Donnerstag ist Doener-tag

"You've put on weight!!!"

My friends just arrived here yesterday and that's the first thing they said to me. Not "Hello", not "How are you?" but THAT. :'(

I had a Doener yesterday and I've been addicted to that ever since. I m addicted to Doener. Can't help it. They tastes soooo good that I wanna bring back another 5 for breakfast and lunch and another round of dinner.

And now it's time for me to have a temporary break from cheeses and sausages. I m diverting that energy to Doener and more Doener and much more Doener. That explains my extra 1kg here. ;-)

I felt sick yesterday...very uneasy and also emotional. Jeez...I have 2 times period this month. Of course I m having bad mood. Hormone imbalance. I need to see the doctor once I m back in Malaysia. This can't be happening, I need to put a stop to this. Apart from being absolutely crazy like always, I've just developed a new habit. Which is.....oh no...I can't tell you that. Yeah...I can't tell it here. Shhhhhhh....

Essen Motorshow this Sunday. Waheee. My guy friends said that I m abnormal. Girls are not meant to like cars. But I m different. :p

New Passion

Looks like I m the only person in class who studies German Language for future (for my degree and my dream of becoming a translator/interpreter). 90 percent of the people I know here learn German Language because of their husbands and boyfriends. Hurhurhur. And I m the only idiot who actually study it for a degree. But I m proud because....so far, I m the only one from Malaysia (my friends have not arrive yet). It means I will be needed back in my Heimatland....hopefully.

When asked why did they choose to learn german language, this is what they said:
"My husband is a german"
"My boyfriend is a german'
"I married a german guy"

It's weird but I think I am in love with studying. Hahahaha. I can't wait for the next class and the other. It's fun and I didn't fell asleep at all. Funny eh? I even did my homework. Wonderful isn't it. Apart from studying, I did my revision. How weird can that be? For 22 years since I came to this world, I actually enjoy what I did for now...studying.

I like it here because I got weird classmates. There's one guy from Japan, he sits beside me and he's crazy like me but more on the quiet side. He said he learns german language to forget about lovesick. And I have to bear with his craziness because he's my language partner in class. Duh.
Then there's a woman from Romania who sits on my left hand side, she cracks jokes like there's no tomorrow (yeah, she's another one with a german husband). Another crazy woman. And there's another one from Turkey and Taiwan, all crazy people.

And guess what. The whole world is learning german language and why in Malaysia there's only 6 of us? There's another university in Malaysia who offered german language course but they're way far far far behind us.

South Koreans are everywhere in the uni, Taiwanese and people from east Europe are here and where the hell are all the Malaysians? There're even a few Singaporeans here. Jeez...Malaysians only spend their money for Guccis and Pradas and food but not into education. How sad can that be?

The past few days was not easy for me. I had to go through the scary part of taking public transportation in Germany all by myself. The public transportation here is so good....I felt very uneasy. But I was brave enough to go through that alone. ALONE!!! It's not easy...first with the bus and then with the S-Bahn and then U-Bahn and then the trains. I m all alone in a foreign country with super duper hi-tech transportation system. Back in Malaysia, I don't even use the bus to travel. Imagine that. But I told myself not to be scared since I m already that BRAVE enough to come here (to another side of the world) all by myself.

Pardon my english. I've been speaking german and only german here. I didn't know my level of german is actually usable. Hahaha. I went in for a test to determine my level of german without studying so that I know my level of proficiency. I got a 6. That means I am in level 6 out of 10 levels. That's quite high as level 10 is university level and I think I don't deserve to be in level 6. And I am the only one in my class who is a newbie. My classmates had gone through a few levels of german language before they can get into level 6. The problem for me now is that my Vocabulary is always in English and my grammar sucks big time. And also my confusion with the other 6 languages.

My host was so impressed with my ability of learning languages and also communicating with people of different races, she said that I have an IQ level of 200 to 300. Another radiology doctor said that I have greater brains than his. I get loadsa compliments in Germany but back in Malaysia I am no doubt a piece of shit. Language students get more exposure here and a wider range of career and studies. That's why I m a piece of shit in Malaysia like what "yellow" said to his parents about me. Language is not even an important subject back home, it's merely to talk and to bullshit. If I have the chance, I would consider to study here but I would like to work first and see how my future goes.

Man....I love to study. Weird eh?




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Boy oh boy...I m getting fat. I will go back to Malaysia as a whale. I eat non-stop, and I just can't help it. I went to 3 different Christmas Market today and I ate:








...all by myself. I have really HUGE appetite here. I can't imagine what will happen to me in the next few weeks. Not even 1 week here I m already eating like that...

Wheee

Today I woke up with good mood and great people around me. I found my host finally. Stupid organizer gave me the wrong address. And guess what I did? I baked cookies. 6 types of cookies and we're laughing and giggling. I m living with my host and her daughter, a korean girl and her english boyfriend and a dog. An international family they called it.

I m going fat. I had loadsa cheese, bacon, potatoes and bread everyday. Oh gosh!

Oh...

I got nothing better to do...I walk around again...and again and again...and then I took some pics. And then I blog. After this I m going to walk around again and take pics again and blog again...

















I m a bit worried now. My host family didn't reply my email and it seems like I lost everyone's contact. Suddenly I felt scared to be alone. Like I m all alone here.

Düsseldorf is a small city. It looked so big on the map. I went to Kö 3 times in 4 hours time. I walked around the place and ended up in Altstadt and then I m back there again. Everyone is doing Christmas shopping and I m walking endlessly with nowhere to go. Suddenly I have no appetite to eat, no mood to do anything.

Oh yah, this morning someone guessed that I m from Malaysia. People back in Malaysia couldn't tell if I m Malaysian. Weird...he said I looked like Malaysian. Hahaha.

And also this morning, I saw someone wearing no pants. OMG!!!

Why do I feel scared suddenly? I should have feel scared the moment I board the plane. The best part is: My dad just knew that I m alone here. He thought I m with my friends. I think I have serious communication problem with everyone. Or something have gone missing in my life?

Please everyone....please go online on your MSN. Where did everybody go? Why didn't I see anyone that I can talk to? Maybe some chocolates will cure me. My host family is driving me nuts if they don't reply my email.

Tell me what's the date and time now

I m so confused with the time. It's 3.30 am now and I m going to shower because I think I didn't shower for 2 days already or is it 3 days? I forgot to bring my toothbrush.....again. Hurhurhur...

I went to a shop nearby and I bought some groceries and 2 toothbrushes. I think groceries in Malaysia is pretty expensive compared to here. But eating out is definately cheaper in Malayia. I have not tried any of the restaurants here yet becoz I won't be able to finish everything alone and it will be a waste of money. I can't wait for my friends to come. What is life without people? The answer would be: No life at all.

Today I will be visiting the Altstadt and Kö. And I will be walking there of course. Walking down the streets here is not tiring because it's not hot. I definately prefer the outdoors here.

Okay...time to shower. In Malaysia we do it 2-3 times a day. But here, I felt terrified to shower.

Germany - 1st day

Okay....I reached here safely after hours and hours of flight. Met some nice people, and the best part is I can speak german with the taxi driver and he understands me...completely. Wahahahaha...anyway, I don't know what is wrong with me, I felt pretty gloomy just like the weather. Maybe I got a lil tired with the long journey.

It feels like home here just that the weather is cold and the people on the streets are with different skin colour and I am way way smaller than them in many many ways even if I gain weight I will still be way way smaller than them. I like the roads and the buldings because that's the only thing I saw. I m confused with the time zone and I m feeling sleepy at 3pm in the afternoon.

Till then.....

We meet people for a reason

I m in Dubai airport right now. I nearly vommited inside the plane after a very digusting meal called "Nasi Himpit". Don't try that no matter what. After 7 hours of struggling on where to put my legs and head and body, I found temporary peace here. Here I m in the Emirates Business Lounge. Enjoying tonnes of food and drinks. Wahahahahahaha. All these thanks to my weirdness of attracting people lead me to a nice middle-aged woman and so happened that her daughter who's there aswell studied in the same university like I do, just that different course...all that in KLIA. And so happened that her daughter is a good friend of my friend and so we talked endlessly about how small the world is. We got parted inside the place, I had to sit at the back of the plane because of my lovely sit number 49D while theirs is 15 something. Then I found them again in Dubai International Airport and now with her husband (who's working in Dubai) is a frequent flyer with Emirates and they got me in here for FREE. They are flying to Venice...woo....nice.

OMG...another 7 hours plane ride. Next time, don't ever transit, it is very torturing. Never ever transit. Remember that. My next flight would be in 4 hours time and I can't wait to sleep at my hotel room.



Till then....

Bye bye Malaysia

Will be leaving the house in a few hours' time. Will I get homesick? Foodsick maybe...

This is a good chance to leave all the emotional baggage and also those problematic people behind for awhile. I felt happy although there's a German paper on Monday. For the very first time in my life I felt happy for an exam. Hehe.

"Don't you get excited?"
"When are you leaving? I m sure you can't sleep for days"

The answer is, "No".
I felt very neutral. No special feelings, no excitement, no emotions.

On the other hand, I hope:

- I don't get to meet weird Arabians or any weird weird stuff during the flight and after the flight
- I can survive winter
- I don't put on weight (please don't put on any weight, nononononononono)
- get a nice watch for my sister (if I don't, she'll probably tear my ear with her nags)
- I get nice hosts (I bought batik for them and tonnes of rare Malaysian biscuits)
- to get Internet connection wherever I go

Okay...I have to get ready now. See ya all in Dubai and then Germany...

Unwanted attention....again

It's just sad sometimes to know that so many people pick up on me. You wanna know why? It seems like my name, yes my name, me, myself and I has been a hit topic around this area where I call home, a place where I grew up with my friends, a place where I all my childhood memories were stored. A place where I had my very first crush when I was 4 years old.

I don't mind other people's parents telling my own parents' how stupid their daughter is or how she could end up in the oh-so-prestigious university of the country, what I can't stand most is how and why out of a sudden in these few years, people started to look down on me just because I'm a linguistic student after so much of brain cells burned to be able to speak a few foreign language? I don't understand this at all, this is nonsense. I am not even a celebrity. They think they're SO-DAMN-GOOD in prediction everyone's future saying that my future would be a gloomy one...yada yada...I wonder why they didn't help out with the never ending Iraqi issues or better still...global warming and climate change solution?

Someone...okay....Someone let's call him "Yellow", he's my neighbour and also ex-classmate, he told his parents about me being in a stupid course, and his parents' spread the news (in front of my parents) in a banquet to other people about my stupidity in a stupid course. And I wish he could just keep his mouth shut and study properly instead of having sex with his girlfriend when everyone's studying for that piece of paper. Although a piece of paper qualification doesn't mean much in how you define SUCCESS but at least it's a piece of paper to let you start somewhere.

I think everyone look at me as someone who doesn't have brains or what? I don't know, I don't mind people calling me ugly and stupid but I can be sure I m more SUPERIOR that their mouth. At least I don't pretend in front of my enemies, IF I DON'T LIKE YOU, I WON'T BE NICE TO YOU BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO. Period.

I m hurt. Deeply hurt. Why would everyone here give a BIG DAMN about me of my preference of not liking books, not liking to memorise thing, my preferences, my choices and why why why do I have to be in their topic of conversation? I don't even see them and for some, I don't even know them. And why is my choice of studies be a hit-topic around them?

"Why do you take this weird course?"
"Why study something that people don't wanna study?"
"Why don't you choose something professional like law, business, etc etc?"

When I first started, I DO still tell them why and how and what and who. But....since I've been asked for gazzilion times about that, I would simply reply,
"I wanna marry a german. So that I can eat more Bratwurst, drink more beer and drive a german car."

That's good enough to shut their mouth for years to come. If they still go on (again) with that I would reply them,
"Well, I wanna be a multi-lingualprostitute and serve that country. You know, the more you know the language, the more customers you will get afterall studying is not my cup of tea. And I like get laid while earning Euros. ;)"

I've been nice to them. Really nice. I don't mean to be rude buy I have my limit. Since they like to see me gone bad, or as a BIG FAILURE and that I-should-not-live-on-earth kinda thing, it's such a nice feeling to pull their legs and put in lies just to make them happy in another way. I m enjoying it, especially the "prostitute-statement"

My dad said this to me just now,"This place is bad for you. Go head somewhere else where you can be yourself."

What do you expect me to reply him when he said this to me? I m sorry that I had dissapoint him because I m not a filial daughter, not filial enough I should say. I don't need anymore unwanted attention from other people. I had enough. Really enough.

All I want is to be simple. I feel comfortable in my short pants and T-shirt without make-up laughing like a hyenna while walking along the streets so no one could pay any unwanted attention to me. But I do still get unwanted attention from strangers. Why?

I should turn this into something. Perhaps I should sell insurance to them since I m such a big attention-graber and turn myself as the first millionaire selling insurance. Good idea eh? Nosy people just can't stop being nosy. Busybody @$$h0L35!!!

I m hurt because I don't look like someone intelligent, I m not pretty, I look poor, I look like I am meant to be "The Failure". Owh...I felt so hurt. Damn it.

Damn

Just when I thought life would give me chocolates and sweets....


I got fined. RM100....that's about 20 Euro and there goes my lunch. Now I have to count everything in Euro, have to get use to the system before I spend like mad. That means bread for lunch and dinner. Serves me right!

Those money diggers! Filty money diggers! It's so weird because those people writting the summons were so damn quick. Quick when it comes to money but slow in service.. I swear it was only 3 minutes. 3 minutes!!!! I got no spare change with me. How can they treat me like that? I need at least 5 minutes to change my money into coins rite? Damn it. Coins...!!! Just because of 60 cents and a few minutes I have to eat bread.

#$%^*()^&!!!! Arghhhhhh

Solution

Finally, after yonks and eons of emotional distress, I've changed my perspective on life ...completely. Maybe it will only last for a few days or so, it's a good thing for me, I think. I m trying to keep it up for yonks and eons to come, hopefully.

What made me change? One word. Motivation.

I will no longer feel hurt if my family goes on a vacation without me (or without telling me), my sisters' plan with a new cafe or steakhouse whatever you called it (because I will always be the last person to know), hurtful relatives, crazy people around me, I will take it as a stepping stone to get what I want in life. My dreams.

When I was growing up, I have always wanted to conquer the world in some ways. I know it's pretty silly but that's me. That motivates me to go on and face challenges at ease. I love challenges, I love to be challenged. Well I should say "used-to like that a lot". Again, that was yonks and eons ago when I m still as innocent as a turtle.

"What is wrong with me now? Why am I like that?,"I asked myself.

That makes me wonder. I would say it all began at 16. With some personal problems with my parents. I couldn't understand them, they couldn't understand me kinda thing.

At 17, I was the youngest employee my company had ever employed. I know nothing about the working world, i.e; the back stabbing, work politics, etc. Money was really easy back then. Some say I earn more than a manager but things had change for now. I wish I could turn back time for this one.

At 18, I fell so deeply in love with someone which I would never have guessed it will end up like that. Innocence. My first ever "very steady" relationship (which eventually will lead to a marriage if I don't dump him). I thought an older guy would have a more matured thinking compared to my peers. But that failed to no avail.

At 19, I started to take drastic measures in improving myself. I've tonnes of self-improvement books, went for classes, took advices from people (some advices are really bad), etc etc. But still I have no interest with studies at school except for the Business paper because the teacher likes me a lot and loves to ask me general knowledge questions which makes me looks smarter than others in class. Ah...the good old days. Now I should be thankful if I can tell you the answer for 2+3=?

At 20, uni life begans. All I want is a pass, not an "A". So that means, I m the "stupidest" compared to my ex-schoolmates who scores more than 3.8 over 4.0. I m still the happy tart outside and a gloomy tart inside. People who just knew me thought I m a very playful, forever-happy, innocent that kinda girl (because they don't read my blog and they don't know my emotions). Balancing work and studies? Tough but fun.

At 21, I think I broke up with my ex this time rite? Or was it when I was 20? You see, I can't remember anything about him now because I have totally let go, everything about him. Post-breakup stuff is really draggy and crazy but then now it's gone. Rejoice!

Along the way, I've met interesting people (not those weird ones), I've met loadsa new friends, nice and caring ones which money can't buy. A good friend is like a nice song, you wouldn't want it to end. But keeping in touch with each other is the tough thing as we're busy with our lives and stuff. But it's good to have them. Thank you my friends for being so understanding and nice. ;)

Now I am 22. Can't believe it I m that old already. I m on hiatus now from work to focus on my studies (yeah..."focus on my studies", you know what I mean). Being away from work makes me realised that
- my grandmother is getting old
- my sisters are growing up
- I m going to graduate and work full-time
- I should change to become a better person

So, I am looking forward to this trip to Germany as a soul-searching trip to find what I really want in life. Maybe I will realise and appreciate things that I've never really care when I m there. Some people here said that I will suffer there because I have everything here (what they really mean is the fact that I have to cook and do the laundry and stuff). They forgot that I can take care of myself when I have to.

Now that I know the reasons for being so negative for the past years, I m diverting it into a positive energy. Let's get the positive energy flowing...although (no doubt) I will still be posting about the weird people that I met along the way, afterall nearly all my encounters are weird and funny.

Let's learn Geography

Let's start with the globe. This is the globe. Our lovely planet. We all knew that.
The red line shows the distance between Malaysia and Germany. Which means I will be flying across the globe, half of earth. Woahhhhh. But before that I will transit in Dubai first. So a quarter and then half of the globe before I reach Germany. I've never been so far away from home for so long (for more than a month).


Thanks to Google Earth. I love Google Earth. Muakkkks!!!

And this is Germany. It lies in the heart of Europe. Yeah, we all knew that...I know, but some kids don't know.


My Destination: Duesseldorf


The city. That long brown colour thing on the left is the Rhine River. You know that river in Grimm's Fairytale? Yeah, that's the river.


The first yellow pin that you see is my hotel for the first few days, very strategic, lies in the heart of the city and best of all they provide FREE WIFI in their rooms...you know I can't live without internet... and that's the University that I will attend for about a month.


I know I will have trouble with the map and stuff. Me and my friends got lost in Cambodia before. I hope I can read maps this time. Oh wait, there's a saying women can't read maps rite? I will prove you wrong. *hopefully*


My host family is somewhere there. I've been searching for hours for my hosts' place but I couldn't find it.


And till now I m still searching for that....it's so damn big. Arghhh....

Frying the fry

This semester...the 5th for me. I fried my exam papers. I fried my brains aswell.

8 papers in 4 different languages? That's what I call madness. Russian nearly kill me. At least I know Cyrillic, it took me ages to know all 33 of them. Crazy.

а
б
в
г
д
е
ё
ж
з
и
й
к
л
м
н
о
п
р
с
т
у
ф
х
ц
ч
ш
щ
ъ
ы
ь
э
ю
я

tadaaaaa.....

I don't wanna take anymore foreign language next semester. I m going crazy. Language crazy. Although I had a dream to become Mezzofanti one day, I gave up. German language is enough for me for now. Although I did some damage to my english, malay and chinese proficiency while learning german language, I felt happier to have it inside my brain. Minus the literature part. Talking about that, I read so much on "Faust 1" and "Kabale und Liebe", it didn't came out for exam. My my...what a waste. And that very clever Nathan came out again. You know how much I hate that story? No one knew....Fine.

4 more to go till temporary freedom!
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Friends are so unpredictable....again...yes again. Did I mention again? And again...arghhhhh

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I think I m insane sometimes. I talk to the wall and chairs and then I laugh with them over tea. Is it me or is it because of the exam? I m so tired of telling you people that I hate exams that I don't feel like telling it again but if I don't I will start talking to the lamp post outside the house. Maybe I should talk to human more?

Curse

Yes, it's me again. Hor hor hor....exam blues makes me blog, eat and surf more. And guess what I found today? I was looking for some notes on the internet for some certain subjects and then I stumbled upon 2 blogs from my university friends. Not really close to them but we know each other. Wooo....hidden secrets...like in some mystery novel. So many things...and yet I m so ignorant. Well, I m not a busybody. I don't dig people's dirt and I m not interested in their life, that's until today. Only for today. So I read the whole blog, and I wonder again. We're in the same university, studying inside the same building, and why do they look so happy and why we (me and my coursemates) look so gloomy? Because we're cursed.

Signs that we're cursed:
- All male lecturers love to create problems for us. I repeat, not the female lecturers but the male lecturers
- We are terrified of our own lecturers (we will run and hide whenever we encounter any) because they will ask us for homework and loadsa uni-related stuff
- We're stupid
- Assignments are meant to be finish on that same day (without the sun...wee hours in the morning before the dateline). We don't have the tendency to start our assignments earlier.

We called that the department curse. Only applies to our department.

Hence my time here. Muahahahhaha....I just finished a few online games. Games makes me happy. And now I feel sleepy. So, I better sleep first. ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz