Accidents do happen

- I accidently burnt my house's main fuse, so now I m only living with a computer, a fridge and a tv without the lights and fan. I have to use table fan and table lamp instead. My life grew dark after 7pm.

- I've been living alone for nearly one month now and I m going crazy. Coz I got no one to talk to except for the walls and doors. I m currently having "housewife training"...cooking and washing and cleaning the house, buying groceries, etc. I hate to live alone in a double storey house as I don't need that much of space. I miss my family.

- Running around Kuala Lumpur is not fun at all. The traffic is crazy and the people driving their cars are moronic.

- I got into trouble at work again just because I m too hardworking. Somehow some people are just jealous. I m cool with that. Do whatever he/she wants. Don't care.

- My grandma called me the other day saying she pitied me having to eat salad for dinner. Sooner or later I will be malnutrised.

Isn't it sad to live alone? To eat alone and to watch tv alone? I think I started talking to myself because of that. Thanks to Alexander Graham Bell, I m fully utilizing my phones. But still something is missing...

Just an another week in August

I m lost of words to tell you what happened for the past 2 weeks. So I will let the pictures do the talking.

Yeah, we won 2nd place. It's always the second place, I don't understand why. But it's better than nothing.




Yaay...mock check! So...we decided to spend some on food...

So just now, we all went for dinner at a very nice Austrian Restaurant somewhere in PJ. It's called Klimt's. Named after a famous austrian painter Gustav Klimt.

Yummy...I felt so full after that I couldn't think straight. And did I mention I m not a fan of white wine? I couldn't finish so I let my friend to finish them. Red wine is okay but not white. We ordered tonnes of food, tonnes of sausages, tonnes of dessert. And the part would be the raw herring fish. Gosh...I have to finish them because my friends couldn't stand the fish smell. It's raw and it smell like fish. I mean the fish smell is so strong I felt I m eating fish from somebody's aquarium. But the sauce is nice :)

Here's are some of the dishes. There's loads more but I felt these are really nice.

Dessert is the best part of all. I could just lick each and every plate clean. The melted dark chocolate is perfect. The crepes is cooked to perfection. I m addicted to their desserts. So tomorrow I m gonna ask my Austrian karate mate for some austrian food. I wish I had bigger stomach.

This made my day

Please click to view...you will see what I meant


This is a message I got from my myspace. People on myspace these days....*shakes head*
Just because I put a pic with me with loadsa make-up on...how shallow...

Walking Skeleton

Keira Knightley...look at her urm...dress...body I mean...
I didn't know that she's thattttttttttttttt skinny...

STUPID

I am stupid. I m stupid. I m stupid.

I don't know why, but I m stupid. In so many ways. I m so so so so so so stupid.

I m stupid in relationships, I m stupid at work, I m stupid in uni, I m stupid when it comes to everything. I m stupid. I m stupid having to trust someone for so many years proven only to break my heart into pieces and shatters into infinite pieces.

I m stupid when it comes to controlling my emotions. I m stupid having to love someone and having to forget about him and stupid to even be nice to him. I m damn blardy stupid.

One stab to another, made me feels the increasing stupidity in me. Decisions made are blurred by emotions. Stupid emotions. One by one, dozen by dozen, that's the number of bottled stupified emotions that I have filled up over the time. I felt damn blardy stupid.

How can someone as stupid as me still surviving and breathing on earth? Can't I do anything right? Can't I be at least in someplace better than having to torment my emotions every single day?

No more tears to define my stupidity. No more. If people can hurt me, why can't I hurt them back? Why can't I be more courageous like the younger days? Owh...my stupidity. Period.

We're young people, we always ruin ourselves

Yeap...bear that sentence in mind. It seems like there's a trend with the people around me (my classmates). We have a die-hard motto. We're are not supposed to have enough food and sleep in order to get what we want in life. Let's look at our kind of lifestyle:

Classmate A
- Been working as a Liquor Sales Executive in clubs for the past 2 years. Only sleeps like 3-4 hours a day and then survived all the university's papers and assignments.
- Goes to work at 9pm and came back around 3am to 4am. Class usually starts at 8am. Go figure it out.
- My falling-asleep-partner-in-crime. If I rank the first in class with yawns, she's in the second place.
- She's lack of time to eat and sleep properly she has gastric and imbalance hormone.

Results: Getting a car soon. Not dependant on parents for money, she even pays for her sister's needs.

Classmate B
- Been working hard ever since this semester started. She gives tuition, working with a MLM company, helping me with some Chinese news thingy, she is also an active member with the Tzu-Chi Association (the very famous charity association from Taiwan).
- Always lacked of sleep and ranked number 3 for yawning in class. Blurness is a plus-point.
- Been battling with weight-gain like me. Having abnormal lifestyle of sleeping.

Results: Bought a car. Paying for her family needs, paying for herself in everything. Doesn't depend on anyone.

Me
- Been working and studying at the same time for nearly 5 years now. So it's a norm for me to balance everything.
- Favourite target of the lecturers to carry out projects and events because I m the most active student in class.
- Yawning and sleeping in class is a MUST. Been battling with weight-gain ever since I stepped into uni. Now at the stage of losing weight (lack of interest to eat) and doesn't eat on time. Also having imbalance hormone.
- Becoming anti-social due to the problematic people around me. Or problematic me around the people?

Results: Being able to travel around (100% on my own). Established good connection with my boss (despite being the middle person in the "Fight of the Mistresses") because I m a workaholic and gives suprising results. Being able to own things I never thought I would ever have since young (because I was brought up by stingy parents) and that really makes me appreciate things more.

Well, there's only 6 people in my class. Other 3 were the luckier 3. One is a guy who doesn't have to work or do anything in life to get anything he wants. He is the youngest baby in the family. Another one is also the youngest in the family. Doesn't have to worry much as she enjoys life the best. But when it comes to assignments and homework, she can be awake for 2 days just to finish them. Doesn't eat accordingly. And lastly, a girl, she doesn't have to work but she's the most hardworking person in class, always passing up her homework and would never miss any given work. One "bad trait" though, she MUST have enough sleep, if not she will die (according to her).

We have different goals in life. And we work really hard to achieve that. The question is...When are we going to suceed? When can we really sit back, relax and enjoy? Does working hard and having insanely-routined-lifestyle gives us satisfaction? What would it be like if everything is as free as air? Life would be so blunt and colourless. But it hurts mentally to be in such position everytime I think about it. Still life goes on...

Feelings

For nearly one week now, I kept sneering at people, wanting to stab them so much I m thinking of poking my pen straight to their lungs.

I get very defensive and very protective with my things, belongings, friends and family after that very incident.

And at the end of the day I got really tired. Mentally tired. I can't focus on doing anything. Just wanted to play games. games and more games.

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Affairs of the heart:

I don't even know if I like anyone now or I don't have any feelings towards anyone. Gone cold towards people. I can't even talk to people. That's the problem.

What an emotional week for me. It's the time of the month. No wonder.

STUPID UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA'S LIBRARIAN!!!

Says who my university is the best in the country? My FOOT!!!
Says who my university offers the best of everything in the country? My ASS!!!
Says who my university has the best staff? My Dog's ASS!!!

In fact, they have the stupiest librarian in the whole wide world. In fact in my faculty, people....it's the FACULTY OF LANGUAGE AND LINGUISTICS IN UNIVERSITY OF MALAYA. FUCK THEM OFF!!!

And there's this stupid librarian there who's always giving problems and best of all he's the biggest and fattest liar and the most racist people I've ever seen in Malaysia. Okay, so what if I m chinese? So what if I m not Malay? We're in a multi-rational country isn't it? Where's the Malaysia Boleh spirit? To me it's "Malaysia NO-leh". We have to be racist towards racist people in Malaysia. For nearly 22 years living in this country, I've never been so racist towards anyone. But this case it's exceptional.

Okay here's the story:

As usual, whenever my friends (anyone of them) who wanted to return a borrowed book from the library, he/she will asked us if we wanted it (as a matter of fact, it's courtesy) so that it will be easier for us to skip the fuss of looking for that particular book. We share what we read and we share nearly every single book we borrowed. And if anyone of us wanted to re-borrow it again, we'll pass our student card to the "friend with the book" to renew it. Also to skip the fuss and make things easier. And we have been doing that ever since I step in this uni. Ever since my first year. Now I m in my 3rd year. Means that I m aware of every single rules here.

So there goes, my friend, Y just finished her Peter Bichsel book and I found it pretty interesting and I gave her my student card while munching my food ( I was multi-tasking as usual, having breakfast while having some small discussion after lining up to buy food at the canteen nearby that stupid library) because I have very limited time to eat as there's a class at 10.

After about 3 minutes or so, she returned with an empty hand. She said, she couldn't get through that "man". I said," Okay" because I know that "man" is one troublemaker and he's one of the stupidest people that had mistakenly landed on planet earth.

So there I go, face-to-face with him with food still in my mouth.

STUPID: Who's card is this?
me: Mine.
STUPID: Whay can't you come and borrow it yourself?
me: I was eating. Busy lining up for canteen and stuff. (giving a big smile and thinking why this issue never came up ever since the first time I step in here)
STUPID: Can't you see what is this? (Showing me the back of my student card)
me: Yeah, my card with my name. (smile again)
STUPID: Read!
me: Bla...bla..bla...(reading)
STUPID: So what it said?
me: That I can't lend it or give it to other people? And what's the problem? I didn't lend it to anyone?
STUPID: But why is your card with other people?
me: No, it's not, I didn't. I didn't GIVE it to anyone. I wanted to borrow that book. No one took my card. This card is my card, that card is hers. The card is here and this book is the one I wanted. So can I borrow it now? If not, it's okay. So can I borrow it now?
STUPID: *Looks anguish* What do you think will happen if I suspend your card for a semester? You know have broken the law by not.......*showing me a book*...bla bla bla....rule number....bla bla bla...okay, read what is this studen't fault!
me: He or she has broken rule number 3. And that doesn't apply to me. And I don't think I m guilty because I didn't GIVE or LEND it to anyone. GIVE means I give the card to somebody but I didn't. Or LEND it to anyone. I use this for myself. (I understand malay language for god's sake, the law's in malay am I that stupid?)
STUPID: Okay, I will suspend your card until futhur notice! Bla bla bla.......(shouting)
me: Okay then, up to you. And thank you for suspending my card. (flashing a smile)
*Left the library*

I got emo, because I kept flashing my very "expensive" smiles to him. On normal occasions, I already blasted him with unpleasant words and etc. But I keep my cool. I even smiled at him. That's why I suffer. My friends keep on asking me what happen and then I can't control my feelings and then I cried. I don't know why my tears keep on rolling out non-syop when I know it's a small matter. No one ever shouted at me like that. No one except for my parents of course. They are my parents, of course they deserved to shout at me. I only limt a few people who can shout at me. But this bastard is out of the compound, out of the world to shout at me like that.

In class I cried like mad dog. I got emo because I was treated so well the day before by my uncles and today I have to go through hell. I tried to keep my eyes dry and tried to keep cool. But failed to no avail.
As soon as my lecturer entered the class, she saw me wiping my eyes. Because normally I will greet her and give her my biggest smile (showing that I m not sleeping in class) and will answer all her questions actively. The my friend explained to her what happened. She got very furious and she said that can't be happening and asked me to follow her to the library.

At the library
Lecturer: Hi, can you do me a favour? Can you give her her student card back because it's really imporant for my student.
STUPID: *Rudely* So it's important for you or for her?
Lecturer: *trying to reply him*
STUPID: Wait wait, let me talk to her first. (showing a stop hand sign and looking at me)
me: Yea? So how do I get my student card back? (bravely because I've gone stronger with my very-fierce lecturer with me)
STUPID: bla...bla....bla...bla....that card....you have to see my boss for it...bla
me: Why didnt you tell me just now? You didnt give me a warning and you took my card away, is that a proper way?
STUPID: No, it's like this, I've spoken to my boss about it, now she decided to give you only the first warning. And that's it, you can have your card back.
me: Do I have to sign or give any letters for that warning? Or need to see anyone for that?(sarcastically)
STUPID: No...no...you can have your card back, if you're not happy with my work you can complain to this number #$%^&* and this person #^&* (repeated that 3 times)
me: No...you're a good librarian and I THANK YOU FOR BEING A VERY GOOD LIBRARIAN (everyone in the library looked at me)....

and then I slammed the door......

I left my lecturer with him and I think she said something to him which I m not bothered to know. Damn sad. Racists people....aihhhhhhhhhh

On the other hand, I just got a call and my team will be joining a Inter-Varsity Internship Challenge. That makes me happy somehow.

Spoilt over the weekend

What's better than having boxes of Godiva chocolates all by myself and eating different food from all around the world 4 times a day with my 2 favourite uncles. Nothing feels better than spending quality time with them, sharing stories and laughter and...food. FOOD!

Being around with them makes me feel that I m the youngest in the family. And getting pampered with my Midas touch (everything I touch, I got it....most of the time). But it will only last for the weekened. :(

Then I have to get back to reality. Sad.

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For 3 consecutive days...my uncle did some discussion with me about my future. And he's another 199%-member-of-the-family who wanted me to continue my studies in Germany which I don't feel like it because I m terrified of studying. I m tired of studying. I felt mentally tired of studying. I hate studying. I don't like exams, I m allergic to books. Arghhh...And that's why I m hessitating to make any decisions at the moment. I can't live without spicy food, my spas, my shoppings, my car, my bed. Things would be so different. My life would change totally. I won't be living in a so-called 3 world country anymore. I m still thinking...aihhhhhhhhhhh....

More Oxygen please...

I need more air, more fresh air, more Oxygen. Coz you know...I can hardly breathe.

I wonder and always wonder...what would happen if I m really jobless after I grad.
My lecturer is trying very hard to get us expose to everything under the sun. She had given me loadsa tasks and assignments which are mostly out of the question ( I mean those incredible things that I never thought I would ever do in my life and not related to my studies at all). I've tried my hands on marketing, computing, public relations, archeology...more like history, geography, IT....etc...you name it... and now in theater. Drama...you know drama...she wanted us to participate again in yet another German contest which is like in 2 months time...oh gosh. This time it's classical german drama, you know those Lessing-era, with those classical german language and stuff? I felt so suffocated. I really do. I m going crazy.

Did I mention I m learning Karate-do this semester? Because it's apart of my degree program. And I m planning to kick some asses before I take the oath. Muahahaha. 9 subjects under my sleeve, will I be able to take it of flop it? Why do they always have to torture students in such a way? They think the students from my uni are hyper-intelligent students? Not all...I got in becoz I m lucky, not because of my results. And why they have to emphasize so much on results? I can't deny that most of them are brainy, smart, etc...yeah my bad my bad. I should study more instead, right? Me and studying is like the penguins in the south pole and the polar bears in the north pole. They will never meet unless you put them in the zoo next to each other or someone trying to breed some peguins in the north pole.

On the other hand, I m totally over that idiot. Totally. It took me 1 and a half days to come back to reality. Not worth it.

Oh...I still fall asleep in class when the lecturer is lecturing. Is it because of the lecturer or because of me? But I did make sure I have enough sleeop before I attend class. Amazing isn't it?