I hate to tell her this...

Rewind 7 years back:

I was only 15 that time. My favourite past time would be hogging the computer and go online everyday chatting with my friends via ICQ and MSN. To me studying is something I have to do only when there's a paper a day after that. I always sleep during the History class, I stare blankly at my maths teacher (who keeps on repeating,"Ini bulatan, Ini bulatan"...[This is a circle, This is a circle"] pretending to understand everything she taught while my mind flies off to Heathrow Airport waiting for my plane to come. That's my Form 3 life. To me results are like decoration, the more A's u have, the prettier your report book would be. And of course, I have nice results since kindergarten, always the top 10 in class, always in the first few classes, etc. Because I m very hardworking at copying other people's homework. So you see when you copy other people's homework you learn someting aswell. That's how I learn. I've never finish or even take a look at my homework. Never. So, me being weird of course have weird way of learning. I supposed it's the Malaysian education system. You don't need brains to get good results. Just remember everything and voila, your report card would be as pretty as Angelina Jolie. I don't memorise, I just remember what I copied. That's how I survied all those years.

But...There's always a "but" in everything. Some people...let's call her N and her mother M...okay...so this one, let me tell you a bit of her mother, M. She's a teacher, I don't know about her mentality but I think she educated nerds all the way, she worship A's like how the people worship the king-gods last time. So, you see, she got to know that I m friends with her daughter, N. Maybe she got a lil worried and stuff that I will poison her daughter's mind. Buahaha. So.... one day, my mother went to his father's shop (so happened that her mother was there aswell) to buy some machineries and stuff for my dad's office. Together with her is my mother's best friend. This is what she told my mother's friend while my mother was looking at other stuff.

M: Hey you know "D" rite?
Mother's friend: Yeah, Of course I do.
M: Well, she's a nice girl I know but can you tell her to focus more on her books and put aside her computer. It will help her.

Then mother's friend told me about it. I was shocked. It means she told her mother eveything about me. I was hurt. I cried becoz I felt betrayed. Betrayed because I told her about what I did everyday with my leisure time. I was only 15, NAIVE. One word. Naive. Thinking back I should just laugh and laugh and laugh. Of course I felt hurt, who's she to tell me not to touch my computer? Who is she to tell me what I should do with my results when my own mother didn't even complain about my results. Why? Expect me to be like her daughter? No way.

Fast Forward 7 years after that incident.

So today I went out with my bunch of geeky friends. Me and my best buddy and another girl, MY, called this club the G-Club which stands for the Geeky Club. Since all of them are overly educated with geekness in them no matter what they do. They think clubbing is a crime, alcohol are very poisonous, revision books are their bible and A's are the reasons why they came to earth. It's not suprising if I tell you all of them consists of medical student, dental student, microbiology student and etc, you name the geekiest subject, I have it there. And of course I m the worst in there, Intellectually (hmm...should I say the ability to memorise revision books) So, then...my C-Club (Crazy Club which I can hang out and laugh and stalk guys with) are not complete because my best buddy is not ther due to work. And that's why me and MY have to just follow the flow of geekiness. Geek geek geek. I don't mind being with a geek. I mind if the geek is like.... you know.... brainless.

I was looking and ... going to enter Roxy coz some nice things in there caught my eye. The Malaysian Mega Sale is hurting my pcoket. I can't bear to see the word SALE. So during the process of stepping in there, N asked me this:

N: Hey do you wanna become a temporary teacher at my mother's school?
me: What? A teacher? You know that's the last thing I would ever become, that's a teacher.
N: But it's RM1600.
me: Anything but a teacher please. (You think RM1600 is worth my time? Has she forgotten I m a uni student like her aswell, is she out of her mind to ask me this? And has she also forgotten I m working?)
N: My mom asked me to asked you this because she got 17 vacancies.
me: No thank you. I got my work to do.
N: But it's RM1600 leh. I see that you're so free now that's why I asked you. Also because you're jobless now.
me: -_- (I got very upset with that word JOBLESS. Very sensitive. You can say that I m fat but you can never ever say that I m jobless)

Yeah, so what if I m a LOSER in your eyes and also you mother's eyes? Yeah so what if I don't stay in a bungalow? So what If I m not as clever as you're in examinations? So what if you see me like I m some kinda jobless freak on the streets? How could she said that I m jobless when all my friends know that I have a freelance job. To me she's close enough to be called as a close friend. I got very offended with that word "JOBLESS". All my friends who are close to me know that my job is like my most important thing after my life. All these weeks of "torturing" myself till the wee hours of the night just to train and control the work of some certain workers is not easy besides editing thousands of photos and stuff, taking care of both firing side just to mantain good relations with them. And you called that'"JOBLESS"?? I felt like telling her straight to her face a lot of things that will tear her heart apart like how I tear a bag of chips and eat the content. But I didn't. Why? Because I still treat her like my friend. You know those kind who forgives some stupidity that their friends has done to them.

I don't know how or what her mother told her. But I don't like the feeling of being asked."My mom asked me to ask you about..." It's like specifically to me. Why didnt she asked her other super duper geeky friends like the one doing medic? Or the one studying some kinda scientific subject? Why me? Simply because my degree is not worthy or not honourable enough? Is that so?

Personally I can say that her thinking is just like a 17 year old? Is it because she's been protected from all the viruses outside and not be able to see how cruel the world is outside? A lot of times before, I felt her statements are a little bit blunt and immature. Not practical and doesn't fit the whole picture. I know I don't deserve to say this but that's what I felt. Is it because I've been thrown to the real world since in my teens and I don't grow up normally like what normal teens do. I have to work and deal with what I had when I was younger. I don't get the latest handphone just because I got into uni. I have to get my own. I don't get a brand new car for my 21st birthday. I have to get it on my own. (The current car I m using is from my late grandfather. If he didn't die of heart attack, he will be fetching me to my uni). To her, studying and getting strings of A's is like to get a passport to paradise. How easy can that be? Well, that's what her parents set in her. Am I lack of something? Why do I feel I m lack of something?

Enough said. I've been hurt to many times, this doesn't feel anything. Just wanna share something with you all, that's it.