It made me smile

Hmmm...I felt happy for now. It was a great feeling having to get to spend some with him since yesterday evening. I was happy to see him too. I thought he wouldn't make it AGAIN this time. Although it's just for less than 24 hours, I think my feelings for him grew more compared to before.

Yesterday night, I realized one thing. Having someone to snore beside you is actually a blessing. Having someone to snore beside you is better than not having anyone to snore with you. He was dead exhausted after the train ride. 9 hours instead of 7. So I let him sleep in peace. The normal me would already creep right next to him and snuggle up till morning. I smiled like a little girl looking at him hitting the sack. Perhaps I know I am not THAT young anymore. Suddenly the feeling of needing security from a guy is here again.

The time spent with him reminds me of J, the guy I met in Portugal in 2008. Very intellectually stimulating. We talked about everything, our lives, the economy, politics, travel, people, food, etc. Too bad he is not near me. And I know this relationship wouldn't last THAT long unless one of us did something. I m sick and tired of having to break up due to long distance, which is very very stupid. And yes, he was the guy who broke my heart into pieces before Valentine's Day last month. He felt the pressure of the distance, hence, making his own theories and decision without discussing about it with me. And then he asked for reconciliation. I gave him one final chance. I am glad he came.

I knew him since August last year, it has never occured to me that I will want to have anything related to him until yesterday. Even when I was in Budapest, I just want the time to fly faster because I was annoyed with everything. But yesterday was different. I don't want him to go, even when he is at the bathroom, I want to spend every single moment talking and looking at him making silly remarks about the curtain for example.

I feel so much more matured, so womanly, so poise, when I am with him. Like there's a mentor guiding me, telling me what to do next. But, above all, I dare not to put each and every single portion of my feelings for him. I am afraid to get hurt again. I don't want to go through those stupid emotional rollercoaster again. Afterall I have only known him for 7 months.

The best part is, he shares the same birth year and birth month with my first ex which still haunts me till today.

I am feeling so insecure once he is back in his place. And yes, he is living in Austria and I am in Germany. Guess how THAT feels when we want to meet up. I miss him dearly for now.