagine one day he said you're his, the next day he's someone's else. To me, a guy don't have to have big bank acount, a big car, etc etc but he must be faithful all the time. Is it so hard? Having flings is the best way to cope up with this, but then the feeling of being "cheap" is another thing.

Of all the guys I knew, 8.5 out of 10 don't mean what they say. One day you're like platinum and the next day you're worse than a piece of shit. This includes my best friends, classmates, etc. And that's why I don't trust all the things I heard. Be a judge urself before anything happens. Sorry if I said anything offending, I got very pissed off today.