Nonsense

I m gaining weight

Yes, I am gaining weight....like a LOT

I am eating like nobody's business because I know I wont be able to eat my favorite food when I am there already...

Hmm...good or bad?

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I have been lost for nearly 2 months now. Why am I so lost like this? I don't know. Referring to my old blog entries, I see myself as someone who always have plans, activities and etc etc. Now I am just a plain boring one living on earth wasting oxygen and polluting the world.

And making the world a less peaceful place with climate change and global warming. And also sound pollution and also water pollution...and all the other pollution in the world.

I think I am going nuts if I don't do something about it. I need to do something productive. Hmmm...

Producing babies are productive activities no? Haha. See...I am really out of my mind right now.

In the midst of being lost in my own life....suddenly I received a message from my Facebook.

It was a message written by a long lost friend of mine who went missing 2 years ago after confessing his feelings to me. And now he's back with the same mission. I never thought I would hear from him again....EVER. Afterall I rejected him very clearly on the phone.

This time the same thing will happen. Afterall... I have no feelings for him and also the fact that I am going to further my studies soon.

On the other hand, another friend of mine, the one I used to like said that he misses me very much yesterday and he tried to call me but I am not picking up. Wahahaha...this is so funny. When I am still alive and breathing normally here, he did not even bothered to care about my feelings. And now he is back again in my life. Sorry man. I am leaving soon.

There goes, love is always a mystery and will always be. Whenever I am out of the country or leaving the country soon, things like these always happen.

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Now bigger problem arises. Looks like I am going to Berlin alone all by myself. My friends couldn't make it and I felt so lonely after their decision. OMG!!!

How am I supposed to live alone in a foreign place? As I grow older, the fear of being alone really scares me.

People say, when you want something really badly, nothing is a challenge. So, yeah, I need to pass my exam really badly. To pass the exam is my only goal now. Because that exam is like a passport to everything for now.

So I shall not have any fear in my mind right now and focus on passing that paper. 6 months is all I need. 6 months!!!

6 months to build the fat in my body with Doener and Currywurst.
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Somehow I am still scaredddd

I don't know anymore

I am feeling at lost again. I don't know what I want now.

I am frustfrated with all the application forms, air tickets, money problems, cancelation problems, stupid problems, etc etc.

I am frustfrated with my bosses who havent pay me a single cent yet since March, I am frustfrated with the company which I opened doors for for not paying my last payment, I am frustfrated with my friend who owe me a quite big amount of money which can be used to pay for my air tickets, I am frustfrated with the people who has negative thoughts who made my day gloomier and also a lot of other stupid stuff which I think is not necessary in life.

I am also frustfrated with myself who still have feelings for someone but still have not got the guts to tell him the truth.

I am frustfrated with everything and everyone around me.

This time I did not run away. I face them with my bare face. That is why I am so frustfrated.

I am so tired of the things around me.

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It's been 9 months since my last drop of alcohol. I've made it. I won the bet.

Eaten by fishes

After clearing some stuff from my house, my friend suggested that we should go for a spa to relax ourselves. I was expecting some body spa with massage and all because I've just strained my back. It hurts till now. Looks like I am getting old and I can no longer carry heavy things like what I use to do anymore. Ouch. :(

And guess what? No.........she didn't bring me to a beauty spa but to a fish spa. I was like..."I AM SO GOING TO KILL YOU FOR THIS. FISH SPA? U KIDDING ME?"

But I was really tired that time and I don't really care, it's still spa anyway. So then I paid RM38 to "enjoy" this very unique experiance. Being virgins (me+my friend) with these fishes makes us pretty scared and there are a lof of "What IFs" boggling our minds as we dip our feet into the water:

What if I lose my toe after this?
What if they eat my whole leg?
What if they are...?

And there goes our very virginal feet into the water filled with horny turkish fish. They are called Doctor Fish and were imported from Turkey. And we were laughing our ass off as my friend reminded me of the incident where I got kissed by a turkish in a club back in Germany.



I screamed as the fishes swam across my feet nibbling everything and the worker there was like,"Miss, you have to relax to enjoy the moment...Relax"

I mumbling to myself, "How am I going to enjoy myself when they are so so so ticklish and crazy and they are starving as if they havent eaten for weeks?"



All the fishes in that particular pool which I share with my friend were focusing to my feet. I was like,"Hey you fishies, why are you coming to my feet? Can't you focus on my friend's feet, it's her that needed your special treatment and not me?

As the fishies nibbling my feet, I thought to myself, I felt dirty. I mean, it feels liek as if I haven't bathed for days and that I have a lot of dead skin on my feet to be cleared away. But the reality is that my friend's dead skin were very tough and rough and some can't be eaten just like that, and mine was softer and easier to chew on. LOL.

And since they nibbled our feet, I asked my friend to dip her hand into the water aswell. She did. All the fishies ran to her hand....



but not mine...they are not interested with my hand






OMG...look at those fishies. The traffic of these fishies are even more than the traffic to my blog.



I shook my feet a bit because it was so ticklish I can't really take it. I was cursing around because I felt it's a torture to pay RM38 to suffer. Poof...



But after about 15 minutes, I am getting used to the desperate fishies and in some way it is very relaxing.



Yum yum yum...



Ngap ngap ngap...



There goes my activity of the day. Fish spa. It's worth the try and you should really try them. I am going back there next week with my aunt. I would love to see her reaction and laugh at it. WHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Düsseldorf or Berlin?

Now, the question of the day:

Düsseldorf or Berlin?

Oh gosh! How am I going to decide on this?
It's West and East of Germany.

Let's see:

Düsseldorf

Pros
- I have been there, I know what to expect, I know which shop sells the freshest bread, where to run, where to hide, where to cry, etc
- Nearer to Holland so we can visit my European Dad (my dad's best friend who is so caring, he's like our substitute dad in Europe) every month
- My host mother is there, she will bake me more cookies and I will be happy
- Belgium, Luxembourg and France is just a few stations away.

Cons
- Will be boring, same old stuff, same old road, same old winter
- Living cost is higher than Berlin (some say)

Berlin

Pros
- Cheaper than the above
- new place, new life, more exciting adventure, more drama, more stories, more joke, more laughable stuff
- Poland, Czech, etc is like so much nearer compared to the above
- More Doener choices (should I put this under "Cons" as this will add fat to my body)

Cons
- My friends are against Berlin (my coursemates want Düsseldorf so much, they will sacrifice everything just to go there)
- I don't know anything about that place. It's like another Cambodia to me. Very foreign.

Anyway, this is just for 4-6 months duration. Not 2 years. During this period I am required to refresh my german proficiency and pass that very tough exam which is TestDaf, some called it Test Tough.

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I have to decide. By end of this week, because I will be flying off end of October/ early November and my visa and stuff. Gosh!!! Decisionsssss.....it's so hard to make decisions when you have people with different views everywhere.

I have already packed my luggage but still don't know where to go yet. I really can't decide. I wanted to go to Berlin because I have never been there and I won't be bored as I will have a pet pig there. (Future tense: "will") Hahaha. What is it like to have a pet pig? I have only eaten pork but never touch a real pig before.

And I really miss Düsseldorf aswell, the Hauptbahnhof, the people, the Kaufhof, the food, the University, everything.

How? 2 places, 1 decision. By end of this week.

Fat

Due to excessive cooking and eating, I am turning myself into a pig soon.

I didn't know cooking could be so much fun at times (provided that I don't burn down the kitchen) and added more fat to my BMI even I am cooking healthy food.


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People often asked me this:

"So what are you doing right now? Working?"

I really don't know how to answer this particular question. I can't say I am not working because the fact is that I am still working, just that I work from home and also I can't say that I am working because I am technically at home all the time, not paying taxes, not meeting clients and all.

Better to say I am not working. Because that stops the question from spreading from A to Z like where? how? what? who? etc etc.

Anyhow, I am STILL waiting for the university to send me a confirmation letter so that I could apply my Visa. And while waiting, I am learning to cook proper meals so that I won't die of starvation when I am left alone again.

Suddenly everyone around me are heading off to somewhere. And I am bored because they left me alone here. Owh...sadness.

Cooking

Today I bought a lot of food, fresh food, frozen food, whatever food I can get. I just load in the trolley and paid for it after that.

It seems like I am cooking everyday. Training myself to be a better cook. And thank god, I didn't burn anything. Ain't that great?

What should I do tomorrow? Hmmm...

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I just received an email from my friend who is now in Holland. Oh well, he's enjoying himself and he tried space cakes and absinthe and etc etc. Oh jeez...a medical student like him should be health conscious right? My university paid for his expenses just because he's a medic student while I have to dig my own money to Germany. Not fair. Oh well...he's a future doctor and I am hmm...nothing?

I love my gown

What I did today:

- I bought a white/gold lacy gown...a really classy one for half the price....Wheeee...I am happy. I don't know why I bought it. It was love at first sight so I bought it and it fits well on me. Somehow it looks like a wedding gown to me but the difference is that it's shorter and not as grand as a wedding gown. ;P

- I bought myself a ring, it's for my little finger. I took the smallest size and guess what, it's still very loose. My fingers are indeed really really small. :(

- I watched a movie...yaay...after so looooong. My friends said that I should watch more movies in Malaysia becoz it's the cheapest in the world for world class standard. Wahahaha. Today's Wednesday so each tics costs RM7. So every Wednesday I should go and watch movies.
On the other hand, my friend cried in the cinema because she was touched by the movie. OMG. I was laughing like a mad dog in there and she's crying. Yes, it's a sad part but I can't stop myself from laughing because she's crying.

- I bought some veggies and cereals. Afterall grandma had flown to Australia. Oh gosh...I am left alone again. Sadness.

Tomorrow's gonna be another day. Hmmmm...what should I do tomorrow? Hopefully I don't end up buying another gown or another pair of shoes. My shoes are collecting dust. Because I only wear one pair of slippers after I stopped work.

Did I tell you that I finished half a tube of Vanilla ice-cream last week? Scary...

Waiting

My mind is not here in Malaysia. I think during this time of the day...right now, my mind should be in Buenos Aires. But my body is still here...*sob*

I am still thinking of a way too find a job that I love to do even for little money. Even it's just enough for me to survive with no luxuries...Hmmmmm....will it work?

Gosh...waiting for the university to reply my letter feels like a 1000 years...What can I do?

Women

There are things that are really irrelevant to me.

i.e: Hey, your aunt is coming over to XXXXX to visit us and we'll have a family gathering...yada yada....yada yada...

i.e: Your aunt is very annoying, yada yada yada....

i.e I really can't stand your aunt, she's such a #%&* and #^**^ and yada yada yada


Hell no...my aunt is my aunt and I am me. No point complaining to me or telling me whatever stories about her. I don't care. I am not bothered. Sometimes being patient is like having a frog in your body. You feel so sick you will wanna kill yourself and take that frog out and prefer to die than to live again.

Yeah....you see that is why I prefer to be alone most of the time despite being a social butterfly at the same time. Being alone let you have time to think logically and be less emotional.

And women are those species on earth that are very very emotional. Bad bad. I am emotional because of the women around me that creates endless problems and also being jealous all the time. Jeez...I really don't understand them.