Today is the day everyone in this house certified that I can cook and they finished every single thing that I cooked. My host said this:
"You're now certified that you can cook great meals"
...and her daughter and that Korean girl agreed too.
That means I can cook. Wahahaha. Now let's see what I can't do. I baked, I cooked, I always make sure the house is in order. So no one can complain that I m not behaving like a girl anymore. But one thing I can't do, shopping. My ability to shop has long gone...but it's good news anyway.
What should I cook for tomorrow? Hmmm...
December 04, 2007
December 03, 2007
December 02, 2007
Girl talk
We had some food and we started walking endlessly. So we wander around and ended up in a small pub. We're the only young people there. But it's okay, we are not there to flirt around. We went into the wrong place but what happened just now is not about the place. It's about girl-to-girl talk and that's quite emotional for the 2 of us.
We started talking about our lives back in Malaysia where we have go through all the shit and people looked as us as if we're living a very good life. Maybe for some people, we're good on the surface.
"Owh, you are so lucky you can finance yourself in whatever you want"
"You're such a capable young lady"
"You're so intelligent. You're working and yet you can still secure a place in UM"
....yada-yada and the list goes on and on. That's what people said to us. But they don't know what we have to go through. The nights where we cry alone, the nights where we stay away from others and the nights we cry alone inside our car without anyone knowing. It's good to know that I m not the one doing all those crazy things but also her. We did that because we fear to show our emotions in front of others. The time we have to sacrifice because of our dreams, the people that we abandoned along the way. It's not easy.
One thing that we can't avoid is that we started to deal with these kinda shit at a very early age. Can't avoid that. And those shit will pile up and become an emotional baggage for us that would be very hard to leave behind. Then we started to talk about our future. For many girls, that would be starting a new family with someone they love or anything. But we just wanna survive.
Love is a big word. I got hurt so deeply that I am afraid to love again. Because when I do, I will put all my heart in it. That's literally bad but it's me. For her is another problem aswell. Too much love at the same time and yet couldn't find the right one. It is a very complicated 4-letter word.
It's good to have a talk like that since we don't do that everyday back in Malaysia.
Everyone goes through shit everyday. It's a matter of the size of the shit that we have to go through. Some people are lucky and some are not. I would say I manage my emotions pretty bad. After a hard day, I would just blog and torture my blog readers (if I have any). But normally I would just go to bed and end my sleep with a nightmare.
I've left nearly all my emotional baggage behind upon boarding the plane. I told myself that I have to become myself here and have my old self back. The chirpy, bubbly me has long gone as I have big responsibilities back home but not here. So now I m back. Better emotional health and mentally healthy for now.
I don't know why I am writing this. I felt it would be a better thing to do to remind me of this day when we have a real girl to girl talk. My blog has again emerged as my emotional trash can.
Just be thankful with what you have.
We started talking about our lives back in Malaysia where we have go through all the shit and people looked as us as if we're living a very good life. Maybe for some people, we're good on the surface.
"Owh, you are so lucky you can finance yourself in whatever you want"
"You're such a capable young lady"
"You're so intelligent. You're working and yet you can still secure a place in UM"
....yada-yada and the list goes on and on. That's what people said to us. But they don't know what we have to go through. The nights where we cry alone, the nights where we stay away from others and the nights we cry alone inside our car without anyone knowing. It's good to know that I m not the one doing all those crazy things but also her. We did that because we fear to show our emotions in front of others. The time we have to sacrifice because of our dreams, the people that we abandoned along the way. It's not easy.
One thing that we can't avoid is that we started to deal with these kinda shit at a very early age. Can't avoid that. And those shit will pile up and become an emotional baggage for us that would be very hard to leave behind. Then we started to talk about our future. For many girls, that would be starting a new family with someone they love or anything. But we just wanna survive.
Love is a big word. I got hurt so deeply that I am afraid to love again. Because when I do, I will put all my heart in it. That's literally bad but it's me. For her is another problem aswell. Too much love at the same time and yet couldn't find the right one. It is a very complicated 4-letter word.
It's good to have a talk like that since we don't do that everyday back in Malaysia.
Everyone goes through shit everyday. It's a matter of the size of the shit that we have to go through. Some people are lucky and some are not. I would say I manage my emotions pretty bad. After a hard day, I would just blog and torture my blog readers (if I have any). But normally I would just go to bed and end my sleep with a nightmare.
I've left nearly all my emotional baggage behind upon boarding the plane. I told myself that I have to become myself here and have my old self back. The chirpy, bubbly me has long gone as I have big responsibilities back home but not here. So now I m back. Better emotional health and mentally healthy for now.
I don't know why I am writing this. I felt it would be a better thing to do to remind me of this day when we have a real girl to girl talk. My blog has again emerged as my emotional trash can.
Just be thankful with what you have.
December 01, 2007
Settling down
I m talking about my place to sleep.
For the past one week I have to sleep inside the living room because there's no enough space for me to sleep. And now I got my own room. Yaaay!
I can now sleep peacefully without anyone looking/peeping inside the living room. This is my new sanctuary:
My bed
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My homework station (as IF I will sit there and do my homework) and TV
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My workstation and a small cupboard/rack for my clothes
And I shall go back to bed now. A comfortable bed is very essential during winter. All I wanna do is just stay in bed and not go out. I don't sleep much but I prefer the bed than to go out. Good Night...erm....Good Morning I mean.
For the past one week I have to sleep inside the living room because there's no enough space for me to sleep. And now I got my own room. Yaaay!
I can now sleep peacefully without anyone looking/peeping inside the living room. This is my new sanctuary:
My bed
.jpg)
My homework station (as IF I will sit there and do my homework) and TV
.jpg)
My workstation and a small cupboard/rack for my clothes
And I shall go back to bed now. A comfortable bed is very essential during winter. All I wanna do is just stay in bed and not go out. I don't sleep much but I prefer the bed than to go out. Good Night...erm....Good Morning I mean.
Raclette Night
We had Raclette for dinner today. Raclette is like hotpot, just that it's the western hotpot with Raclette cheese. And that's another reason why I will not have the chance to become thin. I had a big belly now. I felt as if I m 4 months pregnant. Owh...bad bad.
And after dinner, we had ice-cream for dessert. 2 bowls of ice-cream. Damn. Super bad.
And this Sunday I will be making some hotpot for them.
Since I arrived, I've yet to discover that the ability to cook is very important especially when you're a girl. Sexist statement but that's what the people think. Everyone here was suprised with the fact that I can't cook. Well, I explained to them...
In Malaysia:
- the prices of food in Malaysia is very cheap, we can afford to eat in restaurant nearly everyday and sometimes everyday
- I don't cook at home as my maid is the cook and when I m with my grandma, she will cook for me as she don't trust my cooking and also I don't have the time to cook
- I DO bake but I don't cook
So, all of them suggested that I should take up cooking classes and also the best way is to marry someone who can cook for me. Wahahaha. Funny.
Cooking is important I know. I m learning. Please give me some time. Jeez...I felt pressured to cook. I always offer to clean the dishes but they want me to cook because they wanted to try Malaysian food. Damn. How to cook Malaysian food? They taught me tonnes of german recipes. Malaysian food is complicated, we need spices and chillies and stuff and I don't know how to cook them at all. Yeah, I am such a loser in this.
P/S: Jeunie: send me some Malaysian food ok?
November 30, 2007
Donnerstag ist Doener-tag
"You've put on weight!!!"
My friends just arrived here yesterday and that's the first thing they said to me. Not "Hello", not "How are you?" but THAT. :'(
I had a Doener yesterday and I've been addicted to that ever since. I m addicted to Doener. Can't help it. They tastes soooo good that I wanna bring back another 5 for breakfast and lunch and another round of dinner.
And now it's time for me to have a temporary break from cheeses and sausages. I m diverting that energy to Doener and more Doener and much more Doener. That explains my extra 1kg here. ;-)
I felt sick yesterday...very uneasy and also emotional. Jeez...I have 2 times period this month. Of course I m having bad mood. Hormone imbalance. I need to see the doctor once I m back in Malaysia. This can't be happening, I need to put a stop to this. Apart from being absolutely crazy like always, I've just developed a new habit. Which is.....oh no...I can't tell you that. Yeah...I can't tell it here. Shhhhhhh....
Essen Motorshow this Sunday. Waheee. My guy friends said that I m abnormal. Girls are not meant to like cars. But I m different. :p
My friends just arrived here yesterday and that's the first thing they said to me. Not "Hello", not "How are you?" but THAT. :'(
I had a Doener yesterday and I've been addicted to that ever since. I m addicted to Doener. Can't help it. They tastes soooo good that I wanna bring back another 5 for breakfast and lunch and another round of dinner.
And now it's time for me to have a temporary break from cheeses and sausages. I m diverting that energy to Doener and more Doener and much more Doener. That explains my extra 1kg here. ;-)
I felt sick yesterday...very uneasy and also emotional. Jeez...I have 2 times period this month. Of course I m having bad mood. Hormone imbalance. I need to see the doctor once I m back in Malaysia. This can't be happening, I need to put a stop to this. Apart from being absolutely crazy like always, I've just developed a new habit. Which is.....oh no...I can't tell you that. Yeah...I can't tell it here. Shhhhhhh....
Essen Motorshow this Sunday. Waheee. My guy friends said that I m abnormal. Girls are not meant to like cars. But I m different. :p
November 28, 2007
New Passion
Looks like I m the only person in class who studies German Language for future (for my degree and my dream of becoming a translator/interpreter). 90 percent of the people I know here learn German Language because of their husbands and boyfriends. Hurhurhur. And I m the only idiot who actually study it for a degree. But I m proud because....so far, I m the only one from Malaysia (my friends have not arrive yet). It means I will be needed back in my Heimatland....hopefully.
When asked why did they choose to learn german language, this is what they said:
"My husband is a german"
"My boyfriend is a german'
"I married a german guy"
It's weird but I think I am in love with studying. Hahahaha. I can't wait for the next class and the other. It's fun and I didn't fell asleep at all. Funny eh? I even did my homework. Wonderful isn't it. Apart from studying, I did my revision. How weird can that be? For 22 years since I came to this world, I actually enjoy what I did for now...studying.
I like it here because I got weird classmates. There's one guy from Japan, he sits beside me and he's crazy like me but more on the quiet side. He said he learns german language to forget about lovesick. And I have to bear with his craziness because he's my language partner in class. Duh.
Then there's a woman from Romania who sits on my left hand side, she cracks jokes like there's no tomorrow (yeah, she's another one with a german husband). Another crazy woman. And there's another one from Turkey and Taiwan, all crazy people.
And guess what. The whole world is learning german language and why in Malaysia there's only 6 of us? There's another university in Malaysia who offered german language course but they're way far far far behind us.
South Koreans are everywhere in the uni, Taiwanese and people from east Europe are here and where the hell are all the Malaysians? There're even a few Singaporeans here. Jeez...Malaysians only spend their money for Guccis and Pradas and food but not into education. How sad can that be?
The past few days was not easy for me. I had to go through the scary part of taking public transportation in Germany all by myself. The public transportation here is so good....I felt very uneasy. But I was brave enough to go through that alone. ALONE!!! It's not easy...first with the bus and then with the S-Bahn and then U-Bahn and then the trains. I m all alone in a foreign country with super duper hi-tech transportation system. Back in Malaysia, I don't even use the bus to travel. Imagine that. But I told myself not to be scared since I m already that BRAVE enough to come here (to another side of the world) all by myself.
Pardon my english. I've been speaking german and only german here. I didn't know my level of german is actually usable. Hahaha. I went in for a test to determine my level of german without studying so that I know my level of proficiency. I got a 6. That means I am in level 6 out of 10 levels. That's quite high as level 10 is university level and I think I don't deserve to be in level 6. And I am the only one in my class who is a newbie. My classmates had gone through a few levels of german language before they can get into level 6. The problem for me now is that my Vocabulary is always in English and my grammar sucks big time. And also my confusion with the other 6 languages.
My host was so impressed with my ability of learning languages and also communicating with people of different races, she said that I have an IQ level of 200 to 300. Another radiology doctor said that I have greater brains than his. I get loadsa compliments in Germany but back in Malaysia I am no doubt a piece of shit. Language students get more exposure here and a wider range of career and studies. That's why I m a piece of shit in Malaysia like what "yellow" said to his parents about me. Language is not even an important subject back home, it's merely to talk and to bullshit. If I have the chance, I would consider to study here but I would like to work first and see how my future goes.
Man....I love to study. Weird eh?
------------------------------------------------------
Boy oh boy...I m getting fat. I will go back to Malaysia as a whale. I eat non-stop, and I just can't help it. I went to 3 different Christmas Market today and I ate:
...all by myself. I have really HUGE appetite here. I can't imagine what will happen to me in the next few weeks. Not even 1 week here I m already eating like that...
When asked why did they choose to learn german language, this is what they said:
"My husband is a german"
"My boyfriend is a german'
"I married a german guy"
It's weird but I think I am in love with studying. Hahahaha. I can't wait for the next class and the other. It's fun and I didn't fell asleep at all. Funny eh? I even did my homework. Wonderful isn't it. Apart from studying, I did my revision. How weird can that be? For 22 years since I came to this world, I actually enjoy what I did for now...studying.
I like it here because I got weird classmates. There's one guy from Japan, he sits beside me and he's crazy like me but more on the quiet side. He said he learns german language to forget about lovesick. And I have to bear with his craziness because he's my language partner in class. Duh.
Then there's a woman from Romania who sits on my left hand side, she cracks jokes like there's no tomorrow (yeah, she's another one with a german husband). Another crazy woman. And there's another one from Turkey and Taiwan, all crazy people.
And guess what. The whole world is learning german language and why in Malaysia there's only 6 of us? There's another university in Malaysia who offered german language course but they're way far far far behind us.
South Koreans are everywhere in the uni, Taiwanese and people from east Europe are here and where the hell are all the Malaysians? There're even a few Singaporeans here. Jeez...Malaysians only spend their money for Guccis and Pradas and food but not into education. How sad can that be?
The past few days was not easy for me. I had to go through the scary part of taking public transportation in Germany all by myself. The public transportation here is so good....I felt very uneasy. But I was brave enough to go through that alone. ALONE!!! It's not easy...first with the bus and then with the S-Bahn and then U-Bahn and then the trains. I m all alone in a foreign country with super duper hi-tech transportation system. Back in Malaysia, I don't even use the bus to travel. Imagine that. But I told myself not to be scared since I m already that BRAVE enough to come here (to another side of the world) all by myself.
Pardon my english. I've been speaking german and only german here. I didn't know my level of german is actually usable. Hahaha. I went in for a test to determine my level of german without studying so that I know my level of proficiency. I got a 6. That means I am in level 6 out of 10 levels. That's quite high as level 10 is university level and I think I don't deserve to be in level 6. And I am the only one in my class who is a newbie. My classmates had gone through a few levels of german language before they can get into level 6. The problem for me now is that my Vocabulary is always in English and my grammar sucks big time. And also my confusion with the other 6 languages.
My host was so impressed with my ability of learning languages and also communicating with people of different races, she said that I have an IQ level of 200 to 300. Another radiology doctor said that I have greater brains than his. I get loadsa compliments in Germany but back in Malaysia I am no doubt a piece of shit. Language students get more exposure here and a wider range of career and studies. That's why I m a piece of shit in Malaysia like what "yellow" said to his parents about me. Language is not even an important subject back home, it's merely to talk and to bullshit. If I have the chance, I would consider to study here but I would like to work first and see how my future goes.
Man....I love to study. Weird eh?
------------------------------------------------------
Boy oh boy...I m getting fat. I will go back to Malaysia as a whale. I eat non-stop, and I just can't help it. I went to 3 different Christmas Market today and I ate:
...all by myself. I have really HUGE appetite here. I can't imagine what will happen to me in the next few weeks. Not even 1 week here I m already eating like that...
November 26, 2007
Wheee
Today I woke up with good mood and great people around me. I found my host finally. Stupid organizer gave me the wrong address. And guess what I did? I baked cookies. 6 types of cookies and we're laughing and giggling. I m living with my host and her daughter, a korean girl and her english boyfriend and a dog. An international family they called it.
I m going fat. I had loadsa cheese, bacon, potatoes and bread everyday. Oh gosh!
I m going fat. I had loadsa cheese, bacon, potatoes and bread everyday. Oh gosh!
November 24, 2007
Oh...
I got nothing better to do...I walk around again...and again and again...and then I took some pics. And then I blog. After this I m going to walk around again and take pics again and blog again...
I m a bit worried now. My host family didn't reply my email and it seems like I lost everyone's contact. Suddenly I felt scared to be alone. Like I m all alone here.
Düsseldorf is a small city. It looked so big on the map. I went to Kö 3 times in 4 hours time. I walked around the place and ended up in Altstadt and then I m back there again. Everyone is doing Christmas shopping and I m walking endlessly with nowhere to go. Suddenly I have no appetite to eat, no mood to do anything.
Oh yah, this morning someone guessed that I m from Malaysia. People back in Malaysia couldn't tell if I m Malaysian. Weird...he said I looked like Malaysian. Hahaha.
And also this morning, I saw someone wearing no pants. OMG!!!
Why do I feel scared suddenly? I should have feel scared the moment I board the plane. The best part is: My dad just knew that I m alone here. He thought I m with my friends. I think I have serious communication problem with everyone. Or something have gone missing in my life?
Please everyone....please go online on your MSN. Where did everybody go? Why didn't I see anyone that I can talk to? Maybe some chocolates will cure me. My host family is driving me nuts if they don't reply my email.
I m a bit worried now. My host family didn't reply my email and it seems like I lost everyone's contact. Suddenly I felt scared to be alone. Like I m all alone here.
Düsseldorf is a small city. It looked so big on the map. I went to Kö 3 times in 4 hours time. I walked around the place and ended up in Altstadt and then I m back there again. Everyone is doing Christmas shopping and I m walking endlessly with nowhere to go. Suddenly I have no appetite to eat, no mood to do anything.
Oh yah, this morning someone guessed that I m from Malaysia. People back in Malaysia couldn't tell if I m Malaysian. Weird...he said I looked like Malaysian. Hahaha.
And also this morning, I saw someone wearing no pants. OMG!!!
Why do I feel scared suddenly? I should have feel scared the moment I board the plane. The best part is: My dad just knew that I m alone here. He thought I m with my friends. I think I have serious communication problem with everyone. Or something have gone missing in my life?
Please everyone....please go online on your MSN. Where did everybody go? Why didn't I see anyone that I can talk to? Maybe some chocolates will cure me. My host family is driving me nuts if they don't reply my email.
Tell me what's the date and time now
I m so confused with the time. It's 3.30 am now and I m going to shower because I think I didn't shower for 2 days already or is it 3 days? I forgot to bring my toothbrush.....again. Hurhurhur...
I went to a shop nearby and I bought some groceries and 2 toothbrushes. I think groceries in Malaysia is pretty expensive compared to here. But eating out is definately cheaper in Malayia. I have not tried any of the restaurants here yet becoz I won't be able to finish everything alone and it will be a waste of money. I can't wait for my friends to come. What is life without people? The answer would be: No life at all.
Today I will be visiting the Altstadt and Kö. And I will be walking there of course. Walking down the streets here is not tiring because it's not hot. I definately prefer the outdoors here.
Okay...time to shower. In Malaysia we do it 2-3 times a day. But here, I felt terrified to shower.
I went to a shop nearby and I bought some groceries and 2 toothbrushes. I think groceries in Malaysia is pretty expensive compared to here. But eating out is definately cheaper in Malayia. I have not tried any of the restaurants here yet becoz I won't be able to finish everything alone and it will be a waste of money. I can't wait for my friends to come. What is life without people? The answer would be: No life at all.
Today I will be visiting the Altstadt and Kö. And I will be walking there of course. Walking down the streets here is not tiring because it's not hot. I definately prefer the outdoors here.
Okay...time to shower. In Malaysia we do it 2-3 times a day. But here, I felt terrified to shower.
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