Sing me a lullaby

Yeah, it's 3 someting in the morning, I know. I can't sleep. I am terrified to sleep alone. I am so sensitive to small little voices these days that it is scaring the hell out of me. I got class at 8am. So how do I manage this time? I think I am going to get some sleeping pills tomorrow. My my...

I am hungry aswell. I just found out that I can't cook again. Is it because of the prices of food in Malaysia is damn cheap or what? I don't even have the urge to cook even when I am hungry.

I am hungry, hungry and hungry. Did I mentioned that I am hungry? Hungry means I need food...real food like real meals and not bread and biscuits and instant noodles. I am hungry. I am hungry. I am hungry and I am hungry. I am really very very hungry.

Soon I will turn into a stick because I am not eating like a normal person. I am so used to have food on my table when I come back from anywhere and I can't bear to eat any instant noodles for the time being.

I am hungry and sleepless.

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I am thinking of getting a haircut tomorrow. Short. If I have it short it will make my face look bigger and fatter. Longer hair means more time in the shower. Longer hair means more shampoo and more time to blow dry. Shorter hair is always better but it will makes me look FAT. But I am not sure if I dare to take the risk. God, please bless me with the right hairstylist. Please....

I wish i could just sleep like that...just like that...freestyle

My Sunday is not a day with the sun

Yeah it's me again. People would be wondering what the heck am I still awake at 4 am in the morning....not because of jet-lag.

Work! Damn it. Work. My boss is a workaholic and it's not healthy for me. I came down to check the doors because I heard some sounds...I am living alone and that's why I am so conscious about the security of this house. And then I heard some MSN messaging sound from my laptop. Guess what? A "Hi" from my boss. Finally he caught me online and then I was questioned about his incoming project. Damn it.

It's so stressful going back to work when I am not ready for it. So my working life starts again tomorrow, yes it's a Sunday and I have to work and organise things before he throw his fit at me. And gonna arrange some online meeting with my friend who's living in Japan. Gosh...help me with that. Please see me online tomorrow, first thing in the morning and we will be safe.

Maybe I should go back to work, be a nice girl and stop complaining. Afterall I have had my hiatus for 3 months. If I wanna get a roof or a nice car by the end of this year, I will have to work. Not to mention, holidays in between...dreams will only come through with money. Damn it. Can't I just get married and breed and not care about this? The answer is no. Impossible for me at this age of 22.

It's been more than 5 years now working for a workaholic employer. Thanks to him I have some hidden back pain and shoulder pain. Thank god there's a thing called holiday. Maybe my back pain and shoulder pain gets better now after 3 months of rest. It's time to conquer the world. It's time...

First things first tomorrow:
- a hearty breakfast at McDonald's (yes, I am unhealthy, so what?)
- clean up the house (this house looks like a zoo without the animals)
- set down a list for January 2008
- find my university student card (I wanted to have a holiday without thinking of uni, hence the dissapearance)
- buy groceries (I am again the housewife, the cleaner and the cook)
- work plan, target plan, financial plan (for 2008)
- did I mentioned that a holiday plan is very important (balance everything...balance life)
- hit the gym (if I have time)

So now everybody...go to sleep and be like me. Work on Sundays, it will make you go more sane and healthy. Good night everybody. Muaaakss!

Jerk

This is a story of my friend. She slept with a guy she had known for 2 weeks. After that, neither did the guy reply any of her messages nor emails nor picking up the calls. She got really fed-up and she asked me for advice. She said she's going crazy and probably that guy thinks she's a slut.

I wonder how many other girls out there are facing the same thing. She even asked me to help. I did my best, I did call that guy for her but he didn't answer. I sent him messages through MSN, he did not reply. Great isn't it. Sad to say, I would never have thought that he would do that...never expected this from him to treat my girlfriend like that. He's a jerk. Damn it. I hate these kinda people. What's wrong with replying? Isn't so hard?

I don't know how to console her. Before that it was all nice and sweet, telling her about his life, telling her not to leave and stuff and now this shit happens. I am not going to interfere, let the bygones be bygones. Sometimes I felt so happy to be single. No strings attached.

Why do guys have to do that eh? I am not saying every guys but some. Then some of you would say, well girls did dump guys aswell for no reason. Jeez...where's the courtesy.

Blahhhhhhhhs

Oh my goddddddd....I am so damn bored at home. Save me...save me...

Besides sleeping when everyone is wide awake and waking up when everyone is asleep is crazy.

I am eating like a vacumm cleaner...The only thing I miss about Malaysia would be Malaysian food. Nothing beats that. Heaven...with the chillies and stuff...the soup and noodles and veges and sambals and chillies and drinks and curries and everything...gosh...the only thing I can't leave behind would be the food. Family? There's always Skype. Friends? MSN, Skype, Yahoo Msgr, etc. Food? I can't find any Malaysian restaurants near the place I live in Germany. I am officially terrified of Doener because I had about 10 in 6 weeks. I am not eating any bread with cheese and ham because I had that nearly everyday and warm food is always better in the morning for me. Yeah, I am a typical asian...warm food in the morning makes my day.

This is my Malaysian food checklist which I have to eat to satisfy my hunger.
- Asam Laksa
- Char Kuay Teow
- Satay
- Pork Mee
- Pan Mee
- Wantan Mee
- Roti Canai
- Nasi Lemak
- Teh 'O' Ais Limau
- Mee Goreng Mamak
- Karipap
- Popiah
- Rojak Sotong
- Bak Kut Teh
- Chicken Rice
- Duck Rice
- Loh Mee
- Hokkien Mee
- Hakka Mee
- Yong Tau Foo
- Ayam Goreng
- Fishball Mee
- Hor Fun Ching Tong
- Teh Tarik
- Roasted Duck
- Curry Mee
- Thosai
- Sambal ikan bilis
- Bubur kacang
- Mee Sup
- Sup Ekor
- Ikan Panggang
- Asam Udang
- Ais Kacang

Yeap...that's it for now. Just a bit from all the Malaysian food. My sister said I lose weight. Hahahahaha. Joke of the century.

I am living alone again. I hate to live alone with only walls to talk to. I only need a bed, a bathroom, a kitchen and a living room. I don't need that much of space. It's so depressing to live alone. Each year I would have to go through 7 months of living alone and I can't live with more than 5 people under one roof. That's the reason why I am here...

Starting my life back next week. My boss has been chasing for me over a month now for a new so-called project, my lecturers miss me so much that I have to give a 15 mins presentation on my life in Germany on Monday, my bills are all here. My phone bill shocked me with a very high amount, and it's time to hit the gym. I wanna get my healthy and fit body back because I am vain. So vain sometimes I hate myself for that. And sometimes I am not bothered to go out in my PJs. Life begins on Monday.

4 more months to go till complete freedom. Freedommmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! Argghhhhh!!!

Memories

It's nearly 6 am and I am still very much awake. Oh no...

So I spent my time looking through the pictures I took in Germany.

And I saw a pic of a turkish kissing my cheeks. OMAIGODDD!!! Lucky I ran away after that.
Then some pics of me eating junk food,
some pics of me drinking Gluehwein,
some pics of me drinking beer,
some pics of me shopping,
some pics of me with my friends,
Then some pics with my friends and her date. She dated the language teacher from another class and I dated his friend. Some pics of him aswell...and after that, we did not have each other contact at all. It's just amazing that I can let that happened. I must be crazy that time. No, I am not drunk nor red. I gave my bottle of beer to my friends knowing that I can't drink that day. Crazy...

So the conclusion would be, December 2007 would be the month of pictures for me. The most pictures taken in a month. At least I had a good time there besides some shitty stuff that happened in between like nose bleed, nearly losing a place to stay, nearly cried because of something, nearly froze to death and etc etc.

Now back to reality, my fairytale is over...

buh bye 2007

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Someting that I thought I would never dare to do

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I make plans and follow it, not resolutions. New Year resolutions wont work on me

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Cambodia, Indonesia, Germany, Holland

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Money, Love, Sanity

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
29th December 2007. Someone took my heart away and forgot to give it back to me.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Became 45.93% more patient than the year before

9. What was your biggest failure?
Being lazy

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not really

11. What was the best thing you bought?
a 0.65 Euro Reisetube from dm

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Mine

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, travels, health centres (gym, facials, etc)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
When someone looks at me in the eyes and tell me that he likes me

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Last Christmas from Wham

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a bit of everything

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Shopping

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At my father's friend's house in Holland with 2 other classmates munching bread and ham for breakfast

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes and no

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Erm...can't think of any

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes, a few

24. What was the best book you read?
Err...book?

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
90s music...brings back memories

26. What did you want and get?
Someone I can bite occasionally

27. What did you want and not get?
A Maybach

28. What was your favorite film this year?
Transformers

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
At home in front of my computer rushing for assignments and work dateline and I am 22...sad

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Challenge myself more

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Wear what is on sale

32. What kept you sane?
Internet

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Jessica Alba

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Every single issue...

35. Who did you miss?
Someone

36. Who was the best new person you met?
A 31-year old guy

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Guys give love for sex, Girls give sex for love

I am a pervert

I am so bored here in Utrecht I am turning myself into a pervert.

J: You're getting more and more pervertic you know
Me: What? I am talking like the normal me, you're the one with the dirty mind.
J: Nooo...you're getting more pervertic. Especially in Holland. In Germany it's not that obvious. Here it's like every single second...you talk about dirty stuff.
Me: No. I m not.
J: Yes, you're. Maybe last time you're like this and then uni life turns u into a serious woman and then you're back to your normal self. Pervertic you...
Me: Errr...isn't that good? Being pervertic is better than talking about facts of life. Haha...

Bored

I just got back from a shopping trip. But I came back with empty hands because I don't know what to buy for 20 people. Yes...20 people. So many things to buy here my gawddd...it's like another Malaysia.

Not gonna think about it till the day comes. Worst come to worst...Haribo Gummibears for everyone...Muahahahahaha

Jeez...I am bored. How can I be bored? Yeah...I know why, I am on hiatus from work for nearly 3 months now, getting my sanity, health and my soul back, so it's a normal feeling to feel bored after being so hardworking for everything. I got some request from my boss to do some work but till now I have not reply him because I am not sure about it. For the very first time I hesitate to work. Workaholic turns zero.

Hmmm...what should I do after this? I like winter but winter with nothing to do really makes me go crazy. I slept, I ate, I shopped. So what should I do? Cook? I have no mood to cook here. And guess what, I have no appetite to eat aswell. I am losing weight at the same time. Being not 100% healthy makes me lose my appetite. Okay...maybe some TV after this. Gonna be a long day tomorrow....

Goede Dag!

Hello everybody. I m in the land of legal drugs and prostitution....and also legal abortion...legal Euthanasia...legal this and legal that...no wonder my dad wants me to stay with his friend. No wonder....

I came here alone and my friends will be joining me 2 days later. Utrecht is a place to shop, shop and shop. Tomorrow partyyyyyy in Rotterdam till Sunday and then Monday we'll proceed to Amsterdam.

I m still not feeling very well due to lack of sleep, the dizziness is here again. What a spoil to this trip.

Lucky I know dutch. If not, it will be a struggle to stay here like a foreign country. Time to polish my dutch skills this time before I start my French skills in Belgium. Wahahahaha...By the time I come back to Germany, my german skills will go bad me thinks. Confusion of languages.

It's so cold here. I just wanna stay in bed under the duvet. It's snowing and everything is cold outside with negative degrees. It's only white outside....white and grey and some black.

Okay...time to hide under the duvet again...my favourite past time hobby since I came to Europe. That is to stay under the duvet until I am warm enough to think straight...

Bad Omen

Today would be the worst day of my life ever since I stepped down the plane. Although I got a "Gut" in one of my exams, that doesn't mean anything at all. I had fever this morning and then it got back again and then now I m in between reality and sickness.

And then we (me and my friends) had a small arguement over some money issues. Yeah, men can never escape from monetary issues. And I was sick, I m being very patient, not to lose my anger. So I just keep quiet. I am once again amazed by my patience. I am getting more and more patient with things who doesn't go right.

Then I took the wrong bus home. The bus was filled with a very stinky smell. Someone vomited inside the bus. It was all over the chairs and the floor surface of the bus. 11 stations till I got home. How lucky can I get?

When I got home, 2 of the lightbulbs in my room refused to function. Ah...good. From all the days...why today?

And I have no appetitte to eat and I forced myself to eat. Now I felt like puking after that vomit stink inside the bus.

Holland tomorrow. I have no tickets, no confirmation from my friends, what so ever. Fine. I m tired mentally and I need to sleep.

Shit happens. Just flush it down the toilet bowl. And now I m trying to flush it away...