Unpleasant day

Have you ever experianced where there's a day when you get scoldings from everyone around you and you don't know what you've done wrong?

Today is that bloody day for me. I don't understand why.

No matter what I do, no matter where I go, I get cold people responding to my questions, scolding from women especially, etc etc. Worse still, they like to slam the door, knock things out, make stupid noises that annoys the hell out of me. Damn it. It's always like that, one moment I am chilling and one moment some other people have to take revenge and make my life harder. They love to se me suffer. World Peace is soooooooooo far away....

Jeeeez, why is everyone so grumpy today? I hate it when no one wants to talk to me in a normal manner. I hate it so much I wish to do the same. Their grumpiness is equavalent to cows waiting to be slaughtered. And I am not even the slaughter. So unfair, why they have to piss me now?

Arghhhh....is it so hard to be nice? Afterall we're all human. WTF? I should start acting like a bitch as in now and start throwing fits at everyone. Then everyone will be much happier I guess.

But there's no one here that I can't do that alone to myself. So I need to stay cool. I am being very patient for now. Let it be...Patience...patience is all I need.

Breathe...........................breathe......

* Treat the people around you nicer okay. They are not cow waiting to be slaughtered.

Chilling

OMG it's 2am and I still can't sleep.

Alcohol do make wonders. My brain is very active now. That's the reason why I can't sleep. I m feeling so high right now I wanna bungee jump. Wahahaha. I really did enjoy myself tonight. Although nothing special happened today, it's a relaxing night and I chilled with my partner-in-crime.

Hmmm...what should I do now?

Exam Tips for Dummies like me

(Today marks the 15th day of having continuous 4 hours of sleep for the month of April. Crazy)

I have made some theories of the way I study for exams. It's amazing.

1. Summarize all the important notes (as simple as you can) at 5 in the morning.

2. Memorize an hour before going in to the exam hall.

3. Squeeze all the information out no matter what.

4. Blame yourself for not studying days earlier. Pray to God although God can't even help hopeless people like me. Look around you, get panic, think again.

5. Fill in the blanks as much as you can. Create stories, talk cock and sing song all the way for exams.

6. Wait for the results.

7. Cry and be happy at the same time when it's a "C" and be happy when it's an "A" or a "B".

As a student, I am not qualified to be one. I have messed up with the education system since I came to this world. No one can help me anymore. No wonder I hate studying so much.

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I am pretty happy and relax today as I am nearly done with my finals. Wooohooo.

I will have a small gathering today with my friends tonight and another bar-hopping session with my partner in crime on Monday. Ahhh...relax relax...Learning to relax.

On the other hand, I am trying to become a real lady. GODDAMMIT! Why it is so hard to put liquid eyeliner? Women are very unique creatures. I don't understand why we need to do so many things to look good.

Fears

My biggest fears:

- to be someone who's not up to some people's expectation
- failure (not academically)
- men and small children (when they cry and scream and becomes very clingy)
- being not well equipped enough with some certain level of knowledge

If I can overcome this, I will be very happy. I m giving myself 3 months to do so.


Grandma commented I look like a Zombie now. She said I don't look happy and weak. I m hoping things will get better soon.

Fug

Sorry, I don't mean to blog so many times a day. I have been really really emotional due to some problems. Those problems that might lead to adding more people to the poverty list.

Being a woman myself, I have some hidden maternal/motherly instinct in me which is to protect some certain people like my own children and make sure that there are happy. Like a mother, literally speaking. Although I might not look like a potential mother-to-be (in case of old uncles, I am indeed fertile enough for them to bear their children).

I have been put in a situation where I can't do anything but to console and strive hard so that everyone will be happy. No one knows how I feel right now, I can't tell this to anyone. Who should I talk to?

I am always the "Aunt Agony" for them but who listens to my problem? No one. The next potential person to listen to my problem would be a guy who wants to have sex with me at the end of the day. And I can tell you that he's not sensitive enough for me emotionally.

I want everyone to be happy. At least at some point, they found hope in me. But some problems arises in between. Some throw their bitchy fits at me, some complaint to me, some even criticized me for not being someone they want me to be. It's so hard to fulfill everyone's wishes. I am me, I can't change.

Here I am blogging because this will be another night of not being able to sleep because I have had more intense heart beats these days due to more stress that my body can handle. I am a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Just waiting for the right time.

Ice-creams and McDonalds don't make me happy anymore. Sad right?

I will have to sit for 5 papers within 2 weeks. One paper on this Wednesday and I still haven't do anything yet. It's not that I don't want to do, it's because I have to handle other things before I cause someone to starve to death or add another person to the poverty list.

Sometimes I am just too nice that I am ignoring myself. I do have a life aswell right?

Why do I have to go through days of working, studying and making other people happy when I can go to the Spa and relax myself? Have a normal social life? Date someone? Try more food? Shop? Make myself pretty? Do the things I like to do? Read a book (chic-lit) ? Whatever...I just want some freedom for myself. Sometime for myself to chill and relax.

I love myself. I love me.

I need to cry. But I can't. No more tears. The tank is no longer filled with any tear-water.

Dumbass

I am sad. I am down.

Reality of being human. Problems just wont go. It will pile up and then it will become a mountain. Probably Mount Everest are made of all the peoples' problems together with the aging Earth.

I am losing myself. I don't know myself anymore.

Sicky

OMG...I am sick. I don't feel well, I feel very dizzy everytime I look down. This is supposed to be the lack of sleep syndrome which occured to me many times before but this time is very serious that I lost my appetite to eat, can't focus on doing anything, don't feel like talking, don't want to move and I hate everyone.

I am so sick, I don't feel like blogging at all. And I shall stop here.


I hate everything and I hate myself for now. Sorry guys. I am sick. Damn it.

Hippo

Look at the pic. This reminds me of old dirty uncles whenever they approach me. Wahahahaha. *burp*

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Come let's go eat ice-cream. I m stress.

WORK SUX

I am pissed. I am pissed. I am really pissed!

Why on earth some people at work who like to dig out shits from 2005 and blame it all on me and it's not even my fault. Damn it.

They think I am that FREE to go meddle with the shit? I have better things to do. OMFG. WTF is wrong with the world. I am so hopeless. Is it because I look too nice to be bullied? Or because I am too bitchy that people hate me. (Yeah rite, bitchy? I don't even care what is wrong with their life, how bitchy can I get?)

Patience my friend (I am now talking to myself)...patience...I have been damn blardy patient all these while. I have my limits too.

Is it because my past life (if I have one), I killed their dogs or cats or fish that they want to take revenge on me in this life? Is it because I stole their food or drank their wine that they need to kill my appetite?

Fairytales are lies, love stories are big liars, happy-ever-after ending in any movies or books should be burn. There's no such thing as happiness eh? Where's happiness? Show me what is happiness.

I don't believe that happiness ever exist. I have been searching far and wide for it. What is the feeling of being happy? People always take away happiness from me. I hate it very much. First they take away happines and give me sadness. And the best part is that I have never ask for sadness.

ARGHHHHHHH...I wanna bite someone. Don't care if people call me a mad dog.

One more word to say: WORK SUCKS!!!

After I come back from my needed vacation in June, I am going to apply for another job. I can't tolerate anymore. This is like asking for divorce for work. I have been married to work for nearly 6 years, this is what I get? Owh....damn it.

Freedom Day 1

Yesterday, after I settled my stuff in uni, I rushed back home (parent's home) and head up straight to do my facial nearby. It's been 2 months since I had one. My face looks like a piece of raw pizza. Thank to the endless eyeball frying session in front of the computer, I have fine line below my eyes. If not treated it will become wrinkles and I will look OLD. NOOOOO! My skin became oily and pimples popping everywhere thanks to the endless night of sleeping late and waking up early. So the beauticians were telling me that I should not stress myself that much. It's evident that my hormones are reacting the way they should be. That time was the only time I look at my face properly on that big mirror. Shit. My skin looks like shit. That time I felt so devastated.

But it was indeed the best facial I have ever had in many many years. They gave me shoulder massage, face massage, facial, eye-mask and Voila!...I felt so refresh after that.

What's next? A lot of things. This month I am going to repair all those obvious ugly parts of my body. Hair, body, face...u name it...

Freedom is such a big word. No more classes, no more assignments. Hahahaha. Happy happy.

And ya, I am on detox (again!). I am drinking some detox tea and I think it's working pretty well. This tea is manufactured in Switzerland and they won some best detox tea thingy last year. So I gave it a try. Holy cow! After I drank it, not even 24 hours, I went 4 times to the toilet and a lot of things came out even I ate a bit yesterday. 10 sachets for 10 days. Only once a day. No side effect, it's safe. I am not that stupid to try those kidney-failing products. No stomach ache or whatsoever. Let's see what I will become in 10 days. T-H-I-N-N-E-R? Wahahaha...I will still be me, only healthier.

Owh....btw, I still have 5 more exam papers to go through. I can't think of any word to describe them but "OH NO!".

Monday night me and the girls will go Partyyyyy!!! And I am sure I have stories to tell after that. UHhh..